teri+hatcher - Gawker

posts about #terihatcher more →
The Equation for When to Quit Watching a TV Show
David Spade: World’s Greatest Ladies Man?
Teri Hatcher: Ear Rapist
Teri Hatcher Sports A Pink Bandana While In Search Of A Jukebox
Did They Or Didn't They? (Botox, That Is)
A Week Of False Terribles
Teri Hatcher Attempts A Little Country, A Little Rock 'N Roll On 'Idol', Makes Us A Little Queasy
British Press Continues Its Assault Against Celebrity Body Parts, Sinks Its Claws Into 'Bat Face'
Versatile Mask Lets You Go As Michael Jackson One Year, Teri Hatcher The Next

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JacquesPaysan
11/30/09

In reply to The Equation for When to Quit Watching a TV Show
You can't divide by zero, just, you know, fyi.
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Brian Moylan
11/30/09

@JacquesPaysan: Like 97 people beat you to it. My response is in the comments below.
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BowlingForDollars
11/30/09

In reply to The Equation for When to Quit Watching a TV Show
This equation seems to escape SNL, maybe because they keep giving us guest hosts who seem like they are gonna bring it, then the writers let us down.

And we come back for more each week, hoping against hope it will be good. It's the very definition of insanity.
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BicycleShed
11/30/09

In reply to The Equation for When to Quit Watching a TV Show
the best synthpop duo in the history of recorded music can divide two by zero, at a minimum.
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Edited by BicycleShed at 11/30/09 7:32 PM BicycleShed was starred BicycleShed was unstarred

Solomon Grundy
11/30/09

In reply to The Equation for When to Quit Watching a TV Show
The only TV I plan my evening around is the PBS Friday night News Hour/Washington Week/Now/Bill Moyers marathon of never less than excellent, sometimes brilliant journalism.

Oh wait, that's a lie or at least a misstatement -- I used to throw weekly True Blood parties, and before that, L Word parties. And people actually came.
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Edited by Solomon Grundy at 11/30/09 6:22 PM Solomon Grundy was starred Solomon Grundy was unstarred

Lysergic Asset
11/30/09

@Solomon Grundy: "And people actually came." - While they were watching? Do tell.
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JacquesPaysan
11/30/09

@Solomon Grundy: Nerd.
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Solomon Grundy
11/30/09

@Lysergic Asset: Lol, well isn't that why anybody ever really watched L Word or True Blood?
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Lysergic Asset
11/30/09

@Solomon Grundy: :-)
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Maulleigh
11/30/09

In reply to The Equation for When to Quit Watching a TV Show
I loved Alias until she got pregnant. The Simpsons sucks major ass these days but I still watch it because I've been watching it forever.
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intime
11/30/09

In reply to The Equation for When to Quit Watching a TV Show
I'm glad I'm not the only one who feels like that about Desperate Housewives - UGH! They are definitely circling the drain with that show! And how about the execrable Brothers and Sisters? I watched it once after Mad Man ended and my eyes almost started to bleed.
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afraidofauntieem
12/01/09

@intime: Brothers&Sisters is probably the most predictable show on TV, and yet I can't stop watching it. (If I ever met Sally Field, I would bitch-slap her for being such an interfering, judgmental mom.)
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intime promoted this comment afraidofauntieem was starred afraidofauntieem was unstarred

intime
12/01/09

@afraidofauntieem: It's the exact same plot week after week. A family member has something problematic happen to them and they hide it from the rest of the family. Then they all find out and have some kind of fight. Then they all hug and make-up. The end.
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cocodevaux
11/30/09

In reply to The Equation for When to Quit Watching a TV Show
the "wait it out approach" works just fine when your tv favorites (mscl, freaks & geeks, firefly...) never make it past 20 episodes.

*sniff*
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Brian Moylan
11/30/09

@cocodevaux: I'm sorry, but if you're still bemoaning the loss of My So Called Life, you really just need to move on. Are you still wearing black for Kurt Cobain too?
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Edited by Brian Moylan at 11/30/09 11:02 PM Brian Moylan was starred Brian Moylan was unstarred

A Message To Rudy
11/30/09

In reply to The Equation for When to Quit Watching a TV Show
For "taped before a live audience" shows: The number of catchphrases the show spawns divided by the number of times the audience goes "WOOOOOOOOOO!" when someone merely kisses minus the number of friends of yours who say "Ugh, you actually LIKE that show?"

For other shows: the number of episodes based on real events in the news divided by number of times shows are centered around the new breakout characters minus the total number of dream episodes that are used in a single season.
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Spirit Fingers
11/30/09

In reply to The Equation for When to Quit Watching a TV Show
Erm, what about most of the primetime CBS lineup? Because according to your theory that How I Met Your Mother show should have been long gone waaayyy before NPH hit his stride, Two and a Half Men shouldn't have succeeded past Sheen's second marriage and divorce (Why do people love this show. Just why?) and those lovable nerds wouldn't have made it through the "Nerd likes hot girl. Hot girl is dumb." and various variations thereof storyline for more than one season. AND now Jenna Elfman is back. It's like 1996 all over again. I half expect Ryan Reynolds to return carting a pizza and awful blond highlights.

Yeah. CBS is clearly the anomaly. It needs its own formula.

Number of episodes in the millions
+
Place where former television/movie actors seek a laugh track....or barring that, death.

= Number of episodes that will never, ever, go off air, securing punishment of watching an aging man in a bowling shirt try to "score" women and other ancient parodies play out in infinitum.
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Edited by Spirit Fingers at 11/30/09 4:10 PM Spirit Fingers was starred Spirit Fingers was unstarred

Conchie Birdie
11/30/09

@Spirit Fingers: I've been wondering the same thing about Two and a Half Men for SO long.

