Gawker: Star Jones

Former Star Jones Jonesing For Stardom

Richard — Thu, 04 Sep 2008 12:50:00 EDT

["NO SWITZERLAND," the notes for this photo loudly proclaim. Something about their neutrality just doesn't agree with this photo of former The View bobble head Star Jones at the US Open; image via INF]

Batman Bale's Family Assault Interview

Ryan Tate — Tue, 22 Jul 2008 07:39:16 EDT

Dark Knight star Christian Bale is accused of assaulting his own mother and sister. Police apparently waited to question Bale about the incident because "it would have been wrong to have wrecked the premiere." Yes, one wouldn't want to interrupt the celebration of a fictional vigilante crime fighter with an awkward attempt to, you know, fight crime. [Sun]
Alec Baldwin's book A Promise To Ourselves is about how the screwed up divorce and family court system made him very angry, resulting in the famously abusive voice mail he left his daughter. You know what else makes Baldwin very angry? Being rescheduled four times for an interview with Diane Sawyer about the book, just because her husband went into heart surgery or whatever. [R&M]
Sarah Jessica Parker has an art competition show, and it's headed for Bravo. The creators of Project Runway are involved. [P6]
Harvey Weinstein's Weinstein Co. is expanding with a full 11,000-square-foot floor in a TriBeCa building. Their credit is still good! Or at least it is with their old landlord. [Post]
Britney Spears looks good in a bikini again, thanks to the magic of cool, refreshing cigarettes. [Egotastic]
Madonna is taking time off from her tour under doctor's orders. Supposedly, the pop star fired two dancers and her tour manager was on the verge of walking out. "One of her closest pals says she has never seen Madonna so low." [Sun]
Alex Rodriguez is negotiating with his wife Cynthia in New York this week to "quickly settle their divorce" and "avoid a public 'slugfest.'" Oh, good. Because one can only imagine the salacious gossip that might emerge from such a situation. [Post]
Al Reynolds was spotted at Miami Fashion Week with a woman "who was the spitting image" of Star Jones, complete with four-inch stilettos. [Post]
Larry Mendte, the Philadelphia TV news co-anchor of cop-puncher Alycia Lane, was charged by the feds with reading Lane's email, including during breaks from the 11 o'clock news, and presumably for also forwarding her email to various tabloids, because if low-grade email snooping alone is a federal crime this guy is one unlucky bastard. [P6]
Miley Cyrus is interested in taking the movie role of "a lovable, lost suburban girl who descends into a life of reckless partying and promiscuity." How does Vanity Fair continue to manipulate her this way?? [Scoop]
Fashion line Guess wants its lead model to look like Amy Winehouse. On purpose. [P6]
Paris Hilton is maybe tired of boyfriend Benji Madden, even though she recently wanted to marry him and have his babies, according to rumor and so forth. [E!]

Mmm Hmm!

Richard — Fri, 16 May 2008 08:43:00 EDT

"If I punched every bitch who called me fat, it would be dead bitches all up and down the highway." A quote from former View co-host and current... something Star Jones, reacting to a guest saying another was "a cheeseburger away from being obese," while she hosted a reunion for cast members of the Oxygen show The Bad Girls Club. [P6]

Dignity

Richard — Wed, 07 May 2008 16:54:00 EDT

Barbara Walters' rep on Star Jones' little old lady bashing: "I will not dignify this with a comment." [Showbiz Spy]

Star Jones Calls Barbara Walters An Old Slut

Richard — Wed, 07 May 2008 12:46:00 EDT

While promoting her new memoir Audition, famous interviewer and Dick Van Patten impersonator Barbara Walters went on the Oprah show and dished about affairs with senators, adultery, and formerly obese woman Star Jones. She said that Star was "so obese she could barely walk onto The View set." Ouch! And, true! Barbara then went on to confess that, yes, everyone was lying about Star's gastric bypass, respecting her wishes to pass off her sudden, enormous weight loss as the happy result of Pilates and dieting. Fair enough! The truth comes out! But, ruh roh, Star is of course a crazy person and very angry about this. Her nasty "shut up, old lady" response (from Us), plus video of the Barbara/Oprah interview, after the jump.

"It is a sad day when an icon like Barbara Walters, in the sunset of her life, is reduced to publicly branding herself as an adulterer, humiliating an innocent family with accounts of her illicit affair and speaking negatively against me all for the sake of selling a book. It speaks to her true character."

Ahh! The "sunset of her life"! It's also spectacular that Star (who is a lawyer) goes into stuff that had nothing to do with her. It's nice when women fight to get so far in the "journalism" industry so they can bicker and snap at one another in public.

