Tomatoes, the disarmingly jolly cousins of the nightshade family, finally yielded the last of their secrets to us today, as scientists announced they had successfully decoded the tomato genome — marking the end of a nine-year undertaking.

Yesterday, the New York Times noted that now that almost a decade has passed since 9/11, some advertisers are trying to dip a toe into the "9/11 ads that will not automatically create an outraged uproar" waters.

Cindy Adams says that guests at the Jared Kushner-Ivanka Trump wedding received a "pair of small white flip-flops with the tag: 'Ivanka and Jared — what a pair.'" Fine. But what about information on valuable real estate investment opportunities?

Yesterday, asshole expert Jared Paul Stern identified German "Prince" Marcus von Anhalt as the "World's Richest Asshole." Like all noblemen, the Prince has a Myspace page:

How to teach young children about the ten Biblical plagues in an easygoing, child-friendly manner? It's a question that probably troubled the prophets themselves. JewishStore.com has the answer: plague-themed finger puppets, ready for all your children's Passover needs. Friendly, smiling locusts, frogs, lice—they're…