• Kristen Stewart and Dakota Fanning make out in The Runaways, and Dakota said they "were so into the scene." Dakota, who also co-starred with sulky Stewart in New Moon, continued: "It was passionate. We're playing Joan Jett and Cherie Curie and they're best friends in the film and became really close in real life. And that's something that went down back in the '70s." Actually, that's something that goes down now, too, but the bigger issue here is: Little Dakota Fanning grew up so fast! It seems like only yesterday Kathy Griffin was making inappropriate jokes about Dakota going to rehab, and now she's actually old enough to do such a thing, and to make out in movies, and do lesbian sex scenes, &c. [ShowBizSpy]
• 
  
• Joe Francis plans to file for bankruptcy today, because he owes the IRS $33,819,087.14, and while they wait for him to cough it up, they've frozen some $100M of his assets. Three issues of disbelief: (1) Why does this man have so much money? Yes, this comes up every time there is a story about Joe Francis' ungodly wealth, but it is necessary to keep saying it, lest we lose our grip on how wretched a world that rewards this man truly is. (2) He racked this debt up in three shorts years. Let this be is a lesson in the terror of IRS interest rates. (3) Does the IRS really need to specify down to the fourteenth penny in this case? You'd think that once you hit the $10M mark, they'd round to the nearest thousand or something. [TMZ]
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• Kirstie Alley says Conan "acts like I bit his dick off." During a twitter bitch-fest with Star Jones about how much they hate people who laugh at fat celebs, Kirstie nicknamed him "CONAN O'BITCH O'BRIEN" prompting Star to joke about "brothers from Brooklyn" who "wanted some" (I think. Between the typos and ellipses I'm having trouble making sense of this stuff. It's like decoding hieroglyphics.) and LOLs all around. [HuffPo]
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• Rihanna's dating again! She spent time with 90210 star Tristan Wilds in L.A. last weekend, and appreciates how he is "a real gentleman." Did we mention he's working on a CD? [NYDN]
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• Nicole Richie has been hospitalized for pneumonia. Richie skipped the launch of her Bebe jewelry line House of Harlow last week because she felt sick—did she already have pneumonia then? Are little Harlow and Sparrow okay? [ShowBizSpy]
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• This advice will help an entire generation of starlets: Pam Anderson explains how came clean to her kids about her sex tape with their dad. Anderson says she anticipated a new wave of interest following her cameo on Borat, so explained to her 12- and 11-year-old sons that videotaping sex is something that happens when you are "massively in love," which, for some reason, strikes me as kind of sweet. I always thought a cleaned-up Tommy Lee was the one meant for Pammy. [NYDN]
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• Suri Cruise threw a tantrum over a mink coat she saw in a store window. Katie Holmes said no, so Suri cried, and I am reminded yet again that this child's life is 800 times better than mine. [ShowBizSpy]
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• Robert Pattinson needs to learn which stories about rabid fans are funny and which just freak us out. In a taped interview with Ellen DeGeneres airing Friday, Pattinson describes how he once cajoled a female fan into getting naked in public. An autograph-seeker asked, "What can I do to get your attention?" and Pattinson replied, "um, just take your clothes off." The girl ripped her clothes off and "got dragged out of the room by security." Lest we think Edward Cullen a total perv he adds that he "never felt more terrible," it's just that he has a terrible sense of humor, you see. [People]
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• The patriarch of a family that received tens of millions from Michael Jackson to settle a molestation case committed suicide yesterday. Evan Chandler shot himself in the head in his home and was "extremely ill" with cancer, so it probably had nothing to do with Jacko, but the MJ conspiracy theorists will probably go nuts today, anyway. [CNN]
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• Erin Andrews' alleged peephole stalker has been charged with one count of internet stalking. Court documents reveal that he used the email address handsfouryou@yahoo.com, which reminds me of Mr. Hands, the guy who died of a perforated colon after having sex with a horse. This raises an interesting question: Who is creepier, Mr. Hands or Mr. HandsFourYou? At least the horse consented, sort of. Anyway, Mr. HandsFourYou gave his peephole video the file name "Erin Andrews Naked Butt," suggesting that his ability to foresee the consequences of his actions were as weak as Mr. Hands'. [TMZ]
• 
  

During an appearance on the estrogen-soaked chatfest, Shaffer is asked about the current David Letterman scandal that absolutely no one is talking about. He responds by saying his father is a lawyer, just like Star Jones. The only problem is, he reaches out and touches the knee of guest host and Ugly Betty co-star Ana Ortiz. Oopsie!

