For decades, young MBA's have stepped off the Greyhound with little more than an attaché case and a dream — a dream of making their fortunes by turning a moribund 1960's comic book character into a gazillion-dollar international film franchise. Today that dream just fell out of reach for many young dreamers.

The news that Disney has shelled out $4 billion to buy Marvel comics means, for all purposes, the ownership of America's beloved cartoon characters is now in the hands of two companies — Disney and Warner Bros.

Of all the issues facing Washington now, superhero rights no doubt fall low on the list, but what will it take for the government to step in with anti-trush legislation and let these animated citizens enjoy the full pleasures of the free market?

Facing off each other across from opposite ends of Burbank now, America's cartoon titans stand amassed in two armies like The Legion of Doom and The Teen Titans.

Serving now on Disney's payroll:

The classic Disney characters; Mickey, Minnie and the Country Bears

The Pixar Universe - from Buzz Lightyear to Up's formidable Carl Fredricksen

The Muppets

And now Marvel's Spiderman, the Moon Knight, Kingpin, Captain America and the Human Torch.

Here's what's in the Warners camp:

The DC Universe from Batman right on down to Mr. Mxyzptlk

The hangdog but never to be counted out Hanna-Barbera world — including Scooby Doo, a Tom and Jerry film in production, and the perpetually unquenchable demand for updated versions of the Jetsons and Flintstones, not to mention a little outlet known as the Smurfs.

And how could we forget Bugs Bunny and the Warner Brothers cartoon empire

Which leaves very very little for the other studios to pick over.

In fact, if one looks at Empire Magazine's list of the Greatest Comic Characters of All Time, Art Seigelman's holocaust allegory Maus stands as the lone member of the Top 20 not now in the Disney or Warners camps. Of the complete Top 50, the ten remaining free agents are a fairly motley collection of satirical characters (The Tick), untranslatable imports (Astro Boy) and edgy "alternative" characters (Harvey Pekar). When Steven Spielberg's work-in-progress Tin Tin finallys hits the screens, it may be a brave last stand for independent comic book characters, free from the iron chains of the Disney/Warners duopoly.

But ultimately, the greatest losers on this historic day are certainly the other studios whose coming summer slates are heavily dependent on help from their Marvel friends. Sony's Spiderman franchise, Paramount's Iron Man films and Fox plans for a thousand year reign of Avengers origins and team up films are now dependent to some degree on the good will of their friends at Disney.

And all that assumes the winds don't pick up and the fires raging in the hills don't consume us all in flames sometime before tea time today.

Mike Nelson is the big dude who's the subject of the FindHeMan.com stalker blog. But the joke is it's not that hard to find Mike really cause he spends a lot of time in Madison Square Park, sunning the guns and the lats and the chest and the other important He-Man parts. He lost one eye in a fight with cops and used to be a druggie but cleaned up. Now he doesn't do acid or coke or heroin or rob cemeteries for skulls any more; he just lives with his girl and works out and hangs out and basically goes with the flow:

"I took care of rabbits as a kid," Mr. Nelson recalled. Big smile. "So it taught me how to be a little more affectionate as I got older."

Not surprisingly, this exhibitionist ex-junkie bodybuilder who could go down on women "all day" is one of the least annoying people Spencer Morgan has profiled in the past year.
[NYO]

Love and Rockets
What's it about? What isn't it about? In one of the first important alternative comics of the 80s, Gilbert and Jaime Hernandez perfected a brand of engaging, sexy, comic family that makes Tyler Perry look like a prop comic. Originally self-published by these two brilliant brothers, Love and Rockets found a niche as an evolving, chaotic work of genius that spans both of the Americas. Choosing one story would be difficult, but the mystery set in the fictional town of Palomar might be the perfect place to start.
Who should star and direct? Even the visual style of the Hernandez brothers fits King of the Hill creator Mike Judge, and instead he is wasting years of his life on movies like the Luke Wilson-Maya Rudolph comedy Idiocracy. Judge is laboring on another television show in the interim, and when he decides to come back to the big screen L & R should be the reason. Casting a bunch of total unknowns for this would be a stroke of genius. My office will bill your office, Mike.

Thunderbolts: Faith In Monsters
What's it about? Prolific comic book scripter Warren Ellis' version of Thunderbolts is the story of a bunch of supervillains forcibly conscripted by the U.S. government to apprehend rogue superheroes. The unlikely and largely unknown team of Swordsman, Venom, Bullseye, Moonstone, Songbird, Penance and Radioactive Man won't win in the name recognition category. The dark and funny concept is the key here, turning the traditional structure of superheroes on their head. Thunderbolts may have to wait until the genre collapses in on itself and is in need of a shake-up.
Who should star and direct? Ellis' group of villains are led by Spiderman's Norman Osborn, and since Willem Dafoe's version of him is relegated to cable, a suitable replacement would be to resurrect the classic performance of Greg Kinnear's Captain Amazing character from Mystery Men as the team leader. I'll also have to see if the guy who directed Clue is still alive, I am imagining a similar comical/scary vibe. Victory! John Landis is still kicking.

Potential
What's it about? By all rights Potential is the way that Juno soundtracker Kimya Dawson should have been widely exposed to the American-moviegoing public. A coming of age story about a young lesbian girl by L Word writer Ariel Schrag, Potential doesn't need the traditional contrivances (pregnancy, wedding, love triangle) to be a uniquely moving story of an unrequited love. May 6 was supposed to mark the move back into print for this astonishing book, but it's already freely available on Amazon again. Potential has the potential to not only be a hilarious journey through adolescence, but a story that actually helps young people find themselves.
Who should star and direct? Since Ellen Page's handlers will be keeping her at least 50 feet away from this project at all times, and time travel isn't available to use a young Natalie Portman as the object of desire, how about Juno co-star Olivia Thirlby? She's naturally funny and winning. I guess Todd Solondz would probably ruin this project, but a more sincere film might challenge his critics and he doesn't appear to be working on anything except his own self-loathing.

Marvel 1602
What's it about? Plans for a Justice League movie have fallen apart out of serious fear about how much money the studio that greenlit this project would be making. In all seriousness, the presence of Superman, Batman and the rest that would require so much star power the production would probably just break down into an extremely competitive circle jerk (2-to-1 odds on Brandon Routh in that one). Instead of having to hire a 16 person continuity commission, they could just go with with this slightly different version of the familiar superheroes of the Marvel Universe. This historically fascinating Neil Gaiman-conceived project is perfect for the big screen, and only requires Nick Fury, the Fantastic Four, the X-Men and Captain America. That's pocket change compared to Batman and Superman.
Who should direct and star? It's no shock Lord Steven Spielberg hasn't jumped on the superhero train, but since Shia LaBoeuf isn't exactly scoring in bars, I could see them teaming up again down the road. (Shia as Captain America? No. Nick Fury? Nooo. Wolverine's little brother Wolvy? Yes.) Unfortunately, Spielberg seems committed to the Abbie Hoffman movie Chicago 7. If he can't get the stars required to make Marvel 1602 happen, no one can.