• Kristen Stewart and Dakota Fanning make out in The Runaways, and Dakota said they "were so into the scene." Dakota, who also co-starred with sulky Stewart in New Moon, continued: "It was passionate. We're playing Joan Jett and Cherie Curie and they're best friends in the film and became really close in real life. And that's something that went down back in the '70s." Actually, that's something that goes down now, too, but the bigger issue here is: Little Dakota Fanning grew up so fast! It seems like only yesterday Kathy Griffin was making inappropriate jokes about Dakota going to rehab, and now she's actually old enough to do such a thing, and to make out in movies, and do lesbian sex scenes, &c. [ShowBizSpy]
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• Joe Francis plans to file for bankruptcy today, because he owes the IRS $33,819,087.14, and while they wait for him to cough it up, they've frozen some $100M of his assets. Three issues of disbelief: (1) Why does this man have so much money? Yes, this comes up every time there is a story about Joe Francis' ungodly wealth, but it is necessary to keep saying it, lest we lose our grip on how wretched a world that rewards this man truly is. (2) He racked this debt up in three shorts years. Let this be is a lesson in the terror of IRS interest rates. (3) Does the IRS really need to specify down to the fourteenth penny in this case? You'd think that once you hit the $10M mark, they'd round to the nearest thousand or something. [TMZ]
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• Kirstie Alley says Conan "acts like I bit his dick off." During a twitter bitch-fest with Star Jones about how much they hate people who laugh at fat celebs, Kirstie nicknamed him "CONAN O'BITCH O'BRIEN" prompting Star to joke about "brothers from Brooklyn" who "wanted some" (I think. Between the typos and ellipses I'm having trouble making sense of this stuff. It's like decoding hieroglyphics.) and LOLs all around. [HuffPo]
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• Rihanna's dating again! She spent time with 90210 star Tristan Wilds in L.A. last weekend, and appreciates how he is "a real gentleman." Did we mention he's working on a CD? [NYDN]
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• Nicole Richie has been hospitalized for pneumonia. Richie skipped the launch of her Bebe jewelry line House of Harlow last week because she felt sick—did she already have pneumonia then? Are little Harlow and Sparrow okay? [ShowBizSpy]
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• This advice will help an entire generation of starlets: Pam Anderson explains how came clean to her kids about her sex tape with their dad. Anderson says she anticipated a new wave of interest following her cameo on Borat, so explained to her 12- and 11-year-old sons that videotaping sex is something that happens when you are "massively in love," which, for some reason, strikes me as kind of sweet. I always thought a cleaned-up Tommy Lee was the one meant for Pammy. [NYDN]
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• Suri Cruise threw a tantrum over a mink coat she saw in a store window. Katie Holmes said no, so Suri cried, and I am reminded yet again that this child's life is 800 times better than mine. [ShowBizSpy]
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• Robert Pattinson needs to learn which stories about rabid fans are funny and which just freak us out. In a taped interview with Ellen DeGeneres airing Friday, Pattinson describes how he once cajoled a female fan into getting naked in public. An autograph-seeker asked, "What can I do to get your attention?" and Pattinson replied, "um, just take your clothes off." The girl ripped her clothes off and "got dragged out of the room by security." Lest we think Edward Cullen a total perv he adds that he "never felt more terrible," it's just that he has a terrible sense of humor, you see. [People]
• 
  
• The patriarch of a family that received tens of millions from Michael Jackson to settle a molestation case committed suicide yesterday. Evan Chandler shot himself in the head in his home and was "extremely ill" with cancer, so it probably had nothing to do with Jacko, but the MJ conspiracy theorists will probably go nuts today, anyway. [CNN]
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• Erin Andrews' alleged peephole stalker has been charged with one count of internet stalking. Court documents reveal that he used the email address handsfouryou@yahoo.com, which reminds me of Mr. Hands, the guy who died of a perforated colon after having sex with a horse. This raises an interesting question: Who is creepier, Mr. Hands or Mr. HandsFourYou? At least the horse consented, sort of. Anyway, Mr. HandsFourYou gave his peephole video the file name "Erin Andrews Naked Butt," suggesting that his ability to foresee the consequences of his actions were as weak as Mr. Hands'. [TMZ]
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Not only does the accompanying story not mention the photo fiction, but "Suri & Shiloh's Playdate" is actually an alleged plan for an alleged playdate, sometime in the future, allegedly. Hey wait, OK! magazine is just pure crap. Surprise!

And would you like to hear the bit of news that makes this really and truly astounding? Just yesterday, OK!'s UK edition was forced to print an apology to Victoria Beckham for doing the exact same type of Photoshop job on last month's cover there. Ha, incredible! Just incredible.

On the positive side, OK! finally hired a promoted someone already on staff to be the new editor. Congratulations and best of luck, Katie Caperton!

[This Photoshop hackery also pointed out yesterday by Dodai at Jezebel]

chelseabill's new line beats the original, Suri Cruise Has a Posse.

• Nearly three years ago, Lindsay Lohan scrawled "Scarlett [Johansson] is a bloody cunt" on a bathroom wall at the Dark Room on the Lower East Side. Allure finally asked Johansson about the incident: "I don't know what the motivation was behind that. I remember it was something really vulgar—I mean, shockingly so, like 'Whoa, what, who are you?'"
• Michael Jackson thought that sheikh from Bahrain sent him $7 million as "gifts" and not in connection with a record contract he signed. The sheikh helpfully wrote some songs for the singer to record. [Sun]
• Prince is being sued for $2.5 million for not appropriately promoting a perfume, as promised. [AP]
• Don't worry about Courtney Love's 60 blog posts in one weekend, she's not suicidal, she just had a "depression attack." [ET]
• Madonna's muscled, tightly-drawn skin might look gnarly to you, but it's worth $10 million to Louis Vuitton. [P6]
• Britney Spears sounds like she kinda misses her insane days, a feeling that is itself probably some kind of condition: "There’s no excitement, there’s no passion... It’s just like Groundhog Day every day." [Sun]
• Paris Hilton was all nuzzly with her Greek shipping heir ex-boyfriend in Miami. [R&M]
• Angelina Jolie was all exhausted from shooting her movie, and Brad Pitt looked tired too, so Jolie ended up talking about her dead mother and crying, at a press conference. Everyone was very sad but kept taking pictures The End. [Daily Mail]
• In a total non-publicity-stunt, Forbes named Suri Cruise Most Powerful Tot Under Age Five. That she's immune (at age two) from jokes about how this relates to her Scientology rank only adds to her influence. [Hollyscoop]
• Britain's Daily Mail in retracting a story about David Duchovny supposedly having a six-month affair with his tennis instructor. [People]
• Heather Locklear was formally charged with driving under the influence. Police said she was under the influence of prescription drugs only. [X17]

Katie Holmes shocked onlookers by revealing huge black-and-blue bruises on her legs last night.

The actress smiled at waiting photographers, but her navy shift dress revealed the painful-looking injuries.

Despite the late hour, the wife of actor Tom Cruise accessorised her simple outfit with a pair of oversized designer shades.

Here's a theory: perhaps husband Tom Cruise finally tired of lending Holmes his own jeans. In the knock-down, drag-out fight that ensued for possession of the rolled-up denims, Holmes walked away pantsless, with the wounds to show for it. Lesson learned, Katie: when Tom says, "Take a big step back, and literally FUCK YOUR OWN FACE," he ain't playin'.

[Photo Credit: Splash News]

• Pictured: Katie Holmes reveals shocking black-and-blue bruises on her knees [Daily Mail]

· The Gilded Moose takes us on an architectural tour of Odescalchi, where you can get your first glimpses of the coat-rack-looking topiaries that will come alive during the ceremony, grab the bride, and scuttle her out a back entrance to an idling mothership. [The Gilded Moose]
· Scientology's traditional vows require that the "man" be reminded that the "girl" need "clothes and food and tender happiness and frills, a pan, a comb, perhaps a cat," and that he will be expected to provide them all. (Cue: South Park-style chyron: "THIS IS WHAT SCIENTOLOGISTS ACTUALLY BELIEVE.") [Reuters]
· MSNBC.com has some helpful marriage tips for the couple, but, strangely, "Slip serrated flatware into sock to use later on leather ankle restraints" appears to not have made the list. [MSNBC]
· "But who's going??" we can practically hear you shouting. Patience—we were getting there. In no particular order: Jim Carrey, Jennifer Lopez, Marc Anthony, Jada Pinkett Smith, and J.J. Abrams were among the first wave of guests to already arrive. Expected later, David and Victoria Beckham. (Cause, they're, like, famous too!) Victoria's only stipulation: not to be seated anywhere near Leah Remini or Kirstie Alley. [Reuters][People]
· Lake Bracciano is "the eighth-largest body of fresh water in Italy and the result of an ancient volcano." (Italics ours.) This is starting to make a lot more sense. [CBSNews.com]
· TMZ doesn't think brown shoes and a burgundy tie go with a three-piece, pinstripe grey suit. To which we say: When has a maverick like Tom Cruise ever played by the rules, fashion or otherwise? Prepare for half of Hollywood to show up to work tomorrow wearing garishly mismatched footwear. [TMZ]

Far be it from us to complain about cross-promotion, and we understand that after the Tina Brown era there's no point in pretending that The New Yorker is anything but a magazine of its time, but still, a little part of us died when we saw this e-mail to subscribers of Eustace Tilley's gazette.

