Humans Constantly Surprised That Sharks Live in the Ocean
The news across America this summer: sharks. Alive!
New York Beaches Are Not Real Beaches
There is, among a particular cohort of New York City transplants, a belief that we hold dear. It is entirely based on our collective upbringing in a coastal city, small town, or neighborhood not named Manhattan, Brooklyn, or whatever other boroughs make up this fair metropolis. This belief: New York City-area beaches…
It's the Horny Time
Do me a favor and think about how you feel right now. Sun’s out, guns’ out, you got your favorite loose cottons on. When you look around you, does something—perhaps someone—catch your eye? Are you feeling yourself on a more acute level than you’re usually feeling yourself? Is there a constant tingle in your nether…
A Summer Cocktail for People Who Hate Alcohol But Like Drinking
I swear to god if I hear another person talk about how perfectly robust and oaky their merlot is I’m gonna scream!!!!!
If you've felt a bit sweaty lately, it may be because our planet officially just experienced the hottest summer in recorded history. We must end global warming. But not before it reaches New York City for a while, because the summer here was cold as hell.
A Dog and a Baby Just Dancin' and Squealin' on a Summer Afternoon
Nothing nicer, as the summer winds down, than having a dance with your dog on the back porch. And if you're a baby? Why, that's even better, then, isn't it.
The Simplest, Least Etsy Peach Jam Recipe to Get You Through Winter
Labor Day is gone, but summer is here, the undead heat and humidity having just arrived when the season was supposed to be gone. How to live like summer now that it feels like summer? Buy a carload of peaches and make jam.
Yes, It Is Still Fine For Men to Wear Shorts
Now that a hot summer day has finally arrived on the east coast, it is time once again for self-proclaimed fashionistas to tell men not to wear shorts. (All the men that take fashion advice from Vox.com, that is.) Let us remind you of another point: wear shorts. It's hot. Don't be ridiculous.
Dog Celebrates Last Days of Summer, Blows Bubbles in Pool on Command
As a summer we barely knew slips into the cold seasons we know all too well, one cool dog is out there blowing bubbles in the swimming pool like time isn't passing at all.
Joe Biden Is Gonna Get You
Joe Biden, who just returned from his whirlwind tour of fun sports grab-assing in Brazil, couldn't be happier about the arrival of summer. Today was the VEEP's annual Joe Biden's Big Day Out summer party, where journalists are invited to the Bidens' home to welcome summer and do a little kiddin' around. Biden was…
Leave the Renaissance Faire Alone
Phyllis Patterson, a former high school English teacher who more or less invented the American tradition of the Renaissance Faire, died last month. Per the New York Times's obit, at her demise she "was 82 and lived in a log cabin" in California. In other words, she lived the hippie-Elizabethan dream.
Watermelon Story by Sam Biddle
Watermelon season has arrived, the sweetest time of year.
A young boy collects drinking water from a leaking pipeline in Jammu, India, on Monday. A heat wave has struck the northern plains of the country, with temperatures passing 113 degrees Fahrenheit in several places, leading to scarcity of water and frequent disruptions in power supply. Image via Channi Anand/AP.
Someone Please Hire All the Teenagers
Just as "high school" was invented as a way to keep teenagers off the streets most of the year, "summer jobs" were invented as a way to keep them off the streets for the remainder of the year. But even five years after the Great Recession struck, summer jobs are as scarce as [reference to some teen-specific buzzword…
Extremely Slippery Thong Advocate Arrested at Public Pool
A very shiny lady in a thong bathing suit was arrested at a Manhattan public pool last week after getting into a tangle with police officers who asked her to stop sexy-dancing on a railing in the deep end, NYC Park Advocates reports. You can and should read a vividly rendered account of the debacle, which reportedly…
Revisiting Our Last Summer Racial Shitshow, Co-Starring Barack Obama
Four years ago today, racial profiling was America's most dominant—and ugliest—conversation. Less than a week earlier, Henry Louis Gates, Jr., a Harvard professor, preeminent scholar, and friend of Oprah, had been arrested on his Massachusetts front porch, after being suspected of robbery when, in fact, he'd been…
Help Help Oh God I'm Melting: How to Stay Cool in This Scorching Hell
Fuck Earth. It gets so fucking hot here! Why do we live here? How can we keep our body temperatures at a degree capable of sustaining life since we're trapped here?
Ohio Man Arrested for Fucking Pool Raft. Again.
This may be the Year of the Deer, but it's also the summer of weird men having sex with inanimate objects. First, news broke that a bike fucker is on the loose in Sweden and now an Ohio man has been arrested for having sex with a rubber pool raft.
Small-Town Ice Cream Truckers' Anarchic Reign of Terror Challenged
The town of Gloversville, New York—population 16 thousand—isn't big enough for two ice cream trucks. Or one man's anger-management issues.
The Do's and Don'ts of Skinny Dipping: An Etiquette Guide
As August winds down, many of us will be pressured—by our closest friends, whom we have known since childhood, by beautiful crushes, whose tanned skin glows dusky bronze in the moonlight, by drunk assholes whom we don't know that well—to kiss summer goodbye with a skinny dipping romp.
