Pabst Brewing Company, maker of PBR, is going up for sale. Oh we know who should buy it: A hipster! Hahahaha. Sure, try finding a hipster with $300 million! Hahaha. Maybe for beer they'd find it! Haha. [NYP. Pic: LATFH]

While the best newspapers in America fret over whether to charge to read their websites, the other end of the newspaper spectrum is charging ahead: Starting next week, it will cost you $5 a week to read Newsday.com. Hahahaha. Ha.

For the first time in almost a week, hipster grifter Kari Ferrell has failed to yield an amusing new bauble, and thank god for that. The Kari Ferrell meme is too weak to sustain itself.

Maybe all the cool kids already knew this, but for the rest of us: did you know that for the low low price of $19.95, HIP and FRENCH movieperson Michel Gondry will draw your portrait?

The Snuggie-Slanket wars have been joined—by the "Sealpelt." It's only $400. Yep. [via Likecool.com]

What a time to start selling $595 jeans. The free publicity potential is incredible. Across America, hacks are whipping out pocket calculators and saying, "Do you know what you could buy for $595??"

Middling Queens neighborhood Jackson Heights (whoa now, Queens residents) is taking on fancy Brooklyn writer's enclave Park Slope in some provocative ads! "More Park Less Slope" they say, mystifyingly. "Queens Is The New Brooklyn." They also made themselves a neat little "JH" logo shaped as a man resembling Mr.…