Gawker: Tabloids

The Case Against "Crazy Irena Briganti," From Those Who Know Her Best

Hamilton Nolan — Tue, 08 Jul 2008 12:44:22 EDT

"The Irena Briganti that I know is funny, hard-working and always willing to help out a colleague-no matter how busy she is," wrote Fox Television flack Erica Keane yesterday, in response to our "smear" of Briganti, Fox News boss Roger Ailes' PR attack-dog-in-chief. But Keane is in the minority in her assessment of Briganti's charm. Our post on her generated perhaps the biggest outpouring of responses we've had since Bloomberg staffers got the chance to vent about horrid boss Matthew Winkler. There was a wellspring of resentment against the Fox News flack just waiting to come out—and much of it came to us unsolicited. Everyone from journalists to Briganti's fellow News Corp. employees weighed in. "She-devil" is among the more middle-of-the-road descriptions. After the jump, all you'll need to know about Briganti's reputation—and her handful of obligatory defenders:

From an associate of Rupert Murdoch:

Smeared Timesman Tim Arango is a "class act." News Corp. has no animus towards him; in fact, Murdoch likes him. What Fox News did to Arango was "pretty reprehensible."

Some with firsthand experience working alongside Briganti weighed in:

[Even] though Irena is the she-devil, try [her boss] Brian Lewis. Irena is his hatchet woman...Brian trained Irena. She started as his media relations coordinator and after 10 years of hatchet woman work has managed to land the VP position. Either way, their offices are right across eachother and whatever goes on, Brian is right behind it.

I can confirm that she is crazier than a bitch on crack...As you may have noticed, Fox will always— always— use the "disgruntled employee" defense when a former staffer comes out against the company. It's predictable. They work hard to build a trail of disgruntlement...
[For a good example of an ex-Fox New PR staffer being slammed, look up what happened to former Fox News publicist Paul Schur after he left the network—he paid the price for speaking out, rightfully or not]

More on the Ailes- Briganti quote pipeline:

many, most or all of the witty zingers that pour out of the Fox News disinformation operation come from Roger himself. Look at all the zingers over the years: they're all stylistically of a piece, whether Brian gave them before his promotion, whether they come from Irina, or anybody else over there permitted to speak with outsiders. No coincidence. They're all Ailesisms, right from his mouth. The "PR" team doesn't free lance. They follow directives.

Members of the media who have experienced the trademark Briganti charm:

Let me give you some information about that cunt. She would give us a few tips. If you didn't you use the story, she'd call up and yell. Why the fuck didn't you use the story? She badmouthed Keith Kelly to everyone. Called him decrepit, an asshole. Why? She's disturbingly insane, out of whack. I can't be attached to this in any shape or form. Or she'll get me.

she has this really offputtingly sweet little-girl voice. from hearing it alone, I'd think she'd be a cute, petite sorority-looking girl of about 23...I haven't heard her really lose her cool. that's part of her style — her way is more to act exasperated with you, like "I could care less about you and your stupid blog, but just so you know, if you write that story, everyone's going to see what a dipshit you are."

We deal with many many publicists as you can imagine, and her behavior still stands out as one of the absolute craziest...her name is always preceded by crazy as in it's "crazy irena briganti" again.

From a prominent business journalist:

[You're] completely right about irena thing at fox. mad, hostile, aggressive, always tries to go above the heads of reporters etc. an unexplored angle is how much the news corp people such as gary ginsberg hate her too. but because she comes under roger ailes she is inviolable

We also heard that Fox News had its own vendetta against a New York tabloid: "Apparently [Briganti] and/or brian lewis froze out the Daily News for like three years. wouldn't return a call from anyone there." A source at the Daily News confirms it:

Yes, we were on their shit list for a while. Not certain of the details. But I remember they basically wouldn't send us any of their "scoops" to hype, not that we did a lot of that to begin with.

I've had some run ins with them in the past. Bill O'Reilly's flak tried to make my life hell because I did something dastardly like refer to him as a "conservative." Apparently he prefers to be known as an "independent."

Even juicier, though, we hear that the Daily News is not the only tabloid Briganti has gone up against. One would think that the New York Post would have a News Corp-mandated friendship with Fox News, but it's not necessarily so. Earlier this year, the Post ran a small item about Bill O'Reilly's cameras ambushing Rosie O'Donnell at a book signing event. When the piece ran, the whole room overheard Briganti making call after call to Post gossip writers and editors, "screaming" about the negative O'Reilly coverage and demanding that someone be fired (no one was). So Briganti's bad reputation now extends even into the corridor's of the single friendliest newspaper in America towards Fox News.

THE BRIGANTI DEFENDERS:

I was Brian Lewis' assistant in the Fox News Media Relations department for a full year. While I was there I witnessed an aggressive, exciting, and successful public relations strategy that kept Fox News on top despite all of its crises, "talent," and attacks. Throughout my time there, my direct supervisors were Brian, Irena, and Erica. Since all of this has dealt mainly with Irena, I will simply say that she is by far one of the best bosses I have ever had. Not only is Irena great at what she does (and who doesn't want their boss to be competent?) but she is efficient, smart, and funny.

I went to Columbia with Irena Briganti (MS in Strategic Communications). I did at least one class project with her and always found her to be polite, professional and with none of the snarkiness you attribute to her. I am guessing she is just reflecting the wishes of her bosses and is doing it exceptionally well. Good for her.

You Don't Understand PR
An ad-hominem attack against anyone* who truthfully reports bad things about you is never inappropriate nor unprofessional.
* beat that accidental alliteration, bitch**
** like, in the nice way of saying "bitch"
Fox News Rocks!!!

Opie's $10 Million Page Six Suit: The Source Denies All

Hamilton Nolan — Fri, 27 Jun 2008 09:33:36 EDT

Chaunce Hayden (pictured: his back tat), the editor of marginal gossip rag Steppin' Out, was named in a $10 million lawsuit yesterday for being the source who provided Page Six with a false item about a sex tape featuring Bam Margera and the fiancee of radio shock jock Opie. The Post already tried to pin all the blame for the mistake on Hayden (which is rather ungallant, whether accurate or not). And Page Six editor Richard Johnson even told Hayden he would never use another item from him again. But Chaunce has his own story, which can be summed up as: I just said this was a rumored sex tape, jerks. And I didn't start the rumor. It was some dude named, uh... Ben!:

Chaunce's full statement:

Statement from Chaunce Hayden: Neither myself or any other employee of Steppin' Out magazine, published anything at anytime to suggest that [Opie's fiancee] Ms. Smigo was involved in a sex tape. In fact, I went as far as to print that Ms. Smigo was not involved in a sex tape despite what Page Six of the New York Post suggested. When contacted by Bill Hoffmann of the New York Post, prior to their story about a sex tape involving Ms. Smigo and Bam Margera, I was asked if I thought the story was indeed true. I told Mr. Hoffman that I never saw a tape and that this is a rumor that has been on the internet for two years and that a former employee of the Opie and Anthony Show is claiming the story to be true. I told Mr. Hoffman that I was waiting for an answer from either Mr. Hughes or Mr. Margera to confirm or deny the story and I would wait until I saw a tape before filing my story. The next day Page Six published the item, despite my denial of a sex tape. In fact, I personally advised Mr. Hoffmann not to print anything until he saw the tape. Mr. Hoffman asked for 48 hours to "work" the story after I suggested he hold off until he saw the tape as well.

