David Spade: World’s Greatest Ladies Man?

You gotta admit, when it comes to ladies, David Spade has an amazing track record. He’s nailed Heather Locklear, Lara Flynn Boyle, Krista Allen, Julie Bowen, Teri Hatcher, Gena Lee Nolin, Kristy Swanson, and countless Playboy playmates, including one he recently impregnated. But is he really the Don Juan of our time? J.R. Moehringer from Los Angeles Magazine seems to think so, and he makes a compelling case in a nearly 8-page exposé. Consider the evidence: Spade is no Clooney in the looks department, yet he pulls more tail than George. What’s more, he’s been doing so since he was a teenager. “He was voted Most Artistic,” Moehringer writes, “but the entire student body at Saguaro High School knew he was the campus Casanova, a walking stick of catnip for every cheerleader and homecoming queen.” More »

Teri Hatcher: Ear Rapist

· Today on The View, Teri Hatcher explained that the only reason she is subjecting us to her singing is for the little children. Well the little children are all dead now, Teri. Your singing killed them. Happy? [The View] More »

Teri Hatcher Sports A Pink Bandana While In Search Of A Jukebox

PrivacyWatch celebrity sightings are submitted by our readers, and are posted several times a week (depending on volume), so send them in early and often—without them, the terrorists will have won! Submit yours to tips[AT]defamer.com (please put "sighting" or "PrivacyWatch" in the subject line so we don't lose them) and tell everyone about the time you saw Teri Hatcher and a band of 12-year olds on a scavenger hunt. More »

Did They Or Didn't They? (Botox, That Is)

A story in Sunday's LAT did the unthinkable by finally pointing out the big Botoxed elephant in the room: no matter how painfully obvious it is to viewers, many stars who get nipped and tucked insist on denying it. But as the Times argues, just how many episodes of this season's Dancing With The Stars or Desperate Housewives can we sit through before drawing our own conclusions? Have you seen Priscilla Presley lately? And if celebrities are going so far as to undergo actual "head transplants," when will they finally start fessing up? We took a look at a few of the stars in question, such as Teri Hatcher and Carrie Fisher, to innocently throw some visual evidence into the mix. More »

A Week Of False Terribles

As we put this week to bed, it's time to reflect, project, deflect and genuflect on the week that was... More »

Teri Hatcher Attempts A Little Country, A Little Rock 'N Roll On 'Idol', Makes Us A Little Queasy

Teri Hatcher has admitted that her performance on last night's Idol Gives Back was "nerve-wracking," and we couldn't agree more. Watching the bat-faced Housewife dry hump the mic stand and hearing her attempt to carry a damaged woman tune about men and how they love to cheat was a very painful experience. Though her DH co-star James Denton is eager to remind us that Hatcher once performed in Cabaret, we're eager to remind him that the likes of Ashley Parker Angel and Joey Fatone have too. As Teri proved last night, Broadway experience does not a talented singer make. More »

British Press Continues Its Assault Against Celebrity Body Parts, Sinks Its Claws Into 'Bat Face'

Having devoured celebrity knees and lips in their quest to mock each and every imperfect body part they spot on the red carpet, the British press is now preying on something they've dubbed Bat Face, singling out Nicole Kidman as the epitome of Botox overload. Though the picture of Nicole they use isn't pretty, the bat is actually kind of adorable (at this point, we are far more scared of seeing Nic enter our room in the middle of the night than this cuddly little rat with wings). In fact, Nicole looks less like this animal than she does another: Michael Jackson. And she's not alone. Rather than naming the immobile facial trend Bat Face, we're thinking the look is more a symptom of MJ Syndrome, which also counts Renee Zellweger and Teri Hatcher among its victims. More »

Versatile Mask Lets You Go As Michael Jackson One Year, Teri Hatcher The Next

Thanks to Defamer commenter el smrtmnky for pointing out that the Michael Jackson Halloween mask we linked to this morning bears an uncanny resemblance to Teri Hatcher. It's a fortunate bit of happenstance for the manufacturer, who can now double their profits by re-releasing the item as part of their Stars of Desperate Housewives Do Their Own Makeup collection, which could also include the slightly pricier Nicollette Sheridan/Gollum model. More »