Now, we're not going to even mention the fact that Star Jones hasn't been on the show for more than three years; we'll forgive him for being out of touch and not doing his research before going to bow before the altar of Barbara Walters. But how can you mistake Ortiz, who is neither the same shape nor color as Jones, for the real thing! Maybe he just needs a new prescription for his wacky glasses. At least he reached right over Sherri Shepard. He may be a little bit touched, but at least he doesn't think all black people look alike.

There's really not much more to say here as this video speaks pretty much for itself. So here are the aforementioned revolting Hamptons people, most notably Beth Ostrosky Stern, Star Jones and Jason Binn, discussing their Hamptons polo fashion choices. And paisley's are in, in case you didn't know.

via Plum TV

• This is the worst. The absolute worst. Kate Major, Jon Gosselin's new ladyfriend, is vehemently denying a "callgirl" past. Personally, I'd be far more in spin cycle over the fact that I used to report for Star and am currently taking out my lunatic, attention-hungry succubus impulses on a guy with eight kids and a scorned wife going through the nation's most visible mid-life crisis, but that's just me. At least there're sex workers out there with dignity. That being said, Rush & Malloy's source for this item about Kate Major maybe or maybe not turning tricks is a guy named Chaunce Hayden. Hayden's a Grade-A sleazeball running his own ragtag publication - called Steppin' Out - that's like a city weekly for Hoboken sent from the seventh circle of hell. It's dreadful. And every week, Chaunce fills our tips line with what can only be described as the absolute worst shit I've ever seen in my entire life as far as anything trying to pass itself off as a magazine goes. It's dreadful. But Chaunce (pictured, above) is persistent, and it looks like he finally got some suckers - Rush & Malloy - to buy his story, or at least print what amounts to a shameless plug and - like we're doing now - contribute to a feeding frenzy of information about Kate Major. Chaunce, please stay the fuck away from us. If what we do here is like itching powder, or maybe like throwing a fistful of sand, the information you put out into the world is an obscure venereal disease. Please stop writing into our tips line, and kindly go the fuck away. You just peaked, homie. Rush & Malloy: Steppin' Out? Really? Next time, I can do the old (terrible, classic) Jim Carrey/talking ass routine and give you a quote that way. It'd be far more credible. [R & M]
  
  
• And speaking of what we do around here, right below the aforementioned item about Kate Major: "On Friday, when Pennsylvania Gov. Ed Rendell's spokesman Chuck Ardo resigned, Ardo insisted his retirement had nothing to do with Gawker and other sites putting Rendell on their short list of pols who may be Governor X. Ardo told The D.C. Write Up that Rendell is not the new luv guv - 'no way, no how, no place, no time.'" Heh. Cajun, nice work. Your handicapping skills go unparalleled, as that's the kind of denial that would absolutely merit a 15:1 bet on Rendell. My money's still on Nevada Gov. Jim Gibbons, if only for homestate pride and his "shake a ho" past. Also, I've got a fiver on Charlie Crist, just 'cause. [R & M]
  
  
• Charles Manson wants to be a pop star, and now that Phil Spector's been deemed by a court of law a fellow murdering psychopath, he wants to enlist Spector's help to write the album of the century. If Manson can take being smacked around and ending up like Ronnie Spector, sure, why not? Give it a shot, guys. Spector's later work was nothing to write home about, but solitary confinement might actually be conducive to recreating that whole "Wall of Sound" thing Spector did waybackwhen. Meanwhile, Warren Beatty will still kick the shit out of both of you, no questions asked. [Page Six]
  
  
• Walter Fuckin' Cronkite: dead for slightly over a week, and he's in a gossip roundup. Unreal. Yes, there's a Rush & Malloy item to be made of this, too, as it appears that at his funeral, his kids - who didn't want him to marry after his wife of 65 years passed away in 2005 - sat a good distance from opera singer Joanna Simon, his squeeze at the time he passed away and Carly Simon's sister. [Ed. Note: Mom, this gossip item was, like, written for you.] Now, while your normal New York Times-reading elderly couple don't boogie, I seriously doubt that was Cronkite, but there's nothing we have to verify that. Meanwhile, Simon's apparently not in his will, which is maybe or maybe not what the kids wanted. Anyway: Walter Cronkite, in a gossip roundup. How do we feel about this? Terrible? [R & M]
  
