John Oliver just popped in from his winter Last Week Tonight hiatus to take a strong stance against an egregious overuse of presidential power that's been going on too long in this country: The annual Thanksgiving turkey pardon.
Martha Stewart, the seasoned, meticulous lifestyle expert who once spent five months in jail for lying to federal investigators, does not appreciate human Pilates machine Gwyneth Paltrow's contributions to the lifestyle expert economy. In September, she told Gwyn to "be quiet" and stick to acting.
On the list of reasonable Thanksgiving appetizers, a bucket full of donuts would seem to rank right down there with a full pre-meal turkey or a Domino's pizza. Anything heavier that crudités and a plate of cheese and crackers, and your guests will surely end up pushing around their mashed potatoes listlessly, barely…
It's Thanksgiving in Canada today. In Brooklyn, the proper way to observe the holiday is to picket a local artisanal poutine establishment.
According to a Walmart press release, Thanksgiving was a day of record-breaking sales, sales that were "bigger, better, faster, cheaper and safer than ever."
[Shoppers spend their Thanksgiving evening relaxing with loved ones at the Brea Mall in Brea, Calif. The mall opened at 8:00 p.m. on Thanksgiving and will stay open until 10:00 p.m. Friday. Photo by Jae C. Hong via AP]
For all of our gorging on turkeys today, we seem to dwell a lot on the ones we spare. Here's another lucky turkey that will live long enough to be eaten by us at a later date.
Feeling the full brunt of a public relations nightmare, Pizza Hut has offered manager Tony Rohr his job back, after he quit over a disagreement over whether his employees should work on Thanksgiving.
[Vernita Gray, left, and Patricia Ewert hold their Illinois marriage license after they were married in Chicago on Wednesday. While the state's gay marriage law takes effect in June 2014, the couple was granted an expedited marriage license because Gray is terminally ill. Photo by Charles Rex Arbogast via AP]
According to research from the Calorie Control Council, the typical Thanksgiving meal weighs in at about 4,500 calories and 229 grams of fat. Might as well add a few more glasses of wine to make it an even 5,000 calories.
Retail employees won't be able to spend Thanksgiving with their families, but the perks of working on the holiday are too good to pass up. For instance, Kohl's will make the day "fun for associates," Old Navy's atmosphere will be as "familial as possible," and Toys R Us is allowing employees to wear jeans and sneakers.
According to the Misery Map, a live map that combines real-time weather and flight data, the most miserable airport in the country is currently Charlotte, followed closely by all New York area airports. Feel free to share your Thanksgiving travel misery with all of us.
[Balloons will not fly at the 87th Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade in New York if sustained winds exceed 23 mph and gusts top 34 mph. Snoopy's inflation will be decided early Thursday morning by the NYPD, the National Weather Service, and Macy's. Photo by Bebeto Matthews via AP]
Thanksgiving Eve had come again,
Outside a blustery chill.
A tiny boy of six years old,
Came crashing down the hill.
The leaves did scatter, brown and orange.
How fearsome was the sight:
Of Franklin Tom, the Turkey Beast,
Screeching in the night.
Five years ago, then-Gov. Sarah Palin pardoned a turkey in anticipation of Thanksgiving at a farm in her hometown of Wasilla, Alaska. She then chatted with reporters as a cascade of turkeys was slaughtered just over her shoulder. Our great-great-grandchildren will reenact this interview inside vast underground cities…
With many stores staying open during Thanksgiving this year thereby forcing workers to miss out on spending the holiday with their families, one store manager decided to take a stand on behalf of his employees — and was promptly terminated.
[Gothamist reports that EVERY train out of Penn Station is currently delayed thanks to a disabled train and a deluge of holiday travelers. One weary citizen called it "a disaster." Happy Thanksgiving.]