Yea Chaunce, you should probably get a lawyer, though. And here's a transcript sent by Hayden, in which he helpfully inserted the name of the real culprit in all this:

Transcript: Opie commenting on his XM radio show about the alleged sex tape between Bam Margera and his fiancée Lynsi Smigo. Opie confirms how long the story has been public and where the story originated: This is a false rumor. It's a lie that was started a year and a half ago by someone and we all know his name (Ben). Fucking Chaunce was the one who fed this story to Page Six and made them believe that this story could be possibly true. This guy [Ben] is a complete asshole. I'm now up to 20 names of people I know that (Ben) told this rumor to behind my back. He's been trying to get this rumor out there and trying to get as many to believe this. He got message boards to believe it. He's got people saying, "Let's try to find the fucking tape!" This whole thing started one and a half years ago! Everyone knows who started this. I'm not allowed to say his name on the radio right now. He would text me non-stop around the clock. I wouldn't budge. I finally wrote back, "Wow you are damaged. You need help." Then he wrote back, "Lynsi...Sex tape. Do I have your attention now?" I thought who is ever going to believe it. Now this motherfucker [Chaunce] gets Page Six to believe this and now I'm in hell.

Opie's Fiancee Sues Post, Richard Johnson For Millions

Hamilton Nolan — Thu, 26 Jun 2008 15:09:53 EDT

Remember when Page Six published a story in April about a purported sex tape featuring Bam Margera and the fiancee of radio shock jock Opie? And Opie immediately denied it, and then the Post admitted it probably wasn't true, and blamed it on a bad source? Well Opie is not the type to let them off that easy—his fiancee has filed a $10 million lawsuit against the Post, Page Six editor Richard Johnson, and the source, Steppin' Out editor Chaunce Hayden. It's a bottom-of-the-barrel multimillion-dollar legal slapfight! Highlights of the lawsuit:

Page Six does the nasty:

The story spreads:

It's not true!:

Also, lies are hurtful:

[via The Smoking Gun]

Lance Armstrong's Awesome Sex Life is Messing Up His Hero Status

ian spiegelman — Sat, 21 Jun 2008 12:10:16 EDT

He beat cancer and won that phony Tour de France thing seven times, but Lance Armstrong's insatiable appetite for blondes of every shade from dirty to platinum is totally overshadowing all of his causes. "BOTH Lances were in town last week.The first, Lance Armstrong the bicycle champion and anticancer campaigner, was making television appearances to promote a new Web venture, livestrong.com, devoted to healthy living [...] But there was also plenty of publicity unauthorized by Mr. Armstrong, including three days of coverage in The New York Post, a string of articles on Us Magazine’s Web site and an article in Life & Style entitled 'How Lance Stole Kate From Owen,' all chronicling Mr. Armstrong’s relationship with the actress and tabloid darling Kate Hudson. This is the second Lance, the one people.com called a 'notorious Texas playboy.'”

Friends confirmed reports that Mr. Armstrong and Ms. Hudson had kindled their relationship in the Bahamas in May, after she broke up with the actor Owen Wilson. Last week, the couple spent Father’s Day in Brooklyn, attended an Iron Maiden concert at Madison Square Garden and stopped in at her West Village town house. “Kate’s date,” The Post called Mr. Armstrong in a headline, reducing the seven-time Tour de France champion to the role of a star’s suitor.

“I don’t have the bike anymore,” he says in a video on the Web site of the Lance Armstrong Foundation, which was founded in 1997 to empower people affected by cancer, a nonprofit related to the new, commercial livestrong.com. “This is the new fight. This is what I live for.”

But increasingly, it is not what he is becoming known for. Ask Larry Wallach what is the first thing that pops to mind when he hears Mr. Armstrong’s name, and Mr. Wallach, a salesman at Sid’s Bikes on West 19th Street in Manhattan, replies, “How he spent Father’s Day with his new girlfriend.”

Ask others in the shop, or read the comments on the Web under news items about Mr. Armstrong. Many people seem to mention his two-year relationship with the singer Sheryl Crow, his romance with the fashion designer Tory Burch and his canoodling last year in a New York nightclub with Ashley Olsen, rather than his serious pursuits.

“This guy has had more woman on his lap than a napkin,” wrote a typical commenter on ABC News’s Web site under a story entitled “Kate Hudson hops on the Tour de Lance.” “He is a serial dater and I’ve lost respect for him.”

Those glamorous high-profile women can be a lot of weight to carry around. Some experts in philanthropy say Mr. Armstrong risks detracting from his heroic image, and damaging his effectiveness as an anticancer advocate.

“He should be concerned about the impact of how he dates on the seriousness of his legacy,” said Claire L. Gaudiani, a professor of philanthropy and fund-raising at New York University, who has followed Mr. Armstrong’s work and his image. “He’s got a great role to play, but it doesn’t have to be in bars or on red carpets with lovely young people. That will ruin his capacity to do the work he has said is important to him.” [NYT]

But isn't bedding an Olsen twin a cause in itself?

The Tabloid Class of 2010

Richard — Wed, 18 Jun 2008 13:30:00 EDT

Celebrity gossip. Some of us love it, some of us hate it. Most of us, though, sort of love to pretend to hate it but secretly love it. Though, admit it, lately it's been a bit staid. Everything now just seems a bit tired (or, you know, British). So is celebrity gossip really dead? For our sake, we hope not. And, really, we don't think it is. We're just in a time of change, the old guard is leaving and a new, squeaky foaming-at-the-mouth group of celebutantes is entering. People are so very tired of Britney, she does nothing but ride tiny cars these days, and Lindsay Lohan seems actually (shriek!) sorta cleaned-up and is working. So let's get on with the new ones. But who will they be? Well, as is (sigh) clearly evident, young starlets will get the brunt of gossip's harsh glare, but there will be some men, too. Find our picks for 16 of America's next top freak idols after the jump.