  
• Jesus. What's wrong with this sentence about Jon Gosselin? Seriously: "'My heart is always with Hailey,' the dad of eight told Us at the 2009 Mercedes-Benz Polo Challenge at Blue Star Jets field in Bridgehampton, New York Saturday. (Glassman, 22, is the daughter of the plastic surgeon who performed ex-wife Kate's free tummy tuck.)" No, not the fact that the dude's publicly in love with a 22 year-old daughter of a plastic surgeon who performed a tummy tuck on his wife who popped out eight bebeighs, it's that he's in the Hamptons, watching Polo. I think the Sunday Styles has a Delta Force ready to handily dispatch of (by which we mean: kill) on occasions like this. [US Weekly]
  
  
• Heh. Michael K. from D-Listed calls J-Lo's husband, Marc Anthony, "Skeletor." [D-Listed]
  
  
• And: you ready to get choked up? Frank McCourt, who died last Sunday, also makes the gossip roundup. Bill Clinton used to write him birthday cards, as they shared the same day (August 19th). Furthermore, this: "McCourt seemed prepared for takeoff when he visited him a week before his death. Silenced by meningitis, McCourt wrote on a bedside tablet that he was looking forward to dancing 'this Sabbath and every Sabbath' with Mary Magdalene, 'J.C.' and an apostolic jazz band he called the '12 Hot Boys.'" He could really do so little wrong. [R & M]
  
  
• Somehow, Star Jones helped David Paterson raise $50K. Paterson's approval ratings are in the shitter, and Jones threw some kind of shindig for him in East Hamtpon. Good to know he's still got the important people backing him. Like Star Jones. [Page Six]
  
  
• Kate Moss is going to be a judge on a Battle of the Bands-esque show in which she finds the most strung-out assfaces alive who're just sober enough to play a few decent chords - like this - and give 'em a recording contract and hopefully, a bag full of crazy that that can bump, spike, smoke, or play with like silly putty. Then: send them on tour. Genius. One question: why Kate Moss? OH. SHE USED TO DATE PETE DOHERTY. I get it. [Showbiz Spy]
  
  
• Susan Boyle: made her way out of the gossip roundup top spots, seemingly doing okay. Things that make me happy: SuBo doing swell. Nice. [ShowbizSpy]
  
  
• Gerard Butler has a quote in Parade about grabbing Katherine Heigl's boob. [Page Six]
  
  
• Aw. Jessica Simpson shares a cute moment with her dog and TMZ turns it into a joke about "rebounding being a bitch." Assy. [TMZ]
  
  
• INDIE ROCK FAIL: Damon Albarn says that he won't play any more Blur gigs after the band's recent reunion. Meanwhile, here is the Blur song you should listen to for the rest of this roundup. [The Sun]
  
  
• Though their comparison of Kate Gosselin to Barry Manilow is...shocking? Still sleazy, but worth a link, if you can pay the moral by-the-pound weight of clicking. [TMZ]
  
  
• Meanwhile, here's a cute picture of her playing with Play-Doh. I used to eat Play-Doh. Now I'm here. Logical progression? Non-toxic my ass. [Just Jared]
  
  
• Paris Hilton - who I've grown a strange affection for over the last year, because she decided to get out of the game, like Jay-Z, and kind of makes returns here or there but is never totally back, just enough to keep gossip mongers wanting a little bit more - might be dating one of the guys from Little Britian. This is inexplicably neat. [Showbiz Spy]
  
  
• The Chelsea Hotel is haunted, notes wackadoo King of New York director Abel Ferrara. Ferrara did a documentary about the Chelsea Hotel called Chelsea on the Rocks, and it was supposed to come out a while back, but I guess it got pushed back? Either way, it should be pretty good, if only because Ferrara's kind of nuts. Someone at my day gig interviewed him last year, and he had the following to say about Vincent Gallo: "I don't like Vincent Gallo...I know him. You know? ‘Cause I introduced him to [my girlfriend, Shannon], and he asked her to marry him after a day. But she didn't bother telling me. You know, he's a punk, man. He's just a punk. What'd he do? Hit this reporter the other day? I heard he like slammed this chick, right? This kid's not right. Right? Right? Because he said that she didn't like his leather jacket. Smashed some chick in the face! [Editor's Note: Vincent Gallo did not actually, physically attack anyone.] You know what I'm saying? But I mean, you know, what can I say about the kid? I don't wanna talk about him." And that's why you should see Ferrara's movie. [Page Six]

Rickles started strong by immediately slamming Elisabeth Hasselbeck's husband — a strong, unexpected choice! From there, he brushed off Jay Leno's primetime coup ("I don't really care"), dismissed Joy Behar's inattention, and then brought up one of The View's twin They Who Must Not Be Named: Star Jones. An aggrieved Barbara Walters attempted to walk back the Star taunt; insult whomever you want, Mr. Warmth, but the Star Jones criticism is reserved only for Ms. No Hugs.

