We could not help but to enter Bill O as a contender after his classic "Devil's advocate" bit last night:

Let me play Devil's advocate here: Barack Obama wants to win hearts and minds in the Middle East. Which is a good thing. And you know that, as a soldier, we can't kill all the Muslims. So we want to win as many hearts and minds of good, moderate Muslims as we can.

Not kill them all? Provocative! His competitor is Bryan Fischer, the "Director of Issues Analysis" for the American Family Association:

It is time, I suggest, to stop the practice of allowing Muslims to serve in the U.S. military...
Of course, most U.S. Muslims don't shoot up their fellow soldiers. Fine. As soon as Muslims give us a foolproof way to identify their jihadis from their moderates, we'll go back to allowing them to serve. You tell us who the ones are that we have to worry about, prove you're right, and Muslims can once again serve. Until that day comes, we simply cannot afford the risk. You invent a jihadi-detector that works every time it's used, and we'll welcome you back with open arms.
This is not Islamophobia, it is Islamo-realism.

The preposterousness of allowing Muslims to not be killed, or the Islamo-realism of banning them, just in case? Vote now!

[Pic via]

America's current reigning Junior Miss touts the pageant-cum-scholarship program. "It's awesome," Michelle Rodgers tells awestruck fans.

Cum scholarship? No wonder our tweens are in trouble! Hahaha.
You can't beat the media.

[The full story in the Washington Post is actually very good. Pic: Flickr]

Most Popular Magazines
1. The New Yorker
2. New York
3. The Economist

Most Popular Books
1. The Brief Wondrous Life of Oscar Wao
1 (tie). The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo
3. The Time Traveler's Wife
[The whole list is basically the Bestsellers table at The Strand.]

Most Popular Newspapers
1. New York Times
2. AMNY (free)
3. Metro NY (free)

So yea, the NYT was, by a landslide, the most popular subway reading material of New York Times readers. Shocker. The actual most popular subway reading material of all New Yorkers is probably the New York Post, followed by whatever flier the guy gave you while you were going down the subway steps.

[Previously, our own survey. Pic via]

I say this as a person who is very familiar with Bushnell's work. I read Four Blondes. I read Trading Up. I read Lipstick Jungle. I watched Sex and the City and tuned in for both Lipstick Jungle and Cashmere Mafia because I wanted to see who had the better touch, Bushnell or Star.

So I say, with complete confidence, that no one knows how to run an idea into the ground like Candace Bushnell. And as I watched this new venture/product placement/Frito-Lay commercial I felt myself wanting to bash my head against the wall. This? Really? The Broadroom follows five professional women and is supposed to provide insight into their lives by using quick segments and cute conversations that take place in a work setting. There are four total webisodes in all, but is it worth watching?

I don't think so.

Nine Things I Hate About The Broadroom:

• Why is Natasha putting fear of wearing a name tag on par with global warming? Everything else I could understand...but name tags? Seriously?
• How are we going to follow rote stereotypes about women when creating these characters, only to have said characters bitch about being a type?
• The Millennial is an idiot. "I spent all morning making these super cute placecards on my computer." The placecards combine a large font with clip art.
• "In a weird way, I don't know what my actual job is, but I love it." Please tell me this character does not confess to feeling like "Alice in Imposterland" in the October 9th episode. Word of advice: if you don't know what your job is, don't be surprised when you feel like you're faking it.
• Dialogue fail. Product placement fail. The scene below is a case in point:

  

  "When did they start naming lipsticks after food?"
  "Probably when food got more interesting than sex."

  I sent this to Anna, who promptly informed me:

  Re: 'naming lipsticks after food': one of the most popular lipsticks in the 80s was a Revlon shade called "Cherries in the Snow". These people are two decades, if not more, too late.

  Answer fail. But thanks for playing.

  Speaking of that clip...