1. Miley Cyrus
Why She Will Be: Remember when Cyrus (perhaps better known as Disney Channel phenom Hannah Montana) posed! practically naked! for Vanity Fair? She was just fifteen years old. If that's not an auspicious beginning to a decade spent in the celebrity trenches, I just don't know what is. Also, throw in Billy Ray, her just slightly creepy overbearing papa and that's a strong soup.
Why She Won't: This new generation of Kids 2.0 might be so inured to the popwrecks of Lohan and Spears that they know what pitfalls to avoid. Perhaps Cyrus will deftly navigate her years spent not a girl and not yet a woman and will emerge — hoarse voice, rosy complexion, sunny disposition intact — just fine. Consider that a hopeful prayer, Miley.

2. Dakota Fanning
Why She Will Be: Because everyone, strange perversions or not, likes to see a child star awkwardly stumble into adulthood. Fanning, star of such films as I Am Sam and War of the Worlds, has been on our national radar since she was a wee one. And now, as she enters teendom, our prurient ears and eyes will perk up, waiting salaciously for the first sexual bumble, that first tentative alcohol-fueled evening made just a bit too public. And we will eat it up. Plus, expect some "look at me!" grownup movies. It may have already started with last year's Hounddog, for which a then-12-year-old Fanning filmed a graphic rape scene.
Why She Won't: So far Fanning has seemed to possess almost otherworldly intelligence and maturity. Maybe she'll go the Jodie Foster route, disappearing for a bit to experience regular life, then reemerging as a serious, adult actress to be reckoned with. And maybe also a lesbian.

3. Jamie Lynn Spears
Why She Will Be: Oh hell, she's already there. Preggers at sixteen, photographed repeatedly driving around in a strange gocart with her dopey boyfriend, spotted outside silly chain restaurants in Mississippi. She's already a Britney redux and she's still so young. Once she pops out her first bastard child, expect either another pregnancy, a glorious flameout effort to get her career back on track, or both.
Why She Won't: An early death could slow her down. But, more likely, general Spears fatigue will carry over to the littlest dumpling, and Jamie Lynn will just fade into bayou obscurity, Spanish moss shrouding the Spears clan forever. Well, until her mama Lynn storms the gates of LSU and begins hurling wine coolers from the clocktower in a last ditch bid for attention.

4. Zac Efron
Why He Will Be: Because everyone loves a good heartthrob, especially one who acts, sings, and dances. Don't believe me? Just look at ol' Justin Timberlake. The High School Musical star is lined up to star in some major features in the next couple years, meaning he's only a couple nights of too-hard partying, several gorgeous celebrity girlfriends, and a few harmless gay rumors away from being a Justin-sized Us magazine cover cash cow.
Why He Won't: For every JT out there, there are a thousand Ashley Parker Angels, Nick Carters, and Lance Basses. Yeah, they've all had some exposure, but nothing legendary. If he's lucky, Efron will work until his mid twenties, then retire to Northern California with his roommate Barry, where he'll sculpt and direct the musicals at the high school.

5. Miranda Cosgrove
Why She Will Be: Starring on both Drake & Josh and iCarly, the Nickelodeon workhorse is being groomed for big things. Though popular with tweens, we don't know much about her personal life, just that she seems to be truly focused on making it in the biz. Meaning she's a simmering party girl just waiting to bust out. She'll tromp down red carpets, swill champagne, and bed hop with the best of them.
Why She Won't: Who the hell is Miranda Cosgrove? What the hell is an iCarly?

6. The Gossip Girl Kids
Why They Will Be: They're young, pretty, buzzed-about, and on a hip (if little-watched) teen soap. Sure that only carried the OC moppets a short distance, but the GG kids could outlast them, we think. They seem a little more dangerous, a little more edgy and exposed. Maybe it's the New York factor, maybe it's that some of them are already popping up in tabs because they're dating, or maybe it's that we're pathetically obsessed with some of their sexualities. Whatever the reason, they just seem to have a certain something that makes us think at least one of them will be big.
Why They Won't: They'll need to do more than be on a low-rated CW show. The 90210 kids of old never really parlayed their crazy buzz into anything substantial, tabloid or otherwise. Once the show is canceled (mid-season next year, we predict), they'll probably just wander down Lexington, make a left somewhere, and disappear forever.

7. Shia LaBeouf
Why He Will Be: Yes he's irritating and over-hyped, but that hasn't necessarily stopped anyone in the past. The young actor has the same rakishness and noble devotion to his craft that makes George Clooney such an irresistible public figure. He probably won't be smeared across tabloid headlines for threatening cops or burying himself in mountains of blow, but his dating life will soon be on constant public display, we suspect.
Why He Won't: He's irritating and over-hyped. People will grow tired of his shtick. He won't settle comfortably into his looks as he ages. An early cocaine problem will derail him before he can first become hugely famous and then develop a coke problem, when it won't matter. Any or all of the above could prove to be true.

8. Emma Stone
Why She Will Be: Maybe it's the Lohan-esque red hair. The Superbad actress, who's going to be in a comedy called The House Bunny this summer, just seems a bit roguish. A bit dangerous. This is just a weird hunch.
Why She Won't: With only one movie under her belt, she's pretty untested as a person of interest. Plus she seems smart, which could mean that she'll avoid all the youthful Hollywood nonsense. But then again, that red hair...

9. The Jonas Brothers
Why They Will Be: The tight pants. The floppy hair. The foppish hats. The virginity-promising rings. The gooey lyrics. The legion of girly fans. This tweeny bop band (and stars of the upcoming Disney Channel movie Camp Rock, with Miranda Cosgrove! Excited??!) are just too good a set-up. This precarious house of cards must fall, and it must fall in a big (and hopefully gay) way.
Why They Won't: Tight pants. Floppy hair. Virginity. Gooey lyrics. Legion of girly fans. Sounds just like 90's teen boy rock band Hanson, right? And where the hell are those Christian-nut brothers these days? All are living happily-married peaceful lives, with adorable babies biting at their ankles while they record well-reviewed albums together. The Jonas Brothers, who started off as a Christian rock band, could meet the same pleasant fate. Plus, if they were to fall, it would probably be in one glorious catastrophe. Their denouement probably wouldn't last long enough to endure a massive tabloid barnstorm.

10. Shenae Grimes
Why She Will Be: Already big with the young ones because of her "work" on popular Canadian teen melodrama Degrassi: The Next Generation, Grimes is poised to get even bigger when the new 90210 reboot premieres this fall. Grimes is attractive, not too Candian-style "aboot"-y, and has shown a willingness to bare more than her emotions on Degrassi.
Why She Won't: The new 90210 could be a terrific failure. Plus her name is Shenae Grimes.