Watch Jennifer Lopez, Scientologists Raise A Baby

Ryan Tate — Thu, 24 Apr 2008 08:01:59 EDT

Jennifer Lopez is going to star in a TLC reality show about raising her twins. Oh this is going to be awesome. We're going to get to see all of the crazy stuff Tom Cruise and Lopez's other Scientologist advisers had installed for the little ones: the security cameras, "sterile" baby wing, sanitized flowers and the staff of baby bodyguards and color therapist.
Semi-retired comedian Rosie O'Donnell on Star Jones' divorce from Al Reynolds: "we all fool rselves [sic] / sometimes." Also, Drudge dropped her from his blogroll for some reason. [Ask Ro]
Amy Winehouse got high in the street, headbutted someone, punched someone in the face, stiffed her cabbie and made out with some dude. Leave it to Fleet Street to hype up a typical Wednesday night like it's some big thing. [Sun]
Ashley Olsen's mansion is undergoing a $1.6 million spruce-up and the actress was kind of wondering if she could crash at your place for a while?? Five-star hotels get so lonely. [Star]
Doogie Howser went on Ellen and pretended to have his head cut off. This is the same guy who didn't want any more Britney Spears cameos on his sitcom because it infringed on his artistic integrity. [YouTube]
John Mayer is totally going to work his way up to black belt. [X17]
Meadow from Sopranos broke up with her boyfriend. [Us]
FHM magazine decided Megan Fox was the hottest woman in the entire world, this year. Angelina Jolie slipped four places to number 12, because pregnancy is so not hot, and Britney Spears somehow rejoined the list at #100, because crazy is very much hot. [OK!]
We have all made Naomi Campbell so furious with our incompetence that either her hair is falling out or the supermodel is tearing it out. [Sun]

Endings

Richard — Wed, 23 Apr 2008 11:37:00 EDT

Oh lawd. Poor Star Jones is getting a divorce. Her wedding to a gay man was good PR for her, so maybe her divorce from a gay man will be too. The circle game continues and Joni Mitchell weeps somewhere.

Woman Hugs Nonexistent Fan

Richard — Thu, 17 Apr 2008 17:11:00 EDT

[Former "View" lady Star Jones filming some sort of TV segment in New York today; image via INF]

"Whisper Your Secret to Me Quickly While I Cover Your Ears So You Won't Hear Your Secret!"

Richard Lawson — Fri, 01 Feb 2008 15:25:04 EST

[Star Jones, whose talk show was canceled yesterday, taking her staff out to dinner in Manhattan last night; image via INF]

HiredGoons' new line beats out the original, "Star? Star? Let... You Can Let Go Now. No, There's No Cheesecake In My Hair."

TruTV Kicks Star Jones Off Own Show

Pareene — Thu, 31 Jan 2008 18:31:53 EST

TruTV—it was, until this month, Court TV—just unceremoniously canceled (or they "mutually agreed to cease production" of) noted lawyer and former View co-host Star Jones Reynolds' show (called, apparently, the Star Jones program). Last episode is tomorrow! The email from Tru TV's GM to Tru TV staff is attached.

Star Jones Thinks Her Haters Are Just Jealous

Emily Gould — Thu, 08 Nov 2007 09:00:00 EST

Former 'View' cohost Star Jones is finally discussing her gastric bypass surgery openly, telling a fellow stomach-staplee to "let the haters hate," on her show yesterday. A thought, Star: those "jealous, angry" friends might just hate that you lied for years? [HuffPo]

Rosie O'Donnell says she leaves Britney Spears "stalker-like" phone messages. [Page Six]

Diva chanteuse Annie Lennox told an unappreciative audience that they should "have their five mojitos and 'go see KC and the Sunshine Band if you want to act that way.'" Love. [Page Six]

The Star Jones Show Is A Train Wreck

Choire — Tue, 21 Aug 2007 16:00:56 EDT

We don't have the T.V. on, so we missed the just-concluded second-ever episode of the Star Jones show on Court TV. Fortunately, we are getting a barrage of horrified real-time updates via IM. It sounds really, really bad.

Relays our correspondent in real time:

Page Six's Paula Froelich is on the Star Jones show right now.
It is the ladies chatting.
Her and Vivica Fox and some other chick and Star.
The third is Rita Crosby— so I guess two women and Rita and Star.
Paula says we are still a third world country.
She won a $50 bet from John Gibson that there were no WMDs. SHE KNEW.
Paula just told a story about being set up on a date with a friend's ex husband—they're all yelling so I can't hear. It is like a public access show without the great graphics and professional production.
The segment just ended.
Her guest is Dustin Diamond now, via satellite, talking about celeb sex tapes.
She just doesn't understand it. She says it was a career boost for him. "Excuses are tool of the incompetent—they build blah blah blah" she said to Dustin.
With the fakey black southern thing and the mumbling she is tough to hear.
She said she did some research on this sex tape thing.
"Kim Kardashian, she gettin' paid"—"Paris Hilton, she gettin' paid."
Guess the Star-Al tape won't be coming out. Oh well.
Now she transitions to a story on the soldier who had someone shoot him so that he didn't have to go back to Iraq.
I can't go on because my head exploded a minute ago.
Okay. Finally done with that solder who shot himself... Ooh, Star's open letter is coming up.
They said there was part 2 of the lame Isiah Washington interview from yesterday coming but they never aired it—that is good b/c they spent 20-25 minutes with him yesterday and never mentioned why he was booted from Grey's Anatomy.
The Open Letter: allows me to talk with you and be honest and direct. She rang the opening bell at the stock exchange and more Americans are losing jobs to Indians (India Indians—not here-first Indians) and that isn't right. All for trade and global economy but self preservation starts at home. HUH? Oh—and part 2 of Isiah Washinton interview is tomorrow...now go discuss amongst yourselves.
Is that stolen from Mike Myers on SNL?

Aren't you glad you have to stay at work and miss daytime T.V.?

