things we actually like

posts about #thingsweactuallylike more →
The STFU Manners Mafia: We're One Step Short of Beating You with Your Cell Phone
Clark Hoyt Should Beat Up Randy Cohen, Too. Just Because.
It's Gonna Be One Of Those Days, Isn't It?
Great Moments In Drugs: June 12, 1970
Miss J Alexander Is the Best Gay Role Model in the Whole Wide World
Former New York Observer Editor Peter Kaplan Tells Charlie Rose He's "Evangelical"
MySpace's Future: Online Slum for Depression Refugees
When Singing Computers Were Truly Menacing
Creating a City From Memory
Adam Goldberg's Bizarre, Self-Loathing Tour of LA

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lukeoneil47
12:04 AM

In reply to The STFU Manners Mafia: We're One Step Short of Beating You with Your Cell Phone
I'm behind the idea of telling an asshole to shut the fuck up completely. The only drawback is the potential for getting stabbed/smashed in the face. #manners
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GlasgowRose
11/15/09

In reply to Clark Hoyt Should Beat Up Randy Cohen, Too. Just Because.
The 2nd item also annoying/disturbing. #theethicist
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snugbug
11/15/09

In reply to The STFU Manners Mafia: We're One Step Short of Beating You with Your Cell Phone
I think this might be an LA-centric complaint, but people who drive at night with their brights on in the near proximity of other drivers are a-holes who deserve to roast in a special circle of hell.

I used to live on Mount Washington in L.A., which is a hilly residential neighborhood only accessible by extremely narrow two-way roads running along the lip of deep canyons. Going up or down the hill at night, I'd inevitably come across at least 10 a-holes coming at me with the brights on full blast, fucking blinding me in the immediate vicinity of gaping chasms.I've honestly considered flipping a U turn and chasing them to their destination, just to bitch them out. #manners
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bens
11/15/09

@snugbug: I think that's something that happens everywhere. Newer cars have those xenon bulbs which are crazy bright (even without the high beams.) People who tailgate to stop signs and red lights drive me nuts.

Or, being Mt. Washington, they could just be shining their brights to scare away the Avenidas members from carjacking them.

(Highland park represent! Send me a message if you're around and I'll take you out for a drink) #manners
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afterabe
12:07 AM

@snugbug: I had someone one do that to me last night while on the interstate, only because I passed him/her + I'm in the middle of nowhere western PA. But it happens more frequently on the country roads here. No one wants to turn the high beams down just because one car is approaching, only to turn them back on after the car has passed. It's people being not only rude, but lazy. #manners
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snugbug
12:39 AM

@bens: Heh, OK. Drinks at the York? PM-ed you. #manners
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snugbug
12:52 AM

@afterabe: Isn't this shit ILLEGAL, though?

Speaking of which, I recall a nite-time driving marathon to Las Vegas from LA on that godforsaken Interstate I-15 highway. Desert on the right, desert on the left. No lights whatsoever. Gas stops are 45 miles in between, or more. It's like driving on Mars. It's enormously difficult to negotiate that 3-hour stretch in the dark as it is, but bitch-ass bitches tailgating you on the highway with the high beams on adds to the stress like nobody's business. I admit that I was sincerely praying for my life during those whole 5 hours it took me to drive from LA to Vegas.

I know peeps are like, "Oh, we'll beat the traffic and drive to Vegas at nite!" Do yourself a favor and don't. #manners
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Phyllis Nefler
12:52 AM

@bens: Those headlights are PURE EVIL. They should be banned. #manners
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Seeräuber Jenny
11/15/09

In reply to The STFU Manners Mafia: We're One Step Short of Beating You with Your Cell Phone
I've had a couple of Starbucks moments. The first occurred after a middle-aged guy had been ranting about a business deal to a younger man for at least 20 minutes.

(Hint: Holding a business meeting at SB is pathetic.)

It was impossible to do anything but listen to Mr. Stentorian, the shop was so tiny. Finally, I did a check by asking an older, patient-looking man who happened to be sharing my table.

--Is it me? Or is this guy kind of loud?

--Oh, no, it's not you. He's selling to the room.

So I got up and walked over to other fellow's table and asked him softly if he knew how loudly he had been speaking.

But as you know, you can't reason with an asshole:

Indignation. Who did I think I was? Did I think I owned Starbucks? Did I think that if I got on the subway that I owned all the subway seats?

YOU SHUT UP! (He later lied and told the manager that I'd said that to him.)

Conversation stopped. Everyone stared at us.Meanwhile the young companion tried to pretend none of this was happening.

In the end, it was Seeräuber Jenny who got the free coffee, so I guess I won.