11. Vanessa Hudgens and Ashley Tisdale
Why They Will Be: The third High School Musical movie, in which they both star, is going to play in actual fucking movie theaters. Hudgens already had a nude photo scandal involving boyfriend Zac Efron, and Tisdale seems to thoroughly enjoy paparazzi-baiting and flitting down red carpets. Again we have a set of mostly-virginal actresses poised to sully their reputations, over and over and over again.
Why They Won't: The HSM craze could fade. Their popularity might not be as big as Disney would like you to believe. They'll both need to do a couple of saucier, more risque projects before they can expect to be mercilessly hounded by crazed photographers.

12. Katherine Heigl
Why She Will Be: Well, she may already be there. She's photographed constantly, but it's usually tame shots of her having dinner with her husband or at some event. With her newly acquired bitch status, could we be on the verge of some sort of Joan Crawfordian meltdown? Imagine the paparazzi photos of Heigl, bedraggled with curlers in her hair and a cigarette dangling from her lip, chasing people down the street in her housecoat.
Why She Won't: She could get her bad attitude in check and right herself on the course to major movie stardom. Sure she'll still be in the tabloids, but it'll be for more pleasant things like "Who Wore it Best" and photos of charity events.

13. Michael Jackson
Why He Will Be: While there may be no second acts for most American lives, the ridiculously troubled singer/dancer/child romancer Jackson has had fourth, fifth and sixth acts in the past dizzying two decades. He's been laying low for a while, which could possibly be setting the stage for the (gulp) final act.
Why He Won't: Isn't he broke and living in Dubai somewhere? What could he possibly do to get back in the public eye? Oh, actually get convicted on a molestation charge and be sent prison? Oh, OK.

14. Samantha Ronson
Why She Will Be: The lesbian DJ and probable lover of Lindsay Lohan, could launch her own sort of spin-off. Could Us Weekly and co. be ready to give her her own sort of spin-off, once she inevitably parts ways with Lohan? A druggy, be-hatted lesbian trots around Hollywood, outing starlets. Sounds like a good story to us.
Why She Won't: The Lohan factor is probably all she's got going for her in the famous department. Once that does end, it's more likely that she'll just retreat back to being a small celebrity on the club circuit.

15. Elle Fanning
Why She Will Be: The 12-year-old sister of our no. 2 Dakota, Elle could follow in the footsteps of addled siblings like Jamie Lynn or Paris's brother, Barron Hilton. It could also be interesting to watch her rocket past her sister in fame and success, only to lose it all when all the attendant problems of sibling rivalry and problematic family dynamics come racing to catch up with her.
Why She Won't: Perhaps Dakota will, in fact, supernova and Elle will run screaming in the other direction. Or maybe the successfully Jodie Foster-like version of Dakota will shield her little sis from all the slings and arrows. (Plus it's awful to predict a miserable fate for a 12-year-old. You should be ashamed of yourself, Richard.)

16. The Vengeful Ghost of Anna Nicole Smith
Why It Will Be: Hey, it could happen!
Why It Won't: No, no it could not.

Oscar De La Hoya: Not A Cross Dresser After All

Hamilton Nolan — Tue, 10 Jun 2008 15:25:26 EDT

Remember those pictures of boxing champ Oscar de la Hoya wearing fishnets and stilettos that surfaced last fall? And he said that they were fakes, but everybody was like "Ha, yea, right. Of course you say that, trannie boy." Well, turns out they were really fake! I'll be darned. Oscar's reputation will never fully recover, but it must be said: this was great Photoshop work:

The general reaction to the boxer's initial denials were roughly the same as the reaction to R. Kelly's legal team's theory that it wasn't really him in the sex video: quiet scoffing. In reality, experts concluded after much examination that they were faked by a stripper trying to blackmail him. So, on behalf of the media, we (as ridiculous as that sounds) have to apologize to him. Sorry!

And while many people have laughed off the incident as free publicity for Oscar, the truth is that things like this never really go away. Many more people will have heard about the initial photo scandal than will hear about its debunking. It will now make its way to Snopes.com, along with all the other persistent urban legends that get passed down despite the fact that they're false. Never forget:

Paul Newman's Illness

Nick Denton — Tue, 10 Jun 2008 09:54:21 EDT

Even for a supermarket tabloid, The Globe has a reputation for inaccuracy. But that doesn't mean every item in the gossip rag is wrong. In news that other shinier papers won't touch—like depressing celebrity decrepitude—The Globe has carved out something of a niche. Its story about actor Paul Newman's lung cancer has spread to the UK's Daily Star and now one of the Los Angeles Times blogs—not that replication of a lightly sourced item represents conclusive proof. [Defamer]

Liz Smith Thinks Col Allan Is 'Absolute Total Shit!'

Hamilton Nolan — Mon, 09 Jun 2008 13:17:22 EDT

On the safe-for-women news site WowoWow today, octogenarian Post gossip queen Liz Smith weighs in with her opinion of bosses: "My boss is an absolute total shit!" Goodness, Liz! "As I have a lot of bosses in this world just as newspaper, magazine-writing, TV-appearing, Internet-contributing souls all have, I will not identify just which particular boss this is," she adds. But of course, we know exactly who she's talking about.

It's known around the Post newsroom that Liz Smith despises Col Allan, the tabloid's grumpy, pugnacious Aussie editor. It was he who cut Smith's column down to [UPDATE: three] times a week, and she didn't appreciate it. Now, when forgetful people call her up to ask why she's not published more often, her response is, "CALL RUPERT." So she likely thinks Rupert Murdoch isn't a great boss, either!

It's widely assumed that Smith will leave the Post altogether when her contract comes up for renewal. That could put her at WowoWow full time, in which case: yikes.

[WowoWow]

UPDATE: A note from Liz Smith:

Thanks for today's ink re a boss of mine being a shit, but please note—my column in the Post runs three days, not two. All good wishes—-as many as you wish me, anyway. Liz Smith

Hit-And-Run Apathy Video Proves People Are Bad

Hamilton Nolan — Fri, 06 Jun 2008 09:27:14 EDT

Have you always suspected that people are fundamentally selfish, apathetic, and cold-hearted? You're right! It's proven by this video of a hit-and-run accident in Hartford, Connecticut. A 78-year-old man is struck by a car—quite an inconvenience for his fellow pedestrians and busy motorists, who all gawk openly but keep on moving. Several people reportedly called 911, but nobody bothered to, you know, go check on the guy sprawled out in the street (who's now paralyzed). Even New York's not this blasé. The video, after the jump.

