When necessary, our dormant fitness column, "I of the Tiger," will return in order to address urgent fitness issues which demand a timely reckoning. This is one of those times.

Let's cut the bullshit and stop the rigmarole and quit giving this the runaround, shall we? This joke internet column is purportedly about fitness, and that means that it is, before anything else, about squats. You want to talk about fitness without talking about squats? I will spit on your grave, after you die. That…

Today we debated what the single best exercise really is. The New York Times says brisk walking, which is silly. We say: squats. All the squats you can do. But be careful, one commenter warns!

Never, ever, take fitness advice from the New York Times. We've made this point before. They're always spouting off about getting "thin" with some sort of limp-wristed jogging workout. In neon shorts. In Central Park. When you're not skiing, in Aspen, and then reading the New York Times by a roaring fire, in a resort,…

In the last three years, the ranks of the American obese have grown by 2.4 million people. This, despite greater access to magical butt-toning shoes than ever before. If only there were another corporate behemoth to motivate us, technomagically?

Well, well. Michelle Obama has some nice arms, and now all the ladies want some nice arms. Women of America: resist this arm fixation. Do you want to end up just as dumb as men?