It's half-past August, and you know what that means in No Child Left Behind the 7-11 Without Some Book-Learnin' America: it's time for your unruly, ungrateful, and uncomprehending children to put down their childish toys of summers and return to the cold, gleaming socialization boxes in which we warehouse themā¦
Are you enjoying this July we're having? Yeah you should because it's probably going to be America's HOTTEST MONTH EVER.
Dhani Jones took this picture from a plane as he was flying out of LaGuardia. And then it hailed. Hailed! Buzzfeed got hit by lightning. I guess probably some other weather happened in other parts of the country, at some point, too.
A few weeks ago, the Food & Drug Administration released a statement on its Consumer Updates page reminding parents that becoming sunburned, dehydrated, or severely overheated is bad for a baby.
Uh oh, everyone panic: the temperature outdoors is not cold. Repeat: it is not cold outside. Well, gee, the only reasonable reaction to this state of affairs is to run a huge unwieldy power-sucking machine which will use massive amounts of energy in order to return our indoor space to its natural stateāfrigidity.
Here in Gawker Media "HQ," the temperature, in the summertime, stays at approximately 43 degrees Fahrenheit (estimated), due to the wonders of air conditioning, necessitating the wearing of winter clothes inside the office during the most sweltering season of the year. Nowāin a classic example of the mainstream mediaā¦
Pain measurement! Pyromania analysis! NASA rocket! Hefty bacteria! Galaxy shapes! Hot summer! Murderous bird! Flying snails! And scientists playing with hoses for fake experiments! It's your Wednesday Science Watch, where we watch scienceāin agony!
Congratulations Texas: You're officially hotter than a humorous image conjured by an ill-chosen newspaper headline.
As the East Coast braces for Phase Two of God's Late-Summer Reckoning, the shores of Southern California remain sunny, warm, and tranquil. *Cue ominous tuba solo.*
Beach days are the best! It's nothing but taking in the sun, splashing around in the water, and digging six-foot pits in the sand. Um, huh? While I'm pretty sure most people don't spend their time at the beach digging massive trenches in the sandāwhat are you, digging to China?āto each his own. But if you happen toā¦
Welcome to August, everyone! It's the month where not one single thing gets done at anyone's job anywhere in the world. But just because there is nothing to do doesn't mean you can just sit at your desk and do nothing. Here's a guide to making yourself look busy without troubling with any actual work.
It's the middle of summer, which means two things: It's hot and you want to eat a bunch of bad food. What better way to indulge your hunger and beat the heat than by looking at a bunch of pictures of our favorite frozen summer treats? We dare you to not go in search of the nearest ice cream truck.
[Image via ā¦
Here's a news item to take some of the fun out of your summer: The British Red Cross claims that peeing on your friends' jellyfish stings is just an old wive's tale and doesn't actually work. They suggest vinegar or sea water instead. The BRC's first aid director, Joe Mulligan told the Telegraph:
The next time you feel like paying hundreds of dollars to swim with a bunch of hungover orange dudes on the roof of the Hotel Gansevoort, you might want to consider the implications. The Post ran some tests on six swimming pools across New York, and the Gansevoort came in last:
You're either a rollercoaster person, or you're not. I thought I was one, once, until I rode something called "X" at Magic Mountain that spit fire at me and jerked me around so violently, I actually thought I might not make it. It took a photo at the most terrifying part, and the look on my face is, quite simply,ā¦
School's out! And what better way to celebrate than with a dip in the pool? Just make sure there aren't any dead bodies floating in it! For two days!
A fight broke out on a crowded boardwalk in Brighton Beach, Brooklyn on Thursday afternoon, culminating in gunfire that killed one person and injured four on the hottest day of the year so far. It's unclear what started the fight (apparently, one man hit another with an umbrella just before the shooting broke out) orā¦
As June creeps on, school kids across the nation are getting released from the crumbling prisons that are America's schools and being sent off to life-guarding jobs, coal mines, or, if they're lucky, sleepaway camp. Not one of those lucky kids? Well here are some movies to watch that will make it feel almost likeā¦
We asked for your most shocking tales from summer employment, and boy did you all deliver. While there were plenty of stories that were amazing (and sad and gross and scary), there was only one that was good enough to be the winner.
Yes, it's that time of year when high school and college kids partake in the great ritual of finding a summer job. Seasonal employment sucks and usually entails meager pay, physical labor, embarrassing costumes, or putting up with swarms of pesky kids. But now your torture could win you a prize.
