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Posts Tagged “
the hills
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ambition
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At This Point, Sandwich More Interesting Than Celebrity
[Lauren "LC" Conrad getting a slice of New York pizza at Sbarro's (no, I'm kidding, it was Monetti's) in Manhattan today; image via INF]
Why?
"If you're dating a guy, right away. If you're dating girl, I think you'll know pretty quick if she's into that. If they're not bringing it up, it's not something on their agenda. That's just realistic. My boxing coach Dirty Phi says, 'If you stick your pinkie in there, and then another finger, and then another, and she responds happily, then it's cool.'" - The Hills's Spencer Pratt on, um, when to bring up the topic of butt sex with your significant other. From Radar.
Shoot Them in the Head!
The zombie onslaught of MTV's reality slop show The Hills is apparently unstoppable. It will be trundling on for a fourth season, a 19-episode run, detailing how they spent their summer vacations (as opposed to their winter, spring, and fall vacations), that will start in August. That leaves us just a short four month reprieve from the gurgling gaggle of gregarious girls. Don't let them bite you. [Us]
the hills
No One Likes Anyone Anymore
Last night on not so crazy exciting television, The Hills mumbled on toward next week's finale. The penultimate episode of the MTV "reality" soap was about home and the pulling apart of things; relationships, friendships, and familial bonds were all torn slightly asunder as the sun continued to slowly broil our friends to a (hopefully) inevitable crisp. Heidi accepted new responsibilities at her fake PR/events job, which would take her to Las Vegas a lot (on a fancy private jet, no less) and away from sour old Spencer. The be-sweatpanted layabout further bitched at his sister, who kindly requested that he stop sleeping on her couch. Understanding that the cameras follow the women on this show, he returned to Heidi's condo, hoping for continued air time, only to find it empty. He sat there lonely and, I'm sure, hungry. But bluer still was poor Audrina. More »
silent hills
Word-Free Reality Show Just As (Un)Enjoyable
The best part of The Hills is the facial expressions, right? And the worst part is when the dumb people open their mouths and say awful things, agreed? Well some wonderful genius has gone and cut out that pesky dialogue, leaving only the blank yet mournful stares and the pretty pretty scenery. And I think the plot pretty much remains intact! The first near-wordless edition is a cut of last week's Stephen Colletti episode, and is aptly entitled "Calamari." Well done sir/madam! The really funny video is after the jump. More »
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Little Circus Bumbles Into Town
[Reality TV stars Spencer Pratt and Heidi Montag (under the hat!) at LAX yesterday; image via Bauer-Griffin]
lowlights magazine
Is This Porn, Or Just The Hills?
Is this woman having an orgasm, or simply on The Hills? That is the question of the day on the Details (a gentleman-on-gentleman's monthly) and GQ (same, basically) website. They've taken a smattering of extreme facial expression close ups from the sun-soaked MTV reality "smash" (sometimes that's what the Brits call a car wreck), and interspersed some regular old porno o-faces. Can you tell the difference between Hills-face and o-face? Take the test here. It's not really that hard, though, because (for me at least) those braying idiots have seared their visages into my memory forever. One day, when I am old and gray and hopefully in the glorious denouement of a serious horse tranquilizer addiction, I imagine that I'll see a bright flash of Whitney Port's bovine face and will immediately feel the mild warmth of an indifferent God and shuffle off this broken, mortal coil. I don't want to experience this alone, so please take the test over and over again until they are a part of you, too.
