the crazies - Gawker

posts about #thecrazies more →
NY Observer Letter-Writer's Innovative Ideas About Print, Horses, Jared Kushner, And The Jews
WTAN Signing Off: Old School Like a Typewriter in the South Bronx Jungle
Genius Is Permanent: The Five Tat Commandments
Tom Cruise Doesn't Have to Explain Himself, But He Will Anyway
Dan Rather Is Going Around Mumbling "I Used To Be Dan Rather"
Conan O'Brien Mistaken For Oversized Altar Boy, Stalked By Boston Priest
At Least One Former Model Now A Crazed Slasher!

Your version of Internet Explorer is not supported. Please upgrade to the most recent version in order to view comments.

Dsmvwl Admin Promote to frontpage Approve user Ban user ×

BookishLookish
08/16/09

In reply to NY Observer Letter-Writer's Innovative Ideas About Print, Horses, Jared Kushner, And The Jews
Good day reporters of Gawker:

My name is BookishLookish and recently I was appointed by Angels to be the Queen of the Jews in the tradition of previous Queens such as Esther, Bathsheba, Farhat Ezekiel Nadira, and Madonna.

I have been ordered by the God of the Jews to kill the unapproved commenters who are enslaved as neophytes for the purposes of restoring humor to the Internetz, much like how Lenny Bruce himself had to free the Jews from their enslavement in Egypt so many years ago.

I have decided to commandeer Gawker for this purpose which I can do since it's owned by Nick Denton who is a Jew and therefore one of my subjects which makes his properties subject to emergency commandeering if it is deemed necessary for Divine Purposes.

Anyways, does anyone want to help with this cool elite mission of preventing idiotic stuff from popping up all over this site? We can use Gawker to launch a propaganda campaign against unfunny, stupid, tedious commenters and influence public opinion against boredom.

Hopefully someone will respond to this in a positive manner and I won't just be ignored by every single person like has happened to me before in the past which is a depressing thing to have happen, but I suppose such are the trials heroes such as myself must endure in our quest for comedy at any cost.

Sincerely,

BookishLookish
Reply

BookishLookish was starred BookishLookish was unstarred

Halo_Override
08/16/09

@BookishLookish: I am intrigued by your ideas and would like to subscribe to your newsletter.
Reply

Halo_Override was starred Halo_Override was unstarred

Foster Kamer
08/16/09

@BookishLookish: I'm not sure if I can give you the go ahead, I think there's some paperwork here, somewhere. But sure, why not. Slay away.
Reply

Foster Kamer was starred Foster Kamer was unstarred

Cynical Media Bitch
08/16/09

@BookishLookish: Well, I'm all for thinning the herd, but let's face it: compared to most sites, this place is the Algonquin Round Table.
Reply

BookishLookish
08/16/09

@Foster Kamer: Clear it for me with Gabriel, Foster. And can you negotiate a decent hourly rate, since we're all being Jews together? Thanks, cookie.
Reply

BookishLookish was starred BookishLookish was unstarred

levari
08/16/09

@BookishLookish: shit, yeah, your highness. you should own this place, and we would all live or die by your thumb.
Reply

BookishLookish promoted this comment levari was starred levari was unstarred

BookishLookish
08/17/09

@levari: I'll promote that.
Reply

BookishLookish was starred BookishLookish was unstarred

wattwatt
08/16/09

In reply to NY Observer Letter-Writer's Innovative Ideas About Print, Horses, Jared Kushner, And The Jews
come on. if this is real crazy, then mr. massler is so crazy like a fox that he's imitating a first-semester mfa student ironically channeling a crazy person.

not that i'm a doctor, so what do i know? but my job does involve reading my share of letters from people who really and truly believe that they were sold into sex slavery by rudy gulianni when they were just little kids, that sort of thing. the prose style here is not at all right for genuine-issue crazy.

"but I suppose such are the trials heroes such as myself must endure in our quest for justice at any cost"

real crazy people = not so good at self-deprecating irony. also, his blog features a cyborg t-rex, which would be a good hipster t-shirt, but maybe less credible as an actual psychotic fixation.

seems to be trying to do some sort of fameball faux-crazy thing. google suggests he once had a website called insaneguy.com -- which, again, is not the of domain name that real crazies go for, i'm pretty sure.

of course, the fact that i've just spent 12 minutes on this means he wins and i lose.
Reply

wattwatt was starred wattwatt was unstarred

SarikaJalope
08/16/09

@wattwatt: We both lose, only I spent a full 15 minutes. In my extra 3 minutes, I found a comment he posted to a religion blog in which he fantasized about killing all Christians. Personally, one by one. Also, insaneguy.com seems not to have been his, but instead, something about him. He appears to be a small-time filmmaker who has relocated from NYC to LA. I hope he stays there.

And finally, for the fun of it, he appears to have a deep-seated hatred of Tucker Max.
Reply

wattwatt promoted this comment SarikaJalope was starred SarikaJalope was unstarred

wattwatt
08/16/09

@SarikaJalope: wow, hadn't seen that. nice. dude wants to kill the christians because they're worshiping the false prophet, jesus, when they should pledge themselves to "ayer hyne," the cyborg t-rex.

i'm going to feel like a real idiot if this guy is actually crazy, and kills people. til then, i'm sticking with the faux-nutter fameball theory.
Reply

wattwatt was starred wattwatt was unstarred

If_I_Had_a_Poodle
08/16/09

@wattwatt: i am 100 percent certain that if he could, rudy giuliani would sell any child into sex slavery, as would his current and third wife
Reply

Edited by If_I_Had_a_Poodle at 08/16/09 5:14 PM If_I_Had_a_Poodle was starred

If_I_Had_a_Poodle
08/16/09

In reply to NY Observer Letter-Writer's Innovative Ideas About Print, Horses, Jared Kushner, And The Jews
the stuff about the carriage horses being cruelly mistreated is true. that should be closed down as antique and outdated and past the point of amusement.
Reply

If_I_Had_a_Poodle was starred

otterbird
08/16/09

@if_i_only_had_a_heart: And then virtually every one of those carriage horses would be euthanized as there is no place for them to go. It's not as simple as thinking they'll all get sent to some farm. Horses are expensive to keep and need space and there just isn't enough for the sheer number of horses in the nation. The horses you see in Central Park were not bred specially for that job- they have been purchased from Amish farms that don't want them, or from harness racing tracks and most of them are still reasonably young. This is a job that keeps them alive. Until such time as overbreeding is dealt with, healthy horses without work will be euthanized. Fight overbreeding before you fight horse-drawn carriages.
Reply

phlox✔ promoted this comment otterbird was starred otterbird was unstarred

If_I_Had_a_Poodle
08/16/09

@otterbird: well, grandfather the current ones out ... and then no more
Reply

If_I_Had_a_Poodle was starred

ninety_nine
08/16/09

In reply to NY Observer Letter-Writer's Innovative Ideas About Print, Horses, Jared Kushner, And The Jews
I think this is just Nate Hill's latest project.
Reply

ninety_nine was starred ninety_nine was unstarred

sarrible
08/16/09

In reply to NY Observer Letter-Writer's Innovative Ideas About Print, Horses, Jared Kushner, And The Jews
I feel like this is treading the very fine line between irony and insanity. I'm having a hard time telling if the guy is genuinely cowsuit crazy or pulling some sort of hipster performance art con.

If he is for real nuts, this is some high-grade crazy. At my old job I used to get letters from a lady who really, really wanted us to put Nicole Kidman in the magazine more often, and Christmas cards for Robert DeNiro and Tom Hanks, but that was bush league crazy. If this is for real, it's The Show of bonkers.

And it also might be dangerous if it's real. The "I won't just be ignored by every single person like has happened to me before in the past" part makes me think this guy might be nuts enough to go after hansom cab drivers, like that asshole in Pittsburgh.
Reply

Edited by sarrible at 08/16/09 3:26 PM sarrible was starred sarrible was unstarred

BxgrlJeri
05/17/09

In reply to Genius Is Permanent: The Five Tat Commandments
So many douchebags have tattoos that it's not cool or hip or wise anymore. In fact, it's...pointless and meaningless. Permanent body art for the unimaginative. Yee-freaking-ha.
Reply

BxgrlJeri was starred BxgrlJeri was unstarred

DoctorEcks
05/17/09

In reply to Genius Is Permanent: The Five Tat Commandments
Luckily there's Turnlington's Lower Back Tatoo Remover

[www.hulu.com]
Reply

DoctorEcks was starred DoctorEcks was unstarred

kamikaze kittenball
05/16/09

In reply to Genius Is Permanent: The Five Tat Commandments
i don't have any, but that don't mean shit either way. some of y'all need to chillax. it ain't your flesh. i bet all you extreme tat hater commenters on this post are also pro-lifers and possibly straight-edgers, religious freaks, AA members, etc. let it go... your skin's clear, what's to fear? put down that cup of haterade.
Reply

PrincessKashmir
05/17/09

@kamikaze kittenball: Let me guess: You arrived here from the land of Facebook.

Two thoughts:

Dude, I miss Ketch.

See y'all at the Awl.
Reply

PrincessKashmir was starred PrincessKashmir was unstarred

TableNine
05/16/09

In reply to Genius Is Permanent: The Five Tat Commandments
The best tattoo I've ever seen was Centaur Patrick Swayze in his SNL Chippendale's outfit holding hands with Maury Povich underneath a rainbow. Blows rule #1 out of the fucking water. Possibly #5, too.
Reply

TableNine was starred TableNine was unstarred

iplaudius
05/16/09

In reply to Genius Is Permanent: The Five Tat Commandments
Blow jobs in the dark only? What the hell is wrong with you? Please, not everybody has those kind of issues.
Reply

iplaudius was starred iplaudius was unstarred

LeeroySpitzer
05/16/09

In reply to Genius Is Permanent: The Five Tat Commandments
BIG UPS. Dolphin bong smoking. Let's deconstruct that a bit. I bet he had just seen that John C Lilly movie, slapped a ten-strip of acid across his forehead, whilst indulging in many a liq' of K. That's my guess.
Reply

LeeroySpitzer was starred LeeroySpitzer was unstarred

freedc
05/17/09

@LeeroySpitzer: I didn't notice the dolphin had its own tat, that's so great. What's up with the weird owl that you can only see part of at the foot of the dolphin? I guess they're friends.
Reply

freedc was starred freedc was unstarred

Glib and Bitchy
05/16/09

In reply to Genius Is Permanent: The Five Tat Commandments
No penis tattoos. But what say you about tattoos on your penis?
Reply

Glib and Bitchy was starred Glib and Bitchy was unstarred

Dickdogfood
05/16/09

@BridgeOverTribbledWaters: Well, I'm not sure what one can say while throwing up, other than some variation of "hoooooorrrrruuup."
Reply

Dickdogfood was starred Dickdogfood was unstarred

RagtagOperation
05/16/09

@Dickdogfood: And a user with the name "Dickdogfood" would in fact be the authority on all things both phallic and gross.
Reply

RagtagOperation was starred RagtagOperation was unstarred

Dickdogfood
05/16/09

@RagtagOperation: My goodness, you can call me Richard Dogfood if all references to things penile give you the whim-whams!
Reply

Dickdogfood was starred Dickdogfood was unstarred

Dickdogfood
05/16/09

In reply to Genius Is Permanent: The Five Tat Commandments
I am one of a ever-vanishing minority of people who think flesh-billboards are across-the-board vile, regardless of whether they're supposed to be cute or witty or bad-ass or authentic.
Reply

Dickdogfood was starred Dickdogfood was unstarred

mmstk101
05/16/09

@Dickdogfood: I'm totally with you.
Reply

mmstk101 was starred mmstk101 was unstarred

power_stroke
05/16/09

@mmstk101: It must suck to be the oldest living WWI veteran.
Reply

power_stroke was starred power_stroke was unstarred

mmstk101
05/16/09

@power_stroke: Ah yes, because only war veterans and old people don't like tattoos? It must be tough being that clever.
Reply

mmstk101 was starred mmstk101 was unstarred

power_stroke
05/16/09

@mmstk101: For fuck's sake, my own grandparents have tattoos. So yeah, I figure you must be ancient, or a character from Footloose.
Reply

power_stroke was starred power_stroke was unstarred

power_stroke
05/16/09

@mmstk101: Also, don't talk of about cleverness when you can't think of a better way to agree with someone than "I'm totally with you!!!!1!!"
Reply

power_stroke was starred power_stroke was unstarred

iplaudius
05/16/09

@Dickdogfood: I have yet to see the tattoo I like, and so far nothing in my life has seemed so important as to warrant memorializing the event by piercing my skin and injecting ink into it.
Reply

iplaudius was starred iplaudius was unstarred

mmstk101
05/16/09

@power_stroke: My goodness. Such viciousness over my (a person you don't know) dislike of tattoos? Well, let me just pack up my things, and walk my old self out of this pleasant conversation we're having. Calm the fuck down.
Reply

mmstk101 was starred mmstk101 was unstarred

Dickdogfood
05/16/09

@power_stroke: As for me...it's Willard Hewitt. Cuz Chris Penn was just delicious back then.
Reply

Dickdogfood was starred Dickdogfood was unstarred

Paul_Is_Drunk
05/16/09

@Dickdogfood: Then don't get one.

If you are honestly offended by other people having tattoos, then you are a seriously judgmental person.
Reply

Paul_Is_Drunk was starred Paul_Is_Drunk was unstarred

Dickdogfood
05/17/09

@Paul_Is_Drunk: "Offended" is not the right word. Such a word implies that tattoos go against my moral worldview, which they don't. "Nauseated" is the right word. Like scars and cuts and amputations and other violations of the human skin's integrity, tattoos gross me out, make my skin crawl. This is almost reptilian brain-stem stuff, a reaction that is at best only slightly more rational than, say, a revulsion at drinking one's own spit. And I don't claim it's anything but that.

Incidentally, yes, I am judgmental. It's the sort of thing that happens when you're a human being and conscious.
Reply

Dickdogfood was starred Dickdogfood was unstarred

kamikaze kittenball
05/17/09

@Dickdogfood: being that judgmental is never incidental. i'm a human being and conscious, but i still have to ask, doesn't it hurt to be such a hugely gaping asshole?
Reply

Dickdogfood
05/17/09

@kamikaze kittenball: I try not be an asshole, both online and off--and no, I can't say I always succeed--but I do not tolerate people using "judgmental" to pathologize harmless (or ordinary, or even healthy) beliefs, especially when to call someone "judgmental" is to indulge in the very activity being criticized.
Reply

Dickdogfood was starred Dickdogfood was unstarred

Earlier discussions Other discussions Show all discussions Show featured discussions only Start a new discussion

SUBSCRIBE TO Gawker

Login

Reset Password

Register

Submit Your Comment