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Super Squats

fitness

The Media Wants You Fat And Broke!

First, the media implants an unattainable idea in our heads about what a human body should look like. Then, on top of that, popular publications give confusing advice about how to achieve that impossibly cut look! In the last couple of days, the lying liberal media has published several articles on various fitness techniques. You don't need to read any of them, because we're about to round them all up and drop some serious knowledge on you about the phony, media-driven fitness fantasy. After the jump, how to save money and kick ass in this shallow, workout-obsessed world. More »

diets

Fat Food Critic Has Death Wish

Did you know that people who write about food for a living tend to be fatties? It's true! Except for the Times' dreamy James Bond of gastronomy, Frank Bruni. The point is that some food critics have realized that scarfing down daily heapings of pork bellies and passing it off as a professional expense is no guarantee they won't keel over from a heart attack, and is a guarantee they will have a hard time seeing their own genitals. Even pork-loving wild man Mario Batali is threatening to start exercising! By chasing a greased sow in his Crocs, perhaps. But even while some of the wiser gluttons are easing back, says the Times, their stupider brethren—embodied by one man—just can't stop with the sausage: More »

the real issues

Times Gym Teacher: Must We Stretch?

The newest entrant in the New York Times' strangely pedestrian fitness beat is today's piece asking, "To Stretch or Not to Stretch?" Short answer: If you're a gymnast or swimmer, yes; if you're a distance runner, no; for other activities, it's still an open question. So if you eliminate backflips and butterfly strokes from your workout routine, you can probably get away with no stretching at all, until a scientist tells you better. We just saved you so much time. How about the Times doing us all a favor by dispensing with this nonsense and replacing its entire Fitness & Nutrition section with nothing but empty white space and one single Amazon link to THIS: More »

health

'You Kids Go Play Outside,' Say Scientists

A breakthrough study from the Society of Medical Researchers Who Didn't Think Up a Study Topic Until the Very Last Minute has found that limiting the amount of time your fattie kids sit on their ass watching TV or playing on the internet could help them lose weight! Kids tended to eat less junk food when they were forced to get off their ass and do something else, the study determined [WSJ]. One doctor is recommending parents get some kind of electronic device that limits brain-numbing time per week for children. We wholeheartedly support this effort to whip these no-account kids today into shape. Junk food and TV are not the way to go. There is only one safe and effective way to gain weight: More »