The Jay Leno Show - Martha Stewart, Ludacris

The Tonight Show with Conan O'Brien - Jon Hamm, Freestyle Motocross Athletes, Cobra Starship featuring Estelle (Repeat from 8/11/09)

Late Show with David Letterman - Kristin Davis, Barry Sonnenfeld (Repeat from 10/8/09)

Late Night with Jimmy Fallon - Seth Meyers, Chris Paul, Landon Pigg (Repeat from 9/22/09)

Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson - Ted Danson, Christopher Miller & Phil Lord (Repeat from 9/25/09)

Jimmy Kimmel Live - Edward Norton, Paul Shaffer, the Sounds

The Colbert Report - Jerry Mitchell (Repeat from 10/15/09)

Daily Show with Jon Stewart - Jennifer Burns (Repeat from 10/15/09)

As you can probably imagine, a good portion of the interview centered around Polis' sexuality, and to his credit he handled Colbert's ridiculous questions deftly, even turning the tables completely on Colbert to essentially question his sexuality, a strategy which led to a few nuggets of pure comedy gold. And then, after quoting Polis saying that working in Congress was like going back to college, Colbert pulled some cans of Coors Light and a beer funnel from a bag and challenged Polis to funnel beer with him, a dare that Polis accepted, thankfully, as the end result was almost as funny as the time Colbert coaxed Robert Wexler into professing his love for hookers and cocaine.

Colbert, appearing on stage in a custom-made Brooks Brothers camouflage suit, is making history by being the first person in the history of the U.S.O. to film, edit and broadcast a non-news show from an active war zone. Besides going through a mildly simulated boot camp, Colbert took the liberty to declare victory in the Iraq War on his show last night, explaining his declaration to General Ray Odierno, commander of American troops in Iraq, by saying "we're not hearing a lot of stories about the war back home."

Colbert follows a storied tradition of entertainers, perhaps most famous among them being Bob Hope, who have volunteered to travel into hostile areas to assist the U.S.O. in its stated mission to "provide morale, welfare and recreation-type services to uniformed military personnel." While portraying a buffoonish character on his show, Colbert has personally demonstrated a history of support for American troops, having in the past raised money for school supplies for soldier's children, and helping disabled veterans through sales of WristStrong bracelets for the Yellow Ribbon Fund. He is also donating all proceeds from iTunes downloads of this week's show to the U.S.O. In short, some of Stephen Colbert's character's uber-Americanist character traits seem to be carrying over into his personal life, albeit for the best.

Below is the segment with General Odierno, with Barack Obama beaming in by satellite to order the shaving of Colbert's head, a pretty fun television moment, and one that was clearly loved by the troops in the audience.

Not that there was much countermanding going on Thursday night, when Colbert's epic game of word association still implicated Stewart's favorite Slumdog Millionaire as this year's Oscar winner. But the afterthought of opening a window for Button — which "did seem pretty important," Colbert dismissively notes — no doubt relieved some of the pressure coming down from the top. Expect Carlos Mencia to finish the job by Tuesday's voting deadline, relocating Slumdog's Child-ExploitationGate controversy to East L.A. in a lukewarm, last-ditch bit of satirical sabotage.

• 'The Colbert Report' [Comedy Central]

SUNDAY

Desperate Housewives Time Travels
The big surprise in last season's finale was a series of short scenes showing the characters five years in the future. The new season picked up where that left off, with everyone older and not necessarily wiser. It's a bit gimmicky, yes, but it's allowed them to jettison tiresome plotlines and create brand new ones (Lynette's rambunctious twin boys are now rambunctious twin young men!). While some of us here at HQ still find the show to be a bit of a whiny bore, others are digging the series like it was the first season all over again. B+

Entourage's Cameoverload
The HBO boyfest LA answer to girl business New Yorkfest Sex and the City has been overdoing it with the celebrity guest appearances, yes. But its arc has also been pat and frustrating. Drama has reached Inspector Clouseau levels of idiocy, Turtle has been given little to do, E continues to rankle in his snappy-short-guy-who's-kinda-earnest way, Adrien Grenier still cannot act, and poor Jeremy Piven is going to drive himself to an early grave with all his senseless bellowing. Credit to the underused Debi Mazar and Rex Lee for keeping their characters fresh and fun, though. C-