• ...can we retire the "Where are all the men?" monologue? There's one in every show and every book! Can we at least upgrade it a little? Attack a random man on the street and hit him with a barrage of questions? That would be interesting viewing. For example:
  

  SCENE: ROAN and NATASHA approach a random man on the street as he pauses to grab a newspaper. NATASHA grabs him and slams him against a brick wall while ROAN brandishes her Caramel Kisses lipstick as a weapon.

  ROAN: (yelling) Where the hell are all the men?

  MAN: What? Who? I swear, I don't what you're talking about!

  ROAN: (making wild gestures with the lipstick) Where is my future husband? Where are all of you hiding?

  NATASHA: (hiking the man up by his collar) And why is my husband sending me cat pictures, huh? What is THAT supposed to mean? Did he stop looking for a job? Is he telling me it's time for a divorce because all we can talk about is cats? (grabs man by the face) Answer me, dammit!

  ROAN: Do what she says or else we're lipsticking your collar and calling your wife!

  Okay...maybe that's a bit unrealistic. But it would still be a vast improvement over the current dialogue.

• I hate that fucking jingle! It's prompting some kind of Pavlovian rage response.
• Does anyone really try to butt in airport lines anymore without an immediate "bish plz" from all the rest of us? And who would start a tug of war with the TSA people? They already seem pissed off enough and I can make the call when I get to the lounge area.
• A personal mantra is "When you're having a bad day, lower your standards?" Turn it off, turn it off!

This is grim. If the Boardroom really is reflective of what's on women's minds, I'm starting to wonder if we are all in danger of a lobotomy.

The Broadroom [Maybelline]

Earlier: "Only In a Woman's World" Are There So Many Dieting Stereotypes

NYPD Sgt. Eric Turetsky is under investigation by Internal Affairs for allegedly helping himself to whatever he wanted, repeatedly, at a Queens Dunkin Donut shop. Just walking on in and stealing those donuts. While being a cop.

God.

Subprime brokers, the villainous villains of the mortgage meltdown, are pulling themselves up by their own stolen bootstraps, recasting themselves as "fixers" who can help you with your loans.

Dishonest? Sure. But still not as stereotypical as Sgt. Eric Turetsky with a French cruller crammed into his mouth.

In Las Vegas, the good times are over. During the boom years, waitresses and construction workers could take advantage of the free-spending visitors to achieve the American dream for themselves. No more. Those condos they bought are being repossessed as the economy spirals downwards. Here's what one working class dude had to say:

"It's Vegas," says Mr. Johnson, who fears he could lose most of his deposit. "We gambled."

A quote right out of a bad, bad movie script? Sure. But still not as stereotypical as Sgt. Eric Turetsky, hopping the counter to fix himself a Boston Creme sandwich.

Halliburton's profit fell by half. Ha.

Stereotypical karma in action. But not as stereotypical as Sgt. Eric Turetsky grinning as he removed three strawberry frosted and a glaze with his nightstick, left a buck on the counter for a tip, leered at the cashier, and went outside to beat a minority with his pastry-encrusted weapon.

We must all try harder.

[Actually Sgt. Eric Turetsky was a hero in the Louima case! Sad. Pic via]

Sensis has full-service African American interactive agency capabilities providing clients with technology, creative services, and strategic insight including, culturally relevant Web site development, African-American targeted search engine optimization (SEO) and search engine marketing (SEM), and email, social, mobile and emerging media advertising to the large African American and Urban Markets.

The Opportunity:
24 MILLION AFRICAN AMERICANS
are projected online by 2010*

Just for example. Although few say "Negro" any more!
[Vintage Ads]

Hipsters. They're everywhere. You've seen them on skateboards, in the mall and at the club. You've seen them shrugging dismissively in Oakland, Calif., Willamsburg, Brooklyn and Austin, Tx. And, suddenly, in Barack Obama's Washington, too.

Do you get a good sense of how this article is going to go, now?

Hector is black. And these days, if you spend enough time in Union Square in New York City, Gallery Place in Washington or even Brick Lane in London, you know that there are thousands more kids just like him-black, white and brown. What gives?

Is there a real question here? Have we actually established a premise? No? Okay I didn't think so either. Just checking.

