Cool Pope “Francis” (a rap name), a Catholic man that religious people must pretend to respect, continues his irksome habit of making public statements that do not comport with the official positions of Republican presidential candidates.
Turns out the Vatican has one final burn for Kim Davis, the anti-gay clerk who flew a little too close to the sun when she released the news that the pope had acknowledged her existence. Not only was her meeting not a “real audience” with the cool guy, the day before, the Vatican confirms, the pope straight-up chilled…
On his recent visit to Philadelphia, Pope Francis looked his younger self in the eye, remembering the childlike wonder with which he used to see the world before he grew into a man, rose through the ranks of the Church, and came to bear the strictures, hopes, and aspirations of an entire religion on his aging…
Nobody in journalism really knows exactly what’s ethical or unethical, but a standard that we could perhaps come to some sort of consensus on is if a reporter is moved to the point of tears by a person, she shouldn’t write about that person in her capacity as an impartial news reporter.
Cool Pope “Francis” (a pseudonym) has said some things in the past that could be interpreted as less than completely enthusiastic about the predations of unrestrained capitalism. That bastard. The plutocrats will show him he’s wrong—the capitalist way!
Cool Pope “Francis” (a nickname) in a speech yesterday “called the unfettered pursuit of money ‘the dung of the devil.’” Damn—now that’s a cool Pope.
At long last, Cool Pope “Francis” (a pseudonym) has released his much-anticipated encyclical on climate change. **SPOILER ALERT**: He’s against it. What does this mean?
Listen: If you get a phone call, and the guy on the other line says something to the effect of, “Hey, it’s me, the Pope,” do not immediately hang up. It could actually be him!
Pope Francis prostrates himself before the altar on Good Friday.
Pope Francis longs for many things in life, surely: World peace, the Parousia, the latitude to say that women can be priests...you know, stuff like that. The one thing he wants for himself? Pasta. And now Vatican doctors are telling him he can’t have it, because he’s gained a little weight since moving to Italy.
Yesterday, the Catholic Church released hordes of colorful balloons in St. Peter's Square, a gesture meant to symbolize the triumph of Satan's power over life on earth.
It is becoming increasingly clear that Cool Pope "Francis" (a nickname)—though he is certainly cool and wacky and generally chill—is just making stuff up as he goes along. Do dogs go to heaven? Sure, why not?
Cool Pope Francis, Bishop of Rome, Vicar of Jesus Christ, Successor of the Prince of the Apostles, Supreme Pontiff of the Universal Church, possessor of truly Jadenesque follower count, acknowledged today that evolution and the Big Bang thoery are real, and that God is not "a magician with a magic wand."
A new piece in Italian newspaper La Repubblica purportedly quotes Pope Francis saying that one in 50 Roman Catholic priests, about two percent, are pedophiles. Vatican officials, however, question the provenance of the quotes and information in the story.
Cool Pope Francis is going to replace the entire leadership of the Vatican Bank because they're scandal-plagued and also their profits fell 97% last year. Wow, bet god is really proud of that shitty bank... get your shit together, Cool Pope.
At a conference today, Pope Francis made his position on pot and other recreational drugs clear: attempts to legalize "are not only highly questionable from a legislative standpoint," he argued, "but they fail to produce the desired effects." Even cool popes, it would seem, have their limits.
America's Catholic bishops are considering whether their voter's guide's "discussion of evil, now focused on abortion and racism, should be revisited in light of the pope's description of economic inequality as a social evil." Well... let's not be hasty.
Cool new Pope, "Francis" (not his real name), has won lots of new fans for pointing out the exploitative and rapacious nature of global capitalism. The Catholic Church would like to assure you the Pope is not a commie. He loves the free market!
Now that we have a socialista Pope, many Catholic bishops in America and around the world are rethinking their traditional practice of living in opulent mansions. Mighty big of them.
