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The offense: On September 25th, we posted an ad for our book. That ad featured a recreation of the infamous L. Ron Hubbard exploding Dianetics volcano, because, um, why not? And then we heard that T.V.'s Stephen Colbert, host of the alleged news show "The Colbert Report," went to the pop culture mines for the very same imagery to promote his own alleged book, as seen in the clip above. That bastard! I guess I'm supposed to challenge him to a greased-up round of Greco-Roman wrestling? What would Bill O'Reilly do?

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Are you still a poor dad? Do you not know "the secret" yet? Who cares! Now you can buy the magical book that will put you on top of the game forever. We will instruct you on the shortcuts to the very top of your industry. We will school you on the ways to get the whole world to do your bidding. We will teach you how to master the all-important afterwork drink. (That one we've got down cold.) Get a sneak peek inside now at the book that will change your life, or will at least further line the pockets of our employer, before it arrives October 2nd. Want a chance to win a free copy now? Then take the Simon & Schuster poll.

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