• The View [ABC]

• The View [ABC]

"Barbara set me up," Jones said about her former boss Barbara Walters. "I wouldn't return her call for six months. Whoopi [Goldberg] came on to do my show and delivered a handwritten note from Barbara. Whoopi said, '[Meet with her] for me.' And I said, 'Out of friendship with you, Whoopi, I will.' Otherwise I would have never sat down with her ever again."

Surely Star wasn't expecting a hug from the notoriously withholding View headmistress? Sorry, Star, but your single-minded fixation on Barbara Walters has blinded you to the surest way to generate headlines on the "Star is Back '08" comeback tour: going after Elisabeth Hasselbeck! Take a cue from Sherri Shepherd and start practicing your "don't go there" finger — you'll be glad you did.

[Photo Credit: Getty Images]

• Star Jones: All Brand New And Talking About Past Mistakes And Future Hopes [Black Voices]

• Dark Knight star Christian Bale is accused of assaulting his own mother and sister. Police apparently waited to question Bale about the incident because "it would have been wrong to have wrecked the premiere." Yes, one wouldn't want to interrupt the celebration of a fictional vigilante crime fighter with an awkward attempt to, you know, fight crime. [Sun]
• Alec Baldwin's book A Promise To Ourselves is about how the screwed up divorce and family court system made him very angry, resulting in the famously abusive voice mail he left his daughter. You know what else makes Baldwin very angry? Being rescheduled four times for an interview with Diane Sawyer about the book, just because her husband went into heart surgery or whatever. [R&M]
• Sarah Jessica Parker has an art competition show, and it's headed for Bravo. The creators of Project Runway are involved. [P6]
• Harvey Weinstein's Weinstein Co. is expanding with a full 11,000-square-foot floor in a TriBeCa building. Their credit is still good! Or at least it is with their old landlord. [Post]
• Britney Spears looks good in a bikini again, thanks to the magic of cool, refreshing cigarettes. [Egotastic]
• Madonna is taking time off from her tour under doctor's orders. Supposedly, the pop star fired two dancers and her tour manager was on the verge of walking out. "One of her closest pals says she has never seen Madonna so low." [Sun]
• Alex Rodriguez is negotiating with his wife Cynthia in New York this week to "quickly settle their divorce" and "avoid a public 'slugfest.'" Oh, good. Because one can only imagine the salacious gossip that might emerge from such a situation. [Post]
• Al Reynolds was spotted at Miami Fashion Week with a woman "who was the spitting image" of Star Jones, complete with four-inch stilettos. [Post]
• Larry Mendte, the Philadelphia TV news co-anchor of cop-puncher Alycia Lane, was charged by the feds with reading Lane's email, including during breaks from the 11 o'clock news, and presumably for also forwarding her email to various tabloids, because if low-grade email snooping alone is a federal crime this guy is one unlucky bastard. [P6]
• Miley Cyrus is interested in taking the movie role of "a lovable, lost suburban girl who descends into a life of reckless partying and promiscuity." How does Vanity Fair continue to manipulate her this way?? [Scoop]
• Fashion line Guess wants its lead model to look like Amy Winehouse. On purpose. [P6]
• Paris Hilton is maybe tired of boyfriend Benji Madden, even though she recently wanted to marry him and have his babies, according to rumor and so forth. [E!]

We rarely like to take a mental walk down memory lane when it comes to the Most Nauseating Celebrity Hookups of all time, but news of the latest addition has unfortunately led us to revisit the grotesque list. We’ve already seen Liza Minelli and Phantom Of The Plastic Surgery Ward David Gest exchange saliva, Star Jones give Al an awkward lap dance and guiltily pleasured ourselves by witnessing wrinkly charmer Hugh Hefner and his thin lips attach themselves to the Girls Next Door. But after reading about one beach yoga-practicing, SUV-abandoning actor known for generally annoying everyone in Hollywood, and one scratchy-voiced “punk” rock chick known for generally hating everyone in Hollywood playing tongue twister in LA this past Tuesday, we may have a winner. The canoodlers in question, and just how far they went, after the jump:

Yes, sadly but truly, none other than the Pivster and recently divorced singer Pink (whose name makes absolutely no sense anymore considering she is currently Jet Black) were reportedly seen getting "hot and heavy on the dance floor" this week, according to the NY Post. As a source put it, they were "all over each other and dancing really close," which really gives an entirely new meaning to "Hug It Out, Bitch," no?

