<![CDATA[Gawker: the commies]]> http://tags.gawker.com/assets/base/img/thumbs140x140/gawker.com.png <![CDATA[Gawker: the commies]]> http://gawker.com/tag/thecommies http://gawker.com/tag/thecommies <![CDATA['Her Crush Yanked Out Her Tampon...']]> Best comments of the week after the jump!

]]> http://gawker.com/index.php?op=postcommentfeed&postId=5138584&view=rss&microfeed=true <![CDATA['Hello Folks, This Is Your Captain Speaking...']]> Here, in no particular order, are the best comments of the week. Good work everyone.

  • From cdmunch in Hudson Plane Crash Survivor: 'Scary as Shit':
    "'Hello folks, this is your captain speaking. If you look out on your left, above the waves of sewage and hospital waste, you'll see the failed real estate boom of Jersey City, and to your right, the gay men of Chelsea cruising the piers.'"
  • From gawkimo in PETA: Everything Is Too Cute to Eat:
    "I always get Peter Singer and Pete Seeger mixed up. I once went to an event hoping to hear 'Wimoweh' only to find myself pondering the question of whether pouring a blastocyst down the drain of a laboratory sink at a fertility center is abortion. The weed didn't help my pondering; all I wanted was 'Wimoweh.'"
  • From uninspired in Gristedes Covers Up Copy Cat Trader John's Sign:
    "In an unfortunate and unforeseen twist, they're now being sued by Austria." [There's a picture, too. Of the flag. It's funny.]
  • From SidAndFinancy in Wall Street People: Not Funny:
    "Jerry Seinfeld: What's the deal with broker-dealers?

    Red Buttons: The passengers on the Titanic, who said to each other, "No bailout will ever be enough!" never got a dinner.

    Henny Youngman: Take my collateralized debt obligations. Please!

    Steven Wright: Why is it that when you securitize something, there's no security in it?

    George Carlin: Wall Street. Is it a Wall or is it a Street? Tell it to make up its effing mind and get back to me!

    Rodney Dangerfield: I'm the opposite of E.F. Hutton. When I talk, nobody listens! No respect, I tell ya."

  • From BadUncle in Internet Not Responsible for Rise in Reading Says Luddite:
    "Getting market data from a poet is like hiring a weaver to fix your disposal."
]]> http://gawker.com/index.php?op=postcommentfeed&postId=5133454&view=rss&microfeed=true <![CDATA[Our Ten Favorite Comments of 2008]]> These are the funniest, or timeliest, or wittiest comments we could find this year. There was a long, long list to cull from, so really you should all consider yourself winners. Especially ten of you.

10. From The Dagrolord in Why Doesn't Anyone Watch Gossip Girl?;
"Gossip Girl manages the paradoxical:

A gorgeous cast that is not in the least attractive."

9. From Colonel Mustard in Steve Doocy Is The Only Person Still Thinking About Madonna's Breasts:
"Watching Fox and Friends is sort of like watching a bunch of witches sip coffee and have a good time while roasting children on a spit. Like, they almost seem normal, and you kind of forget how evil they are for a second, and then one of them is picking baby out of their teeth with a rib bone."

8. From iplaudius in Rape T-Shirt Could Be Even Bigger Than Abortion T-Shirt:
"Ask me about my miscarriage."

7. From OMG! Ponies! in Sarah Palin's Personal Emails:
"God dammit. I'm doing a document review gig in Newark, reading through a company's emails and what am I doing on lunch-break?

Reading someone else's emails."

6. From La Cieca in Jakob Lodwick Thinks He's Diluting Mary Rambin's Brand:
"'I'm diluting your brand' is the new 'I'm crushing your head.'"

5. From ADismalScience in Jennifer Hudson's Family's Murder Is a Great Selling Point:
"Oh god, there is nothing worse than a gun violence debate. It's like watching chickens argue with eggs in the middle of a KFC."

4. From Botswana Meat Commission in Will HuffPo Pay Its Bloggers Some Mythical Day in the Future?:
"She looks exactly how I imagine the Huffington Post would look in human form."