Donald Trump And His Plastic Friends At Polo

Joshua Stein — Mon, 20 Aug 2007 16:20:58 EDT

Searching for Donald Trump in the VIP tent at the Bridgehampton Polo club isn't hard. The man stands out like he's written in all caps. TRUMP, says his hair. TRUMP, proclaim his slitty eyes. TRUMP, call out the plastic women who follow him around. One of those was women was the disgraced Miss U.S.A., Tara Conner. She was giving an interview to a reporter. "I'm in a 12 step program right now," she said, her manicured fingers seeming to wipe a tear from her heavily made-up eyes, "but that is off the record." Also there was a Miss Universe there and some other pageant title-holders—but Star Jones was banished to the periphery to make room for Trump and his Trumpterage. The hooves of galloping ponies on the polo field went "d-trumpity trump, d-trump d'trump." Amelia Bauer and I were there to document the Trumpsanity.

In the opposite corner Star Jones was being filmed, her face dancing a jig of a thousand expressions, each one seeming more grotesque than the one before it.

"Donald, Donald," called out a man on the far side of the velvet rope. Donald approached warily. The man extended his hand. His face was a marshland of splotchy red, and looked like it had been lifted no more than an hour ago. Instead of eyebrows, he had two smears of white cream. "It's me, Abe Wallach!"

Wallach was Trump's head of acquisitions for more than ten years before retiring. "Abe?" Trump said, incredulously, "I don't recognize you! You look 25 years younger." Trump turned to the security guy: "Let him in." The security man said," Sorry, Mr. Trump, but he needs a wristband." Trump turned to face the guard, his eyes somehow narrowing further. "You know who I am, don't you?" he hissed. "I do, sir. But he still needs a wristband." Trump unhooked the rope from its stand and in went Abe. Trump continued to insist, somewhat tactlessly, how he could not recognize Wallach. "Ha, that's what retirement will do," said Wallach, laughing uneasily.

When we finally got a hold of Trump he was hot and annoyed. "''Scuse me, Mr. Trump. Let's talk about a woman we both know well. Do you feel any sense of victory now that Rosie is out of The View?" He assessed for a split second before saying, "I don't want to talk about Rosie. She's a sleazebag, what more is there to say? I'm not going to talk about it."

Sensing our Trumpian moment was passing, we asked, "Ok, let's talk about ponies." "No," he said, moving on, "you're done." His newest wife, Melania, shot us a sympathetic look as she trailed her husband. We shot her one straight back, since she was the one that had to let him bed her routinely.

We never got to ask him about how he freaked out at that golf tournament last weekend—we hear he was partnered with some teenager, and near the end of the match, thinks went south and Trump stomped off and got in his car and just left. But now we'll never know for sure!

In the big tent for the poorer, the plastic surgery was a lot worse than even Mr. Wallach's. On the other hand, the crowd was pleasingly rowdy. In the far end, two "rocker dudes" were standing around. One had a choker on. They told us they were in the band Rammstein; obviously we didn't believe them. So we gave them a hard time. Who would pose as a German industrial band? Later it turned out they actually were in Rammstein! Oops, our bad.

As the Polo match wound down, Rocco DiSpirito could be seen wandering around dispirited and lonely. The ponies were being loaded back into their trailers; who would load Rocco into his trailer? The plastic faces and breasts of the polo goers sagged in the heat. Only Donald Trump, his hair an island of placidity, seemed unfazed. He took the mic and began to speak. Through the loudspeakers and echoing across the now empty field, the voice of Trump echoed, "Trump, trump, trump, trump, trump."

Christina Aguilera Is Going To Be The Best Mom

Emily Gould — Wed, 20 Jun 2007 09:00:18 EDT

Christina Aguilera might be enceinte! Her theoretical zygote can have playdates with Nicole Richie's maybe-fetus! [Page Six]

That noted manipulator of the media (seriously, how dare she?) Angelina Jolie is unhappy that Brad Pitt's mom spent part of last weekend hanging out with Jennifer Aniston. [Page Six]

"You taught me how to love and how to be a better man," was Al Reynold's toast to Star Jones on the occasion of his birthday. Yeah, sorry about breakfast. [NYO]

Lindsay Lohan is going to linger a little longer in rehab because "she is taking [it] very seriously this time." [Page Six]

Jim McGreevey and his gay, gay partner are thinking of adopting. [R&M]

Star Jones Needs Masochist Exec Producer

Emily Gould — Fri, 06 Apr 2007 13:45:02 EDT

Turner Broadcasting is looking for an Executive Producer for Star Jones' new Court TV show, and based on this job listing, it sounds like the worst job anyone could ever possibly have. Do you qualify? Not only will you need "exceptional managements [sic] skills (as they relate to staff and talent)," you'll also have to "oversee administrative functions like human resource issues, deal with Turner's legal department when necessary and supervise budget allocations." Urgh. Nothing about compensation is mentioned, probably because "all the money in the world would not be nearly enough" would not fit in a field on the form. —Emily

Executive Producer, Star Jones Show [Time Warner]

Star Jones And The Miracle of Photoshop

Emily Gould — Thu, 08 Mar 2007 11:40:50 EST

"I seriously hope this is an opportunity for the public to see the real Star Jones, the one that has the law at the core of her being," Star Jones told the Post today, in an article that was accompanied by a stunning, nearly wasp-waisted photograph. Let's turn back the clock, and compare to a recent photo—say, one taken back on January 31st. The "real" Star Jones has something at the core of her being, that's for sure.

Jones is Star Light [NYP]

Star Jones: She's Baaaaaaaaaack!