[Photo credits: Getty, Wireimage]

• DANCE PARTNERS [NYP]

"It is a sad day when an icon like Barbara Walters, in the sunset of her life, is reduced to publicly branding herself as an adulterer, humiliating an innocent family with accounts of her illicit affair and speaking negatively against me all for the sake of selling a book. It speaks to her true character."

"When her lover...told the newswoman she was the oldest woman he had ever been with, she wanted to say - but never did - 'Oh yeah? Well you are the blackest man I have ever been with.'"

While we await the sordid details surrounding the affair Walters is set to share with Oprah on Tuesday, we do finally hear Walters' real feelings regarding previous co-hosts Star Jones and Rosie O'Donnell. As the NYDN reports, Walters was particularly livid "when Jones refused to admit publicly that she had gastric bypass surgery to lose weight [and] her co-workers were forced to lie for her." And as for Rosie, it seems all that tension across the spotless flower-laden table shared by the ladies was just as real as we suspected. As Walters puts it, "The premise of The View is that of a team working together, but for Rosie it was more like Diana Ross and the Supremes, as little by little she took over." And after learning just how saucy Babs has been in the past, it's clear that there's only room for one diva at the table, even if Walters prefers her trademark white-blonde feathered bob to an enormous afro.

• BARBARA WALTERS: I HAD AN AFFAIR WITH MARRIED SENATOR EDWARD BROOKE [NYDN]
• THE VIEW [ABC]

• Jennifer Lopez is going to star in a TLC reality show about raising her twins. Oh this is going to be awesome. We're going to get to see all of the crazy stuff Tom Cruise and Lopez's other Scientologist advisers had installed for the little ones: the security cameras, "sterile" baby wing, sanitized flowers and the staff of baby bodyguards and color therapist.
• Semi-retired comedian Rosie O'Donnell on Star Jones' divorce from Al Reynolds: "we all fool rselves [sic] / sometimes." Also, Drudge dropped her from his blogroll for some reason. [Ask Ro]
• Amy Winehouse got high in the street, headbutted someone, punched someone in the face, stiffed her cabbie and made out with some dude. Leave it to Fleet Street to hype up a typical Wednesday night like it's some big thing. [Sun]
• Ashley Olsen's mansion is undergoing a $1.6 million spruce-up and the actress was kind of wondering if she could crash at your place for a while?? Five-star hotels get so lonely. [Star]
• Doogie Howser went on Ellen and pretended to have his head cut off. This is the same guy who didn't want any more Britney Spears cameos on his sitcom because it infringed on his artistic integrity. [YouTube]
• John Mayer is totally going to work his way up to black belt. [X17]
• Meadow from Sopranos broke up with her boyfriend. [Us]
• FHM magazine decided Megan Fox was the hottest woman in the entire world, this year. Angelina Jolie slipped four places to number 12, because pregnancy is so not hot, and Britney Spears somehow rejoined the list at #100, because crazy is very much hot. [OK!]
• We have all made Naomi Campbell so furious with our incompetence that either her hair is falling out or the supermodel is tearing it out. [Sun]

STAR JONES (46) has filed for divorce from husband of three-and-a-half years AL REYNOLDS (39).

The filing took place on March 26 in New York Supreme Court in Manhattan. Starlet M. Jones versus Al S. Reynolds was marked as an "Uncontested Matrimonial" case by the court and the records were sealed.

In a statement released exclusively to Entertainment Tonight, the former View co-host says: "Several years ago I made an error in judgment by inviting the media into the most intimate area of my life. A month ago I filed for divorce. The dissolution of a marriage is a difficult time in anyone's life that requires privacy with one's thoughts. I have committed myself to handling this situation with dignity and grace and look forward to emerging from this period as a stronger and wiser woman."

As tempting as it is for Pollyanna Jones to turn all of this heartache into a refreshing batch of divorceade, the New Star, a persona refined on her short-lived Court TV talk show, would never seek to pair the end of her marriage with crass sponsorships. Much to media and trial-watchers' chagrin, there will therefore be no free samples of Cinnabon, Herbal Essences, and OUT magazine distributed during custody hearings over the fate of the couple's only child, their much fussed-upon maltese, Pinky.

• Star Jones Files For Divorce [ETOnline]