The 10 Gayest Moments Of 2006 Include Ryan Seacrest And Teri Hatcher's Kiss

The Best Week Ever blog continues their "10 Best 10 Best Lists of 2006" with #3, The 10 Gayest Moments of 2006. It reads as a pretty hysterical stroll down this year's yellow-bricked memory lane, including such highlights as #9 ("The 6-foot Long Hoagie That is the Jake/Lance/McConaughey Sandwich"), #7's Ryan Seacrest/Teri Hatcher photo-op smooching session ("'Anus-Mouth' has never made more sense in our eyes,") and this write-up of the one movie sure to represent the Rainbow Rebellion at this year's Oscars, Dreamgirls: More »

Thin, White Line Only Thing Separating Jessica Alba From Teri Hatcher

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'Desperate Housewives'' Demonic Set Not Done Swatting Around Eva Longoria

It's been a while since Desperate Housewives' haunted set has unleashed a Final Destination-style attack on one of the show's stars—not since April, to be exact, when a series of linked events beginning with the unsealing of a deli platter at the craft services table eventually led to shards of exploding lightbulb lodging themselves into Teri Hatcher's eyeball. But the possessed, bloodthirsty Universal backlot location seems to do its best work with Eva "Conked on the Head" Longoria, and has thus returned to its former muse. From an Extra press release: More »

Hollywood PrivacyWatch: Jay Leno Fails To Entice Big Boy Patrons With Vintage Automobile

PrivacyWatch celebrity sightings are submitted by our readers, and are now posted several times a week—so start sending them in more often. Address yours to tips[AT]defamer.com (please put "sighting" or "PrivacyWatch" in the subject line) and let the world hear all about the time you saw Lando Calrissian light up the produce section with his 100-watt smile. More »

Teri Hatcher's $3.99 Breast Lift

Eschewing societal norms of what constitutes a legitimate "relationship," Desperate Housewives star Teri Hatcher decided early on in life to enter into a three-way love affair with her own breasts. She recently let a British magazine in on the secret to how she keeps them looking so perky years after they peaked:
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Rep's Cancer Not Part Of Teri Hatcher's Comeback Blueprint

Today's Page Six paints a not-so-pretty picture of 73rd percentile hottie Teri Hatcher, claiming the Desperate Housewives star was quick to dump longtime manager Eli Selden when the going got cancerous:
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Gossip Roundup: Wherein We Like Anna Wintour

• Everything we've ever said about Anna Wintour? Well, we don't take it back — she's still a scary snowlady. But she also took Meryl Streep up on her invite and showed up to a VIP screening of The Devil Wears Prada and managed not to strangle Lauren Weisberger while there. May every woman have such grace and inner strength. [R&M] More »

Trade Round-Up: Sony Preparing For Round Two With The Vatican

· Sony shocks! the! world! by signing Da Vinci Code screenwriter Akiva Goldsman to adapt Dan Brown's Angels and Demons, and hopes to reunite the rest of the Blasphemy Dream Team of star Tom Hanks, director Ron Howard, and producer Brian Grazer for the project. [Variety] More »

Seacrest Dumped Hatcher For His First Love: His Career

Earlier this month, Teri Hatcher sobbed into Oprah's warm, smothering bosom about how her short-lived, much-photographed relationship with American Idol host Ryan Seacrest ended the moment the photographer he hired to "stumble" upon them kissing uncomfortably gave him the thumbs-up indicating he'd snapped the money shot. Today, Seacrest gives his side of the story in a NY Times article examining the showbiz ubiquity's attempts at empire-building: More »

Eva Longoria Tops Maxim's List Of 'Women On Our Cover Who Will Sell Most Magazines'

Desperate Housewives' Eva Longoria continues to be the subject of an ongoing campaign by Maxim magazine to beatify the pint-sized Latina firecracker with the title of Her Babemost Excellency, Supreme Exalted Hottie Above All Others. Not satisfied merely to celebrate their 100th issue by coating the Nevada desert in her Godzilla-sized likeness, Longoria now crowns the magazine's annual "Hot 100" list for the second year in a row: More »

Teri Hatcher PainWatch: Opening Up About Her Sexy Nipples

Teri Hatcher is determined to make her "I Was Molested!" media blitz book tour the most fun you'll ever have hearing about sexual abuse. She can swing the mood from haunted to hilarious to horny, sometimes within a single, run-on thought. Take for example her recent "everything goes" interview with Access Hollywood's Nancy O'Dell, where the painful subject of her molestation almost instantly clicks into an icky, in-depth discussion about her favorite body part: More »

Teri Hatcher PainWatch: Scars From Seacrest, Molestation Still Linger

Just in case you missed yesterday's Oprah [Ed.note—When the purge comes, you'll be the first sacrificed for your unspeakable sin.], Teri Hatcher bravely revealed (see clip above) that her "relationship" with Ryan Seacrest ended an hour after paparazzi famously snapped a completely unstaged picture of the couple engaged in the most uncomfortable kiss in the proud history of celebrity bearddom, when he told her, "I don't think I can do this with you." Seacrest, of course, had already realized that he could get more bang for his buck by posing with some far more low-maintenance Playmates, who wouldn't demand any icky make-out sessions in return for a heterosexuality-reenforcing photo-op. More »

Gossip Roundup: So How Much Did Tom Pay Nicole?