Emily Gould — Wed, 07 Mar 2007 12:48:45 EST

A prophecy was foretold in Star Jones Reynolds' Christmas letter. Forsooth: "This is a time of brand new chapters and wonderful beginnings. It is my intention to return to my roots of straight, smart "user-friendly" projects that convey my commitment to family, the community, and the law by providing programming that both entertains and informs." And now, a mere four months later, the seeds bear fruit: Page Six hints, and B&C confirms, that Star will host an hourlong daytime talk show on Court TV starting later this year. "My goal is to inform, empower, educate and entertain viewers. And Court TV is the perfect place to accomplish that mission." Informing and entertaining, and maybe even doing something about that scary cleavage-furrow! That's our Star: on message.

Jones to Star on Court TV With Own Daily Talker [B&C]
Earlier: At Last, Star Jones Reynolds' Dramatic Comeback

At Last, Star Jones Reynolds' Dramatic Comeback!

Emily Gould — Thu, 14 Dec 2006 09:50:00 EST

We admit it: we might have a problem with compulsively emailing ex-View ex-fatgirl Star Jones Reynolds. "Star, don't leave us! Star, where are you? Star, come back to us!!" we'd been pleading daily. And today, she FINALLY freaking responded, letting a glimpse of sunshine peek back into our darkened lives.

From the office of Star Jones Reynolds
Dear Friends,
Happy Holidays!
Many of you have written me asking where I've been and what I've got planned for the future. Believe me when I say that your notes and well wishes are received, read, and very much appreciated! And as I promised earlier this year, you all are the first to know of my new projects. . .
For me, this is a time of brand new chapters and wonderful beginnings. It is my intention to return to my roots of straight, smart "user-friendly" projects that convey my commitment to family, the community, and the law by providing programming that both entertains and informs.

Entertains AND informs?? What could it be? O, tell us, Star!!

A lot of stuff is on the way in 2007, but first. . . I am very excited to let you know that for three days next week (Monday, Dec. 18 through Wednesday, Dec. 20), I will be hosting a 3-hour radio program for the Radio One broadcasting network.
Think, a "talk show for your radio."

A talk show for radio!!! Why hasn't anyone ever thought of that before? Thank you, Star! Thank you in advance! Finally, we can go back to our normal lives, knowing that you have some sort of semblance of a career type thing again.

Earlier: Gawker's Coverage of Star Jones

Proof That Al Reynolds Is a Heterosexual

Jessica — Mon, 09 Oct 2006 17:20:16 EDT

No respectable gay man would let his gal pal traipse around in public looking so damn unsightly.

Foolywang Material [YB&F via ONTD]

Gossip Roundup: K-Fed Escapes to Vegas

Jessica — Tue, 03 Oct 2006 13:30:00 EDT

• With his second seed born just weeks ago, Kevin Federline takes to Vegas for a weekend of binge-drinking, banquette-dancing, and trying to forget that he actually married to Britney Spears. [Page Six]
• Democratic congressional candidate Kirsten Gillibrand enlists Oscar-winner David Strathairn to act like Ed Murrow in her campaign video. Fantasy politics are the next big thing. [R&M]
• Star Jones and Al Reynolds finally get the hint and leave Manhattan, opting for Speedo-friendly Miami. Al just loves South Beach. [Page Six]
• Larry Birkhead, the photographer who claims to be the father of Anna Nicole Smith's child, files a paternity suit after Smith's pseudo-husband/lawyer Howard K. Stern tells Larry King that he's the father. We know the woman has money, but why is everyone so eager to get credit for fucking her? Seriously, it's no grand achievement. [TMZ]
• Mark Foley just doesn't understand why a bunch of naked kids would be in a hot tub and not think to invite him. [Lowdown]

Gossip Roundup: The Master Lohan Plan

Jessica — Tue, 26 Sep 2006 12:50:09 EDT

• After breaking up with her boyfriend Harry Morton, rabid starlet Lindsay Lohan enlisted Paris Hilton's ex, Stavros Niarchos, in a complicated plot to make Morton jealous and win him back. Her scheme? Be photographed together. Lindsay, you brilliant minx! Too bad it didn't work. Meanwhile: the Chateau Marmont is finally getting rid of Little Miss Liability. [Page Six]
• Fox News DC bureau chief Kim Hume stepped down last week, supposedly because her husband, Fox News anchor Brit Hume, is an arrogant prick. The two bickered so much that they both independently called head therapist Roger Ailes to complain about one another. [R&M]
• A court throws out David Gest's $10 million lawsuit against his ex-wife, Liza Minnelli, after he's unable to prove that her beatdowns caused him chronic headaches. [NYDN]
• Disappointed to learn that he has no money without Whitney Houston, a ride-less Bobby Brown asks television producers for a new car in exchange for appearing on urban cable network One. [Lowdown]
• Don't buy that tweed blazer from Ralph Lauren; it probably has bedbugs stuffed in its sleeves. [Page Six]
• Star Jones sues the National Enquirer for claiming that her husband, Al Reynolds, is gay. Why is she inexplicably determined to continue the charade for no good reason? Unless, God forbid, she actually doesn't know about Al. [TMZ]