3. From Pope John Peeps II in Candy Candy Candy:
"famous retard Thomas Friedman says:

Gum was a pre-911 candy, when americans could lounge over the disappearing flavour of their confection, and spend all day masticating uselessly. It was a candy of indulgence and softness, which allowed terrorism to strike. In the 90s there were many bubbles. There was the stockmarket bubble, the corporate governance bubble, the terrorism bubble and the gum bubble.

But now, global technologies have flattened the playing field on which candy is made. Young indian entrepreneurs can plug in their laptops and magically make candy. Candy can now emerge from the buttocks of young philipino boys. It grows on trees. I'm bathing in candy right now. When I was in mumbai, I saw a billboard for candy and I thought "oh my god. the world of candy is being flattened". but not just flattened, but flattened into bumps of progress. flatbumped into a flat, bumpy surface on which the whole world can slide smoothly. Over bumps.

America needs a strong, direct candy. They need a candy which can be chewed and swallowed. But swallowing is not enough. It must be swallowed all at once, violently, in a process I call "swONEllowing". This swONEllowing allows americans the sudden massive jolt of sugar to their systems that allows them to pierce the deceptive beards of jihadists living in the united states, to reveal their terrorist intent. It then allows all americans the sugar rush necessary to leap to iraq, and join our marines in taking a giant stick from house to house, and showing it to the iraqis. One might think that they wouldn't understand us, but will they understand getting anally penetrated by an assault rifle? The answer is yes."

2. From karion in The Most Abject Correction Ever:
"Talk about burying your lede."

1. From Nic Fit in Read These Stories To Figure Out What's Going On:
"Sarah Palin lives near a bank, maybe she can solve this thing."

]]> http://gawker.com/index.php?op=postcommentfeed&postId=5117070&view=rss&microfeed=true <![CDATA['Why Not Try Mumbling It To Yourselves or Blogging About It (Same Thing)?']]> Best comment of the week medals go to:

  • From tammyfey in Three Shopping Weeks Until the End of Bill Kristol's Times Contract:
    That froggy picture reminds me so much of Kermit: 'It Ain't Easy Bein' Absolutely Wrong About Everything All The Fucking Time'"
  • From CaptainFantastic in Time Robotically Names Obama Person of the Year:
    "I can tell, by the hat, that these pictures were taken in Havana."
  • From contradicto in Molesters Ruin Kids' Letters To, Belief In, Santa Claus:
    "Show Mommy where Santa touched you, using that doll Santa brought you."
  • From AngelicaCeler in Do Snobby New Yorkers Hate Everyone From Cleveland?
    "i find it pretty strange that the majority of the alter-egos represented herein are all at once engrossed, dismissive, and ill-informed. actually, i'm not surprised. most of the people commenting are likely just killing time at their specialized though pointless white collar jobs, whether they be based out of a rust belt town suffering for the misdeeds perpetuated by corporate america over the recent decades or a stifling megalopolis that has ballooned into a parody of itself. or in other words, some of you people–and i type that in a spirit of egalitarianism–are vapid, arbitrarily critical, and simply rehashing the same rote jokes. oh, so you watched that 30 rock episode, did you? or did you find the dig at cleveland in a final scene of wet hot american summer ever so titillating you soiled your favorite lynn ritchie silk skirt?! you don't say? oh! i like you! you're funny! well, i'd wager i could find far more crude, easily entertained, provincial individuals in the five boroughs than i could in either cleveland, or detroit, or st. louis, or chicago, or atlanta, or new orleans, or philly, or charleston (west virginia, of course), or portland (maine and oregon), or los angeles (ok, maybe not l.a.), or crawford (tejas), or that lovely connecticut town the hepburns would pass through on the way to their estate, etc. anyway, town pride and regionalism is some of the stupidest shit next to organized religion and silk screened blazers. and if you're trying to be funny, well, why not try mumbling it to yourselves or blogging about it (same thing). is anybody paying attention? but of course not."
  • From Pope John Peeps II in Let's Talk Inanely About Hot Teen Sex!:
    "Thomas Friedman writes:

    So I felt a new idea burst upon me like a giant exploding ball of idea sweat. The first thing I did was write to the owners of high tech companies in Mumbai, Dusseldorf, Dublin and Moosejaw, Saskatchewan who later confirmed my suspicions. Kids. Are. Putting. Penises. In. Vaginas! Can you believe it. It's a process that can only occur now that the world has been flattened by telecommunications, and hottened up by global warming. In this age of hot flatness, children are now on an equal level with each other. Now that they have full view of each other's genitals, it's only natural that they desire them. Also, the hottenting up of our global climate means that the air is hotter, and it gets hotter IN HERE. And what happens when it gets hot IN HERE? Well as one reputed scientist says: "You take off all your clothes". So now we have a world of blazing hot genitals facing each other on a flat plain of equitable economic development and some entrepreneurial youngster is going to attemt something radical. This radical process is something that I, in a completely original statement of supreme cogency and intelligence, like to call "a vaginal-intra-be-peening". Now I should probably have warned you, because it's a highly sexy name. But in this new age of brand new sexual behaviour never before attempted, us of the previous generation cannot fail but look at things with truthful eyes. And spray into our truthful eyes the eyedrops of humility and comprehension. And then when our truthful eyes drip with excess humility and comprehension only then can we spend out time staring straight at the blazing sun of truth for at least 12 minutes, until the full blindness of this new age is bestowed on us."

]]> http://gawker.com/index.php?op=postcommentfeed&postId=5114631&view=rss&microfeed=true <![CDATA["Some Folks Are Born Silver Rohypnol Prescription in Hand"]]> Our favorite comments of the week are after the jump. Pretty much everyone did well this week, as always, but here in America we like to reward the few and ignore the many. Enjoy.

]]> http://gawker.com/index.php?op=postcommentfeed&postId=5108846&view=rss&microfeed=true <![CDATA[CodePink's Iron Curtain Call]]> Every so often one commenter serves the public body in singularly superb fashion. These comrades deserve recognition individually—a chance to come forward and take a bow. Today we honor commenter CodePink, who in her weird, warm, wise, and always funny way makes the days tick by just a little faster. Enjoy five of her best comments this week after the jump. Nobody does it better.

  • From Anna Wintour To New York Magazine: 'Just Go Away':
    "Ms. Wintour: 'Well, that's an interesting question; what's more interesting to me is if your mother cries every night because you turned out so ugly and stupid. Goodbye.'"
  • From On Stylista, The Fat Girl Is 'The Elephant In The Room':
    "Last time I went on a Fat Rampage, I pushed down shelves of canned ham at C-Town, shook 7 Up two liter bottles and opened them all at the same, and then threw poundcakes at children, all whilst snarling."
  • From The Next New Thing: The Next New Thing:
    "Here are some new things:
    mint flavored soda
    raspberry hamburgers
    computers that can fit in your eyeball!
    rainbow colored babies
    Kansastana
    marrying my aunt!"
  • From Why Aren't There Any Good Hoaxes Anymore?:
    "I one time went to the store to buy bananas but instead i bought apples and tried to make a banana split out of apples and everyone was like that's more like apple pie ala mode and i said no it's a banana split and then three people jumped off the roof because it messed them up so bad that idea. it was hoax!"
  • From Seriously, Why Even Bother Profiling Julia Allison?:
    "What I ask is this: why even bother bothering to bother being bothered by bothering?"

And many, many more. Congrats Pinkie!

]]> http://gawker.com/index.php?op=postcommentfeed&postId=5096340&view=rss&microfeed=true <![CDATA["And Then One Of Them Is Picking Baby Out Of Their Teeth With A Rib Bone."]]> The week after a vacation is always hard and I found myself missing the West several times over these few quickly darkening days. Luckily I had your wonderful comments to help me soldier on through. Many were good, but we breathe, sleep, and toil in a culture that only rewards the few, and so we'll do our part after the jump. There you'll find the five "best" comments of the week, as chosen by us, and the Party Pick comment, chosen by you.

Good work everyone!

