As you can probably imagine, a good portion of the interview centered around Polis' sexuality, and to his credit he handled Colbert's ridiculous questions deftly, even turning the tables completely on Colbert to essentially question his sexuality, a strategy which led to a few nuggets of pure comedy gold. And then, after quoting Polis saying that working in Congress was like going back to college, Colbert pulled some cans of Coors Light and a beer funnel from a bag and challenged Polis to funnel beer with him, a dare that Polis accepted, thankfully, as the end result was almost as funny as the time Colbert coaxed Robert Wexler into professing his love for hookers and cocaine.

South Carolina's The State used the state's open records law to obtain the e-mail, along with hundreds of others flying in and out of the governor's office as his staff frantically worked to figure out where he was last month.

Other e-mails released by the state include the Washington Post's Chris Cillizza asking Sanford spokesman Joel Sawyer: "Dude, is everything OK?" after being told, preposterously, that Sanford's office wouldn't release details of his location for security reasons. Sawyer responded: "Yep. Slow news day." Reporters for Fox News and the Washington Times, naturally, assuring Sanford a friendly venue if he would speak to them first. Hey, if Stephen Colbert can do it, why can't they? A Fox News correspondent whom the paper doesn't name—nor did it post a copy of the e-mail—wrote:

Having known the Governor for years and even worked with him when he would host radio shows for me - I find this story and the media frenzy surrounding it to be absolutely ridiculous! Please give him my best.

Totally ridiculous.

[Via Talking Points Memo.]

Colbert, appearing on stage in a custom-made Brooks Brothers camouflage suit, is making history by being the first person in the history of the U.S.O. to film, edit and broadcast a non-news show from an active war zone. Besides going through a mildly simulated boot camp, Colbert took the liberty to declare victory in the Iraq War on his show last night, explaining his declaration to General Ray Odierno, commander of American troops in Iraq, by saying "we're not hearing a lot of stories about the war back home."

Colbert follows a storied tradition of entertainers, perhaps most famous among them being Bob Hope, who have volunteered to travel into hostile areas to assist the U.S.O. in its stated mission to "provide morale, welfare and recreation-type services to uniformed military personnel." While portraying a buffoonish character on his show, Colbert has personally demonstrated a history of support for American troops, having in the past raised money for school supplies for soldier's children, and helping disabled veterans through sales of WristStrong bracelets for the Yellow Ribbon Fund. He is also donating all proceeds from iTunes downloads of this week's show to the U.S.O. In short, some of Stephen Colbert's character's uber-Americanist character traits seem to be carrying over into his personal life, albeit for the best.

Below is the segment with General Odierno, with Barack Obama beaming in by satellite to order the shaving of Colbert's head, a pretty fun television moment, and one that was clearly loved by the troops in the audience.

The comedian guest-edited this week's issue of the newly redesigned newsweekly. And, of course, it begins with editor Jon Meacham explaining the joke, because the old people who read "magazines" might not get it, otherwise. "Everything he did in character is signed, so there should be no confusion about what is NEWSWEEK and what is Colbert." Oh, good, we wouldn't want any unexplained absurdism or fun in this issue.

Colbert's editor's note is better, at least.

Of course, guest editing is more than just sitting around tanning myself by the gleam of Fareed Zakaria's teeth. I set the editorial agenda, assigned stories and yelled at Peter Parker to get me more photos of that web-slinging vigilante, Spider-Man. He's a menace!

I took advantage of my powerful new perch and published all my letters to the editor that NEWSWEEK had rejected, provided my Conventional Wisdom, took a red pencil to Meacham's editorial foofaraw and took the bias out of the columnist bios. Most important, I sent NEWSWEEK's reporters to find out whatever happened to Iraq. Unfortunately, this meant cutting the cover story they had planned: "Hey, Have You Heard About This Thing Called 'Twitter?' "

Shit, Time, we hope no one retweets that ZING @ you, or whatever one does, exactly.

So. The issue is all about Iraq, and it features a serious cover story on the war by Fareed Zakaria, the official spokesman of the Neo-Liberal Geo-Political Consensus. The issue is all about Iraq, in fact, because that is where Colbert took this show this weekend.

The location of Colbert's "Persian Gulf" trip was an easily-guessed secret (until Sarah Palin revealed it to the terrorists). And, of course, his performing his easy-to-grasp satirical routine for members of the armed forces means a lot of condescending attempts to figure out whether our child-like troops really "get it."

