Cyclist and rubber bracelet artisan Lance Armstrong filed a federal lawsuit and requested a restraining order against the United States Anti-Doping Agency (USADA) on Monday, to prevent its punishing him for doping violations that could cost him his seven Tour de France titles.

Anyone who works out at a gym with any regularity is familiar with the unspoken laws of the weight room jungle: Allow fellow gymgoers to "work in"; don't grunt like a horny ape upon exertion; and, most importantly, don't lift your shirt to nipple level and admire your own abdominals in the mirror for extended periods…

Need some steroids? Sure you do. Try Amazon.com, which offers a veritable ocean of steroid-containing "supplements," ready for shipping right to your doorstep.

Thanks to a lengthy exposé by the Newark Star-Ledger, New Jersey lawmakers have introduced bills that would require random drug testing for anabolic steroids among law enforcement agencies, and health evaluations before prescriptions for steroids can be issued.

It only took a huge exposé, but the president of Jersey City's police union has decided that maybe officers should face more rigorous testing for anabolic steroids after hundreds of Jersey cops were implicated in an illegal 'roid ring. [Star-Ledger]

You guys, CT delivered. He effin delivered. He promised you psycho last week, he delivered psycho this week. Watch him absolutely DESTROY Johnny Bananas in the finale of last week's showdown - CT wears him like a backpack. Watch inside.

Entering with blood-shot eyes and a restless demeanor like he has to pound someone's skull in, the infamous CT returned to the Real World Challenge this week. Psycho CT. The challengers just met their new alpha dog.

Michael Marino, a Deputy Chief with the NYPD, has been suspended for 30 days for being caught using human growth hormone in 2007. A small price to pay for its invigorating effects!

Last night, the second season of Jersey Shore was unleashed upon America with the fury of a pack of juiced up, ecstasy-popping beat beaters. After roadtripping down the east coast, the cast arrived at their new digs in Miami.

This should shock no one. Country singer, and Celebrity Rehab star, Mindy McCready says Roger "Rocket" Clemens had "a lot of problems" getting it up during their affair, which started when she was 15 years old. Gross. [Fox News]

In an effort to cut down on roid-raging officers, the NYPD has banned not only illegal steroids, but also bodybuilding supplements like Hydroxycut and "Arom-X." What will the NYPD ban next, Super Tren XTreme and all the other great products by ROCKHARD FORMULATIONS? Oh crap they're banned too!

Oh shoot, unexpected setback: Steroids may not be 100% good, for your body. The outside of your body, yes, totally ripped bro. But inside, ripped in the bad sense, like "your kidney has a rip in it, bro, ugly."

Former LA Times writer Daniel Hernandez relays a bizarre story from Mexico: A wrestler had a nervous breakdown on a bus, forced his way off and soon died in the wilderness.

With the book publishing industry cutting back, it's good to know that they can still step up and produce a quality American Gladiator tell-all memoir about man boobs and severe steroid-induced ball shrinkage:

Bigger, Stronger, Faster , the just-released documentary that reconsiders the terrible public image of steroids, is winning praise for its frank depiction of the pluses and minuses of 'roids. But all the honesty didn't turn out well for Christian Boeving, a fitness model who lost his endorsement contract with…

"I can't imagine how my mom would feel if she found out both of my brothers are on steroids right now," says Christopher Bell, the narrator and director of a new documentary called Bigger, Faster, Stronger. Well he can imagine it now, because he made a movie about his brothers being on steroids! Along with other…

Craig Davidson is a Canadian novelist. He got all bulked up on steroids because, well, the character for the novel he was writing took steroids, he explains in The Guardian. "My character goes down dark roads. For the sake of the book, I thought I'd travel those roads with him. He begins to work out obsessively. I…

There's a sequence towards the middle of Ari Gold-client Mary J. Blige's "No More Drama" video in which the soul diva, destroyed by so many loves having gone sour, tears a Manhattan Yellow Pages in half with one swipe of her bulging pythons— a triumphant symbol of how she'll never be taken for a ride again. But in…