Perhaps you believe that the millennial generation is filled with self-obsessed dolts. An editorial entitled “I’m a millennial and my generation sucks,” published yesterday in the New York Post, will do little to disabuse you of that notion.
While the *total* wealth of Americans has recovered from the hit of the recession, those gains are, of course, not evenly distributed. The rich are doing great. Regular Joes, however, are not nearly back to where they started. And young people are truly fucked.
Meet Taylor Cotter. I mean, just pretend she's here or something. Taylor is a 22-year-old graduate of Northeastern Journalism School. She has a job, a car, and an apartment. So what is Taylor's big problem? Her big problem is that she's too successful to be living "that 10-cents-a-word life that I always wanted."…
Kids these days: what the hell are they? That is the question that faces American time-wasters today. As you know, the latest generation with a formal name is "The Millennials," and they are basically the worst, continuing the grand tradition of every new generation being the worst.
The recent near-total collapse of the global economy has had some real negative effects. Life savings wiped out; retirements ruined; people evicted from their homes. The fact that 23-year-olds are working at Starbucks even after they've earned their English diplomas? Not at the top of the list.
Kids these days are sellouts. As you know. As soon as they set foot on a college campus, boom, they all want to become a "brand ambassador" for some energy drink company or casual clothing brand in order to bless the brand with the hot sexxxy "halo effect" that their young, nubile, innocent bodies offer. Sweet…
Haters: when will this "Millennial" generation get to stop dealing with them? Probably never, if a new study in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology (and Haterz) is any indication. Contrary to the common knowledge on Twitter that Millennials are the most special and in general best generation thus far, the…
Everyone knows that teenagers these days are lust-crazed flesh demons hell-bent on utilizing technology you don't understand to "sext" each other videos of themselves dancing naked to the dubstep and the rap. So what gives with this new study claiming that only one percent of 10 to 17-year-olds have sexted?
If you have to be alive in America today, you really want to be a wealthy middle-aged white male ensconced in an exurban hideaway surrounded by high walls and mile upon mile of coiled razor. What you don't want to be is... anything other than that. Until the revolution comes, at least.
Young people: will they ever stop evincing their painful ignorance of life's fundamentally tragic nature? Everybody old enough to pay taxes and be killed in a foreign war should understand that what we call "life" is nothing but an endless treadmill of mind-numbing and unfulfilling work followed shortly thereafter by…
In the "olden days" of this great nation—when we still had that pioneering spirit—young Americans, upon turning 14 or whatever, would immediately get married, have a bunch of kids, and settle into a life of poverty, scratching a living from the harsh and pitiless soil. Things change! Now we're all too fat to scratch…
Want to know what's wrong with kids these days? Good. I'll tell you. In my day, we had a concept known as "selling out." These days, there is new concept, called "selling out." Kids love it!
It's not just disaffected baby boomers who are turning away from the Democrats they helped to elect. 18 to 29-year-olds are moving towards the GOP, or away from politics altogether (which is the same thing really) in increasing numbers. [AP]
Have you heard about this kid, James O'Keefe? Grandiosely playing journalist and getting arrested in the classic Watergate fashion—why, his hilariously mis-channeled post-college angst is enough to make you write a How-To list mocking his whole godforsaken age demographic!
Every six weeks, someone comes out with big, exasperated "sigh, kids these days" issue piece about the changing makeup of America's Youth. Today, it's actually about the makeup! And the kind of boys who wear it and girls that don't.
Tween girls: They're not just "sexting" and squealing all the time, as the media would lead you to believe. Instead, they're attending the "National Tween Girl Summit" to overcome juvenile, ignorant media stereotypes and be empowered, like so:
Vice Magazine is trying to be the coolest magazine in the world and, simultaneously, the biggest bunch of sellouts ever to walk the streets of Williamsburg, in an effort to see if it's actually possible to bend over backwards far enough to give a blowjob to oneself.
Voicemail is totally dead. It takes too much listening. Is this just some fancy notion, or the truth? Either way, it's a New York Times trend story, blammo!
All the world government big shots are meeting in London tomorrow for the G20. Really, they're much more worried about the hardtothemuthafuckincore protesters than the economy thing. Are UK protesters putting American protesters to shame?
A fascinating new study of American media consumption provides many insights, but they can all be summed up as: 20-somethings are sexting, 30-somethings are nerds, 40-somethings are online wingnuts, and we're all fucking zombies.