Gossip Roundup: You Will Not Buy Star Jones' Condo

Jessica — Mon, 07 Aug 2006 12:30:15 EDT

• Deposed View co-wench Star Jones' condo is "off the market" for unspecified reasons. If we were to hazard a guess as to why the place didn't sell, it might have something to do with Star refusing to leave during showings, locking herself in her pantry with a hearty supply of Double Stuff Oreos. [TMZ]
• After a brief reunion, Paris Hilton and Starvos Niarchos have a fight via text message — despite being at the same place at the same time. [Scoop]
• House of Sand and Fog director Vadim Perelman was recently charged with groping two Connecticut women; turns out he has a history of mistreating ladies. In January, Perelman took a woman back to his home only to throw a chair at her head. To be fair, she hadn't been sucking him off, so she kind of deserved it. [Page Six]
• Mischa Barton dates rich, British inbred. [Metro]
• Finally, someone understands what the people want: a 9/11 comedy! Alas, the idea came from Oliver Stone. [R&M]
• Did Peter Cook attempt to kill Christie Brinkley with carbon monoxide? [NYDN]
• Britney Spears feels like she's "been missing out on life...like, things!" It's an old video, but still very moving. [Superficial]
• Jennifer Lopez reportedly left the cast of Dallas after learning she'd be cast opposite John Travolta. She's a lot of things, but J.Lo is no man's beard, on-screen or off. [Page Six]

Gossip Roundup: Uma Thurman Doesn't Care What You Do, So Long as You Pony Up

Jessica — Thu, 03 Aug 2006 12:30:48 EDT

• Vadim Perelman, the director of Uma Thurman's next film, In Bloom, has been arrested in Connecticut on sexual assault charges — but Thurman's not blinking. A paycheck is a paycheck, even if the stub is covered in bodily fluids. [Page Six]
• Christie Brinkley continues to endear herself to the press, giving pink lemonade, water and cookies to the reporters camped outside her Hamptons home. Of course, she had her assistant actually hand out the treats — Christie isn't going to go out in this weather. [NYDN]
• If and when Cuba becomes free, expect every boutique hotelier to head down there and ruin the place. [R&M]
• If you suggest that Star Jones and Al Reynolds are getting a divorce, bitch will sue you within an inch of your life. [Page Six]
• Bruce Willis is claiming a childhood friend is shaking down the actor for $100K and a car. That's it? Jared Paul Stern shakes his head in disappointment. [TMZ]

Gossip Roundup: Puff Just Needs a Nap, Yo

Jessica — Wed, 02 Aug 2006 13:15:52 EDT

• Diddy reveals that he's just too damn old for this shit: after staying up all night and partying, he overslept and showed up over 5 hours late to his White Party. When you're too tired to go to your own vanity event, it's time to throw in the towel. [Page Six]
• Christie Brinkley comes face-to-face with philandering husband Peter Cook, copes with the pain by handing out popsicles. [NYDN]
• After skateboarder Chad Muska made an inappropriate comment about Nicky Hilton, her boyfriend and Entourage star Kevin Connolly jumped Muska and hit him. And yet Muska was the one asked to leave the club. With Aquaman comes infinite power. [Us Weekly]
• And so the torturous marriage of Star Jones and Al Reynolds draws to a close. [Page Six]
• Lindsay Lohan will be questioned in a lawsuit against her mother for fraud. If she testifies half as well as Paris Hilton does, we're in for a real treat. [TMZ]
• We almost didn't notice, but Daily News gossips Rush & Molloy finally update their columnist picture so that it actually looks like they do. [R&M]

Al Reynolds and Star Jones: Romance in Crisis?

Jessica — Tue, 18 Jul 2006 11:30:33 EDT

Media Take Out is reporting that Star Jones' bearded husband Al Reynolds allegedly saw a divorce lawyer. And are we surprised? No one will come within 20 feet of Star's stomach staples. She's facing a dramatic income drop, and a lower tax bracket isn't going to support Al's banana hammock collection nor cover whatever fees he charges to appear smiling by Star's side. As the story goes:

Last week Al Reynolds visited the offices of the divorce law firm Blank Rome LLP in New York's Chrysler building. MediaTakeOut.com spoke exclusively with a building employee who first noticed Star's soon-to-be-ex. According to the witness, "Al walked up to the security desk and signed in to visit [one of the Blank Rome's divorce lawyers] Stanford Lotwin."

Lotwin has handled divorces for Howard Stern, Donald Trump, Geraldo Rivera and Diana Ross, but presumably this will be his first case handling a gay marriage.

UPDATE: Reynolds publicist has called to tell us that Reynolds was not in NYC when he was allegedly seen at the law firm. Oh well — guess he'll just go back to suppressing those nasty little urges.

Al Reynolds Visits High-Profile Divorce Lawyer [Media Take Out]

Gossip Roundup: Getting Head From Lindsay Isn't All Fun and Games

Jessica — Wed, 12 Jul 2006 13:20:19 EDT

• Has anyone ever looked quite so miserable while receiving an on-camera blowjob from Lindsay Lohan? He must know of the bacteria that's to come. [Yeeeah]
• Speaking of Miss Lohan: her new beau, Harry Morton, woefully underperforms in his first paparazzi getaway. [TMZ]
• Socialite/designer Tory Burch is splitting from her husband. Tragic — this is really going to throw a wrench in the Hamptons party schedule. [Page Six]
• How does Lauren Weisberger come up with dialogue? By secretly writing down her friends' conversations during social outings and sending them to herself on her BlackBerry. We love the method: if she continues to do this, she'll soon have no friends left, and thus no material. And then maybe she'll go away. [Lowdown (3rd item)]
• The National Enquirer confirms that Star Jones did have gastric bypass surgery at Lenox Hill hospital, having her stomach stapled in two places. Obviously, hers wasn't a single-staple job. [Gatecrasher (4th item)]
• Alas, a retraction: Natalie Portman does not appear nude in Goya's Ghost; it's a body double. On the bright side, the footage is a nude torture scene, so you can still spank away. [Egotastic]
• CNBC anchor Joe Kernan loved Aquaman and can't wait to see Springtime for Hitler. [Page Six]