The troops didn't seem to care much about the meta-ness of Mr. Colbert's visit, nor were they uneasy about his political shtick as they laughed at the gags about clearing Iraq of weapons of mass destruction and last year's shoe-throwing incident involving the man who was then their commander in chief as much as at Mr. Colbert's self-deprecating jokes about his lack of fortitude.

"I know his persona is all pro-American," Lieutenant Klempan said, trying to explain the math of Stephen Colbert and "Stephen Colbert" and which one of them had come for what reason. Finally he gave up.

"I'm glad either one of them showed up," he said.

Yeah, you know, the thing about being a good comedian is that you are funny to everyone, and not just New York Times readers.

"When Jon Meacham asked me to guest edit Newsweek I jumped at the chance,
particularly because my guest editorship at Mature Honeys fell through. I guess
my photo essay of sexy housewives reenacting the Battle of Fallujah was too
"real" for them."

Is this what The Economist would do? No, it's more real, for a more real age, and a more real magazine, which is called "Newsweek—Now Realer, Just Like You, And The Internet."

Attention PR assures us "This is a direct quote from Colbert re: his guest edit spot, procured by the Newsweek marketing and promotions team." Savor the removal of the mainstream media filter! Stephen, please comment next on how much Historical Jesus content will be found in the issue—cover, or inside feature? Thx.
[Pic: Faithmouse]

Colbert's guest stint will mark the first time that Newsweek, which recently underwent it's second major design reconstruction in three years, has ever used a guest editor in its 76-year history. Meacham told The Observer how the idea came about.

Mr. Meacham said the idea was born from a lunch he had with Mr. Colbert at Gabriel's near Columbus Circle.

"I was just very impressed with the range of his knowledge and he had an almost encyclopedic feel for anything that came up," said Mr. Meacham. "As we think about ways to both inform and surprise readers of the magazine, the notion of having him as a guest editor seemed like a good one."

Meacham denied that the decision to bring Colbert in was a stunt similar to Tina Brown's bringing in Roseanne Barr to edit the New Yorker in 1995.

Mr. Meacham said his inspiration was when Bono served as guest editor of the Africa issue in Vanity Fair in July 2007.

"The notion of having someone who cares deeply about an issue and who wants to do something more than being profiled or writing a single piece has some appeal to us," said Mr. Meacham.

The Observer piece says that Colbert will write an essay for the issue, help design its cover, hand out assignments, pick pull-quotes to highlight, and feature "a number of unpublished letters to the editor Mr. Colbert has written to Newsweek since he was a kid."

Desperate PR stunt or not, we think it sounds like the most fun week of work Newsweek staffers will ever have at the magazine.

Newsweek Turns to Tina Tricks: Meet Guest Editor … Stephen Colbert! [New York Observer]
Image via Collider

The specific country from where Colbert would be taking his show next month was supposed to be a big secret, at the behest, he claimed, of the military. Now, not so much! It's Iraq, everyone!

As we already know, Sarah Palin has the weirdest looking Twitter page in the world. And as we also already know, and this is maybe more relevant, Conservatives don't understand that Stephen Colbert is joking. So basically this is a double-whammy of "Sarah Palin sure is dumb" news, right here. Shhh, no one tell her!

For a while now we've been mildly fascinated by Meghan McCain. When she first popped up in the public consciousness through her "work" on her father's failed presidential campaign, there was something sort of endearing about her. We wanted to like her. But as we've become more and more exposed to her with the passage of time we've come to find her, well, pretty fucking grating, intolerably insufferable, the complete and total embodiment of everything wrong with a whiny-ass generation of privilege that wants, no expects, everything to just fall right into their precious little laps without having to do shit to earn whatever it is they desire.

So Meghan's out there calling bitches out in her Daily Beast column, painfully attempting to enter into the punditry, signing "high six figure" book deals, dropping F-bombs on Twitter, and acting like a cunt-y diva at gala events, all on the back of her father's name. So what's the deal with Meghan McCain? What is it that she's angling for here. Does she truly hope to become a "voice" for a new generation of progressive Republicans, a genuine agent of change, or is she just another fame-whore high on life in the public eye.