So just what is a black hipster-a "blipster" or "alt-black"? Like many recent cultural trends, this one straddles race, politics, fashion and art. For the purposes of discussion, we'll stick with men (though I have seen some Flock of Seagulls-looking black females out and about of late).

Could this article be categorized as "performance art?" In this blipster-ridden world, why not? Let's fast forward to the PROVOCATIVE part:

But, as with any budding social scene, it can be hard to tell who's in and who's out.
Asher Roth, a white rapper who favors a preppy look, became a YouTube sensation with his hit "I Love College." Does he count?

Black Hipsters: Explained. SAY NO MORE.
[The Root. Pic via]

This child is about to be a "Child Trapped in Fridge" headline.


Four waffles: because good white families have four people. No more. No less.


This lady is just crazy.


Little Timmy and his sister, Satania, love toast.


Both the first and the second statement in this advertisement turned out to be false.


[Woman's Day via Adfreak]

• France wants to sell more French wine and cheese, because they're lazy and money-hungry, so what do they do? Spend two million bucks throwing wine and cheese parties everywhere around the world—even in your house. That is so freaking typical.
• Sleeping pill sales are booming. And NYT columnists continue to write trend pieces about Ritalin. I am doing the typical dance, right now.
• Haha, in Orange County, FL, Hispanics are being banned from a "biracial" panel on the racial makeup of county schools, unless they declare themselves "black" or "white." Come on, this is an intractable problem, there's absolutely no way around it outside of re-titling this important committee, so just pick one! Why are races other than "black" and "white" always trying to complicate our nation's history of racial harmony? Typical racism in action.
• Man bites python. Oh, come on.

Points of contention:

-They didn't like it when Mickey Rourke tore up the Iranian flag during that final battle scene in The Wrestler. (Because "pro" wrestling is totally real, and that guy, the Ayatollah, was a true-to-life depiction, too.)

-Hated 300 because it made their ancestors look bloodthirsty (we can only infer that the other guys were comparatively nicer? Huh?)

Well, their feelings are hurt and they want you to kiss their boo-boo.

Seriously, isn't this sort of like when, during the making of The Godfather, the Italian mobsters formed a little group called the Italian-American Civil Rights League that tried to promote the idea that not all Italians are bloodthirsty mobsters in bad suits? Riiight.

We think they might be overreacting just a tad in these particular cases. I mean, really. Think about how the Palestinians felt when they saw Rob Schneider in You Don't Mess With the Zohan.

Some "PC" types say this ad is "racist," but a company rep explains that "this ad was intended to celebrate Black History Month and African American culture by sharing with our customers some of the contributions African Americans have made to the grocery industry." Stay tuned for some of their future diversity-celebrating ads for sales:
Polish History Month: Kielbasa, Glue (for sniffing), Light bulbs (How many Poles to screw one in? Ha.).
Russian History Month: Vodka, AK-47s, Vodka.
Women's History Month: Tampons, Kitchen Items, (Go Make Me) A Sandwich.

Diversity! [via Brandfreak]

Maurice Levy is an easily caricatured Frenchman: cosmopolitan, liberal, wealthy, condescending, probably a fan of escargot (I was just in France and man, they really eat that, for real yall, no fooling!). He sent this message to all 15,000 of his employees worldwide after the election:

“Congratulations on such a great choice,” he wrote. “Once again the American people have proved that they are right there when it comes to turning points in history — and they know how to make history.”

Haha, as long as you don't extend that logic back, say, four years! Publicis is going to get slammed like every other ad conglomerate in the coming year because of the shitty economy. Which he blames on the following: "Capitalism cannot only be about profit." How does his multibillion dollar ADVERTISING firm, for fuck's sake, fit into that?

“We don’t lie to them, we don’t cheat them,” he said. “We don’t tell them something is a triple-A product when it is not a triple-A product.”