Remainders: Gannon-Guckert Flits Into Town

Jessica — Tue, 11 Jul 2006 19:20:43 EDT

• Everyone's favorite gay escort-cum-White House reporter Jeff Gannon/James Guckert will be speaking this Thursday at the 3 West Club for the Log Cabin Republicans' monthly meeting. Hopefully, it'll be just like a Learning Annex session: how to transform your internet hobby into a viable prostitution endeavor. [Productshop NYC]
• Misguided farter Larry King tries to set up Kathy Griffin and Anderson Cooper. [Malcontent]
• MyTimes, the Times do-it-yourself homepage service, launches in Beta tonight for some 5,000 users. Some homeless person gave us his login info, and OMG IT IS SO TOTALLY NOT EXCITING. More on that tomorrow. [E&P]
• Shamu is more popular than Star Jones — while they may be of equal stature, one knows how to keep its mouth shut. [Eat the Press]
• New regime at Vibe results in twenty fired staffers. Bodies strewn across a dead-end street... [AdAge]
• Journalist Neil Strauss continues to pimp his pimping skills, drifts further from anything ever resembling a writing career. [iFilm]
• Suri Cruise looks increasingly fake; c'mon, you care! [TMZ]
• French ~~soccer~~ football captain Zinedine Zidane ended his career by headbutting an Italian player's chest during Sunday's World Cup final, and he might have the right idea: Rick Santorum certainly deserves a headbutt or seven. [HuffPo]
• Self-promoting memoirist Toby Young knows you're going to say his second book sucks. [Mediabistro]
• Precocious fabulist Kaavya Viswanathan's archived blog. [Kahini12]
• Anti-abortion blogger gets worked up over "Caroline Webber," a columnist who writes positively about her abortion and is thus branded a murderer. Nevermind the fact that the offensive, murderous column ran in The Onion. While we feign tolerance and respect of all points of view, those pro-life people sure are fucking stupid. [March Together for Life]

Gossip Roundup: Suri's Birth Certificate Does Not a Baby Make

Jessica — Mon, 10 Jul 2006 12:45:56 EDT

• Suri Cruise does exist, or at least her birth certificate does. Though, strangely, it was issued 20 days after her birth (the hospital's policy is within 10 days of birth), the attendant who signed the certificate wasn't actually in the room during the birth and the person who signed as certifier is unknown, thanks to an illegible signature. How completely not suspicious. [TMZ]
• Lloyd Grove identifies the exact moment when Star Jones and Rosie O'Donnell discovered their mutual hatred: Rosie's appearance on May 12, 2004 sparked an argument about the black vote and an on-air tirade from Star the next day. No apology to Rosie, either — thus paving the way for poop soup.[Lowdown]
• A private equity firm established by U2 nominee and Nobel Peace Prize nominee Bono invests $300 million in a video game called "Mercenary 2: World in Flames." The game revolves around a gun-for-hire sent to blow shit up in Venezuela — so long as it's not set in Africa, Bono's cool with that. [Page Six]
• Josh Hartnett is none too pleased when his girl Scarlett Johansson is helicoptered out to the Hamptons by Wilmer Valderrama. The poor guy's just looking out for his sexual health. [Gatecrasher]
• The bitchy senior assistant in Devil Wears Prada is, unsurprisingly, based on a real-life woman who worked with Weisberger before going on to work at, no joke, Prada. So: what's her name? One of you must know. [Page Six]
• At a Good Morning America outing at Bowlmor Lanes, Diane Sawyer falls on her ass for two gutterballs. Finally, an activity in which the woman cannot reach perfection. [R&M (last item)]

Gossip Roundup: Lindsay Lohan Makes Autistic Kids Cry

Jessica — Thu, 06 Jul 2006 13:02:43 EDT

• Today in the Wasted Adventures of Lindsay Lohan: after her birthday party, Lohan passes out on the toilet, "loses her keys," leaves her car parked in front of a drop-off spot on Pacific Coast Highway, and, in the grand finale, autistic kids can't access the beach. [Page Six]
• TomKat is keeping baby Suri so under wraps that even their fellow cult members have yet to see the baby. Until John Travolta can vouch for her, we're not convinced that baby even exists. [Us Weekly]
• Not surprisingly, Star Jones messy exit from The View was great for ratings: when she appeared on Larry King, he had triple his average number of viewers. Meaning that he also farted for an audience three times as disgusted as usual. [E!]
• A guest from Nicole Kidman and Keith Urban's wedding is auctioning off mementos on eBay. [Page Six]
• Contrary to the rumor mill, Jay-Z and Beyonce did not get married this weekend. That'll help you sleep better at night, no doubt. [Lowdown (3rd item)]
• Jennifer Lopez's ex-husband Ojani Noa claims that she practiced voodoo. Which is exactly how she keeps Marc Anthony submissive. [R&M]
• Watch Paris Hilton dance, then stab yourself in the eye. [TMZ]

Gossip Roundup: Keira Knightley Weighs at Least Three Pounds More Than the Average Anorexic

