The picture is of costar (and rumored gentleman caller) Gerard Butler throwing her in the trunk of the car for a scene in their new movie The Bounty. It is not about a serial killer. It is a comedy.

What is no laughing matter is, if you look really close, it looks like, well, Jen is smiling at the camera...and her face isn't visible. Like a color commentator for the celebrity set, we have circled and blown up the offending area. While we're no experts in these matters (we were initially distracted from her womanhood by Butler's ass in the bent over position) it looks like we're getting the whole kit and caboodle. This has got to be the first time we've gotten into an actress' personal space getting into a car rather than out of one.

Rupert, we thought you were running a family newspaper!

Update: Whatever it is in that picture, the New York Post seems to regret running it in its pages. For the web version of the story, they've used a crotch-less shot of Aniston.

Because we know you'll want to do your own forensic analysis, here's the actual pic. Click to enlarge; we know you will.

Image via Splash.

Our tipster spotted her this morning with her pooch (apparently named Mr. Butler on 36th between Park and Lexington.

I was walking to work at 9:30ish this morning. She was dressed and all done up with hair and makeup—although I am sure it's how she always goes out—with a small white dog. It was milling around and being a dog and she walked past two people in front of me and her dog roamed in their direction and she started screaming and hitting her dog. The dog had barely moved in their direction and definitely was not bothering them.

I am seriously not a dog lover (as in I hate them and think they are unnecessary) and I was like UMMMMM....

Are MTV producers going to make her reenact the altercation for the camera?

Pic, taken in April, via Splash

Basically Ivankz wanted to make sure that Gabriel Sherman, and by extension us, understands one important thing: J-rad and Ivy are just a normal couple, a normal couple with crippling work addictions who use each other to shamelessly network:

It's very rare we're featured out at some fancy restaurant on a date. We're very mellow. We go to the park. We go biking together. We go to the 2nd Avenue Deli. We both live in this fancy world. But on a personal level, I don't think I could be with somebody - I know he couldn't be with somebody - who needed to be 'on' all the time. ... I don't think we've ever been to a nightclub together in two years. I'm really thankful for that. I have a lot of stamina, but I don't think I have the stamina to work as hard as I do and play that hard. ... I've learned how to cook. Once a week, we have a night in and I cook for just the two of us. We turn everything off and spend time together and talk about what we're working on.

Nice! Also:

We're both crazed. The good news is, there's not a tremendous amount of compromise, because we're in the same industry. There are a lot of work-oriented dinners that he may have - and while a normal girlfriend in an unrelated field would find it incredibly boring - it's fascinating to me. ... Another thing that I think is incredible about him, which I think some girlfriends would not like, but I respect, is every night when he goes home, he works for about an hour and a half and return e-mails he hadn't had a chance to return before. He's just very diligent … Even when we first started dating, I'd call him at 6 [a.m.] when I'm getting up, and he'd be awake; he'd definitely be awake when I was going to sleep. And all Sunday he's in the office.

Oh that sounds terrific! Working all the time except during family meal, when he's talking about work! But don't worry, everyone:

He'll be a great father. He knows how to prioritize what's important.

Yes, important things like nannies.

Oh, you crazy kids, we don't mean to be harsh. We're just crabby and single and spend our Sundays taking walks and going to movies. What do we know?

(Normal this-may-be-a-fake-Twitter-account disclaimers apply) Update: It's real! A rep for Jared just confirmed the news for us.

See it's quite possible that the Trumps and the Kushners really don't like each other. Supposedly the Donald is upset because J-rad's dad was in jail for being a shady real estate mogul. And the Kushners didn't like that Ivanka is not, er, of the tribe. But perhaps all is mended now that the pair, who have been together about two years, have proved their commitment to each other and Ivanka has been dutifully becoming a Jew.

Aha! And for his part, the Donald has blessed the union, telling Us Weekly: "I'm very happy about it. They make a magnificent couple." A "source" tells that magazine "The ring is stunning!" We believe it.

We also now tingle with anticipatory horror thinking about what sort of New York clusterfuck of a wedding these two are going to cobble together. Hopefully they'll announce the date and location with a lot of notice, so we have time to get the hell out of town.

Image via Splash

Yes, Gwyneth is downright awful when she speaks about how great it is to be pretty and have tons of money and live in Spain, but can we all admit that this line — the one that has strangely evoked the most web-hate — is actually kind of true:

Also, the way people live over there. They seem to enjoy life a little bit more. They aren't running around as much as in New York. They enjoy time with the family. They don't always have their Blackberries on.'

Yes! The BlackBerrys and iPhones and Pres or whatever they're called. Enough! We know we sound like Dave Barry or something—some leathery old "comedy" writer making out of date arguments—but just because it's old doesn't make it any less true. It's a holiday weekend in about two hours, so please leave the work machine at home, locked in a drawer, and go embrace the one lone aspect of Gwyneth Paltrow's charmed life that you can. Then on Monday, we can all return to resenting the fact that we don't tour expensive European destinations while pretending to eat food that we would never actually eat because we're crazed macrobiotic diet freaks who think shampoo will kill people.

Image: Splash

just an fyi — it is not Trump Towers, but actually Trump Place. supposedly the apartment is a river-facing 1 bedroom that has been for rent, and rents at about $3200 a month. its likely under 700 square feet...

Aha! So, while expensive, it's not exactly the lavish bachelor's crib we'd envisioned—with jacuzzi tubs and sex swings and faucets that pour pure Andre champagne. Our big question is: How you gonna sleep eight kids in 700 square feet? Cancel the enormous water bed, Jon, and buy yourself some damn bunk beds.

*Yes, we realize a day ago we said we'd prefer to "avoid this story as much as possible". But now it's in our own backyard, dammit, and we've got somethin' to say. Plus, it's Friday!

[Image of Mr. Gosselin really movin' via Splash]