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New York, 11:09 AM
Fri Dec 11
62 posts in the last 24 hours

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    Dsmvwl  Admin  Promote to frontpage Approve user Ban user ×
    Image of OliversArmy OliversArmy
    12/10/09

    In reply to Israeli Group Waging Actual War on Christmas
    Now this is a war that should win somebody a Nobel Peace Prize.
     Reply
    OliversArmy was starred OliversArmy was unstarred
    Image of DennyCrane DennyCrane
    12/10/09

    In reply to Israeli Group Waging Actual War on Christmas
    Maybe, just maybe, they are also sick and tired of hearing Aaron Neville Christmas songs blare from every street corner as they walk up and down Steinway Street looking for Chanukah candles for my menorah.

    Wait, what?
     Reply
    DennyCrane was starred DennyCrane was unstarred
    Image of raincoaster raincoaster
    12/10/09

    @DennyCrane: Maybe we could compromise and play only the Kenny G Christmas album and serve only Rose Levy Beranbaum and Nigella Lawson's Christmas recipes in the restaurants?
     Reply
    raincoaster was starred raincoaster was unstarred
    Image of Baroness Baroness
    12/10/09

    @DennyCrane: Aaron Neville- that schtick of his adding the quaver to Every. Syllable. just gives me hives.
     Reply
    Baroness was starred Baroness was unstarred
    Image of Spirit Fingers Spirit Fingers
    12/10/09

    @DennyCrane: I want to flay someone's skin off when I hear Paul McCartney's "Simply Having a Wonderful Christmas Time." No. Seriously. I can't think of a more heinous Christmas-genocide song. I literally can't take it.

    (If anyone posts a YouTube link, I'm sending two clowns and a M. Night Shyamalan DVD to your house.)
     Reply
    Spirit Fingers was starred Spirit Fingers was unstarred
    Image of TheUptightMidwesterner TheUptightMidwesterner
    12/10/09

    @Spirit Fingers: I am with you. That song is a tool of the devil.
     Reply
    TheUptightMidwesterner was starred TheUptightMidwesterner was unstarred
    Image of TellMeLies TellMeLies
    12/10/09

    @Spirit Fingers: M. Night Shyamalan Bahhhaaahaaaa. I just spit on my desk.
     Reply
    Spirit Fingers promoted this comment TellMeLies was starred TellMeLies was unstarred
    Image of blix blix
    12/10/09

    @Spirit Fingers: That reminds me of a movie.
     Reply
    blix was starred blix was unstarred
    Image of Spirit Fingers Spirit Fingers
    12/10/09

    @blix: Um, if they don't play that damnable song in this movie, it's simply child's play (Except for "Sex, Murder, GIFTS!" That's hilarious.) The noxious repetition of the chorus, the bow-wow strange sound effects made from a synthesizer obviously stuffed up an anus, and a jolly Paul McCartney is enough to cause auditory vomiting.
     Reply
    Spirit Fingers was starred Spirit Fingers was unstarred
    Image of Spirit Fingers Spirit Fingers
    12/10/09

    In reply to Israeli Group Waging Actual War on Christmas
    But, but, Christmas isn't the holiday where we buy 52" LED, 1080P, Motion Plus, HDTV, behemoths in order to celebrate life, love, and telling young children that if they, "Horse around by mah wall-mounted religious savior named Sony Bravia with 895 channels again, you'll play RockBand on your sisters' 32" plasma Vizio!" While we drink egg-nog by the glow of the 1.21 gigawatts of dancing pixels only the Holy land of Best Buy can provide?

    No?

    Then I'm confused. What is this peace and good will toward man stuff? A commercial for Arby's?
     Reply
    Spirit Fingers was starred Spirit Fingers was unstarred
    Image of restless restless
    12/10/09

    @Spirit Fingers: Ha! Good one.