Dexter Is Still Killer
Showtime's gory character study about a Miami forensics expert cum justice-seeking serial killer (Michael C. Hall, steamy as ever) and the people who orbit him is still as thrilling as ever. Good grades go to Jennifer Carpenter's sassy new haircut, the always-dependable Lauren Vélez and David Zayas as Dexter's weary partners in crime fighting, and to the softly heartbreaking Julie Benz who brings a quiet dignity to every tiny scene she's in. This season's chief storyline (so far), concerning Dexter's accidental murder of an ADA's (Jimmy Smits) brother, is tense and ominous. You know, as the show should be. A-

True Blood, Truly
It's campy and silly at times, yes, but with the ever-increasing mysterious death toll, we're hooked now. Anna Paquin-factor be damned. B

Mad Men
Oh you know it's good. A

MONDAY

Gossip Girl & The Hills: Hurt So Good
The Upper East Side teen soap (fiction) and the Los Angeles post-teen soap (reality!) are both dumb and gut-churning sometimes, yes, but both have mostly been hitting on as many cylinders as they can so far this season. GG has tempered the silly melodrama of last season with more groan-inducing witty New Yorky references and word play, while The Hills has mined some sneakily affecting emotional depths. (Well, not really that affecting, but you know, relatively.) It's what the kids are watching and really, they could be doing worse. GG: B+, Hills: B-

Two and a Half Men Apparently Exists
Yeah, apparently it does. And lots of people watch it. Sigh. D

TUESDAY

Greek Is The Best Show You're Probably Not Watching
Well the third season of this terrific little confection of a college series is almost over, but I'm told the entire first season is available for your ears and eyeballs to consume online. It's a funny, sweet, nice-but-not-too-nice dramedy about a college in Ohio (where it's always sunny and warm!), that has soared these past couple of months. That Greek (heh!) guy from Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants is on it, and, well, swoon. The various romantic polygons have remarkably not gotten tired, and the sore-thumb single gay plotline has been treated calmly and evenly. Go watch! A-

Please Do Not Watch 90210
This excreble misery of a remake is a sloppily-made, boring piece of drivel that mind-bogglingly managed to even underestimate the taste level of squealing teenage girls. With seemingly no feel for plot structure, continuity, character, or humor, the writers have blundered along, serving us tepid little piles of gruel that—despite the presence of o.g. stars Shannen Doherty and Jennie Garth (plus a hilarious Hannah Zuckerman-Vasquez line)—woefully pale in comparison to the original teen whine and cheese party. Ugh. F-

Fringe: WTF?
OK, we admit we only watched the first episode of this sci-fi CSI meets X-Files pastiche. And we admit to sort of enjoying it. But nothing really pulled us back in. Joshua Jackson, way late of Dawson's Creek, is as wannabe suave and charming as ever, Anna Torv is sort of hard to pin down, and Lance Reddick is left to lurk in the shadows, reminding of us better work like The Wire and Lost. Who has kept up with this? How's it doing? We guess right now we'll give it a C

WEDNESDAY

Goodbye Forever, Project Runway
So it ends tonight, whatever. This season has been kind of unbearable, save for a few highlights (Leanne! Sort of!), with its annoying catchphrases, untalented contestants, and uninspired challenges. When the show comes back as a sad Pontiac Phoenix rising from the ashes on Lifetime (or, um, maybe not), we're pretty sure we're not going to watch it. Which is sad, because it used to be so damn good. Ah well. To everything a season and blah blah. C-

I Suppose There Have Been Other Things Airing On Wednesday Nights?
Um, let's see here.. Lipstick Jungle? No thanks. Knight Rider? Certainly not. America's Next Top Model? Never in a million years. Oh here we go. Top Design. Wait. Wait, nope. Not that either.