In case in you're wondering why I didn't just get up and leave I could plead cold weather and a really hot latte, etc., but basically it's not in my nature to give in to assholes.
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Edited by Seeräuber Jenny at 11/15/09 10:12 PM Seeräuber Jenny was starred Seeräuber Jenny was unstarred

johnny_carsick
11/15/09

In reply to The STFU Manners Mafia: We're One Step Short of Beating You with Your Cell Phone
i don't usually talk about it, because it feels like writing a comedy routine about airline food, but: people who attempt to enter elevators/subway cars before letting passengers off rrrrrreally get the brunt of my wrath.

and by "brunt", i mean "shoulder into the sternum".

sorry, lady, maybe you should have picked up some common sense in the seventy-odd years you've been alive.
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Edited by johnny_carsick at 11/15/09 10:06 PM johnny_carsick was starred johnny_carsick was unstarred

allyzay
11/15/09

@johnny_carsick: I was once waiting for a train and saw some elderly Chinese dude start to do this...and then the giant young dude trying to exit literally grabbed the guy by the arms, picked him up, and hauled him out of the train and deposit him back behind everyone else who was waiting nicely for everyone to get off. I wanted to marry that man for approximately 3 seconds. #manners
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johnny_carsick
11/15/09

@allyzay: ha. oh hells fuck yes, i'd love to do that. but at my size, it'd realistically only be possible with children, and that's opening a whole can of "no, officer, really...." outcomes. #manners
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ParahSalin
11/15/09

@johnny_carsick: I've drop kicked 6 year olds for less than that. #manners
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sparkyl
11/15/09

In reply to The STFU Manners Mafia: We're One Step Short of Beating You with Your Cell Phone
YOU'RE JUST NOT THAT IMPORTANT!!! That's what I think it's all come down to, this sense that we're all so damn important that we have to be so instantly reachable in the FIRST PLACE! I can't even have lunch with my sister without her constantly sliding her finger across her pretentious little Iphone.

Ok my headache's better. #manners
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ms_priestypants
11/15/09

In reply to The STFU Manners Mafia: We're One Step Short of Beating You with Your Cell Phone
As for the Taliban style (maybe? I couldn't make Al Qaeda work) enforcement of courtesy, well, as difficult as it is to stomach in the face of some of the more glaring abuses, the height of bad etiquette is to point out when someone else has made a gaffe.

But after you give them one chance, to allow for ignorance, you are free to deliver some sort of verbal smackdown. But you have to do it House of Lords style- "Sir, you will comport yourself as a gentleman and stand down!" #manners
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Lizawithazee
11/15/09

@ms_priestypants: That is darn good advice, Ms. Priestypants. Being nice about giving a smackdown is really the only way to induce the appropriate level of shame and, perhaps, if one can dream, the chance of a change of behavior in the future.

Appropriate regional variations are quite appropriate in these cases, from a Southern "bless your heart" to a Midwestern, "gosh, I betcha didn't realize." #manners
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ms_priestypants
11/15/09

@Lizawithazee: Aw thanks- I was raised by a steady stream of drawled corrections presented in the form of praise. I think we really do it best in the South, the birthland of the perfect neg. #manners
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Lizawithazee
11/15/09

@Lizawithazee: Appropriate is appropriate. Yes, that is amazing insight, isn't it? #manners
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ms_priestypants
11/15/09

In reply to The STFU Manners Mafia: We're One Step Short of Beating You with Your Cell Phone
The photo thing- I have done weddings where I've had to specifically explain to the photographer that as this is a sacramental service, in a church, it really isn't okay to peer over my shoulder paparazzo-style with a telephoto lens in order to catch the exact moment when the bride says "I will"...and I've baptized more than one baby with blazing spots in my eyes from some thoughtful friend/godparent's flash. I've gone so far as to offer to re-enact the whole thing afterward for photos, just so it doesn't interrupt the flow of the worship.

I know I'm not making a new point here, but with the photography thing, sometime it seems like recording the experience gets in the way of actually experiencing it at all?
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Edited by ms_priestypants at 11/15/09 9:13 PM ms_priestypants was starred ms_priestypants was unstarred

sarrible
11/15/09

@ms_priestypants: I watched a friend's entire wedding service through the view screen of a camera. The person next to me was leaning so far out that's the only thing I could see. It was hideously tacky. #manners
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ms_priestypants
11/15/09