    And, yes, that is for Arby's 2-for-1 holiday coupon special (the word "holiday" being deemed sufficient to air by a team of expensive lawyers). Buyer beware though: those sandwiches ain't so good as they work their way through your system a half an hour later! Wish I didn't speak from experience...
     Reply
    Spirit Fingers promoted this comment restless was starred restless was unstarred
    Image of AzureTexan AzureTexan
    12/10/09

    In reply to Israeli Group Waging Actual War on Christmas
    If the U.S. invades Israel at Xmas, can we call it a Blitzenkrieg?
     Reply
    AzureTexan was starred AzureTexan was unstarred
    Image of Swifter Swifter
    12/10/09

    @AzureTexan: We'll have a Donner party after the inevitable victory. Judea Capta indeed, to go with our glorious victory over the Parthians.
     Reply
    Edited by Swifter at 12/10/09 12:45 PM Swifter was starred Swifter was unstarred
    Image of AzureTexan AzureTexan
    12/10/09

    @Swifter: You sleigh me.

    Ba-dum.
     Reply
    AzureTexan was starred AzureTexan was unstarred
    Image of manchops manchops
    12/10/09

    In reply to Israeli Group Waging Actual War on Christmas
    But I thought Muslims, like our president, were the only ones who hated christians?
    Maybe if we just send Israel another billion dollars in weapons we can have world peace by Christmas Day?
     Reply
    manchops was starred manchops was unstarred
    Image of Mediahohoho Mediahohoho
    12/10/09

    @manchops: Yeah, it is pretty easy to forget that about 15% of the people living on the West Bank are Christian.

    Well, apparently it's really easy for their fellow Christians in the states.
     Reply
    Edited by Mediahohoho at 12/10/09 5:07 PM Mediahohoho was starred Mediahohoho was unstarred
    Image of BadUncle BadUncle
    12/10/09

    In reply to Israeli Group Waging Actual War on Christmas
    As long as they ban the PC Richards jingle, I'm ok with this.
     Reply
    BadUncle was starred BadUncle was unstarred
    Image of Lysergic Asset Lysergic Asset
    12/10/09

    In reply to Israeli Group Waging Actual War on Christmas
    Although out reporters made a concerted effort, no Palestinians could be reached for comment.
     Reply
    Edited by Lysergic Asset at 12/10/09 12:17 PM Lysergic Asset was starred Lysergic Asset was unstarred
    Image of Swifter Swifter
    12/10/09

    In reply to Israeli Group Waging Actual War on Christmas
    Christmas isn't a time of year, a spiffy holiday, a tree, or a pile of presents. It's an idea. The idea of a kind and loving God who understands our struggle against the darkness, forgives us our sins, and provides a beacon of hope through salvation to all men, everywhere.

    Fight that.
     Reply
    Swifter was starred Swifter was unstarred
    Image of BookishLatkeish BookishLatkeish
    12/10/09

    @Swifter: I thought you wrote "a bacon of hope," and that ain't kosher, Swifter. But no, you were just doing a Jesus Is the Reason for the Season. How novel. By the way, Jesus is all fine and dandy, but totally ancillary to Jews, who happen to have founded the modern state of Israel, the one little country where Jews can be Jews and not have to deal with all your annoying Christmas mishegas, so pick a fight elsewhere, if you please.
     Reply
    BookishLatkeish was starred BookishLatkeish was unstarred
    Image of Conchie Birdie Conchie Birdie
    12/10/09

    @Swifter: Thank you for that.
     Reply
    Conchie Birdie was starred Conchie Birdie was unstarred
    Image of Swifter Swifter
    12/10/09

    @BookishLookish: Not picking a fight. And, a Bacon of Hope sounds pretty tasty to me!
     Reply
    Swifter was starred Swifter was unstarred
    Image of BookishLatkeish BookishLatkeish
    12/10/09