[via NYP]

Fame-Seeking 'Assassination Artist' Succeeds In Making Power Structure Look Ridiculous

Hamilton Nolan — Thu, 05 Jun 2008 11:17:48 EDT

As predicted, Yazmany Arboleda—the publicity-seeking artist hastily shut down by the Secret Service yesterday for his exhibit about the "Assassination" of Barack and Hillary—made a clean sweep of the New York media. He is truly a master of his craft. The stories run the gamut, from the Post's throwaway one-off to the Sun's cautious warning that this whole art project might be a big hoax. And let's hope it is; it would be worthwhile comeuppance for the equally publicity-seeking New York Police Commissioner, who really should have had better things to be concerned about yesterday:

Arboleda was questioned for an hour and publicly denounced by Police Commissioner Raymond Kelly before he was released. He was not charged with a crime. "It's my right as an artist to have that sign up," the defiant 27-year-old artist said after he was sprung...
Kelly called Arboleda's inflammatory art "totally inappropriate."

"This is all under investigation," Kelly said. "Obviously it could be interpreted as advocating harm. Our lawyers are researching it to determine if there are any violations of law."

Other things Kelly could have spent his time on yesterday: the big Mafia bust, the guy who died in the Bronx heroin raid, or the deputy NYPD chief who just got hit with illegal steroid charges.

Or, you know, pretend art.

[NYDN; pic via NYP]

Tatum's Rehabilitation! (And How to Make It Work For You)

Pareene — Tue, 03 Jun 2008 10:35:31 EDT

The New York Post is tough on crime. Especially celebrity crime. They take gleeful pleasure (as we all do!) in cataloging the excesses and trashy doings of the drug-addicted and famous. Yesterday's breathless report on the arrest of poor former child star Tatum O'Neal went into embarrassing detail of her arrest for purchasing crack cocaine ("I'm researching a part," a "source" told the Post). But today's front page? And accompanying exclusive report from brittle columnist Andrea Peyser? A sympathetic tale of a troubled woman just doing her best to stay clean. The lead: "TATUM is saved!" Who the hell is O'Neal's publicist, Obi-Wan Kenobi? (Or, uh, Howard Rubenstein?) Drug-addicted celebrities! You may wonder how to garner such friendly treatment in the Post after your next drug deal gone bad! We have some suggestions:

1. Suck up to Peyser! Andrea Peyser is here to cast judgment on humanity. And generally, she does not like what she sees. As a hateful, finger-wagging moralist, her usual weapon is outraged hyperbole, especially against celebrities, and especially especially against lady celebrities. But, you know, if you give her an exclusive, and play desperately, shamefully apologetic, you might get a little sympathy! Especially if you compliment Peyser's columns viciously attacking a different terrible woman:

She called me to explain herself. Also, because she liked my columns slamming another discarded wife, Dina Matos McGreevey.

"If I were an acting coach, I'd tell her not to make faces!" she said of Dina. "Don't look mad or petulant. She looks like a 12-year-old."

2. Suck up to the NYPD! The cops? Heroes. Always. They do no wrong! Also, they are fantastic sources, if you're a tabloid. O'Neal is not only not mad at the cops for arresting her, she is grateful at the favor they did her!

"Just when I was about to change that and wreck my life, the cops came and saved me!" Tatum crowed.

"I was saved by the bell, by the guys in the Seventh Precinct."

3. Avoid the Sob Story Everyone's got one, and they rarely get you very far. So be careful when employing this one. Best to put on a cheerful, "there but for the grace of God" tone, say you're getting your life back on track, admit you've made mistakes, and leave it to Peyser to spin your tale of woe in her inimitable style. O'Neal focuses on the positive—her career is picking back up! Her boyfriend is a saint!—while Peyser reminds us of her lifetime of abuse and addiction. (Though O'Neal does point out that she lost her beloved dog, which is the sort of relatable sob story that does work. Poor puppy.)

(And if all else fails, hire Post flack Howard Rubenstein.)

Tatum to Cops: Thanks! [NYP]

Tatum O'Neal: Surprisingly Bad At Buying Drugs

Hamilton Nolan — Mon, 02 Jun 2008 10:20:42 EDT

Tatum O'Neal, the child actress who won an Oscar at age 10 and then got heavily into drugs, booze, and self-destruction, was arrested last night for trying to buy coke not far from her Lower East Side apartment. Her situation is sad—she's struggled with serious addiction for a long time, but has reportedly been clean for two years. The second thing to be said, though, is: A veteran wealthy druggie was "spotted handing money to a street dealer," seriously? That method is far too gauche for the sophisticated cokehead.

O'Neal got busted by narcotics cops on Clinton Street between Grand and East Broadway—hardly a bad neighborhood. The cops just happened to be doing a drug sweep, and she got swept. Terrible timing.

This is why people have connections, call their dealers, and have their drugs delivered to them safely. And for celebrities who are veteran coke champs, one would expect a ton of numbers on speed dial precisely to avoid the need to trot around the streets at 7:30 p.m. in search of crack.

Our theory: she really was committed to getting sober, and had thrown out all of her drug dealers' numbers. In fact, this could all be a blessing in disguise for her; she told cops, "Today was the first time I was relapsing, but you guys saved me!" Sweet!

Then she tried to say she was researching a part, and begged to be let off. That one didn't go over as well.

Even assuming that she was going to buy drugs no matter what, the actress made two serious mistakes that you can learn from. The first was buying crack in the first place. In New York, the Rockefeller drug laws set harsh mandatory minimum sentences for possession of just five grams of crack—a standard that used to be 100 times lower than that of powder cocaine, though the disparity has been closed somewhat. Still: legally speaking, you are always safer buying powder in New York.

Second, she should never have engaged the police in the lying conversation that she did. She was caught up in a sweep; they weren't going to let her go no matter what. Saying "Do you know who I am?" and "I'm researching a part" is simply foolish, because together they're an acknowledgment that she did, in fact, buy drugs. Better to say nothing and let your lawyer sort it out later. Scientific studies show that cops can't even identify intoxicated people accurately, never mind spying contraband from across the street; deny, deny, deny. Legally speaking.

In any case, those of you who are happy and well-adjusted drug users would presumably not be so stupid as to put yourself in a position to be arrested on Clinton St. in broad daylight. Those of you with serious problems would, which is all for the better. And Tatum O'Neal was prevented from returning to crack smoking, which is certainly worth a night in jail. It's a happy story, really!

Of course, the NYPD was supposed to have nipped this whole problem in the bud a century ago, according to this NYT story from 1908:

Inside The Mind Of A Spinning Class Dude

Hamilton Nolan — Thu, 29 May 2008 13:16:54 EDT

Last year, tabloids were abuzz with the story of a spinning class gone bad on the Upper East Side. One man was assaulted by another man, right in the middle of class. To be fair, the man who was assaulted—48-year-old Stuart Sugarman—is the type of guy who likes to shout out "you go girl!" and "great song!" during spinning class. A fellow spinner, irate at Stuart's unceasing exclamations, grabbed his bike and slammed him against the wall. Now the case has finally come to trial, and Sugarman took the stand yesterday, resulting in what is perhaps the finest exercise-related legal news story of the year:

For Stuart Sugarman, 48, any amount of noise goes. From the witness stand in Manhattan Criminal Court yesterday, Mr. Sugarman told a jury about grunting during a good workout and releasing exclamations of "you go girl," and "great song."
"Are you psyched?" an assistant district attorney, Brigid Harrington, asked Mr. Sugarman, in an effort to explore his mind-set during spinning class.

