NEWS FLASH! HIP HOP IS GAY AND BEEN GAY FOR A WHILE NOW!

I say that in the same context that Killer Mike said "Rap Is Dead" years before Nas copied and said "Hip Hop Is Dead." We all know that there is still some good shit out there, so we can't say ALL of Hip Hop is dead or gay. But, I will say, Hip Hop is more gay than it is dead...

Say if I had all of these CDs in my CD book. Wouldn't that shit look more like a wall in a teenage girls bedroom? If you was to go over to one of your homeboy's house and see wall to wall pictures of dudes with their shirts off, wouldn't that raise some eyebrows?

I ain't saying that every person who walks around shirtless is homo, but damn though. Sometimes when I go to the grocery store to flip through new magazines or go to the record store to see whats new, it feels like I'm at a male revue or someshit because all I see is male nipples.

That's from XXL blogger Maurice G. Garland. And for an eminently level-headed take on it, here's Ill Doctrine blogger and DJ Jay Smooth: "Because as we all know, being the gay rapper is like being the Highlander, and there can only be one on earth."

• Dean talks about people he knew who used to frequent a lesbian club in LA. "A few times, I spotted "Asia," a 1990s female R&B singer who had an amazing voice and a number of widely successful ballads during that time. She started as a background singer, but her powerful voice proved she needed to be up front as a solo artist. Her short body was topped with her huge, curly hair. Asia made a number of love songs, and her claim to fame was her rendition of a sexy remake of a song originally done by an '80s icon."
• "There was a beautiful television sitcom actress, 'Daisy,' and her actress best friend, 'Lisa.' These two women have been friends for a number of years and are always together. Daisy had done a number of successful sitcoms and got her start in a Broadway musical. Her multirange vocals were often showcased on one of the sitcoms she co-starred on. She often plays a fiery and fiesty character...However, I suspected that Lisa, a former singer and popular comedic actress, was at the club only as support for her."
• "There were also a host of WNBA players, but that was nothing out of the ordinary. It's always been rumored that most of the women in the WNBA are lesbians."
• "'I don't give a fuck!' a curvaceous woman yelled. 'She better bring her ass over here!' Everyone turned around to see who was making such a fuss. It was award-winning female rapper/ actress, 'Sheena.'...This wouldn't be the first or last time I'd see or hear about this female rapper/ actress attacking her partners...When she made an appearance on Keenen [Ivory Wayans'] show, I couldn't imagine her being as violent as I had seen her that night because she was the nicest and sweetest person. She had a striking presence, but it was really her walk that made her appear as if she was pimping."
• "Lola was an R&B singer/ songwriter who had recently moved to Los Angeles from New York. She was a staple on the New York scene, partying with big name celebrities. Her skills caught the likes of super duper producers DeVante Swing of Jodeci, Stevie J, and Dallas Austin. She'd made a noteworthy album, and the critics were eating her up. Her style was a hard-edged rap with a little rock and R&B. Her new single topped the charts and was receiving a lot of airplay...

  As much as Lola wanted to be a trailblazer and open doors for other gay artists, she was still part of a machine. Lola had to do what the label told her to do. She was still at their mercy and on their dollar. In videos and on album covers, her look was softened with dramatic makeup, luxurious hair, and seductive clothing. It was like night and day seeing her transformation."

When word of this book first got around, plenty of people hoped that Dean would just out some famous rappers outright, by name. Barring some unforeseen surprises later in the book, he's not going to do that. But he does like to tell salacious stories about people using pseudonyms, while giving enough identifiable details about them that it's certainly possible to make some very good educated guesses at their identities.

It should also be noted that this book is not just about hip hop. It starts off with Dean's life story—poverty, molestation, a heroin-addicted prostitute mother. He goes to college and moves to LA to break into the entertainment business. He socializes with a wide range of people from movies, television, and the random parts of the LA celebrity-industrial complex, as well as people from the music industry.

Finally, it's clear that this book is not a work of great literature. Nor is it intended to be, judging by the porny quote selected for the book jacket. It's basically an extended tease from a man who was deeply ensconced in the "down low" culture.