    @Swifter: Dammit, nobody will fight with me today! I had two coffees!
     Reply
    BookishLatkeish was starred BookishLatkeish was unstarred
    Image of GracieAteMyChild GracieAteMyChild
    12/10/09

    @BookishLookish: Mr. Tarkanian!! I am ready to take you!! I have been LIFTING WEIGHTS and doing COCAINE all day!! And I want a BIG PIECE of YOU, sir!!
     Reply
    Hiroine Protagonist promoted this comment GracieAteMyChild was starred GracieAteMyChild was unstarred
    Image of skahammer skahammer
    12/10/09

    @Swifter: I don't know. As a holiday, Xmas is on pretty firm and entrenched ground.

    But as an idea, it's got to contend with formidable powerhouses like sleeping in my own bed and businesses being open regular hours. Not to mention free love, matzoh ball soup, pro football on Sunday, and practicing random acts of kindness even at times of year that aren't especially holy. It's a very competitive field.
     Reply
    Edited by skahammer at 12/10/09 12:29 PM skahammer was starred skahammer was unstarred
    Image of Swifter Swifter
    12/10/09

    @skahammer: I think God enjoys all of those things as well. Well, most of them, anyway.
     Reply
    Edited by Swifter at 12/10/09 12:32 PM Swifter was starred Swifter was unstarred
    Image of NeedsMoreKanye NeedsMoreKanye
    12/10/09

    @Swifter: Actually Christmas has virtually nothing to do with God. It's a mishmash of Teutonic paganism and Victorian sentimentality, stoked by an engine of mindless consumerism. Some combination of those three elements is usually what's being evoked when people make seasonal displays. You might just as well say "The Super Bowl isn't a Sunday in February, fresh, funny commercials, or an exciting game. It's about which team Jesus thinks is the coolest that year."

    Fight the real enemy. (tears up picture of Sinéad O'Connor.)
     Reply
    allyzay promoted this comment Edited by NeedsMoreKanye at 12/10/09 12:35 PM NeedsMoreKanye was starred NeedsMoreKanye was unstarred
    Image of friendslikeJimRome friendslikeJimRome
    12/10/09

    @BookishLookish: I always wondered why they started their own country. Everything makes perfect sense now. So, the Palestinians are like the defenders of Christmas?
     Reply
    BookishLookish promoted this comment friendslikeJimRome was starred friendslikeJimRome was unstarred
    Image of skahammer skahammer
    12/10/09

    @BookishLookish: I'll be happy to growl at ya, darling, if that's what you're looking for.
     Reply
    skahammer was starred skahammer was unstarred
    Image of Lysergic Asset Lysergic Asset
    12/10/09

    @BookishLookish: Fuck you. I've had three.
     Reply
    Lysergic Asset was starred Lysergic Asset was unstarred
    Image of Swifter Swifter
    12/10/09

    @NeedsMoreKanye: I feel sorry for you. Indeed, you do need more Kanye and perhaps a little bit more fiber.
     Reply
    Swifter was starred Swifter was unstarred
    Image of Sev Sev
    12/10/09

    @Swifter: aren't Kayne and fiber the same thing?
     Reply
    Swifter promoted this comment Sev was starred Sev was unstarred
    Image of BookishLatkeish BookishLatkeish
    12/10/09

    @Lysergic Asset: A worthy opponent!
     Reply
    BookishLatkeish was starred BookishLatkeish was unstarred
    Image of BookishLatkeish BookishLatkeish
    12/10/09

    @friendslikeJimRome: Cute.
     Reply
    BookishLatkeish was starred BookishLatkeish was unstarred
    Image of NeedsMoreKanye NeedsMoreKanye
    12/10/09

    @Swifter: I don't know what to say to that. You pretty much decimated every one of my points, and even threw in a nifty little poop joke at the end. "Swifter," indeed.
     Reply
    NeedsMoreKanye was starred NeedsMoreKanye was unstarred
    Image of Swifter Swifter
    12/10/09

    @NeedsMoreKanye: It's the season to be jolly.
     Reply
    Swifter was starred Swifter was unstarred
    Image of NeedsMoreKanye NeedsMoreKanye
    12/10/09

    @Swifter: Ho ho hum.
     Reply
    NeedsMoreKanye was starred NeedsMoreKanye was unstarred
    Image of friendslikeJimRome friendslikeJimRome
    12/10/09

    @BookishLookish: yeah, but I've got a fat ass.
     Reply
    friendslikeJimRome was starred friendslikeJimRome was unstarred
    Image of Richard Petty Bourgeoisie Richard Petty Bourgeoisie
    12/10/09

    In reply to Israeli Group Waging Actual War on Christmas
    You're a mean one, Mr. Cohen.
    You really are a heel.
    You're as cuddly as a cactus,
    You're as charming as an eel.
    Mr. Cooooo-hen.
    You're a bad banana,
    With a greasy black peel.
     Reply
    Richard Petty Bourgeoisie was starred Richard Petty Bourgeoisie was unstarred
    Image of raincoaster raincoaster
    12/10/09

    @Richard Petty Bourgeoisie: You need another star.
     Reply
    raincoaster was starred raincoaster was unstarred
    Image of restless restless
    12/10/09

    @Richard Petty Bourgeoisie: Seconded. A Seriously Seussian Star.
     Reply
    restless was starred restless was unstarred
    Image of BitchyD BitchyD
    12/10/09

    @restless: @Richard Petty Bourgeoisie:
    Now, the Star-Belly Sneetches
    Had bellies with stars
    The Plain-Belly Sneetches
    Had none upon thars.
     Reply
    blix promoted this comment BitchyD was starred BitchyD was unstarred
    Image of restless restless
    12/10/09

    @BitchyD: Brilliant. The star/no star on them analogy...
     Reply
    restless was starred restless was unstarred
    Image of Unsolicited Advice Unsolicited Advice
    12/10/09

    In reply to Israeli Group Waging Actual War on Christmas
    The real war, and it's fought in a thousand ways every day, is the war of secular individuals against the secretly secular "Orthodox" or "Conservative" psychopaths that try to manipulate public trust of religious teachings into a weapon of corruption.
     Reply
    Edited by Unsolicited Advice at 12/10/09 12:08 PM Unsolicited Advice was starred Unsolicited Advice was unstarred
    Image of Uncle_Billy_Slumming Uncle_Billy_Slumming
    12/10/09

    In reply to Israeli Group Waging Actual War on Christmas
    United States invade Israel? You haven't been there, have you. Large transactions are conducted in dollars, the soldiers drive american jeeps and humvees, fly american fighter jets, and carry american submachine guns.
     Reply
    Uncle_Billy_Slumming was starred Uncle_Billy_Slumming was unstarred
    Image of BookishLatkeish BookishLatkeish
    12/10/09

    @Uncle_Billy_Slumming: Too true. So many Israelis are married to Americans, speak English, listen to American music, run hamburger stands. It goes on and on.
     Reply
    BookishLatkeish was starred BookishLatkeish was unstarred
    Image of poachedeggs poachedeggs
    12/10/09

    @Uncle_Billy_Slumming: I think that was the Joke.
     Reply
    Uncle_Billy_Slumming promoted this comment poachedeggs was starred poachedeggs was unstarred
    Image of Uncle_Billy_Slumming Uncle_Billy_Slumming
    12/10/09

    @BookishLookish:

    Dude(tte): I got like 10-15 marriage proposals from girls I knew for less than a week. Dates would have me over to their parents' house often the same day. And it's not because I'm Brad Pittbergstein. When I first got to Israel, women would gush to me, teary eyed about the wonders of Bill Clinton, and america, post Monica Lewinski. My brother-in-law laid a very sophisticated trap to lure me into his life with my future wife, his sister, so that one day he could get his "amerikayee aroch" -- long american [car]
     Reply
    Uncle_Billy_Slumming was starred Uncle_Billy_Slumming was unstarred
    Image of Uncle_Billy_Slumming Uncle_Billy_Slumming
    12/10/09

