It is Fashion Week—for men. It is Fashion Week for clowns.

Harry's, the Warby Parker of the shaving industry, aims to disrupt the Big Razor companies with technology, "value-oriented" prices, and style. One problem: no razor is really worth more than a buck.

Men wearing sport coats and jeans: no. You want to be formal? Fine, wear a sport coat. You want to be casual? Fine, wear jeans. Pick one, and stand by your choice—Like A Real Man.

You know how it is: you're a man. A red-blooded man. You enjoy consuming steaks, lifting iron in the gymnasium, and fucking your woman like, every day. But when you get older things change. To maintain your manhood, have you considered sucking estrogen from a fertile woman's body, like a vampire?

Now that we have officially entered the "hot as hell" portion of the year, it's time for a certain type of elitist East Coast male to begin his annual smear campaign targeted at the wearing of shorts by men. Who will be brave enough to stand up for the righteousness of the shorts-wearing man? We will.

The American Man has, in recent history, been beset on all side by feminizing influences: Pumpkin Spice Lattes, Spanx for Men, fancy shampoo... where does it end?

Consider the state of the pitiful American Man: beset on all sides by Spanx and fancy shampoo, tricked into doing crunches and grooming eyebrows, bereft of any healthy masculine role models. Gone is the American Man; in his place, the American Bro. And he is desperate to commune with his own kind.

Following the U.S. Army's establishment of a wuss workout program and, more broadly, the year-long erosion of American masculinity, it's little wonder that our nation's fighting forces are now more concerned with eyebrow grooming than with removing the digits of enemy soldiers to bring home as souvenirs. Is America's…

Jim Romenesko is retiring from his gig as America's most influential media blogger, but have no fear: he's still running Starbucks Gossip, the obsessive Starbucks-covering site which he also inexplicably runs! And he's taking on the question foremost in the mind of every normal, masculine, red-blooded, suburban,…

People often ask us, in our imagination, "Hey, why are you always vigilantly trying to save The American Man? Is it really so bad if men get eyebrow waxes and talk about "abs" all the time? Shouldn't we welcome technological advances in underwear science?"

Say it with me, men: "I am proud of my eyebrows. There are many like them, but these eyebrows are mine. I pledge not to pay money to somebody in what is basically a salon (no matter what ridiculous name they may give it) to fuck with my eyebrows. If they get really out of control, well, that's what clippers are for."

"Abs in a Box." Abs in a tube. Ab makeup. Ab surgery. America! Abdicate your ab addiction!

Men use cosmetics these days. Okay, fine. "Do you!" as we always exclaim, followed by a Z-shaped pattern of finger snaps. Unfortunately, guys seem to have a bit of a problem owning up to their makeup fetish.

First, America's women were relentlessly assaulted by Spanx™ undergarments, which bound their bodies tight like so many sausage cases. Now, our nation's men—once presumed impervious to this sort of thing—are also falling prey to, well, girdles, for chrissake.

Men are forsaking strippers in favor of suckling pigs at their bachelor parties. Minivans are now supposed to be "macho." Social scientists say that men are "redefining success." Yea, redefining it to suck.

As if men didn't have enough to worry about, with all the sports viewing: prepare for "the biggest array of product launches for men in nearly a decade and maybe ever." Translation, fellas: corporate America's comin' fer yer balls.

Men: is your hair clean enough to get you laid? While you've been working out to get ripped abs, has your unstyled, sweat-soaked hair been holding you back from sexing the women of your dreams? No, obviously not. Your lack of money has been holding you back. But Axe, maker of horrifying adolescent body spray and even…

The issue of fancy men's underwear is still threatening to undermine this great country. Andrew Christian has unveiled his new, horrific men's underwear with Flashback Butt-Lifting and Contouring Technology. He promises that it "gives men the illusion of having a sought-after "bubble butt" without having to spend…

Disturbing foreign trend of the moment that threatens to erode the American way of life: Evolution of the luxury men's underwear market. It seems that fashion brands have decided to use sophisticated advertising techniques to persuade American men to buy underwear that is new, expensive, and not sold in 3-packs at…