And now, today's highlights—there are lots of gay scenes with anonymous people in this book, but these are the ones that seem to involve the most famous subjects:

• Dean is at Keenen Ivory Wayans' birthday party. "There were two male celebrity actors standing a few feet in front of us. They didn't notice us because the club was dark. Both men are young and very attractive and have starred in some comedic and dramatic films. One of the actors, "Junior," is a tall, muscular, brown-skinned brother who got his start in television and is known for his comedic roles in films. He never married, but has a couple of children with a girlfriend. The other dark-skinned actor, "Fritz," has been in a few movies and has starred in a popular television drama."

  The two are obviously a gay couple, which surprises Dean, although he says there has been much speculation about "Junior."

• Dean's friend Sandy is working on a film with some major stars in it. "The lead was "Lucas," who is a megastar. No matter what film project he was attached to it was bound to be a box office smash. In Hollywood, he is considered a golden boy and very bankable. However, there were already many rumors swirling about his sexuality, and even though he married, it was hard for him to shake those pesky gay rumors."

  Every day, Sandy says, Lucas' friend "Kareem, a leading [married] sitcom actor," visits his trailer, where they go inside and—everyone believes—have sex. Dean also says that Lucas runs with a circle of high-level superstar down low types. He later meets Lucas again and finds him to be "smooth, charismatic, and charming," and his wife even brings goodies to the film crew.

• Dean's friend "Corey" is a singer-songwriter who was featured on the MTV series The Cut, opened shows for Jay-Z, appeared in a Broadway musical, and then signed with "Eli, a popular multiplatinum rapper, who had just started a label at the time (in the 90s)."

  "Eli was a force to be reckoned with. He flew out the gate with his debut album and would become a mainstay in the ever-changing Hip Hop industry, where many rappers are one-hit wonders. He has been hailed as one of the greatest rappers to bless the mic."

  It turns out that Corey has been giving oral sex to Eli (whom Dean describes as "fine as hell") in Eli's home studio. "Up until that moment I had never heard anything remotely close about the rapper being gay. Eli was a burgeoning superstar who parlayed his marketability into television and movie credits. He even had a promising clothing line. But every man's got needs and Eli's needed tending to."

I have some guesses. Do YOU?

More tomorrow!

Then, it stung me like a hundred bees. Preston has not told me everything. He is holding something back. We've only been together for two nights, and this was nothing serious, so I had no right to question him. WRONG!!! I had every right.

I did just that. I asked him if there was something I needed to know- more importantly, if he had a family. "I have two children. They live with their mother. I see them on the off-seasons."

Oh no! Terrance is cool with it though; he says he's been in that situation before. Plus, Preston gives him a present (and us a clue):

Preston had me sprung. Yup, he sure did. Because to solidify he was serious about me and him, by the end of the week he brought me one of his personal team's jersey.

"Here you go," Preston said as he pulled the jersey from behind his back. "This is for you."
"This is for me," I said jubilant. I stared at his number. I had memorized the double-digit number from when I googled him on-line. I was going to make sure to find his number while I watched him run up and down the court.

Double digits. Take note! Finally, they take a surprise trip:

We pulled up to a beautiful home. As soon as the car pulled up, an older woman came through the front door. It was his mother. Preston was taking me to introduce me to her. A wonderful woman. Such a warm spirit and very loving. She readily accepted me. I was now on the "in." I met two important people in his life.

Maybe this was love? Maybe Preston was the man of my dreams.

Maybe? I should be receiving an actual copy of Dean's book in the near future. So any further secrets contained within will be revealed.

[1224 Confessions]

"In the meantime, I hoped on the computer and googled Preston. Oh you best believe I checked him out. I mean what person wouldn't? Normally I would not have done it, but I wanted to know more about this talented basketball player. I had to find out his stats - height (Preston is a tall dude. I am tall, standing at 6'2, but I felt short next to his long lean muscular body). I checked his weight, rebounds, average points per game, how long he's been playing, and other vital information.

I was impressed. Preston was on top of his game. The press liked him and he was hometown favorite. In high school and college he was an all-around favorite, traveling across the country showcasing his talented ball-handling skills. The more I discovered, the more I liked. So, I was looking forward to spending more time with this amazing basketball player."

Later, they hook up again. Then "Preston" gets an urgent phone call. What happens next?

Check back tomorrow when Preston introduces Terrance to some important people.

Okay!

[1224 Confessions]

Dean is at a club, on an island vacation spot, when he meets him:

He was across the room standing against the wall with a drink in his hand. He was bobbing his head to the Hip-Hop beats and surrounded by slew of bodacious women and physically fit men.