"I am," Mr. Sugarman said.

And what did his psycheness get him? Humiliation.

Mr. Sugarman said he hit the wall behind him hard when Mr. Carter lifted up his bike. Although he continued to pedal throughout the remaining half-hour of the class, Mr. Sugarman said his body grew numb.
"I was in shock," Mr. Sugarman said. "I was in searing pain but I didn't know what to do."

He continued a little later: "The class is mostly women and it's pretty embarrassing for a guy who is athletic to have this happen to him."

[NYS; pic via Peter Krogh]

[Confidential to both guys: stop all the spinning and take a look at this.]

Former Air America Radio Exec Arrested; Network Just Happy To Get Its Name In The Paper

Hamilton Nolan — Thu, 29 May 2008 10:54:59 EDT

Air America Radio, the liberal talk radio network that has come to dominate the radio dial and our country's political media at large (you can't go anywhere these days without hearing about the latest Rachel Maddow show) is back in the news. This time, for fraud! The network's fugitive former director, Evan Montvel-Cohen, was arrested in Guam yesterday on money-laundering charges unrelated to Air America. But boy, they should really consider rehiring him for his fundraising skills alone:

"We at DOI are not surprised to hear that Mr. Montvel-Cohen was arrested on theft and money-laundering charges," said Rose Gill Hearn, commissioner of the city's Department of Investigation, which probed the looting of the Gloria Wise Boys & Girls Club in Co-op City.

It was Montvel-Cohen who, as development director for Gloria Wise, convinced other club officials in 2003 and 2004 to give $875,000 of taxpayer money to the radio network where he was a top executive and co-founder.

He also received loans from the club of more than $45,000 that were never repaid.

With moneymaking talent like that, he could be a Republican!

But seriously, Air America was quite a terribly run business.

[NYP/ NYS]

Surfer's Dreaminess Is Biggest News In New York

Hamilton Nolan — Fri, 23 May 2008 09:55:32 EDT

Sultry beach hero hottie set to save journalism! [NYDN]

Stabby Hack Hacks Back For Gory Tab Story

Hamilton Nolan — Thu, 22 May 2008 12:07:21 EDT

Daily News reporter Caitlin Millat went crazy yesterday. Crazy for journalism, that is! "I stabbed an innocent victim, got shot by a police officer, and suffered a severe asthma attack on Wednesday in Brooklyn," she writes, "all in a day's work for the Daily News." She now languishes in an isolation cell on Riker's Island. No, just kidding! She was just playing the role of a crazy person to help out with the city's annual EMT competition. Don't scare us like that, Caitlin! As an added bonus for all of us curious readers, she was able to turn her unique first-person experience into a story in today's paper. Synergetic! There's also a video. Near the end is when she stabs a guy. [NYDN]

Richard Johnson Won't Let Source Burn Him Twice

Hamilton Nolan — Wed, 21 May 2008 12:56:53 EDT

Last month, Page Six ran an item about a sex tape featuring Bam Margera Bam-ing the fiancee of radio shock jock Opie. Opie said the whole thing was false, and offered $100,000 to anyone who could produce the tape. A couple of weeks later the Post ran a retraction of the item—but laid the blame at the feet of Steppin' Out editor Chaunce Hayden, who they said gave them the bad info in the first place. Well Chaunce Hayden, unrepentant media whore, wouldn't let such a thing pass without turning it into a feud! And he helpfully forwarded on the snippy emails between himself and Page Six boss Richard Johnson. Watch out for flying spittle!

When Chaunce Hayden sent out an email blast this week, he got this back:

From Richard Johnson to Chaunce Hayden: We're not using stuff from you at this time, or possibly ever again. My boss was furious we had to run a correction. It is an embarrassment to the entire newspaper. Don't you get it? Don't waste your time sending us items. We're not going to use them.

OH YEA?

From Chaunce Hayden to Richard Johnson: Well Richard... it wasn't that much of an embarrassment for you. After all, you took the cowards way out and blamed me for your bad reporting. I told Bill I never saw the tape and that I was told about the tape from an ex employee of the O&A show. But you didn't have the guts to take the hit for it. You should know I got several emails from your co-workers who thought what you did was a disgrace. But I'm sure you already know that.
How hypocritical of you to take hundreds of items from me for nearly 20 years and one goes sour and you throw me under the bus. What kind of person are you? You should be ashamed.
But again... I'm sure you already know that.

[pictured: Chaunce's hardcore tat]

Ted Kennedy: The Tabloids Respond

Pareene — Wed, 21 May 2008 11:31:44 EDT

Massachusetts Senator Ted Kennedy was diagnosed with a malignant brain tumor. He is, more or less, dying. So we can rely on our own New York Post to relay that fact as efficiently as possible. They do, of course, call him a "brave icon," but there's really not a lot of love lost between the rabidly conservative Post and the grand old liberal Kennedy. Boston's tabloid, the Herald, goes with a show of support. The poor Daily News splits the difference.

Post Cuts Loose Reporter Who Sued NYPD For Racism

Hamilton Nolan — Mon, 19 May 2008 09:27:15 EDT

The New York Post has canned Leonardo Blair, the black reporter who earlier this month filed a federal lawsuit against the NYPD alleging racial harassment. Blair probably got the sense that his employer didn't really have his back when the Post ran an editorial ho-humming racial profiling complaints the same day that Blair filed his suit. Neither the Post nor Blair would comment on the end of his employment there. At least the Daily News is now free to commission Blair to write a scandalous tell-all of racial discrimination in the inner bowels of the Post. If they don't, you have to wonder whether they're sufficiently bloodthirsty (or rather, justice-thirsty) to play with Rupert Murdoch. [NYDN]

The Post Was Probably Drunk When It Wrote That

Hamilton Nolan — Thu, 15 May 2008 10:59:12 EDT

Yesterday, the New York Post splashed with a big story about on-air cussing WNBC anchor Sue Simmons being a drunk who liked to down cocktails before doing her show. Today, the tabloid's follow-up mentions how she denies having a drink before showtime in the last 15 years, without even acknowledging that Simmons is talking about the Post itself when she says "I understand now why many people don't trust the media." Apart from the "Journalism" issue here (ha), the odd part is that the paper should have a little more respect for fellow professional drunks. After all, boozing is a Post trademark—and it starts right at the top, with the paper's heroically enthusiastic alcohol-abusing editor Col Allan!

