In a clear act of porcine aggression against our nation's geographers, the dreaded Mexican Pig Flu has struck the National Geographic Society. We have the memo.

The dreaded Mexican Pig Flu will be back. Oh yes. Of that, there is no question. A few months from now, you will wake up to hear daily Swine Flu Reports sandwiched between weather and traffic. Not a joke!

German researchers are now telling us that pigs are at risk of contracting and crazily spreading Swine Flu, which they found out after injecting some pigs with it. And now you can kinda be scared of bacon. [Reuters]

The New York Post reports: 500,000 New Yorkers might have Swine Flu, and not even know it. Is this flavored with any kind of fact whatsoever, or is the Post just really bored with Michael Jackson stories?

You probably think Swine Flu isn't still the stylish pandemic to be a part of. Guess what? Swine Flu still thinks it is! In fact, it's the hot new disease of the summer. So 2009.

Yesterday, Glamour magazine reported that a staffer had contracted swine flu. This afternoon, NBC sent out a memo warning that a couple of employees at 30 Rockefeller Plaza had come down with the flu and while the network didn't indicate if it was of the swine variety, we don't believe company-wide emails usually get…

Stop laughing at swine flu right this instant: the World Health Organization has just declared the first global flu pandemic in 41 years, meaning we're all just one mutation away from devastation:

Are you a resident of New York City? If you answered 'yes,' have you passed away in the last two months? Surely you have. Look to your left. Look to your right. Both of those people have swine flu!

In a move destined to improve US/China relations for years to come, the Chinese have quarantined woefully inept New Orleans Mayor Ray Nagin after a passenger on his flight overseas showed symptoms of the H1N1 virus, popularly known as swine flu.

Commencement ceremonies take place at Harvard tomorrow. And tensions are already running high! It seems attendees are now being advised to avoid hugs and handshakes out of concern for swine flu. [The Awl]

Conde Nast's fanciest magazine is infected with the dreaded Mexican Pig Influenza! Right where Anna Wintour works! Remain calm.

Condé Nast just sent out a memo warning staffers that an employee who works on the 12th floor of 4 Times Square—the floor occupied by Vogue—has swine flu. [NYM/Daily Intel]

Two more New Yorkers with swine flu have died. Why isn't there a fresh round of PANIC? Because it looks like the worst is over. And we're not all dead!

St. David's isn't the only private school in the city closing on account of swine flu. Horace Mann is closing for the rest of the week and will reopen after Memorial Day. Not that any of the kids there actually have the virus. But as anxious, obsessive Horace Mann students will no doubt appreciate, the school just…

Horace Mann, New York's most Gossip Girl-esque private school, is closing due to SWINE FLU fears. If there's one way to revive the city's panic, it's getting private school parents involved! Update: Read the memo.

Swine flu has landed on the Upper East Side. At least that's what health officials are suspecting after St. David's, the private, all-boys school on East 89th Street, reported that 12 percent of the student body had suddenly fallen ill. None of the kids have actually tested positive for the virus yet. But the school…

For the love of God can the Obama White House please assign someone to keep a 24-hour watch on vice-president Joe Biden to insure that he doesn't get out without his muzzle on ever again?!

Mitchell Wiener, the assistant principal at IS 238 in Jamaica Estates, Queens, has died of complications from the H1N1 virus, popularly known as the dreaded swine flu.