The Cynic's Guide to the Oprah Winfrey Network

The Oprah Winfrey Network launched yesterday. New York Times television critic Alessandra Stanley calls it "a place where cynicism takes a holiday and mockery hasn't yet been invented." This will not stand.
Gawker.TV: The Five Best Videos Ever of the Day
Today at Gawker.TV, Suze Orman's a boastful cowgirl at heart, America's Next Top Models know nothing about fashion, New York City's "treegasm," Kate Gosselin's admits she's to blame, and South Park's 200th episode takes on every celebrity they've ever scorned.
Suze Orman's Boots Were Made For Bragging
...and that's just what she'll do! Suze Orman is like a real-life Scrooge McDuck, screeching to save while she obnoxiously cavorts in her heaps of gold. During a segment of Today on New York, Suze explained why she's the best.
Suze Orman: "I Am a Total Lady Gaga Freak"
On her show tonight, Suze Orman entertained a request from a woman who wanted to buy $1,400 headphones. Orman then went on a sweet/hilarious/awesome tangent about her love for Lady Gaga—love that's not reciprocated, apparently. Video inside.
Weir's Conditions for Appearing in Vanity Fair: Must Be in Body Paint, Must be Gaga-esque
Weir explains his creative process. Jessica Simpson cries on Oprah's couch. John Mayer can't get a date. Kristen Stewart and Rob Pattinson grope each other in public. Johnny Depp fears mirrors. Tuesday gossip is the window to celebrity souls.
The Nation Staying Afloat With Yard Sales
In your fading Friday media column: America's most august lefty magazine learns how to makes Ca$h the Ebay way, Ivy League murder obsession explained, Suze Orman may wake you up soon, and some assholes still love Tom Friedman.
Spotted
Jared Leto going for lunch with Moby in SoHo ... Jennifer Hudson leaving her hotel ... Bar Refaeli shopping in SoHo ... Chanel Iman walking in Bryant Park ... Rihanna going to dinner at Philippe with her assistant ... Bill Clinton getting into an SUV after an appearance on the Daily Show ... Suze Orman walking in the…
The Celebrity Auction of the Century
The Robert F. Kennedy Center for Justice & Human Rights is holding a celebrity auction to raise money for the non-profit organization. And they've lined up an impressive collection of items. Any interest in paying a visit to the set of Larry King's show in LA? Not only will you get a chance to make small talk with the…
A Pay Plan For the Times, Trouble at Forbes
• The New York Times is now thinking of charging consumers for access to its web site, although doing so would be "tricky," says Bill Keller. Indeed. [NYT]
• There are some signs of further trouble at Forbes. [NYP]
• Martha Stewart is going to see if she can charge for online videos. [WWD]
• Advertisers are looking to…
The Twitterati Stay Up All Night Cursing Their Honda
Don't take an iPhone to a movie screening, don't Twitter when you should be making coffee, don't buy a 2002 Honda, and don't be Meghan McCain. This and more we learned from Twitter today!
The Twitterati Buy Nick Denton Guacamole in Berkeley
So Meghan McCain, Suze Orman, and Bonnie Fuller walk into a bar ... no, we don't know the punchline either, but we suspect the real joke is that they're all on Twitter. Today's meetest tweets:
The Monday Party Report
Tyra Banks, Suze Orman, Keith Olbermann, and Phil Donahue were among the honorees at the 20th annual GLAAD Media Awards at the Marriott Marquis on Saturday night. A few of the people on hand for the occasion: Jonathan Adler and Simon Doonan (left), Chris Noth, Clay Aiken, T.R. Knight, Tim Gunn, Christian Siriano, …
Slate Badmouths Its Own Suze Orman Takedown
Waitress turned self-appointed wealth expert Suze Orman is a terrible person, according to Slate's Big Money. That's because this evil financial sorceress recommends an investing strategy called "dollar-cost averaging." What?
Sarah Palin Preps for SNL, Orman Cashes In
♦ It's confirmed: Sarah Palin will appear on Saturday Night Live tomorrow. [NYDN]
♦ Yet another tragic consequence of the economic meltdown: Suze Orman is making money off the crisis with big-money endorsement deals. [WSJ]
♦ Playboy is cutting costs. How? With energy-efficient lightbulbs, naturally. [WWD]
♦ The…
Don't Give This Woman A Nickel
Banks Now Just Trying Every Possible Ad
You May Be Suffering From 'Money Disorder'
As part of its plan to pathologize (and profit from treating) every single mode of human behavior, the therapy industry has joined forces with financial advisors to help people with money problems, creating, reports the Times, a new field "where budget planning meets psychological counseling." You don't need to be…
Lohan Takes a Pass, Basso Gets Squeezed
- Lindsay Lohan is turning down a $700,000 offer to pose nude for Playboy, even though she took her top off for New York for free earlier this year. Maybe Hugh should call Dina Lohan? [P6]
- Dennis Basso appears to be having money trouble: The IRS has imposed a $200,000 lien on his apartment at The Beresford. [P6]
- That…
