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The Future
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the future
The Internet Presents: Nazis Invade Earth From The Moon
Turns out that you can't crowdsource a good book but you can crowdsource a good movie. The dark indie comedy Iron Sky was put together with the help of over 3000 people organized through an online system that has already turned out one film. They released a trailer Tuesday (shown below, along with the creators' first film). The premise: During World War II, Nazis escaped to the moon, and now they're back. Awesome. More »
thetans
Scientology's E-Meter Of The Future Revealed!
For those of you curious about how Scientology's breakthrough "E-meter" technology will evolve over the next 250 years, the answer is here. On Ebay! An inventive pioneer has returned from the year 2257 with the incredible, futuristic version of the E-meter that will, by then, be as common as television and nicotine in US homes [pictured above: the pedestrian current version, which has nothing on the future one]. After the jump, the exclusive pictures of this once-in-several-lifetimes offer, and a description from the inventor himself. Bidding currently stands at $43. We can't think of a wiser investment. More »
the future
I'll Be First In Line For The Cinemark BoozeMaxxtreme
So! Jeff Zucker says Universal will inevitably release movies simultaneously on various media. DVDs! Theaters! Downloads! Which is kind of like it already is for those of us who steal movies online! It's a magical wonderful future, not because I'll get to instantly watch a lamer version of a movie at home on my iMac and my Logitech speakers, but because the only way theaters could survive this change is to kick the theater-going experience up a notch. And that had better mean beer, food and double features. More »
e-mail
Ways The Future Is Killing You: E-mail Apnea
People hold their breath when they check their e-mail, says writer Linda Stone (quoted today in Boing Boing). They also breathe shallowly while using their computers and hyperventilate on their phones, all of which aggravates stress symptoms and might even make you fat. So now you're aware of your breathing. You're welcome. Read this post every three minutes to remind yourself.
the future
I Am Legend Predicts Giants-Patriots Superbowl, Will Smith Now Most Powerful Scientologist
In this screenshot from I Am Legend, a news ticker from a fictional 2008 TV interview reads "Giants lose to Patriots for second time this season 23 to 7." Which, since the Giants lost to the Patriots once this season (after I Am Legend was released) and are set to play them in the Superbowl, means I Am Legend has obviously predicted the future and you may as well place your bets. Also, Emma Thompson will cure cancer. [via Digg]
books
In the Future, You'll Be Having Relations With Sexbots, and Women Will Be Rendered Irrelevant
You might have heard about artificial intelligence expert David Levy's new book, "Love and Sex With Robots: The Evolution of Human-Robot Relationships," in which he explains that the robots of the future will be so realistic, with artificial intelligence and lifelike vinyl skin and other very lifelike "things," that we (read: guys probably!) won't be able to stop themselves from sleeping with and having "relationships" with them. I predict that the sexbots of the future will be big with the Wall Street set! Yeah, dude, like you sitting across from a robot, getting increasingly snazzed off of red wine (robots are cheap dates), going on and on about your latest merger. (Something tells me they ain't gonna be programming these babies to talk about Proust). This should be happening sometime around 2050.
conflicts of interest
Feds Wants Top Cop's Defender Dropped
Disgraced former police commish Bernie Kerik is probably gonna wish he'd spent a couple fewer of his millions of "security contracting" dollars on platinum-infused mustache wax, as it looks like he's going to have to get a third lawyer to defend him against the government's charges that he's a corrupt asshole. Kerik apparently told Kenneth Breen to lie to federal investigators about the mobbed-up contractor who paid for renovations of Bernie's Bronx apartment, and now they want Breen to take the stand in the trial and conflict-of-interest etc. etc. Kerik "faces up to 142 years in prison if convicted," which means he could still swing the Homeland Security head job once he gets released during the final term of America's Cyborg Tsar Giuliani.Kerik lawyer may not represent at trial [NYDN]
the future
Schizophrenia Is The New Ad Gimmick
Walking westward on Prince St. between Mulberry and Mott Streets, I heard a woman's voice in my head whispering, "Who's there? Who's there?" Not like I "heard" a woman's voice like when I wear flared jeans with skinny shoes and I "hear" a woman's voice in my head say, "Wait, you've got to be kidding?" but like an actual woman's voice in my head. This usually means I've had a psychotic break. More »
the future
The Five Proposals For The West Side Rail Yards
Last night, representatives of the five design teams proposing plans for West Side Rail Yards development made their first public presentations. The order was randomly chosen, with each team allotted 20 minutes each. Inside Cooper Union's Great Hall, an old man stood directly behind me and began chewing on something loudly. A young Jewfro'd man, not being able to find a seat, simply lay down on the floor, as if star-gazing. Were all development enthusiasts born in a barn? In any event, four proposals were "meh" to interesting. And one was horrific. More »
the future
"Project Runway" Gets Cheesy Remote-Control Interface
The fourth season of "Project Runway" will feature an "ad-supported advanced advertising application"—that means that viewers can use their remotes to participate in polls and the like as it airs, Bravo announced today. Unfortunately, Bravo does not address the important question of whether settings will be available allowing the viewer to selectively mute Michael Kors. The press release follows. More »
past over
The Past Is Over
Rod Townsend (aka our commenter Momo), used to receive telephone calls from The Past, a mysterious entity that remembered where things used to be in New York before Starbucks and Whole Foods came to town.
"Hello?"
"Oh, kneadynips, it's The Past. Can I just tell you it's all so over?"
"Over the top? Over the limit? Overdone? Overcooked?"
"It's just, like, Over. Nightlife is just getting weird. I can't even have fun at Limelight."
More »
Give it another decade and Penn Station may no longer compete with Port Authority for the title of Most Depressing Place in America. The state of New York submitted its plans for the area, centered around turning that nice post office across the street into "Moynihan Station," and the whole deal, including a new Madison Square Garden and a complete refurbishing of the old Penn, is scheduled to be completed by 2018. Of course, that depends on the state of New York, the city, Amtrak, the MTA, Madison Square Garden, New Jersey Transit, and various development companies all getting along, so actually give it another like three or four decades. Maybe once the Freedom Tower opens? By then we'll have rocket trains! That will be forced to run on the same shitty 150-year-old northeast corridor tracks and therefore still go like 30 mph the whole way. [NYDN]
if i were a rich man
What Will Jeffrey Chodorow's New Restaurant Be?
Jeffrey Chodorow, the insane Tevye of the New York restaurant scene, is opening another of his overwrought hyperbolic restaurants. Chodorow is close to signing a lease in the Empire Hotel (up at Broadway and 63rd) for his newest restaurant. We already have half-assed ninja shtick at Kobe Club, golden sperm gestalt at Wild Salmon and the nostalgic outer boroughs idyll of Borough. What odd theme will Chodorow tap next? We bet it has to do with unicorns but it's really up to you. More »
the future
Dave Zinczenko's Seen the Future: It Is Magazines!
Men's Health's editor Dave Zinczenko has peered into the future of media, and he, unlike everyone else, is not worried. Nothing to feel, everyone! Magazines will be around forever and people will always buy them, even though everyone's circulation keeps sliding. How does Zincetera know this? Because it already is the future, and no one dresses like they're in Logan's Run. Think about it!More »
"MySpace today announced the launch of an original scripted web series, Roommates, in collaboration with Iron Sink Media and sponsored by the 2008 Ford Focus.... Best known for the creation of the popular series 'Soup of the Day,' 'NoHoGirls,' 'WeHoGirls' and 'VanNuysGuys,' Iron Sink has a deep understanding of serial Web programming and production.... As part of the launch, the new 2008 Ford Focus will serve as a title series sponsor providing products which will be integrated into the storyline across multiple episodes....'Today's small car customer is more connected than ever, and the new Focus with SYNC allows them to seamlessly transition from their home or office into their car,' said John Zaremba Focus marketing manager. 'The My Space audience is youthful, on the go, and very social which is exactly like the customer who will be drawn to Focus and use SYNC.'" Did we just wake up in a movie about the future? (But filmed in the 90s?) [MySpace TV]
How's this for a brilliant idea: a cigarette that will still give you all the cancer, but without any of that sweet, sweet nicotine! You get no pleasure from smoking it beyond the satisfaction of committing yourself to 10 minutes less of life. Former FDA policy director David Adams sees a world where kids finally get their own cigarettes, so they can continue to "fit in" and "look cool" while not worrying about becoming addicted or enjoying the entire chemical point of smoking. And eventually nicotine will be banned anyway and only wealthy assholes will be able to afford antique cigarettes smuggled in from Cuba or something. [NYT]
total information awareness
Cyborg Moths And Robot Dragonflies Are Watching You!
A thousand paranoid crystal meth enthusiasts have just been vindicated! Maybe. It is possible that tiny robotic insects are hovering over New York's parks and demonstrations, watching your every move. They know when you are sleeping, they know when you hate the state. Says the Washington Post: "No agency admits to having deployed insect-size spy drones. But a number of U.S. government and private entities acknowledge they are trying. Some federally funded teams are even growing live insects with computer chips in them, with the goal of mounting spyware on their bodies and controlling their flight muscles remotely." God, I bet Google has a hand in this too!
Dragonfly or Insect Spy? Scientists at Work on Robobugs. [WaPo]