Jessica — Wed, 05 Jul 2006 13:14:25 EDT

• Despite her sharply protruding breastplate, Keira Knightley is not anorexic. She's not eating, per se, but that's a minor detail. Just because you drink water and eat iceberg lettuce until your thighs are as thin as your finger does not mean you're anorexic. Now go focus on Kate Bosworth or something. [People]
• Not even the Gays will shell out $800 to see Barbra Streisand emote; promoters face losing some astronomical amount like $15 million. If Jersey ever reopens, look for for Babs at the Borgata. [Page Six]
• 5WPR — yes, the house of Ronn [sic] Torrossian — tries to steal Britney Spears away from Leslie Sloane Zelnik, who's been getting a little lazy on managing the gum-snapping wonder. Don't try to digest this one: only Torrossian can understand why someone would want the Spears account. [Lowdown]
• Don't you dare think Star Jones drives a Honda. [TMZ]
• Kathy Hilton mistakes Bryant Gumbel for Al Reynolds. Write your own "they all look the same" joke here. Bonus point for insinuating Gumbel's a switch-hitter. [Page Six]
• Meg Ryan takes her fake lips and fake Maddox to Chappaquiddick. [R&M]

Your New Dream Job: Star Jones' Replacement

Jessica — Wed, 05 Jul 2006 09:28:45 EDT

Brandy's life, which after Moesha had seemingly peaked with her current judging position on America's Got Talent, is about to take a turn for the worst: the otherwise forgettable young lady will assume the role of "token" on The View both today and Friday. Barbara Walters is implementing an awkward rotation of women to make up for the absence of Star Jones (may she rest in peace), and those proverbial "insiders" tell People that Brandy's turn in the henhouse is "for consideration for the permanent gig." While we've no idea who the other candidates are (aside from last week's Substitute Star, Renee Elise Goldsberry), Brandy certainly stands a chance as the show's next smiley and innocuous African-American, sure to create great, boring television with the smiley and innocuous Elizabeth Hasselbeck.

Get Buzzed: Brandy Warms Star Seat [CJ]

And Barbara Walters Used White Phosphorous

Jessica — Mon, 03 Jul 2006 10:35:35 EDT

After last week's debacle over at The View, one's interest in and tolerance of highly paid bitches should be waning — but not so over at CNN, where Reliable Sources took a vacation from relevance and thus focused on Star Jones' departure from the ABC henhouse. In an effort to keep the show close to its more serious, typical beat, New York Post television critic Linda Stasi embraces the power of simile:

Nobody has been honest about this whole thing. And this business about girlfriends...the stuff became like Fallujah after awhile, especially after she started taking all that swag for her wedding.

That's not a misquote: The View was just like Fallujah. Insurgent Star Jones even burned and mutilated four independent hair and makeup contractors.

Reliable Sources [CNN]

Gawker's Week in Review: It's All About Star

Jessica — Fri, 30 Jun 2006 18:00:14 EDT

• Star fucking Jones, what are we going to do with you? She's forced off The View, then does a surprise, on-air resignation, then tells People magazine that she was betrayed. Barbara Walters locks her out, and now we're subjected to an endless round of interviews featuring Jones passive-aggressively reflecting on the whole thing. And scene.
• Oh, you best believe Radar is alive and kicking and hiring. Lots of hiring.
• Harper's Bazaar allows Britney Spears to take her clothes off; to make matters worse, the mag forces her nudie pics upon our innocent eyes.
• LA Weekly scribe Nikki Finke is SO NOT INSANE.
• Stephen Colbert and Chris Matthews share their intensely physical manlove with the world.
• It's Devil Wears Prada madness; Anna Wintour will be played by Victoria Principal.
• The Bonnie Fuller backlash never goes out of style.
• Here's the thing with our boy Anderson Cooper: everyone loves him. And yet nobody watches him.
• Charlie Gibson leaves morning television, thus forcing us to watch Good Morning America.
• Another Fake Writer, this time at the Post. Which really isn't that surprising or interesting, come to think of it.
• Harper Lee comes out of hiding, all for the love of Oprah. Really, there's nothing the woman can't do.

The Sweet, Sweet Sounds of Larry King's Ass

Jessica — Fri, 30 Jun 2006 11:40:02 EDT

It's come to our attention that in the final moments of Larry King's interview with Star Jones last night, the episode was given a special sign-off: As King was plugging tonight's forthcoming show, he took a pause and, "if you listen reeeeallly carefully," says our source, Ol' Shoulder Blades ripped an ass bomb. Or it certainly sounded like the man had gas, and ten rounds of DVR replays has our informant convinced. Because we're fucking idiots, we don't have last night's telecast recorded, so we can't confirm that Larry King did, in fact, fart at the end of his Star Jones exclusive. Granted, the flatulence could very well have come from Jones herself, what with her obvious gastro-intestinal difficulties. But unless it sounded like a foghorn, Jones is likely innocent.

Luckily for everyone, CNN is replaying the interview at 11 AM today, right up against The View. Obviously, we'll be watching — er, listening — and recording. Here's hoping the CNN edit room didn't erase the sweet sounds of Larry shooting a bunny.

Related: Star Jones on Larry King [CNN]

Today on 'Today': Star Jones, Obviously

Jessica — Fri, 30 Jun 2006 09:45:01 EDT

Star Jones swanned her way to the Today show just now; the "fired" View co-host sat with Al Roker and spit out a bunch of saccharine reflections about the dramatics surrounding Tuesday's surprise resignation. No real bitchery, but definitely some Oscar-worthy "sincerity" about her time on the show — post-shitstorm, Jones said she received a heartfelt phone call from co-host Elizabeth Hasselbeck, which was a testament to her little white heart.