• Amongst bad-guy PI Anthony Pellicano's tapes are recordings of phone calls from Tom Cruise and Nicole Kidman, reports Vanity Fair. In one, Kidman jokes to a friend, "So, Tom, are you listening Tom? Am I saying what what you want me to say?" Well, that choice bit should clear up any questions about Cruises "marriage" deals. [R&M] More »

Teri Hatcher Latest Victim Of Haunted 'Housewives' Set

We nervously laughed it off when a piece of piping on the set of Desperate Housewives somehow dislodged itself and conked Eva Longoria on the head, throwing the actress to the ground and drawing blood. But the haunted Housewives set's freak, star-injuring accidents show no signs of slowing down:
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Gossip Roundup: Britney Spears Continues to Procreate

• Us Weekly announces that Britney Spears is pregnant again. You sleep with K-Fed once, fine. We all make mistakes. But to let that thing into your pants twice? That's cause for a public stoning. Meanwhile: sculptors, please get started on your new pieces. [Us Weekly] More »

Defamer Party Report: More Teri Hatcher Photo-Op Tonsil Hockey At GLAAD Awards

Saturday night was LA's chapter of the GLAAD Media Awards, and the gay-friendly celebrities showed up in droves. (The gay-closeted celebrities, on the other hand, chose to skip again this year.) Moments before this picture of Teri Hatcher and Nicolette Sheridan doing the lezzie lip mash was snapped, Hatcher was overheard asking her Desperate Housewives co-star, "Wanna know what Ryan Seacrest tastes like?" Our ironically titled Defamer Correspondent for Anti-Defamatory Awards Shows sends in this conveniently bulleted report: More »

Hundred-Foot Eva Longoria Terrorizes Desert

We've often found ourselves wishing that someone would finally drag Desperate Housewives star Eva Longoria into the Nevada desert and secure her to the arid terrain with airline cable and stakes, but it was a decidedly less worshipful proposition than the stunt that Maxim magazine has staged to celebrate its 100th issue. They've installed a 110-foot-long version of their milestone cover outside of Las Vegas (above is a screenshot from a Google Earth link the magazine provides on their website; that little white thing at the bottom is a truck, if you need sense of terrifying scale), perhaps the largest monument to a B-list TV actress ever constructed. Expect an immediate response by castmate/famewhore rival Teri Hatcher, who has her publicist researching the feasibility of swaddling the Good Year blimp in her "I Was Molested!" Vanity Fair cover, which they would like to hire to circle the airspace above the Housewives set through their entire third season. More »

Simon Cowell And Ryan Seacrest Fighting Like Girls Again

The competition was fierce on American Idol last night. Not the singing—just give it to Katharine McPhee already—but the ongoing "No, YOU'Re gayer" slapfest between two of the swishiest allegedly heterosexual males on primetime TV, Simon "Bitch in a Muscle Shirt" Cowell and Ryan "Boy-Handsy" Seacrest. Reality Blurred offers a recap of their most recent claw-sharpened exchange: More »

Remainders: Teri Hatcher and Ryan Seacrest Sign New Dating Contract

• Teri Hatcher and Ryan "Not Gay" Seacrest enjoy an intimate moment. You better believe it — they'd never, ever stage something like this for the press. This concludes the swallow-your-own-vomit moment for today, brought to you by Us Weekly. [Us Weekly] More »

Seacrest And Hatcher Kiss Uncomfortably, Pretend Not To Notice The Photographer They Hired

A couple of thoughts immediately crossed our minds upon viewing Us Weekly's completely convincing, obviously not staged photos of American Idol spokesmodel Ryan Seacrest and profoundly desperate Housewife Teri Hatcher: More »

Gossip Roundup: Clooney Heartbreak Drives Teri Hatcher to Painful Publicity Whoring

