By late last week, Commercial Appeal executives were receiving as many as 600 e-mails a day, along with dozens of phone calls at home, at work and on their cell phones. Maps to their houses, with ominous warnings, had been posted online.

The editors of the Memphis Commercial-Appeal really, sincerely want all of you heavily armed wingnuts to know: we agree with you! On everything! Really!

— Wrong idea No. 1: The newspaper is against the Second Amendment that gives Americans the right to keep and bear arms...

This newspaper isn't soft on crime. We know that crime is the No. 1 issue that needs to be addressed in Memphis. We urge public officials to get tough on crime. We back Republican-led efforts to take a hard line on gun crimes and repeat offenders...

The newspaper isn't anti-gun.

See, intimidation free speech works! [Commercial Appeal]

See, he made his observation via Twitter (side note: another reason not to use Twitter), and some of the FedEx people saw it. They decided to email all the Ketchum bosses and the FedEx bosses and who knows who else to act outraged that James Andrews could be less than enthusiastic about Memphis, home to a shitty basketball team, one of America's highest crime rates, and Elvis' dead body:

Many of my peers and I feel this is inappropriate. We do not know the total millions of dollars FedEx Corporation pays Ketchum annually for the valuable and important work your company does for us around the globe. We are confident however, it is enough to expect a greater level of respect and awareness from someone in your position as a vice president at a major global player in your industry.

James Andrews will never make the mistake of being honest again. [Shankman.com]

Nor can we, despite the low odds for Carey to pull a Grobanesque showstopper that the Oscarcast most certainly needs. Her reasoning is much purer, however, not so unlike the dulcet tones of her awards-hopeful and the heart-squeezing, Willie Nelson-aided sincerity at its core:

The song, says Carey, is from the perspective of her Tennessee character Krystal, an aspiring singer. "The song has its own arc," Carey said. "She begins by telling us where she started, like she lays in bed and wonders where she left herself. A lot of people go through that sort of thing. It’s kind of about empowerment."

Don't be modest, Mariah! Only the chosen few lay in bed the morning after Glitter's premiere, wondering if anyone will let them near a script again. But that's the Oscars' Best Song category — the culmination of pimp fantasias, street-musician moxie and, in 2008, Mariah Carey laying waste to Miley Cyrus. Dreams do come true here.

• Mariah Carey Enters Oscar Race [LAT]

(Sung by Obama to the theme song of “The Jeffersons”):

“Well we’re movin’ on up,
To Washington, D.C.
To a deee-luxe pimp pad,
Painted whiiiite.
Yeah we’re movin’ on up,
To the White House.
I’ll be jetting with P. Diddy cross the sky.

McCain can’t score on the east coast,
Palin was just a cute, cheap thrill.
Took a whole lot of campaign promises,
To take over Capitol Hill.
Now we’re livin’ in the White House
Chewin’ on the government fat.
As long as we here
It’s tax, tax, tax!
Ripping off the rich fat cats!

Well we’re movin’ on up
To the big time.
To a dee-luxe sweet crib
That’s just too fly.
Moooovin’ on up
To D.C.
I finally showed McCain I’m the guy!”

[Murfreesboro Post via Romenesko. Don't miss his section on Rutherford County's new state Rep. Dr. Rishi Saxena and his crazy Bangladeshi accent, either!]

"While she consented to cornrows, she passed on the fake nose and busy eyebrows that had been conceived for the part. 'When she saw the nose, she called her people...she did seem very insecure about her appearance.'"

Pre-Hollywoodization, Pariah had herself some serious unibrow action, along with a moderately plumper nose. Just the very sight of excess hair and rhinoplasty leftovers on the props table must've sent Missy into a panicky trip down memory lane. We just hope she didn't rush over to Sunset Tan for a 60-minute fake bake. On the other hand, that might just make her "ugly" enough for the role!

• Mariah Carey's Role in 'Tennessee': It Coulda Been Ugly[NY DAILY NEWS]