Posts Tagged “
the hills
”At This Point, Sandwich More Interesting Than Celebrity
[Lauren "LC" Conrad getting a slice of New York pizza at Sbarro's (no, I'm kidding, it was Monetti's) in Manhattan today; image via INF]
the hills
No One Likes Anyone Anymore
Last night on not so crazy exciting television, The Hills mumbled on toward next week's finale. The penultimate episode of the MTV "reality" soap was about home and the pulling apart of things; relationships, friendships, and familial bonds were all torn slightly asunder as the sun continued to slowly broil our friends to a (hopefully) inevitable crisp. Heidi accepted new responsibilities at her fake PR/events job, which would take her to Las Vegas a lot (on a fancy private jet, no less) and away from sour old Spencer. The be-sweatpanted layabout further bitched at his sister, who kindly requested that he stop sleeping on her couch. Understanding that the cameras follow the women on this show, he returned to Heidi's condo, hoping for continued air time, only to find it empty. He sat there lonely and, I'm sure, hungry. But bluer still was poor Audrina. More »Word-Free Reality Show Just As (Un)Enjoyable
The best part of The Hills is the facial expressions, right? And the worst part is when the dumb people open their mouths and say awful things, agreed? Well some wonderful genius has gone and cut out that pesky dialogue, leaving only the blank yet mournful stares and the pretty pretty scenery. And I think the plot pretty much remains intact! The first near-wordless edition is a cut of last week's Stephen Colletti episode, and is aptly entitled "Calamari." Well done sir/madam! The really funny video is after the jump. More »Little Circus Bumbles Into Town
[Reality TV stars Spencer Pratt and Heidi Montag (under the hat!) at LAX yesterday; image via Bauer-Griffin]Is This Porn, Or Just The Hills?
Is this woman having an orgasm, or simply on The Hills? That is the question of the day on the Details (a gentleman-on-gentleman's monthly) and GQ (same, basically) website. They've taken a smattering of extreme facial expression close ups from the sun-soaked MTV reality "smash" (sometimes that's what the Brits call a car wreck), and interspersed some regular old porno o-faces. Can you tell the difference between Hills-face and o-face? Take the test here. It's not really that hard, though, because (for me at least) those braying idiots have seared their visages into my memory forever. One day, when I am old and gray and hopefully in the glorious denouement of a serious horse tranquilizer addiction, I imagine that I'll see a bright flash of Whitney Port's bovine face and will immediately feel the mild warmth of an indifferent God and shuffle off this broken, mortal coil. I don't want to experience this alone, so please take the test over and over again until they are a part of you, too.Montag Thanks Spackling Crew For A Job Well Done
[Los Angeles resident Heidi Montag leaving the David Letterman studio yesterday; image via Splash] More »Heidi, Lauren, and Co. Gather No Moss
Hey, look. The girls from The Hills (tears are streaming down my face right now) are on the cover of this month's Rolling Stone rock and roll, modern times, Peter Travers poop fest magazine. It's the first time that Lauren and Heidi (who hate each other so goddamn much they think about it sometimes when they are driving and want to run over a pigeon or forget it all and move to Rhode Island and teach the third grade and eat fried clams sometimes in the summer and maybe fumble towards Happy) have been at the same photo shoot in like fucking forever. Apparently it was cold, but civil and everyone got through it OK. More »
the hills
The Hills Are Alive With The Sound of Absolutely Nothing
I'm not sure why I do this to myself. My roommate joined me as I watched The Hills last night and, having never seen it, was shocked by just how miserably bad the show is. Part of her distaste came from the fact that, yes, she was not inured to the show's particular brand of "nothing ever happens" and "what?", but also last night's episode was just plain bad. What exactly did we see? The old fake-out of the Stephen and Lauren "relationship" and some ridiculously staged Heidi/Spencer/Stephanie gobbledygook. While I am loathe to use that tired idiom about leaping over sea creatures, I do think that last night's episode issued something of a death rattle for the three year old series. More »
The Hills
Spencer Pratt knows "for 100% fact" that a Lauren Conrad/Jason Wahler sex tape existed. One hundred. Fucking. Percent. Fact. Not 10% fact like reasons to invade a country. Not 50% fact like a Barack Obama campaign speech. Not even 75% fact like goings on at a Duke lacrosse party. We're talking 100%. And he'll take a lie detector to prove it. Oh yeah? [Us]