Tonight she was on the Colbert Report droning on and on and on about how much the Republican party needs to change its stance on just about everything, from gay marriage to sex education (Meghan is very, VERY "pro-sex") to how it markets itself to younger voters, but then she turned around and talked about how totally AWESOME the Republican party is, except for, you know, all of the batshit crazy wingnuts who're provided political shelter within it (Speaking of batshit crazy wingnuts, McCain declined to offer any comments on Sarah Palin). All in all McCain was, well, sort of likeable in that "oh you poor, confused little girl" sort of way, definitely stricken by a deeply-rooted identity crisis, and, oh yeah, did we mention that she loves to fuck?! And that's pretty much it.

The interview closed with Colbert landing the line of night, delivered just after McCain had launched into another one of her many "pro-sex" diatribes: "When you say 'pro-sex woman' I think the Republican's numbers go north."

Zing.





Meghan McCain on The Colbert Report [Colbert Nation]

• Samantha Ronson upgraded her Lindsay Lohan relationship to "It's Complicated" on Facebook after blanking her relationship status during the couple's breakup. The two have also resumed talking on the phone again, instead of just texting. At this rate they should be romantically screaming at one another again in a matter of days, just like old times. [Us]
• Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt couldn't close a deal to sell their wedding pictures exclusively to any of the celebrity magazines. Maybe because it's their second ceremony and nobody cares anyway? Naww, better to blame the economy. [Scoop]
  
• Miley Cyrus can't bring herself to dump her 20-year-old underwear model boyfriend in person, so she's doing it though the tabloids. She's growing up so fast! (That said, the 16-year-old singer's new/old boyfriend Nick Jonas isn't allowed close his bedroom door when he makes out with her.) [Gatecrasher]
  
• Jennifer Aniston is supposedly afraid to leave her hotel room, because she might run into Angelina Jolie on the streets of New York, where both actresses are shooting movies. Please. Even Aniston isn't paranoid enough to think she's just going to accidentally walk onto Jolie's set in the oh-so-teeny-tiny city of New York and bump into her. [Life & Style]
  
• Courtney Love is talking trash about Pamela Anderson in the Post, saying she's white trash who lives in a trailer park and doesn't even have a credit card. Perfect. [P6]
  
• Jessica Lange is refusing to step aside into the Emmy awards' Best Supporting Actress slot so Drew Barrymore can have be the only Grey Gardens nominee for Best Actress in a Movie. [P6]
  
• Stephen Colbert used to get stuffed into lockers in high school. "If there was no locker, they would stuff me into a wall." [Gatecrasher]

If nothing else, all this attention from Comedy Central's designated right-wing newswatcher marks Beck as, in his own very twisted way, a rising star. Sure, the front-page New York Times profile was nice, but who reads newspapers anymore? The old viewers Fox already has.

Colbert, though, will get Beck all over Twitter, dominated by the young whippersnappers the shouting head needs to truly "surround" his enemies. Not that the microblogging service's wired hipsters will join up, but, who knows, between Colbert and the buzz maybe Beck becomes Saturday Night Live worthy and gets to mainstream his creepy, creepy brand a little bit more.

Newswreckers caught the awkward exchanage between Vieira and Colbert, in which he replied, "I have twatted." What's even better: Vieira's head-snapping response, where she veered from shock ("Oh my God") to cool-cat playing along ("So have I") back to shock (a second, breathier "Oh my God"). Sure, Internet commenters are going to claim they came up with this Twitter-twatter thing before Colbert. But did you get to say it on national TV? Kids, Colbert has given your people a moment of victory.

Not that there was much countermanding going on Thursday night, when Colbert's epic game of word association still implicated Stewart's favorite Slumdog Millionaire as this year's Oscar winner. But the afterthought of opening a window for Button — which "did seem pretty important," Colbert dismissively notes — no doubt relieved some of the pressure coming down from the top. Expect Carlos Mencia to finish the job by Tuesday's voting deadline, relocating Slumdog's Child-ExploitationGate controversy to East L.A. in a lukewarm, last-ditch bit of satirical sabotage.

• 'The Colbert Report' [Comedy Central]

When Cooper interviewed Phelps for 60 Minutes, the swimmer was eating Eggs Norfolk and a quesadilla with sour cream, talking about his record-high weight and 8,000-10,000 calorie diet, and telling Cooper he'd only been in the pool four times since the Olympics.

Fine, the guy is entitled to relax. He worked out an extra day per week compared to his Olympic competitors! Even Christmas!

But he's also dating that cocktail waitress, endorsing lowbrow products and getting seen on casino benders. It's all adding up to an un-athletic, tool-ish image that can't be good for Phelps' marketability. Plus, he's the marquee draw for the World Swimming Championships, televised for the first time next year, and each through at least 2011.

