With Donald Trump the Republican party’s all-but-guaranteed nominee, Ted Cruz is reportedly campaigning behind-the-scenes to ensure the party stays as terrible as ever.

“I’ve been thinking about turning evil for a while, you know, going to the dark side,” said a caricature of former Republican presidential Ted Cruz, with great irony.

Ted Cruz is back in the horse race, and this time it’s even more torturous than the last.

On Wednesday night, Donald Trump told Fox News he’d “certainly think about” finding a place in his administration for cherished pal and colleague Ted Cruz, telling the network, “He was a very strong competitor.”

How will Ted Cruz’s presidential campaign be remembered? Predicting history is a fool’s errand but it seems like a safe bet that Cruz will go down as the Republican candidate so openly distasteful that he made Donald Trump seem palatable.

Earlier this week, the National Enquirer published a groundbreaking investigation that would prove fatal to the Ted Cruz campaign: TED CRUZ FATHER LINKED TO JFK ASSASSINATION. But is any of it true? After an exhaustive investigation of our own, Gawker has concluded that, sure, why not!

John Kasich is soldiering on in his campaign for president, even as Senator Ted Cruz dropped out and RNC Chairman Reince Priebus not-so-subtly hinted that the Ohio governor should follow suit. And as the Columbus Dispatch notes, Kasich has fewer delegates than Senator Marco Rubio, who dropped out in March.

Perpetual former candidate for president Ted Cruz ran a very particular kind of campaign. A campaign that some might have called “nauseating” or “hard to watch.” But this evening, no one had a harder time watching than Heidi Cruz—because her husband’s elbow was jammed directly into her face.

Shortly after losing Indiana’s Republican primary on Tuesday, Ted Cruz announced that he is ending his campaign for president, leaving Donald Trump the party’s presumptive nominee.

In a crushing victory over his remaining rivals, Donald Trump won Indiana’s Republican primary on Tuesday, putting him well on his way to clinching the nomination with over 1,000 of 1,237 needed delegates.

Ted Cruz today was apparently unable to get through a thirty-minute rant about what a liar Donald Trump is without telling a lie of his own. If it wasn’t a lie, then it was either a very bad mistake, or a demonstration of intimate knowledge of Donald Trump’s penis—no real way to say.

Back in March, Robert Murray, one of America’s last remaining coal barons and “the sine qua non of climate denying,” hosted a fundraiser for Texas senator Ted Cruz at Wheeling, West Virginia’s White Palace. “I have not picked a candidate, but I do know that Ted Cruz needs some money,” he said at the time. As it turns…

Yesterday, Ted Cruz’s wife Heidi addressed rumors that her husband is secretly the Zodiac Killer by explicitly not denying the rumors. Today, Ted Cruz took that tactic one step forward, confirming at a press conference that his own father, Rafael Cruz, assassinated JFK.

Ted Cruz is not having a great time campaigning in Indiana, one of the few states standing between Trump and the nomination, where protesters have been mercilessly mocking him with insults and fake-out handshakes.

Responding to Rafael Cruz’s allegations that God wants his son, Ted, to be president—and that if anyone else were to be president, it could result in “the destruction of America”—Donald Trump implied in an interview with Fox News that the elder Cruz had something to do with killing John F. Kennedy.

On Monday, Ted Cruz explained his bizarre reference to “the basketball ring” at a campaign rally in Indiana by confessing he isn’t exactly Mickey Gordon when it comes to making buckets.

Ted Cruz may never be president, but there is one thing the American public can’t withhold from him—a debate forum. Today, he tested his skills on a random Trump supporter, who answered each of Cruz’s arguments with a salient counterpoint: Who cares?

Heidi Cruz engaged in some stellar verbal gymnastics on the campaign trail this morning, presumably to avoid implicating herself when the truth finally does come out. All of which is to say, Heidi Cruz declined to deny that Ted Cruz is the Zodiac Killer.

Carly Fiorina hasn’t been able to claim very many “wins” in her life. HP was a disaster. Her run for the Senate was a disaster. And most recently, her bid for the presidency was a disaster. But now, Carly Fiorina has made her gravest mistake of all: Accepting a position in which she’s forced to touch Ted Cruz…