@sarrible: I am tempted to stop doing weddings because of the amazing amounts of anxiety involved, plus the reality that for a number of people this is the first time they've been in church in a donkey's age, so they tend to not know how to act (see: nail clipping, extreme photography, etc.) Unfortunately (not really, this is my favorite part) hospitality is a central tenet of my faith...but I do spend time in counseling trying to undo the whole perfection-industrial-complex thing. And explain why the videographer can't put his tripod on the altar. #manners
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sarrible
11/15/09

@ms_priestypants: Sounds like you're fighting the good fight. A different friend and her husband made an announcement at the beginning of the service asking everyone to put their cameras away. I never thought someone would actually have to do that, but they said it made the ceremony much more personal. #manners
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ms_priestypants
11/15/09

@sarrible: At my place we have a sign in the narthex and a notice in the program, in 24 pt font, and it still happens. Its hard to express in a sentence, but it really is all about being fully present for this pretty amazing thing that is happening. I don't even take cameras on vacation anymore, which is extreme, but I realized I was just steadily *documenting*.
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Edited by ms_priestypants at 11/15/09 10:33 PM ms_priestypants was starred ms_priestypants was unstarred

lukeoneil47
12:18 AM

@ms_priestypants: How amazing of a thing is a wedding though, really? #manners
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homoviper
11/15/09

In reply to The STFU Manners Mafia: We're One Step Short of Beating You with Your Cell Phone
This morning I encountered a man walking down the street, belching every couple of steps. Just out loud, not covering his mouth, no shame. WTF?! #manners
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allyzay
11/15/09

@homoviper: I would've had to run away to hide my laughter from him, personally. #manners
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TheBusinessGuy
11/15/09

In reply to The STFU Manners Mafia: We're One Step Short of Beating You with Your Cell Phone
Of course, the meta part of the two Broadway clips is that the people doing the recording of the clips were also violating decorum--not to mention copyright (because you just know they recorded much more of the shows). #manners
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TheUptightMidwesterner
11/15/09

In reply to The STFU Manners Mafia: We're One Step Short of Beating You with Your Cell Phone
Maybe it is because I live in a state where people are embarrassed to admit they own a cell phone, much less talk on one, but I don't know how these folks who let their phones ring during plays can live with themselves. #manners
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Pope John Peeps II
11/15/09

@TheUptightMidwesterner: Sometimes you honestly forget though. I see a LOT of theatre, and I sometimes forget. Of course, when I do I surreptitiously take the battery out of my phone to avoid calls. But still, I forget. #manners
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Helio
11/15/09

@TheUptightMidwesterner: People who answer the phone are even worse, and I wonder why they even bother to come to a show (or go to the movies). But why would a person be embarrassed to own a cell phone? Assholes existed way before cell phones were invented. #manners
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osiris73
11/15/09

@Pope John Peeps II: If you go to see a "lot of theatre" then you should *absolutely* know better. The first thing you do when you go through the theatre doors is shut the damn thing off. I wouldn't be surprised if that phone ringing during Wolverine's and James Bond's performance was yours, they way you're trying to justify it. You're justifying your rudeness with stupidity? Unless you wear a safety helmet, have a drooling problem and your full-time "helper" has the day off, you have no excuse. #manners
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Pope John Peeps II
11/15/09

@osiris73: Wow you sure are fun* at parties.

(*In this case, my definition of "fun" is: "a shitty, judgmental asshole who uses accidental happenings as an excuse to vent his frustrations on other people".)

You should really have an advice column**

(**In this case, my definition of "have an advice column" is: "Fucking. Relax. Because your people skills are goddamn appalling")

EDIT: Actually you do bring up a valid point though. There's a kind of "manners" person who is actually just a dick using the camouflage of "manners".

For example, the kind of person who, in trying to explain his version of "good manners" goes on to a) call me a liar, b) call me retarded, c) blame the original offense on me.

This would be the difference between say.... the great Lupone freak-out, which is hilarious. And that guy on the subway who screams loudly at the guy on the cellphone for "bothering all the passengers". Which is both ironic and stupid. Stuponic.

EDIT 2: Since I know how your mind works, I'll just preempt what you're busily typing now by saying: "No, it's not the same thing. I'm not claiming to be teaching you manners, or claiming to have manners myself, so I don't actually have to care if what I wrote is rude.

EDIT 3: I'll just go ahead and type this next response while I'm here too, just to save time: "Actually I do have friends in real life. Quite a lot of them. And yes, I'm a bit of a dick. That's been really firmly established since about 2004."