Aha. [NYT; pic via Adforum]

And you know who else thinks you're a pussy? The New York Observer. (Wow, that's bad!). They got in touch directly with your womenfolk, and they're all fantasizing about Don Draper, the heroic asshole star of Mad Men:

Don Draper is a bastard, most of these women will concede. He cheats on his pre-Friedan-ized wife, Betty, going through mistresses like packs of Lucky Strike cigarettes. He is stoic, handsome, emotionally stunted. “Obviously, he’s physically attractive, but his lack of conscience is upsetting,” said Megan Donis, 34, a television producer who lives in Fort Greene.

Your significant other thinks that all your progressive talk makes you and your role models a bunch of little ho bags!

“If you just compare him, to, say, Patrick Dempsey on Grey’s Anatomy, Dr. McDreamy comes off as a whiny little sensitive bitch,” said Lindsay Robertson, 31, a co-editor of Videogum.com, resident of Carroll Gardens and a self-described member of the “Draper estrogen brigade.”

You thought you could wear a fannie pack and button-up sweaters and still be manly enough to satisfy a hot-blooded woman such as yours?

In suburbia-inflected Park Slope, scores of such Stepford Husbands can be found roughhousing with their toddlers at the playground, hoisting strollers up brownstone steps or putting together a nice little risotto for dinner.

“In New York, in the age of the metrosexual and all that, especially in neighborhoods like Park Slope or Prospect Heights, it’s not that unusual. In fact, it’s pretty accepted,” said Timothy Spence, 39, who lives in Prospect Heights and stays home with a 2-year-old daughter while his wife works in Manhattan as a graphic designer. “There just aren’t those issues of masculinity.”

You fucking fool. Go run some errands while your wife pleasures herself to thoughts of a strong-jawed cad.

But even as men proclaim themselves happy homemakers, some of their wives, or “partners” to use the popular parlance of the day, express ambivalence. “You appreciate a stay-at-home dad—as feminists, this is what we wanted!—but marriage now is all about equal partnership,” said the anonymous Brooklyn mom. “It works as a social system, but it’s not terribly erotic.”

While you shop at the co-op for what you think is your wife's favorite food, she's dreaming about her real favorite food: Don Draper's cock!

She recalled a recent conversation between her husband and a SAHD of their acquaintance (the men had cooked, of course). “They were talking very intently about something that went on in preschool,” she said. “And I just completely glazed over, went a million miles away in my head. I thought, ‘Jesus, fellas, get a life!’”

By contrast: “Don Draper is a hero. He’s a dreamer.”

Overall, this has been one of the most satisfying articles I've read in some time. [by Irina Aleksander, who clearly thinks you are a pussy.]

[BBC]

Spanish basketball player Jose Calderon (who's also in the NBA) wrote on his website:

It can't be long now before all of Spain's players are trotting out their close Asian friends before the cameras to tell them about that one time they came over and the Asian guy's old mom made some crazy food from China and the Spanish player totally ate it without batting an eyelash because he's really open to new cultural experiences.

Spanish newspapers also hit back at suggestions the pictures were racist, saying the team had donated money to charities helping the poor in Africa.

Well if Spain had known you people were going to be like that, maybe they were wrong to be nice to you in the first place.

[Reuters]

. "On being introduced, the customary greetings are: firm handshake, customary 'Hello,' or 'Bonjour' in Quebec."

. "During conversation, remove sunglasses."

. "While indoors, remove hats."

The document states that "most Canadian gestures are the same as those used in the United States," but adds there are some exceptions, including:

. "To call someone to you, use the entire hand rather than the index finger."

. "In Quebec, the thumbs down sign is considered offensive."

We've never heard of this thumbs thing though to be fair everything is considered offensive to French Canadians. If your people combined the worst stereotypes of the arrogant French with the defensive and funny-talking Canadians you'd be touchy too.

[AskMen via Ad Age]

BONUS: The guy featured in the ad, Thomas Hill, was himself persuaded to join the Marines by an ad!

"I was watching TV with some buddies when this commercial came on — a guy on a white horse locked in battle. Then, when he jumps off the horse, his suit of armor becomes dress blues. He's a Marine," he recalls. "I knew right then and there, I wanted to be that guy."