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Montag Thanks Spackling Crew For A Job Well Done
[Los Angeles resident Heidi Montag leaving the David Letterman studio yesterday; image via Splash] More »
the hills
Heidi, Lauren, and Co. Gather No Moss
Hey, look. The girls from The Hills (tears are streaming down my face right now) are on the cover of this month's Rolling Stone rock and roll, modern times, Peter Travers poop fest magazine. It's the first time that Lauren and Heidi (who hate each other so goddamn much they think about it sometimes when they are driving and want to run over a pigeon or forget it all and move to Rhode Island and teach the third grade and eat fried clams sometimes in the summer and maybe fumble towards Happy) have been at the same photo shoot in like fucking forever. Apparently it was cold, but civil and everyone got through it OK. More »
the hills
The Hills Are Alive With The Sound of Absolutely Nothing
I'm not sure why I do this to myself. My roommate joined me as I watched The Hills last night and, having never seen it, was shocked by just how miserably bad the show is. Part of her distaste came from the fact that, yes, she was not inured to the show's particular brand of "nothing ever happens" and "what?", but also last night's episode was just plain bad. What exactly did we see? The old fake-out of the Stephen and Lauren "relationship" and some ridiculously staged Heidi/Spencer/Stephanie gobbledygook. While I am loathe to use that tired idiom about leaping over sea creatures, I do think that last night's episode issued something of a death rattle for the three year old series. More »
The Hills
Spencer Pratt knows "for 100% fact" that a Lauren Conrad/Jason Wahler sex tape existed. One hundred. Fucking. Percent. Fact. Not 10% fact like reasons to invade a country. Not 50% fact like a Barack Obama campaign speech. Not even 75% fact like goings on at a Duke lacrosse party. We're talking 100%. And he'll take a lie detector to prove it. Oh yeah? [Us]
Spencer Pratt knows "for 100% fact" that a Lauren Conrad/Jason Wahler sex tape existed. One hundred. Fucking. Percent. Fact. Not 10% fact like reasons to invade a country. Not 50% fact like a Barack Obama campaign speech. Not even 75% fact like goings on at a Duke lacrosse party. We're talking 100%. And he'll take a lie detector to prove it. Oh yeah? [Us]
fashions
Hills Star's Awful Fashion Award
Janice Min will come to regret this: Her Us Weekly has named Lauren Conrad "Celebrity Designer Of The Year" as part of a special section called "Us Hot Hollywood Style Winners." (Click the picture at left for a full-sized image, courtesy Bryanboy.) Wow. Well, that's, uh, bold. Because the critics have not been kind to the Hills star's work. New York called her Lauren Conrad Collection "tragique." When Bryanboy saw the Us spread, Marc Jacobs' favorite gay Filipino fashion blogger barfed. Well, haters, Us wrote that Conrad has "won... a wide array of fans," so there. Their source? Oh, that would be Conrad herself, repeating something someone else told her: More »
the hills
MSNBC Ashamed Enough To Lie About Heidi Montag
Remember how Heidi Montag, the Gumby-esque star of The Hills, decided not to go to the White House Correspondents Dinner as MSNBC's guest? (Because it wasn't "A-listy enough.") And remember how MSNBC claimed that no such invitation had been extended? Well, Radar seems to have caught the news network in a bit of an egregious (albeit completely understandable) lie there. More »
Drugs
A cast member of The Hills has a checkered, druggie past! Oh, wait. It's someone no one cares about. Stephanie Pratt, sister of mustache-curling puppet master Spencer, was one of those meth heads or tweekers or whatever you're calling them these days. Her family shipped her off to all-too-famous Promises in Pasadena, and now she's clean and sober and, after lots of procedures, mostly free of face-picking scars. Oh, and in The Hills she's found a new, safer (we think) way of demeaning herself! [LA Rag Mag]
No Hills Star For Bush
Heidi Montag cancels on White House Correspondents dinner, featuring fellow Republican George W. Bush: "MSNBC had invited Montag to be a guest at its table at the Washington Hilton. 'Then Spencer got involved as her manager,' a source told Page Six. 'He demanded first-class tickets for both him and Heidi - even though he wasn't invited.' When the network balked, Pratt canceled Montag's appearance, claiming, according to our source, 'It wasn't "A-listy" enough.'" [Post]
the way we watch
No One Watches That Show, It's Too Popular
Nobody watches The Hills. But even more nobody watches Gossip Girl. While not in the same time slot, both shows air on Monday nights, meaning they are inevitably pitted against each other by television writers, in some sort of useless garbage battle royal. Because fake truth is more interesting than strange fiction, The Hills' 3.75 million viewers easily outnumbered Gossip Girl's 2.5 this week. More »
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