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The American Man

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the american man

Different Sports For Men: Should We Fear Them?

Alarming reports in the national media today are painting a picture of an America in which men pursue nontraditional sports. Such a development could spell doom for football, baseball, and basketball, the three real sports that this great nation has produced which define manhood for millions of terrified young adolescent males who would really rather be playing Wii or listening to music or doing something artistic, but are instead forced to prove their mettle by getting seriously injured by their larger peers. This is how it has always been. But now, American males are being seduced by the twin threats of gymnastics and synchronized swimming. We have video evidence, and the chilling cautionary tales, below. More »

12:24 PM on Mon Mar 17 2008
By Hamilton Nolan
4,229 views, 50 comments

Latest by Hythloday: @marvel girl: "It's hard for me to think of someone as gay when they can hang from two rings and then pull theire entire body up and put their legs out straight..." Clearly, we're going to different clubs. more »

the american man

New Underwear Technology May Devastate U.S. Masculinity

The issue of fancy men's underwear is still threatening to undermine this great country. Andrew Christian has unveiled his new, horrific men's underwear with Flashback Butt-Lifting and Contouring Technology. He promises that it "gives men the illusion of having a sought-after "bubble butt" without having to spend hours in the gym." Great John Wayne's ghost, is a bubble butt now sought-after among men?!? An actual quote from the designer, who is suspected by me to be working with the terrorists: "Surprisingly, I was actually inspired to create this technology while at the gym and seeing how hard men work on exercising their buttocks. I just knew that there had to be a way to achieve similar results by simply wearing underwear." Good. God. After the jump, before and after pictures of the new underwear technology at work. We beg you, do not be seduced. More »

3:03 PM on Wed Feb 27 2008
By Hamilton Nolan
83,558 views, 79 comments

Latest by n/a: Maybe I'm just different, but I've never met a girl who didn't appreciate a guy with a nice ass. Its not usually their top priority, but its never hurt. Also, who decided that 2(x)ist and company were only for gay more »

the american man

Fancy Underwear Will Destroy Us All

Disturbing foreign trend of the moment that threatens to erode the American way of life: Evolution of the luxury men's underwear market. It seems that fashion brands have decided to use sophisticated advertising techniques to persuade American men to buy underwear that is new, expensive, and not sold in 3-packs at stores whose names end in "Mart." Oh, that's a good thing, you say? We could stand to be a little more stylish down there? What's a few more dollars to impress your significant other when you drop your drawers? See how enthusiastic you are when you wake up one day in the not-too-distant future and realize that we are slowly being morphed into Australian man-whores. (Warning: close-ups of clothed packages after the jump) More »

12:01 PM on Mon Feb 11 2008
By Hamilton Nolan
8,765 views, 121 comments

Latest by famousauthor: I think this is all tied in to the presidential election cycle. Remember when they asked Bill Clinton "Boxers or briefs?" This year they won't be able to get away with that short a question. It will more »