Post hack Steve Dunleavy, of course, was a legendary drunk. Page Six chief Richard Johnson had his own DUI, complete with a refusal to take a Breathalyzer test—a wise legal move known to many veteran drunk drivers. Staffer Hasani Gittens, we hear, "drinks like a fish," is an incessant gambler, and carries the nickname "Handsome Lyle" (all of which are things to be respected).

Further: Page Six's Chris Wilson is a boozer, his colleague Paula Froelich carries on with drunken midgets, and we've always suspected that the entire paper gets so soused on New Year's eve that they just toss any old thing in there the next day.

But the man who sets the tone is the paper's top dog, editor Col Allan. He must have been drunk as hell when he decided it would be a good idea to take the Australian prime minister to Scores for a night of booze and strippers. Of course, Allan is impervious to hangovers, as well. He should be, since his reputation as a lush is legendary:

At the Post, the party is slightly out of control, which is part of the fun, both for readers and reporters. The paper is aggressive, uninhibited, unpredictable, prone to anger and sometimes juvenile comedy in equal measure. Heroic consumption of alcohol has long been a part of this equation, but even in this tradition Allan stands out. "Col is a very engaging man," says his sometime dinner companion Graydon Carter. "And he can drink just about anybody I know, with the exception of Christopher Hitchens, under many tables. He's got real Aussie blood in him."

So, Sue Simmons: don't feel too bad.

Andrea Peyser Revokes Human Status Of Rappers

Hamilton Nolan — Wed, 14 May 2008 09:27:18 EDT

Two things I'm noticing about cock-spying New York Post columnist of evil Andrea Peyser: first, her columns are something like 300 words long. Even Post readers could be expected to puzzle through a bit more than that. Second, she's a racist, past even an ironic point of amusement. That's not news, but it does make for some harsh reading first thing in the morning. It's hard to tell whether she's a just-showing-off Ann Coulter-style racist, or a real nitty gritty racist from birth, but either way, she gets the job done. For racism! Today, she takes a bold, racist stance on rappers, what with all their shooting guns and hurling Blackberries and who knows what else. They're not even people; they're just "things":

This time, the rapper was something that calls herself Remy Ma, who was sentenced yesterday to a mere eight years in prison for shooting a friend, Makeda Barnes-Joseph, because she thought the woman took money.
"Motherf- - -er!"

No, that wasn't Remy. That was something who calls himself Papoose

[via the Post, something that calls itself a paper]

Rogue Doodler May Be Drawing You Now

Hamilton Nolan — Mon, 12 May 2008 12:29:53 EDT

25-year-old sketch artist Jason Polan has an unachievable goal: to draw every person in New York. He moved here from Michigan, and was seized by the desire to capture all of us—you, me, Graydon Carter—in quick, vague line drawings. So far he has "a couple hundred sketches," which means that, assuming a static city population of 8 million and a generous rate of 50 sketches per day, fives days a week, Jason will be finishing his project up in a little more than 615 years. If you like, you can email him and tell him where you're going to be at a certain time and he'll show up and sketch you. Cute, but not really doing wonders for your time efficiency, Jason. After the jump, a few samples of his work. At least he's quick!

[NYP; pics via Every Person In New York]

Together We Can Stop The Crotch-Cam Madman!

Hamilton Nolan — Tue, 06 May 2008 10:41:42 EDT

A crazy man may be videotaping YOUR crotch. And putting the footage on the internet for all to see! The Post, in what is (trend alert) almost surely another story developed solely by poking around on YouTube, alerts the city to a man known only as "househead7d5." He enjoys taping men's crotches—at a phone booth, on the bus, on the subway—and posting the videos online, with clever comments like, "guy on the phone showin a little......gay sweatpants bulge phonebooth NYC," or, even creepier, "I love it when they fall asleep! not the biggest basket but he was a cutie pie nonetheless!" So who is this penis-peering multimedia madman? After the jump, we will investigate!

The Post obviously doesn't know who househead7d5 is, identifying him only as a "27-year-old filmmaker." I looks like he has pulled all the videos down from his YouTube channel, probably yesterday or this morning—there are clips on there from as recently as one day ago.

Here's what we know about him, through our online detective work:

He took "a recent trip to the Southfork Ranch from DALLAS."
He used to work in LA, or is possibly bi-coastal.
He has clips from an MIA show at Terminal 5 on 10/19/07
And another clip from KUDU at Lotus in NYC
His final posted clip, from yesterday, was entitled "Squirrel on crack."

Does this sound like anyone you know? If so, please email us straightaway. Together, we can stop illicit crotch-spying once and for all!

Brits Win Scandal Title With 'Mr. Gay UK' As Flesh-Eating Psycho Killer

Hamilton Nolan — Fri, 02 May 2008 11:32:27 EDT

Once again, American scandals hang their heads in shame. News comes from jolly old England that a former "Mr. Gay UK" has been arrested for murdering an ad executive from a gay magazine, and then eating some of him [Telegraph via Queerty]. Don't get any untoward ideas, though; they were just "friends." The killer also had some flesh from the man's right leg diced up, cooked, and ready to season when the cops came in. That does seem incriminating. Eat your heart out, Jeffrey Dahmer—you never won any pageants at all. A full beefcake photo (pretty much NSFW) of the award-garnering cannibal, Anthony Morley, from the time of his glorious 1993 title win, is after the jump:

[via Mr. Gay UK]

Post Demands The Government Make Terrorists Angrier

Hamilton Nolan — Thu, 01 May 2008 10:15:06 EDT

If the New York Post had to name three things that it can't stand, those things would be: cultural sensitivity, wisdom, and peace (fourth: stepping on gum). That's why the paper is outraged that "the Bush administration has gone all PC in the War on Terror." They've stopped using words like "jihad" and "Islamo-fascism" because they may be provocative or offensive. The Post's jaw literally dropped onto the floor at that news! Right onto the floor! So the neocon, Murdoch-owned scandal sheet had to evoke the memory of prominent socialist revolutionary George Orwell to help it call for harsher language about the Arabian menace:

What's really going on here, according to Andrew McCarthy of the Foundation for Defense of Democracies, is an attempt to soft-pedal the reality of jihad by downplaying its connection to holy war and instead stressing its "broader" meaning of a struggle to do good.
"Government is heavily influenced by the media and the commentariat," McCarthy rightly notes, and those interests "are trying to redefine the troubling concept of jihad as a positive."

It would have made George Orwell laugh - or cry.

The Post feels that using the term "violent extremists" instead of "Jihadists" is too soft on terrorism. Tomorrow, they can suggest we should just go straight back to "Ragheads."