]]> http://gawker.com/index.php?op=postcommentfeed&postId=5087736&view=rss&microfeed=true <![CDATA["Like Watching Chickens Argue With Eggs In The Middle Of A KFC"]]> This has been an epic week, mostly because I feel sick and sorry for myself and my friends got married on Sunday. But you guys also made it a pretty big week, with some excellent Long Comments. We've awarded three of you for your outstanding tomes, and of course named the Party Pick for your favorite comment of the week after the jump.

  • From bringmemyTofu in Radar Posthumously Funds Trip To Palin's Hometown:
    "I had 'Palin Fever' but I took antibiotics which cleared it up and led to job creation and the health care, which is really the focus of this project, because we Americans, those I have talked to, are fearful and worried about jobs and health care because the food on their table is going to be shared with everyone in the town, and by golly, it just doesn't work that way in America.

    Oh god, it's back. I need more medicine."

  • From bjonston in "I'm Anti-Chicken And Anti-Blood But I'm Pro-Fox and Friends":
    "Anecdote: The other day my uncle came over to visit and for some inexplicable reason he turned the channel on my kitchen TV to Fox News. So anyway, he leaves and we turn the TV off.

    That night, my wife and I go out to Rosa Mexicano for the birthday/goodbye dinner of a friend/houseguest who was leaving the next day. The food was awful so to compensate I proceeded to get bombed on overpriced margaritas and crappy Mexican beer. Of course by the time we get home (c. 11:00 pm) my stomach is on fire and I have a raging headache. So I down a few Zantacs, an Alka Seltzer and we go to bed. Two hours later I'm still awake so I decide to take my last Ambien. Eventually I must have fallen asleep.

    Anyway, the next thing I know it's like 7:00 am, I'm sitting in my PJ's, in a pool of blood in my kitchen with the TV one, the remote control in one hand, my wife's old Ginzu (sp?) chef's knife in the other, and these two fucking morons (Brian Kilmeade and Steve Doocy) blathering away in the background. When I finally realize what's going on it's because my wife is standing in the doorway, screaming at me hysterically at the top of her lungs because I've somehow managed to sleep-walk into the kitchen, turn on the TV (remember Fox News?) then slit both my wrists and stab myself in the head twice before finally waking up. My wife says I stumbled out of bed and walked into the kitchen, turned on the TV and after a minute or two, I apparently started yelling at the TV, which is why she eventually got out of bed and came over only to find me half asleep, yelling at the TV and stabbing myself.

    Fortunately, I missed all major arteries and didn't do any permanent damage. But that's the last time I mix Mexican food/booze with Ambien and Fox News. Fucking assholes!"

  • From vaquero in Welcome Back:
    "O! Sheila, I know what you mean. This one time, I was sitting on the curb in front of my house eating grapes in the early evening. It was late summer. The sticky humid heat of Houston—the way that that air was tangible, I felt enclosed by it. How the sweat wouldn't run down my body, but rather cling to it. A chicken came up to me and poked around my feet. She told me that the neighbor boy had said that I found a baby bird that fell from its nest and fed it hardboiled egg yolk mixed with water from a plastic syringe. She said that this was an act against Nature. But I saved that bird's life and returned it to its parents and didn't feel bad about this and said so. The chicken cocked her head and said that the neighbor boy had also said that he watched me masturbate in the privacy of my bedroom on many occasions. I knew this could not be true because I never masturbated in my bedroom, I only did that in the pantry because I loved the smell of flour and how small and dark that space would get—it felt as if I didn't exist at the same time that my body was more real to me than it ever was. My lap was full of green grapes and the chicken ate them all. I wanted to grab them but was afraid that the chicken would peck my hands. It only occurred to me later that I should have spread my legs, let the grapes fall and then kicked the chicken to the other side of the street. I could've then gathered my grapes and rinsed them off in the kitchen sink and eaten them while watching TV. Anyway, this all led to the death of my mother later that night when she didn't bring any grapes home from the grocery store. God. The suburbs. I fucking hate them."
  • Your Party Pick goes to ADismalScience in Jennifer Hudson's Family's Murder Is a Great Selling Point:
    "Oh god, there is nothing worse than a gun violence debate. It's like watching chickens argue with eggs in the middle of a KFC."

Good job, guys!

And now I take my leave for a MOTHERFUCKIN' WEEK'S VACATION Y'ALL. See you AFTER THE ELECTION. WHEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!

If you live in California, where I will be, please VOTE NO ON PROPOSITION 8, unless you want to reinstate Jim Crow laws 'n stuff. Vote early, vote often.

xoxo

]]> http://gawker.com/index.php?op=postcommentfeed&postId=5072855&view=rss&microfeed=true <![CDATA[Ashley Todd, We Hardly Knew Ye]]> This comment of sorts from fetys in this post just wins it all. Good work.

]]> http://gawker.com/index.php?op=postcommentfeed&postId=5068559&view=rss&microfeed=true <![CDATA["We Like Gossip For The Same Reason We Like Dogs"]]> Oh what a week! There was a debate and more politics than it was previously thought the human race could endure. Only time will tell if we actually can! Maybe we'll all turn to dust next week. What we can definitely withstand and, I dare say, what we enjoy are good comments from you folks. So after the jump read our and your picks for the best of the week.

Everyone did excellent work! Enjoy your weekends!

]]> http://gawker.com/index.php?op=postcommentfeed&postId=5065293&view=rss&microfeed=true <![CDATA['The Number of Porn Movies Currently Being Shot With Joe Biden Look-Alikes Is Alarming']]> Well so, OK, the world is ruined. The concept of "money" no longer exists and a makeshift barter system has sprung up in its place. A soiled wig is worth one subway ride, a clean wig is worth a taxi ride, and a Commie for best comment of the week? Worth it's weight in m.f.'in gold. So praise the six who've received the honor this week after the jump, then plot and scheme as to how to steal it away from them.

Good work everyone! Stay outta the poor house!

]]> http://gawker.com/index.php?op=postcommentfeed&postId=5061925&view=rss&microfeed=true <![CDATA["It Doesn't Get Better Than Ms. Vickie's Salt and Vinegar Chips"]]> As you may have heard, Gawker is making some unfortunate cutbacks because loan officers had a really wicked party while their parents were out of town and now the whole house is ruined. This affects all of us, even you, dear commenters. So in an effort to tighten our belts in whatever way we can, we're only giving out three Commies this week (plus your Party Pick). Those medals get expensive. We'll be back to the regular format next week, when this crisis will surely be over.

  • From Ha Ha Sound in Nobel To Salinger: Nah, He's American:
    Too isolated and insular? He's obviously forgetting about such classics as Hemingway's Get Off My Lawn and Shut the Fuck Up and Faulkner's If You Ever Call This Number Again, I'm Going to Rip Your Head Off."
  • From Princess Kashmir in An RSSTD Is Nothing To Be Ashamed Of—Valtrex Can Help:
    "Yeah, but the Valtrex commercials have lots of shiny B-roll of the newly infected and his/her significant other frolicking in the woods or riding horses. Whatever cure they come up with RSSTD would have to feature a dude in stained American Apparel sweatpants slumped over his IKEA desk. His ladyfriend is simultaneously offering some random Digg user or Rex Sorgatz (it has to be one of the two) a handjob if he can help her cut her latest tweet down to 140 words."
  • From PrincessKashmir in Jeffrey Epstein's Prison Store Receipt:
    "I must say, he has fine taste. It doesn't get better than Ms. Vickie's Salt and Vinegar chips. Well, except for Ms. Vickie's Salt and Vinegar chips and not being in prison." —You only get one medal, Kash. Blame it on Ben Bernanke.
  • And finally your party pick goes to BullFightsOnAcid in On The Internet Everyone Knows You Want To Kill Them:
    "Just what is a 'female on the rug'? I Googled it and all I got were ways to get cat pee out of the carpet."

Good job all. Invest in soup and bindles.

]]> http://gawker.com/index.php?op=postcommentfeed&postId=5058881&view=rss&microfeed=true <![CDATA["An Almost Unbearable Test Of Endurance"]]> Lots of terrible, awful things happened this week. So it's a credit to your moxie, spirit, and dedication as commenters that you guys did not suspend your duties. You soldiered on and made fun of things that are, in truth, terribly troubling and possibly world-changing. So good on you! After the jump we'll celebrate our (and your) six favorite distracting comments from these most troubling five days.

  • From Nesbiteme in McCain Bails On First Debate:
    "Oh, I thought McCain postponed this Friday's debate with Obama so he could hang upside down with David Blaine in Central Park, because that is less lame then the crazy-ass excuse he gave."
  • From Nic Fit in Read These Stories To Figure Out What's Going On:
    "Sarah Palin lives near a bank, maybe she can solve this thing."
  • From tammyfey in Global Media Sours On David Blaine's Half Ass Stunt:
    "Against all common sense, for the next two days, for five days after that, and for hundreds of consecutive weeks thereafter, I will leave my natural environment every morning, penetrate the surface of the earth, place myself into a crowded metal tube, then emerge into a tower completely sealed from the outside world and sit, practically motionless, among strangers while I stare at a light-emitting device for approximately 8 hours. I will then place myself again into the metal tube, return to my recovery pod, ingest solid and liquid matter and inhale smoldering herbs in an attempt to gain the strength to perform the same feat, the very next day.

    It is an almost unbearable test of endurance."

  • From Private Hangnail in Clay Aiken, Broadway Star and American Idol Reveals Shocking Gayness:
    "This is about as shocking as when observable phenomena lead to logical conclusions."
  • From BK_KT in Because It's Friday:
    "I hate when people have to ask what to be for Halloween. Clearly you're an idiot with no imagination. And no, 'Pink Slut' does not count as an original idea."
  • Your Party Pick for this week goes to Truculent in InTouch Celebrates Dave Navarro's Tasteful Murder Art:
    "The irony loops around itself over and over, creating a hipster black hole of douchiness"

Congrats everyone. Enjoy/weep at the debate!

]]> http://gawker.com/index.php?op=postcommentfeed&postId=5055555&view=rss&microfeed=true <![CDATA["What Am I Doing On Lunch-Break? Reading Someone Else's Emails."]]> You commenters are all so smart and so clever (well, for the most part.) But six of you, this week, really hacked into the password-protected recesses of our hearts—making us laugh, think, feel, and shake our heads bitterly. Read the achievements of your comrades (WE ARE COMMUNIST ATHEIST ANTI-CONS) after the jump.

]]> http://gawker.com/index.php?op=postcommentfeed&postId=5052526&view=rss&microfeed=true <![CDATA["I Was Told There Would Be Punch And Pie"]]> Comments here, get your comments here! Here are the six best reader comments of the week, five chosen by us on this side of the compooter wall, one chosen by YOU. Because we're struggling toward democracy! A high-functioning democracy in which our votes count five times more than yours.

]]> http://gawker.com/index.php?op=postcommentfeed&postId=5049242&view=rss&microfeed=true <![CDATA["This Is Why I Only Date the Illiterate"]]> As some of you perished earlier today, so too will some of you be honored. Six of you, specifically, who made us laugh and think and forget our many troubles this week. See who gets the gold stars after the jump.

  • From Jenniferhdaniel in Wired Shows How Your Magazine Profile Sausage Gets Made:
    "That sounds about as cool as this:

    HOW A GAWKER COMMENT GETS MADE

    Jenniferhdaniel sits at her desk with eighteen windows open, frantically hitting the refresh button and pretending to work on some stupid interview about some stupid small town bullshit when in actuality she is more entertained and intellectually stimulated reading things that Sheila wrote. She scrolls down and reads each comment, trying like hell to dream up some pun or compliment or even better something snarky to write on the board. Her phone rings. It is the county commissioner, the fire chief or the resident "tipster" who is really just the drunk gossip from the church, who is awesome, btw. As awesome as Gawker, actually. One time on Saturday she saw him answer his door in a neglige. She digresses. She checks the "preview comment" button after typing. She publishes her comment. She sighs and wishes she were Pope John Peeps II."

  • From Anissa Jones Shoots Smack! in The Dangerous Maverick:
    "Interesting article Nick. Especially the point on who is better equipped to assume an executive position! I am secretly hoping that on John McCain's first day in office a small vietnamese man will walk up to the front gate of the White House, blow a dog whistle and McCain will push the button. Then I will finally get a day off from work."
  • From The Girl Also Blogs (and Unfun!!!) in Writers! Stop Dating Each Other Now:
    "This is why I only date the illiterate."
  • From CodePink in Has the Internet Ruined Your Life? Let Tyra Banks Help You!:
    "I hit Refresh hoping that lemonade will pour out of my mouse.

    Happened once or twice."

  • From The Dagrolord in Why Doesn't Anyone Watch Gossip Girl?;
    "Gossip Girl manages the paradoxical:

    A gorgeous cast that is not in the least attractive."

  • And your Party Pick this week goes to hamburgerhotdog's work in Factsheet: Sarah Palin:
    "She once killed a man in Juneau, just to watch him die."

  • Congrats all! Have a pleasant, politics-free weekend!

]]> http://gawker.com/index.php?op=postcommentfeed&postId=5046163&view=rss&microfeed=true <![CDATA[Sarcastro's Iron Curtain Call]]>

Every so often one commenter serves the public body in singularly superb fashion. These comrades deserve recognition individually—a chance to come forward and take a bow. Today we honor commenter Sarcastro, who is consistently side-splittingly funny and an all around good guy, especially this week. Come get your medal, sir!

]]> http://gawker.com/index.php?op=postcommentfeed&postId=5040726&view=rss&microfeed=true <![CDATA[The Best Of Late Night 2]]> Our tireless nighttime editor Ryan Tate, so far away on the West Coast, posts all night while the rest of us are sleeping. But some you commenters are awake with him, saying many funny things. They can too often be overlooked, so we're doing another edition of the best comments from the graveyard shift. After the jump find five of the best sleepy time (night and early morning) comments, and of course your Party Pick of the week.

  • From belltolls in Opening Line for a Protocelebrity:
    "All happy tumblrs are alike; each unhappy tumnblr is unhappy in its own way."
  • From Aaron Altman in Julia Child Was a US Spy:
    Julia Child quotes:

    "It's so beautifully arranged on the plate - you know someone's fingers have been all over it. Let's check it for prints."

    "Find something you're passionate about and keep tremendously interested in it. And remember to run all your subsequent notes through the Cryptologizer."

    "I wouldn't keep him around long if I didn't feed him well. So goes interrogation."

    "I think the inner person is the most important. . . . I would like to see an invention that keeps the mind alert. That's what is important. This is why I'm glad I know the folks in R&D at the CIA."

    "He had us make some toast points, and he told us to crush the (slow-roasted) garlic out of its skin and spread it on the toast along with the chicken. Roasting tamed the garlic and gave it a lovely taste. It was absolutely delicious. And when the sodium pentathol dilute kicked in he started spilling secrets. KGB are easy."

  • From onebadclam in Does Ryan Adams Want Mandy Moore Back?:
    "6. Never playfully hide her heroin spoon."
  • From Nard in Never Have Sex With a Belgian:
    "Whoever pulls that dude out of there will be King of England."
  • From VoxPopuli in Enquirer's Last Love Child Story Didn't Work Out So Well:
    "How sad that the Enquirer squandered its credibility like that. Especially on a story as implausible as a Kennedy fathering a child outside his marriage."
  • And the Party Pick goes to bctx for another hilarious ask the author a question post:

    Wow! Even as people rushed to her defense! A strange lot you all are. Brilliant work. Enjoy the weekend.

]]> http://gawker.com/index.php?op=postcommentfeed&postId=5037689&view=rss&microfeed=true <![CDATA[CodePink & ADismalScience's Tucker Max Duet]]> You guys are great. We just want you to know that. It takes a week like this—in which the complete ass-hattery of a man like Tucker Max is laid so exquisitely bare—to remind us what kind, unprejudiced little shits you are. So in honor of that, we've selected six of our favorite Tucker Max comments and placed them after the jump, where I'm told they serve beer. Oh, and it's not an accident that it's just ADismalScience and CodePink down there. They did extra-amazing work. But know that you are all near and dear to us. Except you, Moff.

  • From ADismalScience in What It Is Like To Date Tucker Max:
    "And remember that one post about how he went sharking at that bar but just didn't feel up to it, and everyone was smiling and laughing but he just kind of sat there passing the beer between his hands slowly, thoughtfully, and then he went to the bathroom and splashed some cold water on his face and he came out and all his bros were just like, standing there, like marionettes without strings and he just had that deep sense of despair that he would never escape this LIFE or whatever it is and suddenly he felt very trapped and angry, and that blonde smiled at him, and he grinned back and decided that if depression is anger turned inward than maybe sex can be anger turned outward?"
  • From CodePink in The Tucker Max Asshole Allegation Roundup:
    "I heard that Tucker once rocked back and forth in the bathtub for three hours whilst listening to Dave Matthews Band 'Crash Into Me' on repeat!"
  • From Dismal in What It Is Like To Date Tucker Max:
    "Kinda like the one time Tucker was in the mall and he walked into Express to check out some threads and like Express has the chick section too, so it's totally a great place to glance across the aisle at some honeys in their natural habitat, and then he totally spotted this one hottie so he decided to walk up to her, but he wasn't sure if he should notice her shoes or her eyes or if she would want to get married someday so he just kinda dropped his jaw and touched her hair, and she totally just gave him this "WTF" look so he got the hell out of there, sped off in his car at like 100 mph hoping that a tire would blow out and he'd finally stop feeling that empty void that her hair had made him notice within himself. Wasn't this shit the HOTNESS? I was rolling, bro."
  • From Pinkie in the same:
    "Remember the time Tucker called the phone sex chat line and started jerkin it to this girl talking about blowing him and his friend both and then at the end, when he came, he started crying and she said, "What's wrong, honey?" and Tucker was all, "I can't afford THIS, and I'm not talking about the money, I'm talking about the psychic toll semi-anonymous encounters are taking on me. I used to think it was all for fun and now I think it's like an addiction" and then he goes like on and on for like an hour and the girl just kept saying, "Uh-huh, uh-huh" and then Tucker realized he'd just spent over $400.00 talking to a stranger and so he hung up the phone and threw it at this vase on his coffee table, the face he took from his Mom's a while back because he needed a vase and it was one his father had given her and she didn't like reminders of him, but Tucker couldn't bring himself to sweep up the glass until the next morning and that was only after he'd stepped on a shard and sliced his foot open, but hey at least IT WAS SOMETHING HE COULD FEEL.

    That one killed me, man!"

  • From Dismal:
    "And like there was that one post about how he totally swore off everything completely and went on a Broliday with his bros, but then like the Bro Bus broke down in front of this crazy run-down motel next to a strip club and there wasn't anything else for a bunch of dudes to do until AAA came with some gas - ride it 'til E bro, that shit ain't cheap these days and a bro needs his brewskis - so like they went in to check out the local talent and it turned out that Tucker got with this one chick who was the motel's owner's daughter and he watched it all go down from the back of the club, shaking silently with feelings he didn't understand at how bored she looked while he and his bros all smiled and laughed"
  • From Pinkie:
    "Remember when Tucker wrote about the time he sat down at the edge of the bed with his head in his hands while the blonde was taking a shower, and he looked up into the mirror above his bureau and noticed the circles under his eyes were darker than he'd ever seen them before and he wondered how his mother was doing and hoped that maybe today, she'd kick Gary out because she was going nowhere with that guy fast, all the while wondering what song the blonde was singing in the shower and when she would leave because she stared at him last night after they had both finished and when a girl stares that means only one thing, that she needs to fucking leave now but then she falls asleep and the way her chest rises and falls reminds him of his mother when she was pass out on the couch after Jeopardy?"

  • Just really astounding, bro.

]]> http://gawker.com/index.php?op=postcommentfeed&postId=5034942&view=rss&microfeed=true <![CDATA["A Decomposed Dog? A Monster? A Terrorist Fist Jab Incarnate?"]]> It was a really slow news week, so we decided to change to purview of the site to solely deal with monster hunting. It's worked out pretty well so far! As ever, we were aided by you commenters, our trusty Short Rounds. You said many funny things, six of which will be celebrated after the jump. But just know, we are all winners here. Especially me.

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