THURSDAY

Clocking In At The Office
We've only had two episodes, but they've been squirmy, swoony delights thanks mostly to the rainy day engagement between floppy old Jim and frizzy old Pam—though, it'd be nice to have her back in the actual office, rather than flirting it up with that teddy bear dude from Mad Men—and to the pitch-perfect Amy Ryan as a strange, nerdy, cautious love interest for ever-bumbling Michael Scott. Kudos also to the show's writers for giving lesser-seen characters like Meredith their chances to shine. A-

Kath & Kim
Sad. Just sad. Such high hopes for the usually likable Molly Shannon and Selma Blair, but this Australian import just didn't connect. D

Live From New York It's... Thursday Night?
Because of some sort of political and economic foofaraw going on these days, Lorne Michaels and co. have decided to add a special Thursday version of their Saturday Night Live Weekend Update segment to the NBC lineup. You know, to stay current and all. We've only had one so far (they'll run up to the election), and it was funny in parts and strained and awkward in others. The thing is, SNL is so skimpy on the funny as is, it seems a bit foolish to stretch out their best material to two nights a week. But, we'll keep watching for now and give it a tentative B.

It Really Is Always Sunny In Philadelphia
FX's hilarious, filthy, swear-filled, low-budget comedy It's Always Sunny In Philadelphia continues to blow the brain with out-there yet somehow completely salient themes like the gas crisis and how to fake one's own death. A

(Note: Please come back, '30 Rock.' Pleeeassse??)

THOSE OTHER TWO NIGHTS NORMAL PEOPLE SPEND DRUNK

Friday and Saturday... I dunno. I guess there's new stuff on, but who really watches. So instead let's take a moment to discuss the real TV this fall, which of course has been news and various humorous reportings on said news. As we said above, there seems to be some sort of election happening as well as some coverage of the large and troubling black hole that recently opened up here in New York, south of Worth Street. The "news" programs, as they were, have been of course loud and shouty and irksome and saturated with the kind of editorializing and conjecture that has somehow slunk its way to the top of the heap. It's so rare, like really honestly rare, these days to see any reporting that's not loaded with opinions and speculation and all manner of rabid fame-clawing by correspondents desperate to earn the next truckload of sweet ass O'Reilly or Olbermann cash. Fuck who's in the tank for who, let's toss out both tanks and start from scratch. And yes, though I like her, I'm willing to throw the Maddow out with the bathwater. F+

The parody shows, chiefly The Daily Show and The Colbert Report, have fared far better because, duh, there's just so. much. to make fun of. It's no surprise that these arch hosts (Jon Stewart, Stephen Colbert) are performing ably, but all of their correspondents, writers, and editors have also been more on top of their game than we've seen in a long time. Wherever you fall on the issues (crazy, nonsensical shortsightedness vs. Barack Obama), the back-to-back lineup is always worth watching. A+

So that's that! Tell us what else you've been watching and if you've enjoyed it in the comments. And, you know, disagree with me. Because really I have no idea what the hell I'm talking about.

"While developing a spin-off based around this character, Colbert and his writers took great care in honing his on-screen persona to fit what they saw as a glaring gap in the comedy market for an obnoxious, editorialising political host just like the ones who had come to dominate the US airwaves.

"'What the character expresses in specific reference to American television is the post evening-news, personality-driven, single-camera shout-fest interviews,' says Colbert. He's referring to hosts such as Fox-bred entities like Sean Hannity and Joe Scarborough, and mildly less offensive CNN presenters Lou Dobbs and Anderson Cooper among many others.

"Colbert's clearest role model would be Fox News figurehead Bill O'Reilly, who takes great pride in shouting down 'unpatriotic' (dissenting) guests and occasionally having their microphones switched off mid-sentence. 'The emotion of the moment is assumed and amplified by a single voice and regurgitated back to the country at the lowest common denominator,' says Colbert. 'It can be swathed in idea, but it's essentially an emotional event. I'm regurgitating back to you how you feel about it - I am you. I am you!'