Roger Clemens Can't Stop With The Cheating

Hamilton Nolan — Thu, 01 May 2008 09:25:36 EDT

Geez Roger Clemens, do you mind if we go a single day without being bombarded by news of yet another one of your past trysts with a Southern blond woman somehow vaguely connected to pop culture? Monday we learned that scowling baseball great Clemens, self-proclaimed paragon of family virtue, cheated on his wife with a continuously intoxicated country music star. More girlfriends came out in the subsequent days. And now we're battered with the news that the rich pitcher may have had a romance with the ex-wife of a fat, drunk professional golfer [NYDN]. Is nothing sacred?

The newest name on Clemens "How to Creep" list is Paulette Dean Daly, the former wife of professional golfer John Daly. Since John Daly looks like this:

You can see how even Clemens may have looked good to his paramour. The Daily News reports:

"Clemens' relationship with Daly is said to have come after the end of her marriage to the hard-driving golfer. That was on the heels of a grim incident at the 1997 Players Championship, where the golfer was taken to a hospital with alcohol poisoning...
Daly is still involved with the Bob Hope Chrysler Classic as an organizer of famously lavish parties there."

News reports have described Clemens as being in attendance as recently as two years ago, dancing around the party with an 8-foot-long boa constrictor around his neck.

She doesn't deny it so it must be true!

Andrea Peyser Gives Billy Ray Cyrus A Lot To Think About

Hamilton Nolan — Wed, 30 Apr 2008 09:32:58 EDT

Rabid New York Post attack columnist and X-ray pornographer Andrea Peyser finally weighs in today with her take on the Miley Cyrus uproar, and a breathless city exhales. She's upset! Now she has to add Miley to the list of pop stars "not welcome in my house" (you're on there too, Jamie Lynn Spears). But she reserves most of her contempt for Miley's dad Billy Ray Cyrus, a "one-hit wonder who lives like a leech off his billion-dollar baby." Zing! We agree the photo of the two together was a little weird. But Peyser is also mad that Billy didn't stop his teen daughter from being such a freaking idiot when she opens her mouth:

Also, Billy Ray was present when Miley gave an accompanying interview that revealed the star's awesome intellect and thoughts as deep as the Gowanus Canal. She even commented on the photo shoot. "I think it's really artsy. It wasn't in a skanky way . . . and you can't say no to Annie. She's so cute."
Guess what, monster-truck fans? Dina Lohan and Lynne Spears have company in the Parents of the Year sweepstakes.

We''ll continue to look to you for zingers in future matters of moral import, Andrea Peyser.

Roger Clemens: Baseball's Eliot Spitzer

Hamilton Nolan — Tue, 29 Apr 2008 10:42:50 EDT

Here on day two of the Roger Clemens Infidelity Scandal And Schadenfreude Festival Of '08, it's becoming more clear that the brawny former Yankees ace pitcher and full time jerk did in fact cheat on his wife with the wild country singer Mindy McCready. Because now she's admitted it! McCready said the two did have an ongoing affair, although the sex didn't start until she was of legal age. They first met when she was only 15, (Miley Cyrus joke). But the most entertaining aspect of this scandal is how Clemens—heroic, honored, self-righteous, dismissive of critics, a King of New York—is turning into an uncanny baseball version of another recently fallen hero: Eliot Spitzer.

Spitzer, New York's Love Guv, and Clemens both had reputations as brawlers, who made tons of enemies on their way to the top. The people on their side loved them, but outside of their own teams they were widely despised. Clemens wisely spent his career in the American League, where designated hitters could take his turn at bat so he wouldn't have to risk getting beaned in retaliation for his frequent knockdowns of opposing batters.

Furthermore, both men suffered from huge bouts of hypocrisy. Spitzer prosecuted prostitution rings while patronizing them at the same time. Clemens was always boasting of his hard work, diet, and exercise program, while (IN ALL LIKELIHOOD) being shot up with steroids by his trainer. When his trainer finally told the story, Clemens continued to deny everything, which he does to this day, even as most of the other players named have implicitly or explicitly admitted when the steroid allegations against them were true. And, he filed a defamation suit against the trainer, which brought Clemens' entire reputation under legal review. The Post reports today that the pitcher had at least two other women on the side in addition to McCready, so take your sanctimonious family man act and inject it into your buttocks along with lots of testosterone, Roger Clemens.

An added bonus: like the lawyers who roped their careers to Spitzer's only to see them crumble along with him, Clemens' lawyer, Rusty Hardin, is going to come out of this looking like a bald-faced liar, like his client. Just yesterday he said there was no sex between Clemens and McCready; today, she's admitting it all over the place.

Spitzer was at least fighting on the side of righteousness. For Clemens, that was only true if he was pitching for your team. Among those enjoying Clemens' downfall the most: this young man:

Baseball's Meanest Star In Alleged Affair With Country Version Of Amy Winehouse

Hamilton Nolan — Mon, 28 Apr 2008 09:10:26 EDT

Roger Clemens, the recently retired former Yankees ace pitcher and full time Class A jerk, has used his commitment to his wife (pictured) and family as a defense of his own character, which has been impugned by steroid allegations. And, you know, by his own general asshole demeanor that causes him to do things like throw a fastball at his own son. But today the Daily News says that Clemens carried on a ten year affair with train wreck country singer Mindy McCready—although they never trot out any real proof. And their lead, which seems to imply Clemens is a statutory rapist, is a little problematic:

Roger Clemens carried on a decade-long affair with country star Mindy McCready, a romance that began when McCready was a 15-year-old aspiring singer performing in a karaoke bar and Clemens was a 28-year-old Red Sox ace and married father of two, several sources have told the Daily News.

But by "began," the paper apparently means when they met, when McCready was performing in a Florida bar during spring training. One anonymous source calls it "love at first sight," but there's no mention of any proof that they had sex (and Clemens' lawyer denies it. Which means nothing). This part is pretty suggestive, though:

During another Big Apple excursion, the two holed up in the trendy SoHo Grand and later partied with Monica Lewinsky and Michael Jordan. McCready, according to a source, even bummed a cigar off His Airness to give to Clemens. There were personal love missives to Clemens hidden in McCready's album liner notes.

So who is Mindy McCready? Apparently she's the Amy Winehouse of country music! She has a huge arrest record, including prescription fraud and "a near overdose while pregnant." Here's her mug shot [via TMZ] from a 2007 DUI:

Her debut album in 1996 went multi-platinum, but it's been all downhill for her since then. And, she was "briefly engaged" to actor Dean Cain! Let's hope the drugs and alcohol didn't influence her decision to hang out with Clemens, who, I must remind you, is a grade A asshole. Here's a McCready music video of her biggest hit from happier days: