Much props to David Bass—who now works with plugged-in political PR firm Qorvis, [UPDATE: Bass actually left Qorvis a couple years ago, and is now with Raptor Strategies] after serving as deputy publisher at the Weekly Standard—for not hiding behind a "no comment." You can see how he might be embarrassed by the fact that the FBI said he "appeared drunk and abusive on the flight, demanding alcohol and refusing flight attendants' orders to sit down." Bass explained to Politico the stunning confluence of events that led up to his totally misunderstood behavior on the flight:

Bass said he wasn't drunk on the flight, but rather had been taking Benadryl for an allergic reaction.
"I didn't see any reason why I couldn't get a glass of wine," he said. "I was extremely sleep deprived. I have a bad history of traveling south."

Antihistamines combined with travel in a direction contrary to the preferences of one's internal compass? Any doctor will tell you that's a recipe for an airborne outburst—including crawling over the passenger next to you while demanding wine— through no fault of one's own. On top of that:

Bass said he had been in Honduras on a business trip and hadn't slept for five days before boarding a Continental Airlines flight from Houston to Washington on Friday.

Not sleeping for five fucking days? He's a hardworking professional. "It didn't seem like reality to me," Bass said. We bet! Update: Politico just updated their story to say he hadn't slept for three days, not five after Bass called to clarify that he had been traveling for five days and not getting much sleep.

[Politico]

Two books are coming out about Sully and the dramatic(ally short) Flight 1549 that crashed in the Hudson. One of them is Sully's own book, Highest Duty. Let's be honest: Dude's a great pilot, but maybe not a born writer of dramatic tales. The book is called "Highest Duty." Not "How to Crash Land a Plane in a Motherfucking River and 99 Other Life Skills Every Badass Should Know." Which would have been our title recommendation, but it's not a big thing.

But the other book, Miracle on the Hudson, excerpted in USA Today, is full of passengers talking about how they were all scared out of their gourd, which is really what the public wants to hear after things like this. Scary things! The jet shook after hitting the geese; the engines stopped and caught fire; a lady screamed. The smell of "a mix of jet fuel, burning hair and burning flesh" permeated the cabin. The passengers...acted about how you would probably act, in such a situation. Ridiculously.

Lori Lightner burst out: "Oh, crap, we're crashing." Then she quickly prayed, "Forgive me for everything I've done wrong. I don't have time to go through it all because I'm going to die."

Haha! It's funny because she didn't die. At least one pithy, movie-ready remark came out of this ghastly affair:

In first-class Denise Lockie, an office-supply executive, remained braced in her seat until her seatmate, Mark Hood, an ex-Marine, nudged her.
"Am I in heaven?" she asked him.
"No, and I'm no angel," Hood, a deeply religious man, replied as he urged her to get moving.

Hollywood's calling, Sully. Get ready to play yourself in a movie. Mortal humans don't have that edge.
[Pic: AP]

Various stories have used the verb "appeared," "opened," and "developed" to describe the motherfucking hole in the god damn airplane what was way the hell up in the sky, doubtless causing all aboard to pee their pants at least a little. This is a somewhat more vivid description:

"All of the sudden, the loudest noise I ever heard came out of nowhere," he said. "There was no pop, no creak, no explosion-like noise. There was just a loud roar. It took me a couple of seconds to wake up. I got the baseball cap out of my face and I look up and there's the sun coming through the ceiling. ...I saw sky where I shouldn't be seeing it."

Southwest officials say they're stumped thus far as to why their cocksucking plane blew a hole, for Christ's sake, thousands of feet above the ground. But the passengers say they cheered and high-fived the captain after he landed, as you would imagine, since he's the guy who saved their ass from that life-sucking hole in the Jesus-loving aircraft, sucking and roaring and trying to pull them right out of the flippin' plane so they could fall thousands upon thousands of feet to their deaths.

The dude is no Sully but you're hellafied right he deserves a high five, or whatever the heck else he wants. Shit. Airplanes should not have holes.
[USAT. Pic via]

Nevins and her husband, Sidney Koch, booked first class Delta seats and were headed to Sundance when Obama was scheduled to speak. But Delta told them they could watch the speech in the air! Then, tragedy:

But shortly after takeoff, many of the television monitors in first class failed, including Ms. Nevins’ monitor, [their attorney] said...

“Sidney had been watching Obama’s speech and a couple times when President Obama was speaking, the airplane pilot made a public address interrupting Obama’s speech,” said Jean Frost, an assistant executive director at the Directors Guild, who was also in first class. “Sidney got very upset at that happening and went to talk to the stewardess.”

Ms. Frost said that Mr. Koch eventually admitted he lost his temper, for which he apologized.

Haha, but the flight crew was like fuck that, and they had Port Authority police officers waiting for the "verbally abusive" Nevins and Koch, and when they arrived they were detained and questioned! Then they were released, but now they might sue Delta & Co. for being so mean and calling the cops.

Next time maybe watch the speech at home if you really want to see it? [The Caucus; pic via]