A new poll finds that large majorities of Americans do not believe in common superstitions like "knocking on wood prevents bad luck." But 78% of Americans believe all that shit about Jesus. Huh.
Everyone Is Ominously Calm About This Planetary Alignment
A weird thing is happening in the sky: planets will align this month. But the strangest thing is happening here on Earth: There's been hardly a peep about disasters and doom. Did the internet forget its hysteria generator at home?
Be Thankful Your Friday the 13th Wasn't as Bad as This
We see you sitting there at your computer, so smug that you survived the curse of yet another Friday the 13th. You should be thankful that something disastrous didn't happen. Look at all the terrors there are in the world!
Totemic Rodent's Handlers Decree Frigid Misery Upon a Weary Nation
Merry Groundhog Day! This morning Punxsutawney Phil "saw his shadow," meaning six more weeks of winter. Jesus. Every year we politely pay attention to these Pagans and their animal rituals and in return they fuck us. Enough already. [CNN]
