Today, New York Post gossip dowager Cindy Adams (of all people) had a very important question to ask about Levi Johnston: "What happened?" We haven't heard from him in months. Where did he go? Is this exile or punishment?

There is no wang. We repeat, there is no wang! Playgirl's seen the results of last week's photo shoot, and while there may be glimpses of Levi Johnston's baby maker, there is no full-frontal shot. Let the blame game begin!

At this very moment, Levi Johnston is undressing for a Playgirl photo shoot. But last night he was at The Box accepting an award from Fleshbot while a scrum of reporters poked and probed the Wasilla boy for a story.

It's been quite a day for Levi Johnston. First Page Six speculated about the size of his wang, and now he is furious with NBC over a skit Conan and William Shatner did based on his fake Twitter account.

Though Levi Johnston's svengali Tank Jones told us last week that he was "90% sure" Levi would bare all for Playgirl, he has officially removed that pesky 10% uncertainty. Levi will be going, um, whole hog for his upcoming shoot.

This morning the world discovered what we told you last week: Levi Johnston is working on a book to talk trash about the Palins. Little Miss Sarah found out too, and she's so steamed she's up to her old shenanigans.

The contract is signed, ladies and gentleman, this thing is really going to happen. No one is disclosing cash figures yet, but it's more than the $25,000 he was originally offered. And there might be wang!

Last we heard, both Levi Johnston's people and Playgirl were still haggling on terms. Now everything is settled and the online magazine has sent off the contract and is waiting for signatures. Status updated!

We're no closer to knowing just how naked Levi Johnston will be in Playgirl than we were yesterday, but both sides are getting closer to finalizing the details and signing a contract. The shoot should take place in early November.

The symbiosis of Sarah Palin and Levi Johnston continues apace. As Palin's memoir rips up the charts Levi is back in a commercial for pistachio nuts. Uh, what?

You know how in Vanity Fair's behind-the-scenes video burgeoning gay icon Levi Johnston jokes with his manager about posing for Playgirl? Well, Gawker's learned it's not a joke. We've confirmed it's actually going to happen. But don't get too excited.

Levi Johnston, noted Palin daughter-nailer, has hired Tank Jones, "a size-58 suit-wearing black man," to manage his career and be his bodyguard. He's also developed an alter ego to help him destroy his Wasilla-ness and fully embrace douchedom—"Ricky Hollywood."