Of course we suppose there are worse things out there.

She went on to tell the magazine that she felt little shame about misleading people. "I'm sad I was so injured," she maintained. "All I can say is I am sorry if people are disappointed or offended. If knowing that I'm 15 years older than J.T. devalues the work, then I'm sorry they feel that way."

It's not the age difference that devalues the work. It's knowing that Albert is 15 years older, not a boy, not transgendered, not a recovering heroin addict, not a former teen prostitute, not a heroin addict, not an abused child and not HIV positive that devalues the work. But you can't really explain that to a lobotomy candidate.

And in related bullshit stories that the hungry media readily swallows, Keith Kelly reports in the same column that in order to prevent a leak of the Suri Cruise pictures, Vanity Fair editor-in-chief Graydon Carter hired security guards at "printing plants and distribution points." Which would explain why those guys from Nation of Islam Security were outside Gem Spa on Tuesday night.

Author Who Fooled Times Says She's Misunderstood [NYP]
Earlier: Gawker's Coverage of J.T. Leroy

Earlier: Suri: The Critics React

One of the more interesting criticisms is against Vanity Fair features editor Jane Sarkin, who wrote the piece. James accuses her of complicity with the Cruises. Leaving aside the fact that, you know, no one was expecting a hard-charging expose of Tomkatsur^*, James does have a point. The profile is pretty soft even by puff piece standards. What's the deal? Maybe a recent interview with Jane will shed some light:

Who are a few celebrities you've met?

My favorite is Tom Cruise, because he was really interested in my family and my children. He's making a movie about my brother Jon.

Now we understand why Tom wanted to go to Vanity Fair: He knew what he was going to get out of the gate. Oh, right, and because it's so classy. Definitely the class factor.

A Rich Coat of Gloss on a Trajectory Spiraling Down [NYT]

Vanity Fair Editor Jane Sarkin [TeenInk]

Related: Metamorphosis [Jon Sarkin]

^*Don't worry, we're just trying it out. It probably won't last.

Back Into the Fray [NYT]

You think you've had enough Suri Cruise? We'll tell you when you've had enough Suri Cruise. Until then, you're the Internet's little p t goose getting force-fed Suri cornmeal until we've decided your liver is just succulent enough. Above is this morning's Suriana from the Today show (baby-wig-tip, Cityrag), with Vanity Fair's feetch editor Jane Sarkin glibbing it up with Matt Lauer on the whole photographic extravaganza. Sarkin knows how to bring both the bubbly and the serious, so sit back and watch how the pros do it, Janice Min.

Earlier: Suri: The Photo You Won't See in 'Vanity Fair', More Suri: "This Is Definitely Tom's Child"

Vanity Fair Exclusive: Katie Holmes and Tom Cruise Talk About Baby Suri; 22-Page Family Portfolio by Annie Leibovitz [VF]

Earlier: More Suri: "This Is Definitely Tom's Child", Today on 'Today': There Is a Suri, and She Is in 'Vanity Fair'

A Special Note to Our Readers (and the Vanity Fair PR Department): This is a parody. A parody. The Asian baby photoshopped into this image is not meant to represent the Asian baby shown in the actual image. The baby in this photo is not Tom Cruise's daughter. As far as we know; the dude gets around. Thank you for your wisdom and understanding.

Like so many of you, we ran out first thing this morning to get a copy of the new Vanity Fair; we cannot get enough baby pictures! Above is a taste of what you'll find in the 22-page profile. Also, Katie? Don't oversell.

Vanity Fair Exclusive: Katie Holmes and Tom Cruise Talk About Baby Suri; 22-Page Family Portfolio by Annie Leibovitz [VF]

Earlier: Today on 'Today': There Is a Suri, and She Is in 'Vanity Fair', Again With The Suri Cruise Photos
Subscribe to Vanity Fair!

Earlier: Again With The Suri Cruise Photos, Suri Cruise Picture Revealed At Last

Here's the cover of tomorrow's Vanity Fair. It features the possible offspring of a major movie star. Are you people happy with yourselves? Because, you know, c'mon.

Vanity Fair Exclusive: Katie Holmes and Tom Cruise Talk About Baby Suri; 22-Page Family Portfolio by Annie Leibovitz [VF]