Really every argument on the internet goes this way, so don't feel bad about being predictable. I'm a veteran.
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Edited by Pope John Peeps II at 11/15/09 9:42 PM Pope John Peeps II was starred

ms_priestypants
11/15/09

@Pope John Peeps II: Patti Stuponic, even? #manners
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ms_priestypants
11/15/09

@Pope John Peeps II: I once went to see a very emotional, tiny (audience perhaps outnumbered by actors) staging of Medea, and had my phone on vibrate. Halfway through a crazy screaming scene, in the 25 sq ft of this tiny black box theater, *bzzzzzzzzt*....*bzzzzzzzzt*....*bzzzzzzzt*. Like a freaking infantry drum. Horribly embarrassing. #manners
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Pope John Peeps II
11/15/09

@ms_priestypants: It's just honest statistics. If you see say.... 40 plays a year, for the rest of your life, EVENTUALLY you're going to forget. It's just tough luck. #manners
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ms_priestypants
11/15/09

@Pope John Peeps II: it always seems to happen in my particular house of worship when the owner of the phone is geographically removed from it- e.g. at the altar rail, at the baptismal font- so the choice is between mad dash to purse in pew, thus exposing ownership, or praying that it will just end.

Until my Medea incident, I thought I was safe by just always keeping my phone on vibrate. I don't need to hear it ring, it is usually close enough that I know what its status is. I still think this should be the default, but my 70 year old father, who has apparently bought an amplification device for his phone on the level of "airhorn", seems to disagree. #manners
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ms_priestypants
11/15/09

@Pope John Peeps II: Also, what the hell do you do that you see 40 plays a year?
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Edited by ms_priestypants at 11/15/09 9:58 PM ms_priestypants was starred ms_priestypants was unstarred

ms_priestypants
11/15/09

@Pope John Peeps II: you forgot to preemptively call someone a Nazi. Just saying. #manners
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Pope John Peeps II
11/15/09

@ms_priestypants: Well, counting Fringe plays, and small-venue performances. Main stage performance I probably see maybe 10-15 big plays a year. Money allowing.

In my city in Canada we have both a French and English theatre scene. It also helps that I get to review some occasionally for one of our city papers. #manners
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ms_priestypants
11/15/09

@Pope John Peeps II: Ah. Sorry to take over your internet argument. If you are in a certain city I will introduce you to an alarming friend of mine who is a great dance enthusiast, and you two can compare notes.
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Edited by ms_priestypants at 11/15/09 10:06 PM ms_priestypants was starred ms_priestypants was unstarred

Pope John Peeps II
11/15/09

@ms_priestypants: I'm certainly somewhere in the provinces of Ontario/Quebec. I really don't want to say. PM me. #manners
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Lizawithazee
11/15/09

@Pope John Peeps II: @ms_priestypants: A recent theatre/dance phenomenon I've run into: they solicit you to text them during intermission to get on their marketing list and win tickets or a t-shirt or something-- then during the second act, when the audience members have forgotten to turn off their phones, you hear ringing throughout the theater.

Whoops. All mod cons are so complicated. #manners
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Seeräuber Jenny
11/15/09

@TheUptightMidwesterner:

I was at a panel discussion when not only did a phone ring, but the owner started having a conversation in the middle of someone's presentation. It took a solid minute of dirty looks to get him off. I was prepared to throw something. #manners
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ms_priestypants
11/15/09

@Lizawithazee: Wow, that's almost meta. It would work better if the anxiety of the audience over the ringing phone was worked into the narrative of the performance.

A new phenomenon in my line of work is folks on their blackberries during worship, which says a lot to me about the chances most folks get in their daily lives for more than five minutes of down time, but will probably also work its way into an interactive sermon at some point. #manners
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MisterHippity
11/15/09

In reply to It's Gonna Be One Of Those Days, Isn't It?
What's that? I can't hear you, I have a banana in my ear!

Ah ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!

Man, that kills me every time. #peopletalkingonbananas
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BowlingForDollars
11/15/09

In reply to It's Gonna Be One Of Those Days, Isn't It?
Really? Why give these people any publicity? That's the dumbest thing ever, especially "Jerry Seinfeld." #peopletalkingonbananas
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Foster Kamer
11/15/09

@BowlingForDollars: Because something has to conquer the evil that is This Is Why You're Fat. #peopletalkingonbananas
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BowlingForDollars
11/15/09

@Foster Kamer: Word to that. #peopletalkingonbananas
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Airvault
11/15/09

In reply to It's Gonna Be One Of Those Days, Isn't It?
The book will totally top the bestseller's list. #peopletalkingonbananas
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cockfightbarmitzvah
11/14/09

In reply to Great Moments In Drugs: June 12, 1970
The LSD Hall of Fame my foundation has been trying to build for the past 30 years keeps falling down, so until then, can we get Dock into the Baseball Hall of Fame pronto? #drugs
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