Does Phelps really want to tarnish the dignity of dudes in speedos stroking their way across a wading pool, or risk getting only $50 million in endorsements instead of $100 million? ...OK, maybe it's not such a big deal after all. Another chicken fried steak for my man Michael! Extra gravy!!

1. John Davidson, A Solid Gold Christmas (1982) — It was the year Davidson was in the early downswing of his raconteurial powers. And who could fault him? With That's Incredible, a running guest spot on Hollywood Squares and two of his own Christmas specials behind him, among the few milestones left to check off was "Completely KILL on the Solid Gold Christmas show." And kill he did, bringing a never-before-told tale of wintertime glee and his silky baritone to a riveted TV audience. Colbert's own style seems to have already borrowed a bit from this clip, but if he really wants to own the holidays like Davidson, he's going to have to lose the irony. And fast.

2. Kristy McNicol, A Carpenters Christmas (1977) — Leave it to the era's most famous TV tomboy to upstage her own honey-voiced host, but Karen Carpenter was just a fraction of McNicol's competition in the climactic ensemble number "My New Year's Resolution." Harvey Korman? Puppets? The infamously precise Carpenters band? Amateurs all! If Colbert doesn't revive this number, then we're not watching.

3. Bea Arthur, The Star Wars Holiday Special (1978) — It may not be George Lucas's most reviled piece of work, but it's the only misstep he's disavowed. Traces remain online, of course, epitomized by saloonkeeper Bea Arthur's desperate plea to clear the Mos Eisley Cantina of its drunken intergalactic riff-raff. Colbert would do well to learn the mistakes of the past lest he be condemned to repeat them; no one has 30 years to wait for his show to be funny, unintentionally or otherwise.

4. Jerry Lawler and Nick Gulas, WHBQ Christmas Special (1976) — The Memphis UHF channel hosted its own wrestling-themed holiday show in 1976, welcoming legend Jerry Lawler and skeevy promoter Nick Gulas to the air to thank the city's fans for the previous year's support. And what a reward! If you don't cry at the pure spirit of giving here — particularly in Lawler's segment — then you're a Grinch. This kind of microtargeting will make huge strides in the Colbert-averse heartland.

5. Bing Crosby and David Bowie, Bing Crosby Christmas Special (1977) — The most awkward intergenerational pairing in the history of holiday TV, Crobsy/Bowie is beyond imitation — but not beyond homage. May we suggest some earnest, sexually ambiguous harmonizing with David Archuleta?

Only maybe 21 people from line got into the studio, due to VIPs taking seats, and Johnson was approximately number 40. Out of 250. She yelled, looked for "Teri and Jessica from the audience department," called a friend on staff — nothing. Then the bitterness set in.

The Daily Show must have known this was going to happen. That's why it weirdly made everyone re-confirm on Oct. 27! And if Johnson had only known, she could have totally called in some favors and gotten VIPed. But the bastards never warned her. AFTER ALL JOHNSON DID FOR THEM!

I am owed. Not the cost of my flight. Or the cost of my hotel. Or even the vacation days I took, which I could have used to visit my family. What I'm owed is the experience of witnessing history take place somewhere other than alone an empty bar on 11th Avenue, sucking on a can of Bud Light, feeling completely emotionally empty.

Because of the incompetence of others, I was robbed of an experience that should have been sublime, moving, and meaningful.

What was taken away from me cannot be remedied with a VIP ticket — essentially a shorter wait in line NEXT time. At this point, I can't plan to have a next time. How do I stand outside under that awning again, without being reminded of what was done? How do I look at the heads of the audience department, knowing how negligent they were through this entire situation? I don't plan to ever go back.

At least her friend "Tracey" from Britain made it in. Bittersweet. OMG, this is just like that time a dolled-up Mary Rambin got ditched by Julia Allison and Megan Asha outside the Sex And The City premiere, which was also disastrously overbooked! It's also just as sad and profound.

Seriously, though, why do shows treat their live studio audiences so almost sadistically poorly like this? Don't they know the fans who show up for these tapings are INSANE and already have impossibly high expectations and told 200 of their closest friends, in advance, about how awesome everything was going to be, thus guaranteeing they will curse your name endlessly online if they ever get locked out? (NB to David Letterman: I'm still sorry I mauled your cameraman that one time, but he always set up his shots so as to MOCK YOU. You should really fire that jerk. Anyway call me!)

(Photo above from Johnson's website.)