    @poachedeggs: Yeah maybe. Ha.
     Reply
    Uncle_Billy_Slumming was starred Uncle_Billy_Slumming was unstarred
    Image of poachedeggs poachedeggs
    12/10/09

    @Uncle_Billy_Slumming: Lets put it this way, "I HOPE that was the Joke". :)
     Reply
    poachedeggs was starred poachedeggs was unstarred
    Image of restless restless
    12/10/09

    @Uncle_Billy_Slumming: Hearted for Brad Pittbergstein. You just made my lunchtime.
     Reply
    Uncle_Billy_Slumming promoted this comment restless was starred restless was unstarred
    Image of skahammer skahammer
    12/10/09

    @Uncle_Billy_Slumming: I would eagerly read a blog, fictional or otherwise, about Brad Pittbergstein and his dating adventures among surprisingly motivated Israelis.
     Reply
    skahammer was starred skahammer was unstarred
    Image of Uncle_Billy_Slumming Uncle_Billy_Slumming
    12/10/09

    @skahammer:

    It would probably come off as a sophomoric hybrid of "The Adventures of Oy Oy Seven," and a friend's friend's blog where she details her own adventures in the Middle East. Every day was pretty much the same for her. She arrives at a new location, freshens up, walks the town, meets a restaurant owner or cabbie who shows her the "real" country, the one the tourists never see. Then her guide tries to rape her and she is stunned. Each and every time, just stunned.
     Reply
    Uncle_Billy_Slumming was starred Uncle_Billy_Slumming was unstarred
    Image of skahammer skahammer
    12/10/09

    @Uncle_Billy_Slumming: When I first got to Israel, women would gush to me, teary eyed about the wonders of Bill Clinton, and america, post Monica Lewinski.

    More on this, then. What exact aspects of Clintonian America would they gush about?
     Reply
    skahammer was starred skahammer was unstarred
    Image of Uncle_Billy_Slumming Uncle_Billy_Slumming
    12/10/09

    @skahammer: From Herziliya and Ramat Aviv to Afula, it boiled down to two things: Bill is so big and fair-haired, strong, and edible. America is so big and friendly and protective.
     Reply
    Uncle_Billy_Slumming was starred Uncle_Billy_Slumming was unstarred
    Image of BookishLatkeish BookishLatkeish
    12/10/09

    In reply to Israeli Group Waging Actual War on Christmas
    Don't you know the story of Hanukkah, Pareene? Back the fuck up, shaygets.
     Reply
    BookishLatkeish was starred BookishLatkeish was unstarred
    Image of ♥AntiSocialSocialite♥ ♥AntiSocialSocialite♥
    12/09/09

    In reply to Brooklyn's Hottest Stereotypes in Battle of Bike Lane Martyrs
    Does anyone really self-identify as a hipster, Mr. Hechtropf? And hipsters aren't the only people riding bikes in Brooklyn.

    I'm Team Cycles.
     Reply
    ♥AntiSocialSocialite♥ was starred ♥AntiSocialSocialite♥ was unstarred
    Image of AzureTexan AzureTexan
    12/09/09

    In reply to Brooklyn's Hottest Stereotypes in Battle of Bike Lane Martyrs
    With regard to that white-painted cyclist figure on the cold hard pavement, are they just getting a jump on the inevitable chalk outline?
     Reply
    AzureTexan was starred AzureTexan was unstarred
    Image of Smitros Smitros
    12/09/09

    In reply to Brooklyn's Hottest Stereotypes in Battle of Bike Lane Martyrs
    There are times I feel bad about not living in New York. This is not one of them.
     Reply
    Smitros was starred Smitros was unstarred
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