I don't know why you would, but don't go thinking that a government job will make you happy. It will not. I mean, maybe it will. I don't know your life. But I do know that tons of government workers hate their jobs, just like you.

One government agency is clambering all over itself this summer to let Americans know that mermaids almost certainly do not exist.

As the Supreme Court gets ready to hear oral arguments in a case Tuesday that could determine if authorities can track U.S. citizens with GPS vehicle trackers without a warrant, a young man in California has come forward to Wired to reveal that he found not one but two different devices on his vehicle recently.

It seems like wherever you go these days, some jerk is trying to talk you out of smoking and drinking all day. The latest know-it-all jerk moves: Regular citizens acting like the smoking police. And warning labels—on booze!

In your typical Tuesday media column: Americans are zombie slaves to various screens, journalists will compromise for money like everyone else in the world, Indymedia tells the Justice Department to fuck off, and your comically mean reporter of the day.