Laugh tracks should be banned, especially with regards to anything Jenna Elfman. Its like they only make things worse or something.
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Spirit Fingers
11/30/09

@Conchie Birdie: I can't believe they still use them. How do you lip-sync amusement in this day and age? We know what's funny dangnabbit! And it ain't Jenna Elfman playing preggo-cougar in, "This might have been funny ten years ago, or never." So I'd like a momentous amount of awkward silence at every attempt from here on in. Or maybe a voice that says, "Not nearly funny enough to simulate enjoyment. Next joke."
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Edited by Spirit Fingers at 11/30/09 6:08 PM Spirit Fingers was starred Spirit Fingers was unstarred

Lymed
11/30/09

In reply to The Equation for When to Quit Watching a TV Show
What do you have against bad shows that bring us joy?
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TheBusinessGuy
11/30/09

In reply to The Equation for When to Quit Watching a TV Show
I was never good at math. I'm still watching The Time Tunnel.
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Miss Anita Manbadly
11/30/09

In reply to The Equation for When to Quit Watching a TV Show
I realize this is a controversial topic, but it needs airing. Seth Macfarlane has produced hints of genius in past seasons' episodes in his Family Guy and American Dad franchises. However, this season's addition of the Cleveland Show seems to have taxed his wit past the breaking point. This season's writing for all of these shows has been execrable, to the point of making all of these shows thoroughly unwatchable.

Since I've never thoroughly enjoyed an entire episode of either series (with the exception of the "420" episode of Family Guy) I'm afraid he has one episode left of either series before I stop watching any of his output.
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PaisleyPajamas
11/30/09

@Miss Anita Manbadly: I'm convinced this is due to the fact that he has a fat contract with Murdoch and could care less. Sort of a low art middle finger, if you will.
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Edited by PaisleyPajamas at 11/30/09 3:33 PM PaisleyPajamas was starred PaisleyPajamas was unstarred

k.edge
11/30/09

@Miss Anita Manbadly: For me, Family Guy follow the pattern that indicates I should give up on it. It went from laughter in 2005, to "I'll watch at chuckle at the reruns on TBS" from 2007-2008, to the "MAKE IT STOP" phase of present day.

When a show becomes entirely the one tiny aspect that made it stand out in the beginning, it's time for the writers to find a new gig, ie: Family Guy carrying every single joke on for far too long, Gilmore Girls being so quick-witted that you can no longer understand what they're saying (ironically, a joke they made on Family Guy).

And that Seth and Alex Comedy Hour was just painful. Please take Sunday night away from him!!!
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Miss Anita Manbadly promoted this comment Edited by k.edge at 11/30/09 4:26 PM k.edge was starred k.edge was unstarred

AliHajiSheik
11/30/09

@k.edge: I will publicly admit to being a family guy fan, but last season was much more miss than hit and this year is unwatchable. I watched 5 minutes of the cleveland show before figuring out it should be hit in the face with an axe.

American dad is the cream of that crop now, that crop being brown and full of corn.
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djanes1
11/30/09

@Miss Anita Manbadly: Hey, there are only so many manatee balls to go around.
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momof3wildkids
11/30/09

In reply to The Equation for When to Quit Watching a TV Show
What? No factor about the appropriateness for a drinking game based upon the show? I watched reruns of the Bob Newhart Show in colleges for years merely because of the drinking game, "Hi Bob."
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Iceland Spar
11/30/09

In reply to The Equation for When to Quit Watching a TV Show
But if every episode I watch also sucks, wouldn't this require me to watch the show for an infinate amount of time?
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DahlELama
11/30/09

@Iceland Spar: And that's how I ended up watching Private Practice.
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snugbug
11/30/09

@Iceland Spar: Not at all! Zero divided by any numeral still equals zero. So it follows you should never watch the show..
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ampersandparade
11/30/09

@DahlELama: We are trapped in this hell for eternity together!
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DahlELama
11/30/09

@ampersandparade: Phew--I'm so happy I'm not alone! Seriously, how can people resist a show where a woman cuts open another woman's stomach and steals her baby?!
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ampersandparade
12/01/09

@DahlELama: It is unreal how much I enjoy watching Kate Walsh and that annoying band of people who surround her that are always upset about something. I get together with my grandmother every week and watch it, never really knowing if I actually like the characters but enjoying all of the fast talking and hurrying around they do.
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Steverino Begins
11/30/09

In reply to The Equation for When to Quit Watching a TV Show
The nerd in me would like to point out you can't divide any number by zero. Also, if Desperate Housewives were even a 1 level of joy of making fun, that equation would result in 64 more episodes!

I propose a tweak:

(of the current season, general percentage of shows that have NOT sucked, 0 to 100) + (number of generally great seasons the show has had x 5, to reward longevity) + (amount of joy in making fun of show on scale of 0 to 50, where 50 is supreme joy) - (minus just how horrible the past few episodes have been 0 to 50, 50 is worst) / (entire quantity divided by 10) = number of episodes you should wait before quitting

So for DH, you're looking at [55 + (3 x 5) + 0 - 50] / 10 = 2 more episodes.

I am a dork.
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romulus
11/30/09

@Steverino Begins: "you can't divide any number by zero." Not only that, but dividing any number by a number less than 1 is actually the same as multiplying it by the inverse of the denominator. Try it: 3 / .5 = 6. The smaller the denominator gets, the closer the product actually gets to infinity. I'd call this an epic fail, except it was just a dumb joke to begin with. I WILL, however, look askance at anything you guys publish regarding math or science in the future.
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