While America was celebrating hope and inclusion and being awesome, British media and academia were conspiring to blame our black squirrels for stealing the lovers and food of delicate native reds. RACIST.
Are you one of those people who eats squirrel not because of poverty or comical sitcom hillbillyism, but for the delicious taste? England has a product for you!
The Brits suddenly love squirrel! And so will we, probably: the critters run $3 each, and the Times concedes they seem perfect for a recession.
You can now officially stop going about your daily business with steely determination in the face of terror, and return to going about it with quiet desperation:
