Gawker: the crazies

Tom Cruise Doesn't Have to Explain Himself, But He Will Anyway

Richard — Fri, 02 May 2008 15:33:00 EDT

Tom Cruise has been greatly misunderstood! He jumps on couches because he's happy, not crazy! He didn't mean to scare Oprah! Other foam-at-the-mouth batshit declarations! The gay Valkyrie recently taped an interview with Oprah Winfrey, where he tried to explain his crazypants behavior. On his glib-calling: ""I was feeling pressed in the interview with Matt Lauer. For me, my issue was really about child drugging. It's not like it is today, like people are really kind of openly talking about this." Right. Nothing is like it is today. On his nutty Scientology video: "It was a very private moment. I'm actually talking to my congregation. It's [taken] totally out of context." Yes. Ten-minute-long videos can easily be taken out of context. More gobbledygook, from Us, after the jump.

ON BUYING A SONOGRAM MACHINE FOR HOLMES DURING HER PREGNANCY
Cruise says he and Holmes took great pains to keep her pregnancy private. "We went in the middle of the night, and we were very excited — this is such a private moment," he says.

"My life was already a zoo," he says. When news leaked, "it was off the charts."

As for purchasing a sonogram machine for Holmes, Cruise explains, "When you're having a baby, you just want it to be as safe and as easy as possible."

ON DAUGHTER SURI

"She's spectacular," he says. "She really is just magic."

His two children with ex Nicole Kidman, Connor and Isabella, "were really excited."

Dan Rather Is Going Around Mumbling "I Used To Be Dan Rather"

Maggie — Mon, 26 Nov 2007 14:30:24 EST

This week's New York brings Joe Hagan's second story this year about a wretched CBS News anchor, his first being that interminable cover piece on Katie Couric this summer. Today's slightly less endless article chronicles Hagan's talks with Dan Rather. Hagan doesn't uncover anything you don't already know about Rather's legal dispute with CBS or the documents scandal that started it all. He does, however, paint Rather as an around-the-bend loony toon, one of those old guys who madly scribbles notes to himself while muttering at the pigeons from his park bench.

Well, okay, there aren't any actual pigeons in the story, but the interview is conducted on a Central Park bench in November, and the anchor's madly-scribbled notes to himself do make a nuttyish appearance. One of Rather's friends describes him as "crazed" during the network's investigation of his story; Hagan says the anchor, who hired his own private eye to check the story out, was often heard saying "I used to be Dan Rather." Toss in some classic Ratherese, like "Look, I don't want to be some Don Quixote out here tilting at windmills, without even a Sancho," and "It stenches of fix," and Rather's got schizo hobo geek all sewn up. Sigh. The world seemed like a far safer place when we didn't know how bent the voice of God actually was.

At Least One Former Model Now A Crazed Slasher!

Choire — Mon, 08 Oct 2007 13:20:48 EDT

Second acts are hard, and who knows the cruelty of aging out of a profession better than a model? The day eventually comes when each fashion industry worker must ask himself, what color is my parachute? Some will answer: It is steel-colored! But "slashing" as a career, as one ex-model has just discovered, doesn't pay that well—and it upsets the tabloids.

The Daily News gives the context to Saturday's psycho-slashing by ex-model Lee Coleman at the Texas Smokehouse on 2nd Avenue and 35th Street. "With the attack, Coleman joined a laundry list of violent, mentally ill men who have terrorized New Yorkers. Usually, the ill serve as a minor discomfort to the public. Now and then, the dangerous among them snap, leaving a trail of blood and fear in their paths, one expert said." Good job, expert. The paper goes the extra mile, with a stirring editorial that begs the city to stop the (literal) insanity.

True though: Historically, it has been the models who are the ones getting slashed! What a brave new era of opportunity.