Gawker
Monster Lies
Posts Tagged “
Summer
”
Monster Lies
mayhem!
So remember how Gawker became obsessed with the Montauk Monster, and everyone was like, "Ho ho ho, isn't that funny and delightful, let's laugh at the 'monster' all summer until it kills us all in our sleep, LOL'?" And then CNN did a story but even Wolf Blitzer had trouble maintaing his usual humorless melodrama because he was about to bust out laughing? Well, no one's laughing now because monsters are eating the Main Stream Media alive. The terrified reports keep coming: Newsweek, as we just reported, launched a panicked, desperate effort to claim the Montauk Monster is a Photoshop hoax. CNN aired video of a Chupacabra in Texas. And now multiple cable news networks have picked up on a Bigfoot discovery that even we laughed off initially. BUT NO ONE IS SCOFFING NOW OH NO NOT ANYMORE.
More »
Monsters Attack And Devor Mainstream Media
So remember how Gawker became obsessed with the Montauk Monster, and everyone was like, "Ho ho ho, isn't that funny and delightful, let's laugh at the 'monster' all summer until it kills us all in our sleep, LOL'?" And then CNN did a story but even Wolf Blitzer had trouble maintaing his usual humorless melodrama because he was about to bust out laughing? Well, no one's laughing now because monsters are eating the Main Stream Media alive. The terrified reports keep coming: Newsweek, as we just reported, launched a panicked, desperate effort to claim the Montauk Monster is a Photoshop hoax. CNN aired video of a Chupacabra in Texas. And now multiple cable news networks have picked up on a Bigfoot discovery that even we laughed off initially. BUT NO ONE IS SCOFFING NOW OH NO NOT ANYMORE.
More »
The Economics of Boobies
Recession Blamed for Decline in French Toplessness
The worst of the recession has finally hit us where we live. Forget about housing and energy and our greenbacks suddenly being equal to Canadian play-money—the worldwide reversal of fortune is depriving us of breasts! The beaches of France, long renowned for their topless bathing beauties, are being plagued by tops this summer. According to people who study such things, when women are not feeling happy about their economic and social status, they feel less inclined to expose their flesh to the viewing public. More »
Shark!
Shark Watch: This Week in Watery Horror
Just keep telling yourself it's not happening. Yesterday, a teen who got chomped on by one of the relentless hunters was the 15th victim of a shark attack in Volusia County, Fla, this year. "The boy was still in the emergency room early Friday afternoon, undergoing significant surgery. Hospital officials called it more than the average nip on the heel. They said the teen had serious cuts to the bottom of his foot, the top of his foot and his Achilles heel area." More »
news
Here's What I Missed
I should not have dared venture out. Lots of important stuff happened! Hellboy 2 made $35.9 million. Brad Pitt cut the umbilical chord! John McLaughlin called Barack Obama "Oreo"—sort of. The Times' public editor wondered at length about using the word "nuts" in his paper. Somebody leaked a photo of Miley Cyrus in a wet T-shirt, and then she got a manicure! And Jose Canseco got his ass kicked. Now that we're all caught up, I'm gonna look for some cute animal videos.
Shark!
Jaws Comes Home
I keep telling you people—the sharks are coming. It was one thing when the super-predators were feasting on people on the West Coast and in the Gulf of Mexico, but now they are right here! "Three possible shark sightings have been reported near Martha's Vineyard, Mass., where the 1975 beach thriller blockbuster movie 'Jaws' was filmed. The Boston Herald said a lifeguard spotted a large shark swimming through the waves off South Beach Wednesday. The shark was also reportedly seen from overhead by a sightseeing plane and was reported by an anonymous caller from Joseph Sylvia Beach." More »
Public relations
Air Conditioning As A Marketing Tool: No Longer Smart
Air conditioning is not just one of the most important summertime problems facing the media. It's a problem facing everyone, because high gas prices are turning air conditioners into machines that burn $100 bills to produce cool air. Stores in high foot traffic areas have always thrown their doors open in the summer and blasted the AC, knowing that sweaty people will come in and browse just to get out of the sun. But now that strategy is not only hugely expensive, but bad PR as well; environmentalist customers will whine and complain and call the city and organize boycotts. An intrepid NYT reporter finds that wanton AC-wasters are centered—like the media—in SoHo: More »
hot lunch
The Sharks Are Not Going Away!
I keep trying to tell you people: The sharks are everywhere and they crave human meat! But does anyone listen? "A shark injured a 49-year-old American surfer Saturday off the Pacific coast of Mexico, in the third attack in a month. The Mexican Navy deployed personnel to warn people about sharks at beaches in Zihuatanejo, a resort northwest of Acapulco, according to a Navy official who spoke on condition of anonymity because he was not authorized to release the information. He said authorities have not closed beaches in Zihuatanejo, but people were being advised against swimming." No big deal, you say? Well guess what happened on Friday? More »
stunts
Robbie Knievel's Record-Breaking Bike Jump
It's not an American summer holiday weekend if some crazy bastard doesn't pull off a life-threatening stunt. So, last night at an Ohio amusement park, Robbie "Son of Evel" Knievel jumped his motorcycle 200 feet through the air, hopping 24 delivery trucks and breaking his dad's 1975 record of 14 trucks in the process. Video of the jump, after the jump. More »
nostalgia
