In an early morning raid on Tuesday, NYPD officers began removing Occupy Wall Street protesters from Manhattan's Zuccotti Park. The eviction drew negative reactions from many, but on tonight's Report, Stephen Colbert celebrated the cleanup: "The founders never intended indefinite free speech; they assumed that,…
On tonight's Report, Stephen Colbert used the birth of an intern's child as an opportunity to highlight a recent local news report about how teens are now getting drunk by sticking vodka-soaked tampons up their vaginas/rectums. "No wonder the women in [tampon] commercials look so happy," said Colbert. "They are…
On tonight's Report, Stephen Colbert praised Herman Cain for defiantly rejecting the notion he'd ever sexually harassed anyone, despite the existence of at least five accusers to the contrary. In fact, Colbert was so confident in Cain that he got out his checkbook and proceeded to write the campaign a check—until he…
On tonight's Report, Stephen Colbert sifted through the latest developments in Herman Cain's sexual harassment scandal, including claims by Rush Limbaugh that the whole thing is nothing more than a racist attack on Cain perpetrated by bigoted liberals. Because Limbaugh would never say anything racist! Except that he…
Even though the cost of having a pet in the U.S. is skyrocketing, Americans aren't abandoning their cute little companions. In fact, many pets are now living more comfortably than unemployed humans and on tonight's Report, Stephen Colbert proposed a pretty unique solution to the financial problems plaguing so many…
On last night's Report, Stephen Colbert announced plans to co-opt the Occupy Wall Street movement with money from his Super PAC and then taunted two of its members to their faces. Tonight, Colbert aired the conclusion of the interview, during which he tried even harder to bribe the occupiers into submission.
On tonight's Report, Stephen Colbert decided that he wanted to use his PAC's money to co-opt the Occupy Wall Street movement, so he headed down to Zuccotti Park in an attempt to learn more about the protesters that have lived there for the last six weeks. After meandering about incognito for a while, Colbert…
Tonight, Stephen Colbert opened the Report with a defense of the Oakland cops who used force earlier this week while disassembling local protesters. Colbert then turned his attention to the Occupy Wall Street movement in general. "You had your moment, but we are bored with you now," he said. "You're just a media…
On tonight's Report, Stephen Colbert focused on the so-called "War on Halloween" and the alternative that some Christian activists have been pushing called Jesus Ween, which involves people dressing up like Jesus and passing out Bibles in lieu of trick-or-treating. Colbert argued that Halloween and Jesus actually…
Herman Cain released an inexplicable campaign ad on Monday featuring his chief of staff smoking a cigarette. But unlike everyone else, Stephen Colbert didn't spend much time on tonight's Report trying to analyze the ad, opting instead to parody it with the three even more extreme versions.
Jon Huntsman, aka the Mormon ex-governor running for the Republican nomination for president not named Mitt Romney, sat down with Stephen Colbert on tonight's Report, no doubt hoping to bump up his anemic poll numbers. And while Huntsman's defense of Mormonism (people will come around, just like they did in the '60s…
Under the guise of a program called "Books for the Troops," Bill O'Reilly strong-arms viewers into buying his latest bestseller by promising to send a copy of each one sold to American soldiers serving overseas. Of course, that doesn't mean the troops actually want the books, as we learned Wednesday when one…
On Monday, based on some random information he found on Wikipedia, Rush Limbaugh called President Obama's decision to deploy military advisers to Africa—part of an effort to combat the Lord's Resistance Army—a plot to "wipe out Christians." Limbaugh failed to note that the LRA is infamous for raping and murdering…
When it comes to Republican presidential candidates, Stephen Colbert doesn't back losers. So now that Rick Perry is fading fast, Colbert must throw his allegiance elsewhere, and who better to back than Herman Cain, the main beneficiary of Perry's declining poll numbers? That was the question on Colbert's mind…
With the U.S. unemployment rate holding steady at 9.1%, people are desperate for any kind of work. That's why Florida state legislator Ritch Workman submitted a bill earlier this month that would repeal the state's ban on dwarf-tossing, freeing up jobs for aerodynamic little people across the Sunshine State. While…
Stephen Colbert has long been an out-and-proud Apple fanboy: He showed off an iPad at the 2010 Grammys, a gift from Steve Jobs himself, months before it was released to the public. So it should come as no surprise that he took some time on tonight's Report to remember the company's late co-founder with a tribute…
On The View yesterday, dark horse Republican candidate Herman Cain claimed homosexuality is a sin and that people choose to be gay. After he was challenged by Joy Behar, Cain said "Show me the science," apparently unaware of the fact it already exists. Even so, Stephen Colbert defended Cain on tonight's Report by…
On tonight's Report, Stephen Colbert surveyed the current Republican presidential field with a disapproving eye—even referring to longtime favorite Rick Perry as "Texas Toast"—before revealing his plan to support New Jersey Gov. Chris Christie. If only Christie hadn't already decided to not enter the race!
Rick Perry is taking heat following the revelation that for decades his family has visited a West Texas hunting camp named "Niggerhead." While Jon Stewart covered the controversy with a geography lesson on Monday's Daily Show, Stephen Colbert—still reeling from his defense of Perry's debate disaster last week—was…
A week after he suggested the U.S. government pillage the caskets of dead people to reduce its budget deficit, Stephen Colbert used tonight's Report to put forth an even more controversial plan for addressing the problem of illegal immigration and the "anchor baby" phenomenon. Let's just say that the umbilical cord…
