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Pretentious Art Scene About To Jump The Formaldehyde Shark
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bjonston
12/01/08

In reply to Pretentious Art Scene About To Jump The Formaldehyde Shark
I swiped this from someone who posted it over the weekend, but it gives you a very clear and succinct picture of the Miami experience. Enjoy!

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PandoraSpocks
12/01/08

In reply to Pretentious Art Scene About To Jump The Formaldehyde Shark
And it's about time.
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flossy
12/01/08

In reply to Pretentious Art Scene About To Jump The Formaldehyde Shark
Nobody's allowed to admit that they have fun at Miami Basel. Usually it's all, "Oh god, what a decadent waste of time, you can't see the art for all the partying parvenues," this year, like everything else, it's Just Not The Same Because Of The Economy.

Of course, try floating the idea that if you don't like it then maybe you shouldn't go. Now that's insanity.
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ambitious
12/01/08

@flossy: To be fair, many of us have to go for work. I'd love to skip everything but the free drinks. I really hate fancy malls.
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nonce
12/01/08

In reply to Pretentious Art Scene About To Jump The Formaldehyde Shark
Art fairs are so the suckers can have a party; most buying and selling still goes on in back rooms of galleries.

And this is good news for young artists who wouldn't get in Art Basel anyway because collectors still want to collect, they just are going to look for people whose work might get big. Same thing happenend in the early '90s.

(No joke, here, just being servicey. I sold $3,000 in Difficult Art this year and I don't even have a gallery.)
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Dickens_Ghost
12/01/08

@nonce: Okay, I'll bite. What is "difficult art" (too lazy to google)?
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bjonston
12/01/08

In reply to Pretentious Art Scene About To Jump The Formaldehyde Shark
For those of you who won't be able to make it down to my lovely neck of the woods for this year's Art Basel, allow me me to summarize what you'll be missing:

Traffic, assholes, douchebags and old farts (native and imported). Loads of stupidity, plenty of attitude and nowhere to park. Also, bad service and mean people everywhere.
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bytememehard
12/01/08

@bjonston: I thought it was in Miami, not NYC.
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bjonston
12/01/08

@bytememehard: Dude, Miami these days makes NYC look like, I don't know, Burlington Vermont or Dubuque Iowa, in the asshole/bad attitude department. I shit you not. New York City if where I go when I need a break from all the douchebags and ignorant asswipes that populate the Sunshine State.
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Vela
12/01/08

@bjonston: Ha, thanks for posting that. I was leaning towards going until realizing how much I hate even driving through Miami.

God, I can't wait to get out of this state.
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bjonston
12/01/08

@Vela: Yeah. I've been living down here going on six years and the closest I've ever gotten to going to an Art Basel event is spending 45 minutes driving through a two blocks long cluster-fuck of traffic in the Design District on my way home from work.

Let me know when you figure out how to get out of here, 'cause I'll join you.
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DennyCrane
12/01/08

In reply to Pretentious Art Scene About To Jump The Formaldehyde Shark
If I don't see dogs playing poker, I don't care.
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Mrs Smith
12/01/08

@DennyCrane: Apparently, those are still selling pretty well...

[hauspa.squarespace.com]
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DennyCrane
12/01/08

@Mrs Smith: Some works are simply timeless.
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CodePink
12/01/08

In reply to Pretentious Art Scene About To Jump The Formaldehyde Shark
Also, I like the pictures in the above post. Very ARTISTIC. Wink wink art post wink!
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Cheap Shot
12/01/08

In reply to Pretentious Art Scene About To Jump The Formaldehyde Shark
Wait, I thought that art could save the world?
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Smitros
12/01/08

@Cheap Shot:
I thought it was beauty that could save the world.

