By 2014, cell phone owners will be able to text 911 for help. I-A-M-L-O-S-I-N-G-B-L-O-O-[message ends].
No Matter Who's President, You Will Never Be Able to Retire

Congratulations, I guess, young Americans: " In 2012, for the first time ever, one-third of the nation's 25- to 29-year-olds have completed at least a bachelor's degree." Most college grads ever! This valuable education will help prepare you for a lifetime in which work—if you can find some—never ends, and retirement…
This Electronica Festival Is More Exciting than Sitting at Work
The annual Ars Electronica Festival for Art, Technology, and Society just happened, where some of the world's most incredible cutting-edge artists, technologists, designers, scientists, thinkers, and more came together to celebrate their creations, like NOTCOT editors Shawn Sims and Golan Levin's Free Universal…
Towards a Media-Free Convention
The Democratic convention, like the Republican convention, and every political convention, is a television event. That is, it is designed and intended expressly to satisfy the audience watching at home, on the screen. The media, gathered here on-site, does not so much "cover" a convention as news as we hold it up,…
Brain Scans Explain and Excuse All Behavior So Just Do What You Want
Brain scans can tell whether you'll become an alcoholic. Brain scans can tell you're a hoarder. Brain scans can tell how old you are. Brain scans can tell if you're being ironic. And now: brain scans can literally give you your freedom.
Child Care Security Gets a Little More Mission: Impossible
Kidnappers, take heed — you will need more than a key code to break into new high-tech child care centers, which are turning to biometrics for security.
Corporations Are Tracking Your Eyeballs to Stare Into Your Very Soul
Corporate America knows that the key characteristic of you, the consumer, is this: you are a liar. You lie to your wife. You lie to your boss. And, worst of all, you lie to corporate America survey-takers whose job it is to determine what you like so that corporate America can sell that thing to you. What do you…
Dispatch From the Future: Katie Holmes Goes to Tom Cruise's Birthday Party Today
From the current (July 16) issue of OK! Magazine: "We often see Katie Holmes carrying around 6 year-old daughter Suri— dollies, blankets, and all. But on June 25, the little princess gave mom's back a break as they sprinted through the streets of NYC. With husband Tom Cruise shooting Oblivion in Iceland, the…
Rock-Paper-Scissors Robot Wins Every Time by Cheating Really Fast
The Ishikawa Oku Lab's high-speed Janken robot hand wins every single game of rock, paper, scissors it plays.
Poor People Are Wasting Time on the Internet!
Poor people: why are they poor and dissolute? In this modern age of electrical light-bulbs, horseless carriages, and the inter-net, what excuse hath any man for being less than prosperous? Today, even those of modest means can possess a cell phone, a television, and a "Google" machine that possesses many times the…
Do You Want Ads on TV, or Ads in TV?
TV networks are pissed about a new DVR that can automatically skip over all ads in recorded content, no fast-forwarding necessary. Ha, fuck them, right? Fuck TV ads, right? Okay, well. I hope you love product placement and want to marry it.
The 'Rich Guy Play Toy' Future of Newspapers
Media General is a chain of small-ish newspapers across America. Not a particularly prestigious or savvy chain of newspapers, and the company's value has been nosediving off a cliff for the past five years along with most of the rest of the newspaper industry. But! Media General has now been purchased by Mr. Warren…
New and Improved Rules for Drone Warfare
Good news for people who love freedom, hate terrorism, and people who do not live in Yemen and will never visit Yemen and do not appear to be from Yemen or its surrounding areas: the U.S. government is relaxing its rules for drone strikes in Yemen. When it comes to incinerating more or less inscrutable targets with…
In the Future, Every Famous Person Will Be a Hologram for Fifteen Minutes
It started out as a joke, but the company that pioneered the technology which made Tupac's Coachella hologram possible does actually have plans to bring back a bunch of dead celebs for a series of live concerts.
Dr. Dre, Snoop Using Star Wars Tech to Reanimate Tupac, Nate Dogg for Coachella
Reports broke yesterday morning that Dr. Dre and Snoop Dogg are bringing a very special guest on stage with them at this weekend's Coachella Valley Music and Arts Festival: The late G-funk legend Nate Dogg.
New York’s New Minivan Cabs Perfect for Taking Everyone to Soccer Practice
The future of New York taxicabs was officially unveiled at the International Auto Show Tuesday (NYT link) and, though they've had a year to prepare themselves for it, people are still reeling from the boxy banality of it all. As one Brooklynite told NPR:
Self-Driving Car Gives Blind Man Freedom of Travel, Cruelly Takes Him to Taco Bell
Google has just released video of its self-driving car (possible Transformer?) helping a legally blind man run some errands. It's much less scary than the last nerve-wracking footage of Google's self-driving car, even though it does feature a trip to the humid lair of the Doritos Locos Taco.
Washington Post Event Has #Hashtag Name Just to Be #Cool
Put on your thinking caps, go into active listening mode, and stretch out your inside voices, Washington Post employees: it's time for a good old-fashioned in-house daylong corporate brainstorming session. No idea is too wacky to win the $1,000 prize! Looking at you, Hipness Desk. So remember to RSVP for this big…
Let's Check In On the Future of Newspapers
As this whole "internet" thing has grown more popular over the past, oh, 15 years or so, the newspaper industry has declined. That's because the newspaper industry, at some point in the past, decided to give away its product for free on the internet. They figured that somehow, someday, this would make them money. It…