Well, we knew that this was coming: The Daily, launched by News Corp in early 2011 with great fanfare as the world's first "iPad newspaper," will be folding this month. Almost two years. That's about right.

In 1996, cycling champion Lance Armstrong was diagnosed with cancer. By 1999, he had recovered and made a miraculous return to win the Tour de France. Five years later, the LIVESTRONG charity, which battles cancer, started distributing yellow rubber bracelets emblazoned with "LIVESTRONG" in honor of Armstrong's…

In the past, when a father had something to say to his son—Today you are 6. Happy Birthday, for instance—he would enlist the help of a trained card-writing professional, because it was not deemed prudent for a man to address a child directly until that boy had reached adulthood and developed his own fully formed…

Leading scientific expert Peter Wadhams warned this week that it may be only four years until the Arctic—a place once known for its ice—experiences a total melting of its sea ice in the summer months. Wadhams called this a "global disaster" with "terrible" implications. Well Prof. Wadhams, perhaps you should change…

Goodbye, Tampa. I'm leaving you. When I think back on our time together, I will always remember the immortal words of ODB:

The Daily, News Corp's big fancy well-funded "iPad newspaper" project, was never really a good idea from day one. A once-daily, hugely expensive, geographically nonspecific newspaper that is not available on the internet: just not a great business plan. Now, a year and a half after the launch, the reality appears to…

Are you enjoying this July we're having? Yeah you should because it's probably going to be America's HOTTEST MONTH EVER.

The Daily is a daily newspaper that is available only on iPads. This was, and remains, a terrible business model. Consider:

Smog-laden gang territory California has something to look forward to before its collapse into the murky depths of the sea: a thin, furry blanket of brown widow spiders.

Why do celebrities publicly endorse certain consumer products? Usually, it's because some company gives them a staggering amount of money to do so. But not Jay-Z—he does it because he really believes in the Duracell Powermat battery-charging device:

Are you super excited for the Great GoogaMooga festival in Brooklyn this weekend, where the chefs are the real rock stars? Fuck you.

Patricia Krentcil (pictured), a 44 year-old mom in Nutley, New Jersey, has been arrested for allegedly taking her five year-old daughter into a tanning booth with her, giving the child a "pretty severe sunburn."

Unwrap your lips from your processed Cheez-Delivery Snack'm Tube-Brand Corn Snaxxx and pay attention, America. This is important. Sure, you've been doing your best to consume your annual 137-gallon allotment of high fructose corn syrup, and your 92 pounds of Cheez annually. But do your standard condiments contain a…

Not to alarm you, at all, but in the near future our globe will be a hive of warring city-states in which armies driven mad by thirst slaughter one another over the final trickles of our parched world's last dying streams. That's what the government thinks, at least. Are you ready? You better get ready, my friends.

Don't be looking at me.

Did you get a chance to do Crossfit when it was still hardcore? Did you get a chance to do 15 body weigh overhead squats followed by 400-yard sprints for time until you puked, or Tabata intervals until you puked, or sled pulling followed by burpees followed by box jumps followed by muscle-ups, until you puked? If…

Hostess, the maker of Twinkies, Ding Dongs, Ho Hos, Suzy Q's, Sno Balls, Zingers, and Donettes, among other god damn delicious products, is bankrupt. For the second time in eight years. Labor costs, debt load, flour prices, blah blah blah. What will it take to save Hostess? Will it take Hostess sending out cases of…

After a solid decade in the "luxury cars whose jaw-dropping price tags are a marketing tool rather than an accurate reflection of the cost of the good in question" business, Daimler is putting an end to its Maybach line, due to the fact that it somehow did not make a profit even though you could buy enough Lexuses to…

Having systematically driven the traditional "small town American" hardware store, drug store, grocery store, clothing store, auto parts store, and general store out of business, Wal-Mart has been sitting around, scratching its imaginary head, wondering "What part of traditional American business can I co-opt next,…