The gentle woman with the rampageous voice, Susan Boyle, has for the first time in her 53 years on this earth, bagged a dude. And with that man comes all the uncertainty of first-time love. As the Britain's Got Talent alum recently said of her new American (nice!) doctor (niiiiice!) friend:

Britain's Got Talent runner-up Susan Boyle has been trying to find her way back to the headlines for some time now. The good news is that she's finally succeeded.

It's pretty much a given that when Susan Boyle performs on live television, she does so while standing completely still amid dim lighting and fake fog in some sort of floor-length "polygamy chic" dress. As a performer, Boyle is usually either truly great or tragically bad. Unfortunately, her rendition of the…

The last time we checked in with Susan Boyle, she was completely choking on The View. But on tonight's America's Got Talent, SuBo returned with a vengeance to debut "You Have To Be There," the first single off her upcoming album—and she was pretty good! Video of the performance is above.

Just when you thought you were immune to the Susan Boyles of the world, along comes Korea's Got Talent's Sung-Bong Choi. With downcast eyes, 22-year-old Choi says he was abandoned at the age of three, then ran away from his orphanage at the age five and lived as a street kid for the next ten years, peddling chewing…

Today, Susan Boyle performed "O Holy Night" on The View. About 30 seconds into the performance, Boyle's voice cracked so badly that she was forced to cut it short, before Sherri Shepherd and Whoopi Goldberg awkwardly danced around the debacle.

Susan Boyle went on Oprah to promote her memoir and got to talking about bullies. She had a Scottish "they were rascals" (hear Craig Ferguson saying that) stance, but Oprah, maniacal as ever, suggested a revenge. Find out what here:

"Mommy is white trash," she allegedly told them. Katie Holmes contemplates bearing more Cruise children. Lou Reed makes Susan Boyle cry. Thursday gossip puts the "fun" in dysfunctional.

It just might happen. Also today: a Three Musketeers movie rounds out its cast, good news for Conchords fans, amazing news for Twilight fans, and gut-busting brain-imploding news for Justin Bieber fans.

Lin Yu Chun—the bowl-cut lad with a spherical body and voice like Whitney Houston's in this viral video—has inked a deal with Sony, and will release an album of songs in Chinese and English, in July. [Popeater]

Oh, look, another Chinese knock-off. (I can say that because I am half of one.) Taiwan's Susan Boyle is a man with a spherical body, bowl cut, and pitch-perfect Whitney Houston impression.

Love takes a Geldof girl under her wing, which can only lead to disaster. Drew Barrymore blames her parents for her problems, and so does Michael Douglas' smack addict kid. Brangelina's new Voight-related headache, Michael Kors' weird bellybutton. TGIFriday gossip.

Nuclear Wintour may be blocking SuBo from Vogue—but her motive would be pure. Rachel Uchitel gets a job, Madonna gets a new beau. Is the "oral surgery" delaying Lil' Wayne's incarceration for his grill? Wednesday gossip cometh.

Who gave Taylor Momsen the grown-up lollipop? A Jersey Shore guido plans his future at Harvard Law. Brittany Murphy's husband sues Warner Brothers for killing her. Charlie Sheen's ex checks into rehab—but why? Thursday's gossip round-up raises questions.

Like Bombs Over Baghdad, Brangelina Breakup insanity continuous through the morning. Andy Dick's non-story sobriety. Johnny Carson: miserable bastard. Michael C. Hall: cunning cancer strategies. Sundance suckage, Susan Boyle rocks, Axl Rose doesn't. Presenting your epic Sunday Morning Gossip Roundup.

L.A. Dodger Matt Kemp squeezed Rihanna. Who's happier, him or the photographer who shot it? Vince Vaughn gets married. Gaga gets a new look. Jeremy Piven has a lobotomy scar? Tuesday gossip has room for argument.

• Did you hear the story that made the rounds yesterday about how Tiger Woods' wife Elin whacked the golf champ in the face with a 9-iron after she discovered text messages from Rachel Uchitel, and the injuries he sustained in the aftermath (a fractured cheekbone, two cracked teeth) forced him to fly to Phoenix to…

Lady Gaga L-O-V-E-S SuBo but worries about the Hairy Angel diluting her brand. Madonna messes up a Malawian orphanage. Sarandon robs the cradle. Mark Wahlberg bitches about his neighbors the Beckhams. Wednesday gossip, fresh 'n' juicy.