Colbert continues: "At the heart of this is America as the chosen country of God. It's a conflation of the Statue of Liberty and the crucifix: American religiosity and American destiny are one and the same. That's why George Bush was chosen by God to lead the world. Manifest destiny is an old idea, but now it's just expressed in different ways." [Telegraph]

From: Chris Beam
To: Chris Beam
Sent: Tuesday, January 8, 2008 2:18:07 PM
Subject: Colbert

Watch it tonight at 11:30. I'm on it!

I will probably regret sending this to so many people, since there's a good chance it ends in humiliation. But so be it.

Newsbot Katie Couric appeared on "The Colbert Report" and it didn't take long before the host was challenging America's third-favorite network news anchor to flash her gams for the camera. Katie demurred; clearly, she's still stung by those bitchy comments from Alessandra Stanley.

Earlier: America Reacts To Katie Couric

Plastic surgery disaster Alex Kuczynski appeared on "The Colbert Report" last evening: here's the clip. It's amusing (or at least Colbert's end is) and nothing more, but a few things you may want to note:

Earlier: Gawker's coverage of Alex Kuczynski

• The secret to Headline News' success? Bloviators, and plenty of 'em. [NYT]
  
• Meredith Viera is doing just fine on Today, thanks. [NYDN]
  
• Departing Daily Show/Colbert producer Ben Karlin's exit could not be more amicable. Really. He and Jon Stewart are still totally trading one-liners and stuff. [NYT]
  
• Speaking of Colbert, he's the I Want Media Media Person of the Year for 2006, which is like winning a Pulitzer except, you know, the whole "award from a website no one's ever heard of" thing. [IWM]
  
• Field guide or no, we still have no idea who Louise McBain is, or why we should give a shit. In any event, she stiffed avant-garde director Robert Wilson's Hamptons museum (read that phrase again, isn't it incredibly ridiculous) to the tune of $50,000. [NYP]

• NBC Universal ad chief Keith Turner is hitting the road, possibly because Jeff Zucker's a dick. [THR]
  
• The shrinking Wall Street Journal worries employees, who will now be forced to blog and stuff. [NYP]
  
• The highly-anticipated relaunch of the CNBC happens today. Let us know how that one turns out. [Guardian]
  
• Donny Deutsch, babydaddy, might make a good target for Evan Bayh or some other Dem presidential hopeful with no other shot at the nomination. [Kausfiles]
  
• Personality-driven daytime TV shows losing ratings. Yes, Oprah too. [B&C]
  
• "Kent Brownridge is no Ron Galotti when it comes to being a gentleman farmer." If this sentence means anything to you, you either work in the media industry or are stalking one of the gentlemen in question. [WWD]

So there's words, but no pictures? Colbert, but no writing staff? And seven figures up front? We've high hopes, but this might be the most dangerous book deal since Washingtonienne.

Colbert Riffs Put to Paper [Variety]

Colbert: So edumacate me here: A blog is what? I know the kids do it, I hear it all the time with, like, iPod, I hear those two terms thrown around a lot.

Sullivan: It's almost like you have truth that you give us every night. But some of us, we just struggle every day to put whatever little bit of truth we can find on the internet and call it a blog. It's literally a web log, it's a log of your random, incessant thoughts, on the web.

C: So a blog is web log? Is there an apostrophe, or do you guys not even have the strength for that? You're just gonna jam two words together?

After the jump, Sullivan's impressive answer and truthiness for the Times.

S: Over time it just became a "blog."

C: "Blog." It's a beautiful word. It's musical. So, uh, you type your thoughts and they appear on a screen instantly and that's it. That's what you do?

S: That's what I do.

C: They used to call that typing. I don't trust you guys, because anybody could do that, right?

S: You don't. The only way you can trust anybody who blogs is by following them and making sure they're not full of it all the time. The one sign of a good blogger is that he immediately corrects a mistake. And unlike the New York Times, where they can put all of their millions of mistakes in a little box in the corner every day which you never read, a blogger has to fess up, right there, just like you do every night.

C: Actually, I read the New York Times corrections. It's the most entertaining part of that paper.