• Teri Hatcher never had to testify against her uncle who sexually abused her, so why would she come forward and spill the story to Vanity Fair, apropos nothing? Because of George Clooney, that's why! Captain Sexy gave Hatcher the fuck-n-run, and she had no choice but to go to VF with an unrelated, attention-grabbing story. Don't we all deal with break-ups like that? [Page Six] More »

Teri Hatcher's Secret, Vanity Fair's Shame

For once in our lives, we're not going to be cynical and accuse Teri Hatcher of revealing that she was a victim of sexual abuse for career reasons; it seems clear that's not what she's up to, and, frankly, that's much more of a Paris Hilton move for a slow week. Kudos, however, to Vanity Fair for not letting their exclusive slip by without maximum exploitation, splashing Hatcher on the cover in white (think: pure) panties while drawing her sweater (or is that a straight jacket?) around her, as if to retreat from the Desperate Secret that she'd "tried to hide my whole life." Nice work, VF, and thanks for not using the shots of a sobbing Hatcher clutching a tattered rag doll wearing a skirt with "innocence" stitched onto it in bright, red letters. That might have been a little much. More »

'VF' Contributing Editor Competition

It's the battle of the Vanity Fair contributing editors for your go-to superstar confessional! More »

Hatcher Speaks: Teri, Unpublicized

There's a reason so many celebrities choose to insulate themselves from the media through the censorial safety of their problem-minimizing, blame-deflecting publicists: They tend to muck matters up further when they speak for themselves, although the results are never less than amusing. Take for example this e-mail from boxer-brief exhibitionist Teri Hatcher, who claims to have no publicist at all, to MSNBC's The Scoop, concerning Hatcher's motives in refusing to appear on Real Time with Bill Maher: More »

Teri Hatcher Whores Out Her Welcome

Listen here, Mr. "Insider" man Pat O'Brien, or whoever you are. We realize you may have the last word in Grammy fashions dos and donts, what with Steven Cojocaru being your red carpet fashion expert and all, but don't you think your choice of wording with regards to Teri Hatcher's outfit was a little insensitive? Yes, perhaps it revealed a bit more leg than CBS audiences might be comfortable with, but insinuating that the crown jewel of ABC's primetime lineup is actually practicing the world's oldest profession just because she raided a hooker's closet for one night seems a little cruel. More »

Teri Hatcher Would Like You To Discuss Her Underwear Now

Pictured is Teri Hatcher, who in a moment of sheer inspiration, realized the best way to shift the focus of Grammy Awards coverage away from its tedious obsession with "music" and "nominated artists," and over to the far more fascinating subject of herself, was to show up in an outfit sure to be talked about in cramped office kitchens across the country the next day. More »

Golden Globes Hangover: Isaac Mizrahi's Magic Touch

Last night's Golden Globes red carpet was so glutted with talentless microphone jockies that we were tempted to virtually slash the vocal cords of the Dean Cains, Ryan Seacrests, Maria Menounoses, and Debbie Matenopouli with the mute button and substitute our own imagined mindless banter with the celebrities who clearly couldn't be bothered to engage with them. But out of the inept phalanx of "Who are you wearing?" monkeys emerged a new red carpet star in E!'s Isaac Mizrahi, who used the disarming smokescreen of his designer-grade flamboyance to ask Eva Longoria to hold forth about the disposition of her pubic hair (she demurred, though allowed that she's spray-tanned all over), to grope both Teri Hatcher and Scarlett Johansson (above; Hatcher pretended to be scandalized), and generally inject some loopy inappropriateness into the proceedings well before Harrison Ford's first drink. (Well, his first drink at the venue. Outside of the limo. And not out of a flask.) Mizrahi is, quite frankly, nothing short of a hero, and the fingers he used to caress Johansson's ample bosom should be immediately removed and bronzed for posterity. More »

British Courts Rule: Teri Hatcher's Van Is Passion Free

Teri Hatcher has won her libel suit against British tabloid The Daily Sport, which falsely reported that she enjoyed turnstyle gentlemen caller action in the Volkswagen van parked in her driveway as her daughter sat in their home. Simply not true, says Hatcher: More »

Teri Hatcher Denies Having Serial Van-Sex

With nary a junk-dangling scandal or behind-the-scenes instance of hair-yanking bitch-slappery on the horizon, publicists for Desperate Housewives can rest easy, pleased that the show's in-house lightning rods for controversy will keep them in the papers as we approach Thanksgiving. Yesterday, we reported Eva Longoria's cheery holiday greetings to a parking attendant, and this morning, Teri Hatcher chipped in by suing a British tabloid for painting her as some kind of hippie nyphomaniac: More »