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There's a Pearl Necklace Joke In Here Somewhere
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jjbings
12/19/08

In reply to There's a Pearl Necklace Joke In Here Somewhere
yeah paris is a moron, etc, but what the hell was the security gaurd of her gated community doing?
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maevemealone
12/19/08

@jjbings: Probably watching the door while his brother rummaged through her jewelry box. I'm surprised she owns any real jewelry at all. I can barely even recognize name brand/designer label clothing on her. She seems to get everything from Forever 21
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riskybusiness
12/19/08

In reply to There's a Pearl Necklace Joke In Here Somewhere
This is awesome. So are the other guys who robbed everyone else. The only thing that might be better than this would be if LiLo and SamRon get carjacked.

Word life.
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Baroness
12/19/08

In reply to There's a Pearl Necklace Joke In Here Somewhere
Ben-Wa balls are not jewelry, unless you know Mariko at Mikimoto, and have the password.
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Colonel Mustard
12/19/08

In reply to There's a Pearl Necklace Joke In Here Somewhere
This is officially the only interesting thing that has ever happened in conjunction with Paris fucking Hilton.

Side note: my roommate worked with Paris Hilton once, when she shot a guest spot on the show for which my roommate worked. Paris was apparently mostly polite, if slovenly, but was displeased with the clothes the costume department picked out for her, and was incredibly ungrateful. She demanded that they use her own clothes for the shoot.

My roommate had to go Paris Hilton's hotel room and pick through her filthy, unwashed things, and step over pee and shit stains on the carpet left by her dogs (and for serious, why are rich people incapable of housebreaking their pets?) so that they could put her in totally unrealistic attire for the shoot. And then Paris went on national TV and sold the costumer down the river, claiming that they forced her to wear dirty clothes.
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SaraRueful
12/19/08

@Colonel Mustard: A friend of mine used to be a model. Not supermodel, but running with "the beautiful people," etc. This was maybe 8-10 years ago. The last time she saw Paris Hilton before she quit the scene (my friend, obviously Paris is never going to quit) was at a Hamptons party and Paris was naked and wasted, trying to prove to everyone that she could indeed lick herself. Yeah, THERE. Ewwwwww.

Also, to @smithhimself: Congratulations. It's good to hear something that doesn't suck once in a while.
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Phyllis Nefler
12/19/08

In reply to There's a Pearl Necklace Joke In Here Somewhere
Hasn't this happened before? And her dog is always going missing too. What gives?
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pmarble
12/19/08

In reply to There's a Pearl Necklace Joke In Here Somewhere
The thieves got in through an unlocked door. Who leaves $2 million in jewels in an unlocked house? Wouldn't it be great if there was an idiot clause in her insurance policy? Wouldn't it be greater if the jewels were uninsured?
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Xylo
12/19/08

@pmarble: I know, eh? I sweat bullets if I have to walk down the street with more than 100 cash on my person. I'd lock the door and sit just inside it with a baseball bat if it were my jewelry.
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BullfightsOnAcid
12/19/08

In reply to There's a Pearl Necklace Joke In Here Somewhere
Patton Oswald on Paris Hilton: "As long as she gets AIDS, that's fine with me. If she could get cancer of the AIDS of the leukemia of the eyes, that would be awesome. If like, a biker could just fuck that into her skull."
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dado
12/19/08

In reply to There's a Pearl Necklace Joke In Here Somewhere
She's just paying her fair share, one way or another.
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Claire Buoyant
12/19/08

In reply to There's a Pearl Necklace Joke In Here Somewhere
"That's hot."

"What's hot?"

"The jewelry."
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Xylo
12/19/08

@Claire Buoyant: Hahaha!
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smithhimself
12/19/08

In reply to There's a Pearl Necklace Joke In Here Somewhere
It's Friday and Smithhimself has just heard from his shoeless uber-boss. I am not being fired. The fact that most of my writers made back their advances in 07-08 has been noticed! I have a job.

Paris Hilton can jump off the Empire State Building with a Roman candle up her ass for all I care.

Life is good. Happy Holidays, everyone.
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BookishLookish
12/19/08

@smithhimself: My prayers to St. Joseph the Worker, patron saint of jobs, have worked again, smith. And now Ms. Hilton has lost some worldly goods and American Dreamer has been executed! Ah, the karma, it is balancing out so nicely...
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Zanzibar Buck-Buck McFate
12/19/08

@smithhimself: Yay!! Congrats, now go get a present.
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maevemealone
12/19/08

@smithhimself: That just means you're buying drinks! Congrats, having a job for the holidays is a pretty big deal this year.
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contradicto
12/19/08

In reply to There's a Pearl Necklace Joke In Here Somewhere
Of course $2 million for her is a drop in the cum bucket.
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contradicto
12/19/08

In reply to There's a Pearl Necklace Joke In Here Somewhere
Doctors are now worried about Hilton's pending protein deficiency.
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