As for Barbara Walters, Jones said, "I still have her in my heart." But only because the lady can no longer fit in her stomach, of course.

Earlier: Gawker's Slaphappy Coverage of Star Jones

Remainders: Justice for Brangelina

Jessica — Thu, 29 Jun 2006 19:10:58 EDT

• Brangelina's stolen baby shower photos are such a national treasure, the freaking FBI will raid your home to get them back. Tax dollars at work, people. [TMZ]
• Mo Rocca is on Star's side: by blindsiding Barbara Walters and quitting ahead of schedule, she spared us all the two-hour farewell episode from hell. [Fanatical Apathy]
• The Devil's assistant wears Prada, too. And she's shitty at keeping your rolodex up-to-date. [NYP]
• Meet Sarah Stillman, the Nation's Student Writing Contest winner. She will only win $1000, however, because that's what she gets for leaning left. [The Nation]
• The sky over Gristedes bawls "like a fucking constipated baby." Shouldn't this sort of hate be reserved for Duane Reade? [The Call Me Concha]
• There's already a Generation Z, and they're fashion bloggers. [WWD]
• Jane EIC Brandon Holley feeds readers pizza, but not so much that they won't fit into pretty new clothes. [Jossip]
• Natalie Portman and Eddie Izzard are, oddly enough, neck-and-neck for the lead in Cabaret. Such a toss-up, right? [Suicide Girls]

It's Not Easy Being Star Jones 2.0

Jessica — Thu, 29 Jun 2006 13:31:57 EDT

It took just one day for Barbara Walters to replace Star Jones — temporarily, at least. Today the ladies brought out Renee Elise Goldsberry, who's kind of like Jones but better: still black, merely plays a lawyer on One Life to Live, and is soup-thin rather than soup-pooping-thin. It's Goldsberry's third time hosting the show, but her first time acting as the minority glue that's holding the place together. It's also the first time co-host Elizabeth Hasselbeck didn't look scared for her life.

Faux Star Replaces Star [TMZ]

Star Jones Speaks...and Speaks...and Speaks

Jessica — Thu, 29 Jun 2006 09:41:27 EDT

Determined, it would seem, to have the last word on her abrupt departure from The View, unemployment recipient Star Jones gives an exclusive interview to the Daily News — proving that if there's a reporter within 2 miles of her, the woman simply cannot stop talking:

• "For Barbara to say she felt betrayed is the height of hypocrisy."

• "Rosie had attacked me on every single evening entertainment program," said the 44-year-old former lawyer. "Barbara used that week to call her and invite her to be part of a show that I helped launch nine years ago."

• "Barbara did not call me herself," she said, bitterly. "After nine years, she didn't call me. They told me my contract would not be renewed because my approval rating had gone down. ... I was like, whoa!"

• "I came to work every day. I held my head up. I operated in grace and dignity," she explained. "I knew since April but I still came to work."

• "[O'Donnell] had been so vicious and nasty to me."

In her deformed haiku style, Rosie O'Donnell responds on her blog: "i wear basic lizzie chic / i dress like turtle / from entourage." So take that, Star.

The Claws Come Out [NYDN]
My View [r blog]
Earlier: Gawker's Coverage of Star Jones

Remainders: Boy George, Feminine Garbage Man

Jessica — Wed, 28 Jun 2006 19:00:36 EDT

• Instead of serving hard time for cocaine possession, Boy George will be doing community service. Specifically, he'll be working for the Department of Sanitation. With the summer heat melting rat turds everywhere, we would've opted to be a prison bitch. [OMG]
• Terror returns to the financial district: Naomi Campbell moving into 55 Wall Street. [WSJ]
• Peter Kaplan and Arthur Carter are surprisingly hot. [The Real Estate]
• If Star Jones and Al Reynolds were fish, she'd be the bug-eyed starfish and he'd be a gay-as-a-rainbow trout. [Gallery of the Absurd]
• Heather Graham gets ice cream and you don't. But really, she needs it more than you do. [Almost Literary]
• If you combine Times heds with the final paragraph of the accompanying story, you get a simplified, if not mildly insane, result. [Bumper Active]
• Grace Edwards toes dangerously at the nipslip line — really, New York Social Diary just doesn't do that sort of thing, dear. [NYSD]
• This is extremely late-breaking, but when in doubt, blame sagging circulation on natural disasters. You can't argue with God's weather patterns! [Mediaweek (last graf)]

Daily Gawker Stalker: Star Jones Takes Her Weave to La Goulue

Jessica — Wed, 28 Jun 2006 17:30:10 EDT

Sightings are sent in by readers and posted to our ever-cracky Gawker Stalker Map. Send yours to tips@gawker.com.

In this sweaty edition: Lizzie Grubman, David Cross, Brandon Routh, Steven Van Zandt, Kerry Washington, Keri Russell, Meryl Streep, Paul Rudd, Bjork and Matthew Barney, Seth Green, Michelle Williams, Finola Hughes, Jamie Lee Curtis, Patrick Dempsey and Amy Adams, Will Smith and Jada, Chris Rock, Sandra Bernhard, Scott Foley, Kelly Ripa, Paula Abdul, Alan Alda, and a post-resignation Star Jones. More here.

Gawker Stalker Map