Seeing as how the mostly crooked, idiotic politicians running the New York State Senate have grinded their work to a complete stoppage due to a leadership standoff that's involved everything from locking the other party out of the chambers, to screaming matches, to making face-slashers a crucial factor in New York politics, it's about goddamn time we stop feeding the zoo's inhabitants. State comptroller Thomas "The Clench" DiNapoli has stopped paying the New York Senate until they get their shit in gear. He's withholding their paychecks along with $560,000 worth of travel vouchers until they get back to work. Naturally, they're pissed.

"I have strived to avoid inserting my office into what is essentially an internal matter within a separate branch of government," Mr. DiNapoli said in a statement. "But the deadlock in the Senate is undermining the ability of state government to function."

Austin Shafran, a spokesman for the Senate Democrats, said simply, "We'll see him in court."

Spoken like a true agent of progress! Meanwhile, DiNapoli's the only one doing his job in this political tesseract of jackassery, and he's about to be villianized by the State Seanate and harassed for trying to get something accomplished. I bet the guy's a good dad: they act like children' so he's treating them like the dumbass brats they are. Either way, this should be it: if anything can make a crooked New York pol move their ass, it's a constipation of the single motivating force in New York politics: money.

COMPTROLLER PUTS FREEZE ON CLOWN POLS PAYCHECKS [NY Post]

The Daily News broke the news on the front page today, which is funny, because they keep reporting on that assault thing and calling him names like "traitor." But apparently Monserrate is losing his mind, or something, because of all the stress from his upcoming trial. Being a mercurial violent asshole narcissist is almost as exhausting as "legislating" or whatever he is supposed to do!

Here is your Daily News sports columnist, Mike Lupica, calling Monserrate and Espada various names, on the occasion of their trip to a baseball game.

Anyway. Remember how the Democrats said the GOP takeover was illegal and so they took them to court? The Judge hearing the case basically refuses to decide anything, still.

"As a matter of public policy, you guys should work this out so I'm directing you to go across the street and do that and report back to me at one o'clock," he said. "There are 64 (sic) members over there, who are, in my opinion, hopefully, capable of getting together and working through what I have every understanding and appreciation are very serious and difficult matters, but which can be resolved and can be worked through in a way to be beneficial to the citizens of this state."

Ha, ha.

Well, they are not really Republicans. They are just caucusing with the Republicans. They were just so excited about their successful campaign to utterly and completely fuck over any hope of a semi-reasonable solution to the MTA crisis that they figured they could hold the rest of the state hostage to their parochial concerns even more effectively by throwing the whole State Senate to the Republicans again. Yay Albany!

This might have something to do with the Gay Marriage, or it might not, who knows. So corrupt, non-campaign finance disclosing Senator Espada and the face-slashing Scientologist Senator Monserrate are basically in charge now, up in Albany.

Why Mr. Espada and Mr. Monserrate suddenly defected on Monday afternoon was not immediately clear. Both men are under investigation by the authorities. The state attorney general's office is investigating a health care agency, Soundview HealthCare Network, that Mr. Espada ran until recently. And Mr. Monserrate, who was indicted on felony assault charges in March stemming from an attack on his companion, would automatically be thrown out of office if convicted.

No one knows what happens now. It will go to court or something, maybe?

Monserrate Photo: Getty

Monserrate's girlfriend, Karla Giraldo, required 20 stitches for a gash over her left eye, and she initially told a doctor that Monserrate attacked her with a glass after discovering something in her purse (either drugs or "a card belonging to another man"), but then she came to her senses and declared it all an accident. Monserrate says he accidentally tripped while bringing her a glass of water, which you are free to try to work out the logistics of in your mind for a minute or two.

Cops seized the glass in question, and now they're summarizing Monserrate's apartment building security camera footage to the Daily News. It's all pretty gruesome.

"No one can look at the security video and think that this was an accident," said a law enforcement source who saw the footage. "The woman looks scared out of her mind and trying to get away from this guy."

The video shows Giraldo grabbing the apartment's front door as Monserrate tried to drag her out of the building, sources said.

Other video clips show Giraldo clutching a towel to her injured left eye and banging on the door of a neighbor's apartment for help, sources said.

That neighbor, Carolyn Loudon, 46, said Tuesday she heard Giraldo banging on her door but was too scared to open it.

She said she is used to noise coming from Monserrate's unit, but the ruckus was worse than usual on Dec. 19.

"It was frightening," Loudon said. "I heard screaming and then banging on the door."

Yes, sounds like your typical trip to the hospital following an accidental glassing to us.

Still unanswered: what was in Giraldo's purse? Early spin from people familiar with Monserrate's defense say they had a struggle over drugs (as Monserrate is a Scientologist, the drugs could be anything from cocaine to Xanax), but now there is this weird "card," according to these police sources.

Oh, and what a shock that this former cop—who was discharged from the NYPD with a "psychological disability pension" and whose religion forbids him from seeking medical treatment for whatever psychological problem he has—is scaring his neighbors with terrible noises at all hours of the night.

Anyway today Monserrate will be seated as a State Senator. He's "currently slated to chair the Consumer Protection Committee." (Consumers are advised not to date Hiram Monserrate.)

Incoming New York State Senate leader Malcolm Smith is making a remarkable number of deals with a remarkable number of devils before the new Senate has even begun their important work of not getting anything done.

The Democrats finally achieved a majority in the State Senate and Smith was supposed to be the majority leader, but then a couple bigoted old bastards declared that they'd defect from the party unless one of their anti-gay own got to lead the Senate instead. Within days of caving, Smith un-caved, and the Senate leadership was in doubt. Well, he caved again, only a little less so. The dissidents all get to chair committees!

What a wonderful first day of the new Democrat-controlled New York State Senate we are all having.