I couldn't take my eyes off him. He was absolutely gorgeous - Tall, caramel, chinky eyes, and a body that wouldn't stop. Damn, he was fine! I felt the temperature in my body rise. Lust was speaking and its low growl was whispering in my ears.

Then he looked over in my direction and smiled.

They have a short, coy meeting at the bar. Who was that man?

I asked my boy Clever if he knew the beautiful specimen of a man. Clever acknowledged that he did. "That's 'Preston' I haven't seen him in a while. He's always on the road. He plays for ________."

Now, I am really excited. This professional athlete just approached me and how he did it was so smooth. No one noticed anything.

The next night, Dean is in his hotel room:

Anyway, I opened the door and there he was. Tall, broad, strong, sexy, and smiling at me. Preston strolled into my suite as if it was his own. I was in shock. My mouth dropped open, and so did every molecule and cell in my body.

I quickly closed the door. Preston didn't say a word. Nothing. His muscular body glided into the bedroom. I followed. He unbuttoned his shirt and revealed an amazing physique. I followed suit, and, like that, me and Preston went at each other like two lovers in heat. We wanted each other badly. We explored each other's bodies as we peeled off our clothes and strewn them throughout the room.

My gosh, Preston was ferocious in bed. His soft lips met mine. We kissed tenderly, and then passionately. Our tongues danced in each other's mouths. We groped each other finding different and wonderful places to touch. His long hard muscle was massive. He felt wonderful in my hands.

We have no guesses!

[1224 Confessions]

"I've worked in the entertainment industry, and in paticular with Hip Hop for over 10 years. I've been in the room with rappers and celebrities when they've used deragatory words such as Fags, and Homos. I've wanted so many times to step up and say something, but I didn't want to out myself. I didn't want to be put on blast. I didn't want to lose my so-called friendships. But, what bothered me most was when I heard many rappers and celebrities use those words and they themselves were hiding their sexuality just as I was."

It is ironic that the most homophobic male happens to be the one who is trying desperately to deflect from his own sexual identity crisis, and distract attention away from himself. It's so easy to call someone out of their name, especially calling another man a faggot, or punk, or homo.

Okay, so "many rappers and celebrities" he knows are closeted gays. A numerical hint: it should be more than one, and not just in hip hop, but celebrities also. Good start!

So, here I stand with many men in Hip Hop who refuse to hide. We have helped shape, build, and create Hip Hop and have just as much say as those who feel the need to degrade, and denegrate our contributions. Yes, we are here. We are all up in Hip Hop - your stylists, publicists, managers, producers, songwriters, ghostwriters, video directors, journalists, product managers, tour managers, lawyers, accountants, and your friends.

Christ, it could be anybody. Any of your friends!

I wrote this book many years ago. Long before there was a mention of Karrine Steffans and her infamous tell-all book, Confessions of a Video Vixen. I loved her book and her truth. It took courage for her to tell her story.

A good friend, who is an accomplished R&B singer/songwriter, had been after me to tell my story for a while. We have been friends for many years and I never told him about my life

Who is this accomplished R&B singer/ songwriter man? I'm guessing it's someone from Jodeci, maybe? Or not.

Deep within the confines of Hip-Hop is a prominent gay sub-culture. A world that industry insiders are keenly aware of, but choose to ignore. From the testosterone of men striving to be on top and in control, to the "by any means necessary" bravado in an industry that thrives on power, homosexuality is a reality at nearly every level of Hip-Hop

Russell Simmons. I'm getting strong vibes. Or it could be someone totally opposite, like Suge Knight. It will be interesting to find out!

One good friend, Emil Wilbekin, Editor-in-Chief of Giant Magazine gave me the kindest words of advice. He told me, "Terrance, you can only tell your truth. You have lots of friends who support you. I am one of them." His words helped me during the initial phase of writing the book.

Another friend, a celebrated record label publicist, who has helped launch many legendary careers, told me, "Don't worry about what people are going to think. This is your story. Write your book!"

The editor of Giant clearly knows something. Email us, Emil Wilbekin! It's simple journalistic solidarity.

In conclusion, it sounds like Ja Rule fits the general profile here. Then again, so do most famous rappers of the last decade. But that is really pure speculation, because I have no idea! Do YOU?

[The whole "Parsing XYZ" construction stolen from Jack Flack]