Science is a "thinking man's game." And excessive tanning is a dumb man's game. But now science itself has proven that thinking too much will kill you—by tanning. Uhh, Jersey wins!

That is not one of our "jokey"-style headlines! Rather it is a quite accurate summation of the true state of affairs in the world. Tanning beds will give you cancer for sure, scientists say. Adios, Jersey.

Considering he's been confined to his apartment for the past couple of months, it's a bit of a mystery how Bernie Madoff managed to appear in court yesterday sporting such a healthy glow. Makeup? Self-tanner? Who knows, but it's nice to see that just because he's facing 150 years behind bars doesn't mean he's prepared…

Daniel Benedict is one of the city's most frequently photographed professional party-goers: You don't appear 955 times on Patrick McMullan if you sit at home at night and watch trashy reality TV on VH1. (That's what a DVR is for.) Daniel also has a serious affection for self-tanning lotion, at least judging by the…

Terrible news for sun-worshippers and tanning salon habitués: Mahogany-hued skin is officially a fashion no-no, so drop that bottle of sunless tanner, pull the blinds down, and be grateful we've brought this breaking news to your attention. Make-up artist Charlotte Tilbury—who confesses to being partially culpable…

Good news for manufacturers of sunblock, bad news for fans of maintaining a year-round mahogany skin-tone: There is no such thing as a safe tan, say medical researchers, who found that even a little exposure is dangerous. Pass that news along to Stewart Rahr (left) if you see him, won't you? He's probably in a good…