Probably not too much of that on display there.
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CodePink
12/01/08

In reply to Pretentious Art Scene About To Jump The Formaldehyde Shark
If I were given a croissant, an egg, and a strip of bacon without utensils, I really don't know why I'd do! Except probably eat the food.
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Nice Beaver
12/01/08

@CodePink: If I were given a croissant, an egg, and a strip of bacon without utensils, I'd pull into the parking spot closest to the drive-thru window to make sure the BK employees didn't forget my French Toast Sticks.
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CodePink
12/01/08

@Nard: And then I would smear poop on a GO CHILDREN SLOW street sign. Obviously.
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Nice Beaver
12/01/08

@CodePink: And sell it for millions, as it will immediately become one of the great icons of our era and a poo-perfect überfecalist totem!
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CodePink
12/01/08

@Nard: and then I would drown myself in honey and have my lover write SHE STINGS across my cold, dead forehead.
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Nice Beaver
12/01/08

@CodePink: Is there no end to what you will do for your art?
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shortburstwritingtalent
12/01/08

@CodePink: And eat your way through the better part of the shark before chugging the formaldehyde, no doubt.
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CodePink
12/01/08

@Nard: and then my lover would bury me in a ton of rose petals which weighs just as much as a ton of bricks but is more beautiful and lovely like my love is more beautiful than my hate but is as powerful.
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Nice Beaver
12/01/08

@CodePink: And then, six months later, your lover and I will unearth you and encrust you in a shell of papier-mâché made from Bazooka Joe bubble gum wrappers and my saliva and we'll pose you like Willem Dafoe from his death scene in Platoon reaching to heaven and I will want to call it/you "Pink Death Prayer" and your lover will want to call it "Death Prayer Pink" so we will duel with pistols at dawn and I will win, but be rendered brain dead, so it/you will be known for eternity as "Untitled."
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CodePink
12/01/08

@Nard: Mhmmmm. :)
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CodePink
12/02/08

@shortburstwritingtalent: You're good at this game, too! P.S. You really can't hurt my feelings. I sort of already know that I'm fat. And also who you are. So tada!
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miss_msry
12/01/08

In reply to Pretentious Art Scene About To Jump The Formaldehyde Shark
That was then: New Beginnings.
This is now: Fresh Hell.
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miss_msry
12/01/08

In reply to Pretentious Art Scene About To Jump The Formaldehyde Shark
That was then: The Jazz Age.
This is now: The Ass Age.

That was then: The Lost Generation.
This is now: The Faust Generation.

That was then: Greed is Good.
This is now: Feed is Good.
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Pope John Peeps II
11/20/08

In reply to On Stylista, The Fat Girl Is 'The Elephant In The Room'
the Brayton Road Times newspaper that my sister and I used to make on the home computer

haha. I used to do this too sometimes:

HEADLINE: BREAKING! MEATLOAF IS DRY, AND DAD IS FARTY TODAY.
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ArtfulSlinger
11/20/08

In reply to On Stylista, The Fat Girl Is 'The Elephant In The Room'
Ugh, I watched this shit shack for the first time last night and was horrified by everyone. But then I remembered you need to have an IQ of 65 and an ability to self-loathe while passively attacking anyone within a 12 foot radius of you to be in fashion.

I would have appreciated it more if when they canned Danielle, they just told her it was because she was fat.
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HK_Guy
11/20/08

In reply to On Stylista, The Fat Girl Is 'The Elephant In The Room'
If you hate it so much, why do you watch it? And please, don't give me the "it's so bad it's fun" routine. Anything bad is just ... bad. There aren't enough hours in the day to waste time on crap.
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Richard Lawson
11/20/08

@HK_Guy: Because it's fun to write about!
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Emily Brilliant
11/20/08

In reply to On Stylista, The Fat Girl Is 'The Elephant In The Room'
I really wanted to like Danielle and I was rooting for her, but her incessant mouth breathing was driving me nuts so I wish her the best and pray she learns to close her mouth.

Katie... looking in the ceiling mirror to check her lipgloss was pure gold. She's wretched, yes, but she's also semi-entertaining.

Greasy Meghan... I still haven't figured out the mystery of her "dewiness". Once again her eyeliner was creeping down her face as her saturated hair hung limply over her shoulder. I'll bet her clothes smell.

Does it bother anyone else that Anne Slowey can't walk in heels?
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Richard Lawson
11/20/08

@Emily Brilliant: Hah, I think I've mentioned the "can't walk in heels" thing in every recap. It's ridiculous.
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