According to a newly released decades-long study of thousands of Americans found that people who qualify as heavy drinkers... well, it said something about them, I'm fairly sure of that.

With the noble goal of elevating the subtleties of speech, a group of scientists at the Royal Holloway College at the University in London endured an awful task. They studied "non-professional impersonators" doing their best impressions. The scientists looked at fMRI scans as these "non-professional impersonators"…

Football brain! Marijuana narcs! Mosquito booze! Grandparents driving! Children sleeping! Teens drinking! Pediatricians lecturing! Big forks! And killer homemade drinks that kill! It's your Monday Health Watch, where we watch your health—no-nonsensically!